Chapter 2: Video Dating and Prophecies

Friday, July 10, 2009, 7:00PM

Thump ... bump... <grunt> ... crinkle ... jingle ... thump...

Grunting, cursing, straining, and juggling three bags of groceries, her briefcase, purse, and keys, Tricia finally managed to get her apartment door open. “I’m home!” she called out, stumbling inside.

An exquisitely beautiful face appeared, peering out from around the corner of the hallway. A Japanese girl, young, in her early twenties with long straight silky shiny raven black hair, bangs and delicate, flawless skin stared out through deep, emerald eyes and watched Tricia as she struggled in the doorway, carrying five heavy objects in one hand.

Tricia glared at her. “Oh no! Don’t get up! I got it!” she said sarcastically.

The girl shrugged, disappeared behind the corner, and then her hand appeared outstretched.

“DING DONGS!” she bellowed.

Tricia dropped the bags unceremoniously and started digging through them, muttering to herself. I’ve got your fucking Ding-Dongs right here... She pulled out the box of frosted, cream-filled, chocolate cakes and threw them down the hall. The girl caught the box, and her hand disappeared around the corner again. There was a horrid and violent ripping sound.

Tricia sighed, picked up all the bags, and carried them down the hall, past the girl, into the dining room. “So? How was your day?”

“Goorf!” she exclaimed with a mouthful of chocolate cake. She was still sitting at her desk in front of her laptop.

“If you have to eat that stuff, would you at least have the decency of getting a fat ass like the rest of us?” Tricia complained, taking her jacket off.

“Cahnn hellf ipf. Iff my mefaboifm.” She swallowed hard, clearing her mouth. “And besides ... it all goes into my tsitskes anyways.”

Tricia’s brain did that mental back-flip it always did whenever she, or anyone else for that matter, saw and heard Annie Freidman speak, and the past seven months rooming with her had not made it any easier. “Cultural Whiplash” was the term she’d coined. It’s that double-take a brain makes when encountering a Japanese girl speaking Yiddish.

“So, good day?” Tricia started unloading the groceries and putting some food in the shelves they kept in the dining room. They kept very little food in the kitchen. Annie had a hard time getting in there.

“Oy! Iz doos a mekheiyeh! I got three new jobs today!” she said proudly.

“Really! What did you get?”

“I got a documentation job for a new content management system ... icon design and testing for a graphic age progression utility, and test cases for a new, natural language, voice-activated search engine.”

“Wow! Impressive. I did a live report on the fact that normal people can remember big events from five years ago! Have they paid anything yet?”

“Oy! Yes. And I blew it all on this! Look!”

Tricia turned and watched as Annie rolled her chair back, spun it, and rolled towards her. Annie was gorgeous, and very buxom for a Japanese girl. She blamed her figure on her mother’s cooking. She had strong arms, a slim waist, and nice hips. But her legs were very thin and out of proportion to her well-formed top half. Tricia always thought it was a bit of a shame that she looked so mismatched.

But then, living in a wheelchair does that.

Annie rolled to a stop, and held up a video camera. “Taa-daa! Well? What do ya think? It came today!”

Tricia looked at the small hand-held camera. “Oh! How cute! A crappy camera!” she said lovingly.

“Oy! Be fair! It’s digital! Solid-state recorder. Hi-def. We don’t all work with professional equipment, khookhem-beleileh.”

“Sorry. It’s a very nice camera. So, you plan on using it here in the apartment, or are you planning to go outside someday?”

“Hey! I get out. But ... I got it for here.”

Tricia frowned. “What did you get it for?”

Annie pointed one finger up in the air for no particular reason. “I found a singles website that I want to try. They let you put up video introductions of yourself, and you can look at other people’s videos...”

“Video dating!” Tricia admonished. “Oh, come on, Annie. No no no no nooo ... You don’t need to do that. You just need to get out more. Look! Come with me to the clubs tonight. Come on!”

“Hey! I do get out! I tried line dancing! Didn’t work. I kept rolling on people’s feet! Look!” She handed the camera to Tricia. “I want to try this out, and since the tripod is on back-order, you get to do the honors. Here. Just turn the camera on with that switch and...”

Tricia waved her hand at Annie, swatting her back. “Heyheyhey! I know how to use a camera! Okay. Fine. I’ll film you.” Tricia turned on a lamp and tilted the shade, sending more light onto Annie.

“Oy! Wait! Let me get my notes.” Annie spun and pulled a sheet of paper from her desk.

“Notes?”

“Yeah. They made some suggestions of things to say.”

Tricia pulled out a dining room chair into the middle of the living room and sat on it. “Okay, whatever.” She pointed the camera at her and started recording. “You’re on!”

“Wait! Wait! Let me...” She brushed her long hair back, and readjusted herself in her chair. “Okay... <ahem>...” She patted her chest. “Oy! I’m so nervous!” Annie took a moment to compose herself, checked her notes, and smiled at the camera.

“Hi! I’m Annie!” she said, very friendly like and waving to the camera. “Annie Freidman. I am twenty-three years old, and I am an independent, contracting, computer consultant.” She nervously checked her notes. “Jewish, and Japanese.” She held up her hands. “I know, kind of weird, but what can you say? I was adopted. Also...” She patted her chair. “Paraplegic, but still fun! Ninth grade, car accident. Oy! Don’t get me started...” She checked her notes again. “I have an IQ of one hundred sixty-five and I