Chapter 7: Paradox and Sports Bras

Sunday, July 12, 2009, 8:30 AM

What’s taking him so long? Tricia pondered as she looked through her drawers for today’s clothes. Joey was in her shower and had been in there for nearly half an hour. I hope he doesn’t use up all the hot water.

She was sniffing her clothes from yesterday, deciding which ones could stand to go another day. So far everything pretty much reeked from sweat. Washington D.C. summers were brutal on her wardrobe. One good heat wave could seriously mess up a decent laundry cycle.

She decided the shorts could stand one more day, but everything else had to go. She pulled out a fresh T-shirt (“Huge Tracts of Land”) and some socks, and opened the next drawer for underwear. She found some fresh panties.

Hmm ... No clean bras ... I thought I had one.

She gave yesterday’s bra another sniff-test, winced, and decided to try her luck with the hamper lottery. She found a bra on top and grabbed it. It felt cleaner than yesterday’s bra, so she took it and threw her other clothes in the hamper.

Perked up by life’s smallest victory, Tricia picked up the rest of her clothes and...

“Eww...”

Something cold had touched her hand. She stopped and looked at the bra. It was wet. Really wet. “What the...?” She looked at it and saw the large fresh stains in the fabric. “What the hell is this?” She opened the bra, and saw this creamy liquid spilled inside it. An unmistakable odor wafted up from the garment.

Her jaw dropped. She stared in amazement. “Oh ... My ... God...” She looked at herself in the mirror, seeing her stunned expression. She looked at the bra. And then she broke out into a HUGE grin.

Clutching the stained bra to her bosom, Tricia ran out of her room to the dining room. “Annie! Look! Look!” she called as loudly as she could manage to call quietly. “Guess what!”

Annie was mixing pancake batter. “What is it?”

Tricia held out her bra. “Look what I found!” She beamed in pride, squealed and bounced on her toes in excitement, shaking the bra back and forth.

Annie squinted. “What is that? A Rorchach test?”

Tricia grinned and nodded. “¡Si! And guess what is says? Eeeek!”

Annie shuddered and slapped her hand to her mouth as she realized what she was looking at. “Shma-yisrooel! Is that...?”

Tricia grinned and bounced. Her bra-less breasts bounced a bit too painfully, but she didn’t care. “Yes! He likes me! I got proof! I got a signed document and everything!”

“Did he...?” Annie tried to ask, but couldn’t quite manage to finish the question.

Tricia nodded enthusiastically and pumped one fist in front of her crotch. She jiggled her hips in celebration. “Hey! I wonder if he’s doing it right now?”

“Go! ... Get rid of it! Shoym! Put it away!” Annie nervously swatted her hand towards her roommate. “Before he comes out!”

“Are you kidding?” Tricia asked, clutching the stained bra to her chest. “I’m wearing this one today!”

“Eww!”

“I’m joking!” Tricia waved Annie off, and then pointed at Annie. “But you gotta admit it. He wants me! He’s ready! He feels comfortable here, and he knows...” She thrust her hips. “EXACTLY ... where he fits in!”

Annie was panicking. “Would you just put that away? And he may not be ready yet!”

“What do you mean? What do you think this means?” Tricia asked, shaking the bra at her. “What else could this possibly mean?”

“It could also mean we have a thirteen-year-old boy in the house. They tend to do this all by themselves.”

Tricia shook her head. “I’m taking this as a sign. The first chance I get, the first night we sleep together, I’m popping that boy’s cherry! I should do it tonight!”

Annie shook her head. “What are you going to do? Just declare that it’s your turn and drag him into your room? No, it’s got to be a bit more subtle. Let fate decide.”

“What? You want to do Odds-and-Evens again tonight? And every night after that?”

“Not every night. Just one more, so we can establish a rotation. So it doesn’t look like we’re manipulating him.”

Tricia put one hand on her hip. “And what happens if we both wind up together for the night again?”

Annie shook her head. “Not going to happen. I throw a ‘one’, and you throw a ‘two’. It guarantees that he sleeps with one of us tonight. Now go put that away!”

But Tricia wasn’t paying attention. She had started dancing in the living room, swinging her hips about to her own internal music, clapping her hands, snapping her fingers, and singing.

“Tell me doctor ... Where are we going this time?” Shimmy! Thrust! Twist! Spin! Clap! Thrust! Twist!

“Tricia, what are you doing?”

“Is it the 50’s, or 1999?” Clap! Spin! Twist! Shimmy! Clap! Thrust! Twist!

“Tricia? Cut it out!”

“All I wanted to do...” She held the bra to her mouth like a microphone. “ ... was play my guitar and sing!”

“Would you stop it?”

She pointed one hand to Annie. “So take me away!” She pointed the other. “I don’t mind! But you better promise me, I’ll be Back In Time!!”

“Seriously!”

“Mmm-Pah! Mmm-Pah! Mmm-Pah! Mmm-Pah! Mmm-Pah! Mmm-Pah! Mmm-Pah! Gotta get Back In Time!”

“Will you stop that? Go put that away!”

“We’re gonna do a little of this...” She started thrusting in her little dance. “ ... and a little of that ... Turn on the Way-Back Machine ... Do a little time travel ... Save the universe...”

“Oh, and you think you’re ready for time travel now?”

“Hey! All I have to do is to provide the inspiration. Push past whatever mental blocks he’s put up. He does all the hard work.”

Annie rolled her eyes. “Yeah, right. And the time coordinates are...?”

Tricia stopped, and thought. “Well, wait ... today’s the, what ... eleventh?”

“Twelfth.”

“Okay, and that was two days ago, so July tenth ... about seven ... what was it?”

Annie shook her head. “You’re not well prepared for time travel. It was seven oh-eight exactly on July tenth.”

“Did you put that in the computer?”

Annie shook her head. “No. I checked the internal time codes, compared it to the external time code you got from your phone, and applied this ancient Assyrian mathematical trick. It’s called ‘subtraction’. Maybe you read about it in college?”

Tricia blew a raspberry at Annie. “Pthbbbbt! Fine! July tenth, seven oh-eight PM. Got it!”

“And the message?”

Tricia shrugged. “‘Trust your instincts. It’s him.’ See, I got it!”

Annie rolled her eyes again. “AND???”

“And what? That was it!”

Annie shook her head. “‘Annie, keep filming. Tricia, memorize the date and time, and, and trust your instincts. It’s him.’”

“Fine! Fine! Got it. ‘Annie, keep filming. Tricia, memorize today’s date, and trust your instincts. It’s him.’”

“NO! ‘Memorize the date and time!’, not ‘memorize today’s date’. And there were two ‘ands’. You have to get it right! You have to get it perfect, or else you could cause a paradox.”

Tricia blinked. “Perfect? What do you mean?”

“I mean you have to do it perfectly! You can’t change the message, in any way! And it’s not just the words. It’s all the actions as well! Every thrust, every groan, every pause, every facial expression, inflection, gesture, whatever ... Why do you think your future self insisted it be recorded? Everything has to be perfect! Any change at all, any minor difference could cause a paradox that wipes out the universe.”

Tricia looked at Annie with this dumbfounded expression. “No pressure though, right?”

“Look, this is serious business. It’s time travel. You’re messing with the foundations of the universe. Nobody knows what will happen if you mess it up. Best thing to do is to assume the worst, get through it, and don’t try it again.”

“This really bothers you, doesn’t it? I’m not worried. I know I’m going to be able to do it. Hell, I have video proof of it that I’m going to be able to do it.” Tricia considered Annie. “This paradox phobia of yours: Is this the reason why you won’t read the Post Sunday supplements when they come in on Saturday?”

“Would you put that away! Shoym!”

“Fine! Fine!” Tricia skipped back to her room.

When she got there she kissed her stained brassiere on a clean spot, and threw it in the hamper. At that moment she heard the shower turn off, and the shower curtain open in her bathroom. Tricia grinned, and lay out her clothes, prominently displaying yesterday’s bra on top of the new shirt. So, you were dreaming about me last night, weren’t you big boy? Then she took up her position, laying in wait for him. She leaned up against the door frame to her bathroom, her arms outstretched over her head supporting her, and her full bra-less breasts swinging freely in front of her, barely hidden by a single thin layer of cotton T-shirt. Tricia noted her nipples had hardened with the anticipation, and poked out prominently through the shirt.

A minute passed by. She could hear him toweling off. She waited for him, licking her lips. Strange. I dreamed about you, too. I was on the Metro, and I rode past that alleyway where I found you. Weird.

The door opened. Joey saw her and jumped. He was naked, but had a towel wrapped around his waist.

“Hi there,” Tricia said, smiling.

“Oh, um ... Hi.” He tried not to look at her prominently displayed breasts, and tried to figure out a way out of the bathroom. Tricia was blocking the way entirely.

“You know, I’m not used to this whole ‘sharing a bathroom with someone else’ bit. Even when I was a kid, I had my own bathroom.” She looked up, remembering her childhood. “I was the only girl.” She shook her chest slightly as she said this, accentuating the fact by sending her breasts swaying. “I have four brothers. They all had to share one bathroom. What a complete sty! But anyways...” She looked back at him, catching him staring at her breasts. “ ... the reason I tell you this is I can’t tell you how many times I almost walked in on you this morning while you were naked in the shower. Just warning you, that it’s going to happen one of these days. Probably a day when we’re out of coffee.”

Tricia leaned forward, pushing her huge breasts up towards Joey under the pretense of stretching her arms against the door frame. She groaned as she stretched. “Anyways ... I need to get in there and get naked and scrape a few layers off. But I was wondering if you could do me a little favor?” She batted her eyes at him. “You see, I thought I had one last clean bra but I don’t, so instead of doing a little hamper diving, cause who knows what I’ll find in there...”

Joey looked a little worried for a second.

“ ... I’ll just have to wear the same bra as I was wearing yesterday. But it’s a little funky! Oh, let’s face it. It’s rank! Probably stinks of me. But ... could you like, take it and really give it a good spraying down with that ... um ... oh, what’s it called...”

Joey’s eyes went wide.

“Febreeze!” she remembered. “That’s it! We have some in the laundry closet.” She batted her eyes at him again. “Would you do that for me, sweety?” She puckered up and air kissed him. “Thanks.”

Tricia then swung her body aside to give him just enough of an opening for him to squeeze past her if he rubbed against her, and she stood there, waiting for him to squeeze past.

Joey stood for a moment looking worried and confused, and tried to figure out how to get past her without too much bodily contact. Resigned to his fate, he turned his body towards her to squeeze out. Her full breasts scraped up against his bare chest. As he squeezed up face-to-face with her, Tricia pushed forward, pinning him in the door frame with her body. “Joey, you do know where our laundry closet is, right? It straight down that way...” she indicated by pointing her fingers and pressing her body up against him harder in the indicated direction. “ ... in the closet across the hall. Next to Annie’s bathroom.”

She could tell he was extremely nervous. He was trembling hard, and he shook his head. “Um ... uh-huh!”

Tricia smiled. “Good boy.” She looked down and touched his towel. “Can I borrow that towel?”

His mouth gaped open in shock.

“Oh, never mind. You got it all wet.” She pulled away from him and looked down at her breasts. Her shirt was now a bit wet from his chest. “Oooh ... You got ME wet too.”

She spun off him, releasing him from the door frame and entered the bathroom. “¡Hasta la vista!” she whispered, and she closed the door.

It was several hours later. Tricia, Annie, and Joey were out shopping again, this time at an outdoor strip mall. They had stopped at a local Container Store, bought a set of inexpensive plastic stacking drawers, and dropped them off in Annie’s van. Then they went to lunch.

After lunch they did a little window shopping. They walked along the outer sidewalk, checking out the other stores, and talking about various things.

“I tell you, Annie. I keep having the weirdest dreams about trains now,” Tricia said.

“If you’re riding a train, it’s not weird. Why does everyone say their dreams are weird? That’s a normal dream! Now a weird dream would be if you found that your apartment building was actually a giant chicken, or if your dog had so many tongues that his mouth looked like a Rolodex. THAT would be a weird dream. But people always tell me they have weird dreams, and it’s always something mundane like they were back home dealing with their family. That’s not weird. Is it any generic train, or a specific one?”

“I don’t know. It could be the Red line.”

“Ah, so you have a secret crush on the Metro system? Your get turned on by public transportation? What are you? Some kind of closet metrosexual?”

BLAM! CRASH!!!! The plate glass window in the store next to them exploded outward, showering them in glass slivers. They all screamed and ducked as gunfire erupted inside the store. Joey hit the ground instinctively, and Tricia ducked down behind Annie. Annie ducked down as best she could, covering her head with her arms. Tricia looked around quickly, grabbed Annie’s chair and pushed her hard, getting her out of the line of fire as quickly as possible.”¡VAMOS!” she cried to Joey and they scrambled out away from the store as fast as possible.

“What was that?!?” Annie screamed.

“Jewelry store. It’s being robbed!” Tricia said. They cleared out to the next store over and stopped. Tricia dug into Annie’s chair-pack. “Where’s your camera? Got it!” She pulled out Annie’s new video camera and turned to Joey. “Joey. Get Annie out of here! Far into the parking lot! Now!”

Joey nodded. “Okay!”

“What are you doing?” Annie yelled.

“My job! Go!” She turned the camera on and ran back to the store. Joey grabbed Annie’s chair and started running, pushing her down the sidewalk.

Tricia flipped the camera viewfinder around so she could see what the camera was recording and inched up to the edge of the store window. She quietly held the camera around the corner, pointing it into the store. In the small screen she could see four men with guns harassing the store employees. She could hear the voices inside, the men screaming and yelling, barking orders, and the employees and customers whimpering and crying. The men smashed glass display cases and grabbed jewelry as fast as they could, stuffing it into bags.

Tricia watched and could feel her heart beating hard in her chest. This is great footage. I can only hope I don’t get caught.

She thought she heard a faint familiar sound. It sounded like a zither being strummed. Tricia looked around out into the sky, and saw a brief glimpse of a figure high in the air which vanished a moment after it appeared.

VRRUUMMM!! Tricia looked back at the camera. A large red and white blur appeared in the picture. She peeked around the corner and looked into the store.

It was Quantum Knight.

Quantum Knight was a huge woman, easily over six feet tall, solidly built, yet very curvy and sexy in all the right places. Her costume was a white skin-tight suit with black trim along her arms and left leg, black gloves and boots, and a red tunic wrapped over her right shoulder and down over her right leg, Flo-Jo style. A long blond ponytail came out of the back of her white cowl.

She posed, crouched on one remaining intact display case, ready to strike.

“Freeze!” she boomed in her deep voice. “You will drop your weapons and surrender! This is not a request or an order. It is a fact. Your only decision is if you want to be conscious or not when you surrender!”

The robbers had jumped in shock as she appeared, and now considered the woman. One of them pulled out his gun and pointed it at her.

“Fuck you, hero!” he yelled, and he fired his gun at her.

Tricia flinched at the gunshot, but Quantum Knight had already leaped off the display case, flipped in mid-air, and kicked the gun out of the robber’s hand. She then grabbed his arm, spun and twisted, and flipped the man over into one of his partners.

The two other men jumped in to tackle the heroine, but missed as she elbowed one in the face and kicked the other in the stomach. Tricia watched in awe as she fought off four attackers. Quantum Knight was graceful, strong, confident, quick, and untouchable as she danced, ducked, jumped, kicked and punched, landing every one of her blows, and dodging every one of theirs. She swept their legs, punched their faces, flipped them every time they got up again, and easily side-stepped every clumsy grab they made.

It seemed almost comical to Tricia. These men could not touch this woman. And she wasn’t that fast. Tricia could tell that she was certainly well practiced, but was hardly superhuman in speed. Tricia had actually seen faster fighting in her own Tai Kwon Do class. But these men couldn’t touch her, and Tricia couldn’t figure out why.

One man broke off, grabbed a chair, and threw it at the heroine. Quantum Knight held out one hand and there was a loud THRUMM sound. Out of nowhere, a two meter long, metal battle staff appeared in her hand. She hit the incoming chair with the staff, deflecting it, and then spun the staff around her. It connected with the robber’s head with a loud CRACK and he went down. Another spinning attack a second later, and a second man was down.

One robber decided to run, and took off to the front of the store. With a signature VRUMMM, Quantum Knight teleported in front of the man and kicked him hard in the head, knocking him unconscious.

One last robber stood. He held his gun up.

“Last chance,” she said. “Drop your weapon.” She held the battle staff in front of her like a shield.

The man blinked, rubbed his eyes, and said “I don’t know what you’re doing to my eyes, but I can see enough of you.” And he pointed the gun at Quantum Knight and started firing.

BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!

Tricia cringed as the sounds of the gunshots shook her body, but what she saw happening next caused her to question all reality.

Quantum Knight, as near as Tricia could tell, split into at least twenty different ghosts, all overlapping each other. They generally all stood in the same place, in nearly the same position, all holding a battle staff in front as if to deflect the bullets, but as the bullets came in, some ghosts were hit and were thrown back, spinning and bleeding before they faded into nothingness. But other ghosts stood their ground, deflecting the bullets. More ghosts appeared in the same place, replacing the ghosts that vanished behind her. Bullets ricocheted, shattering glass and punching holes in the walls, and the man continued firing, emptying his gun on the heroine.

BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! Click. Click. Click. Click.

Quantum Knight merged into a single person again, and growled. “Now, you’ve pissed me off!”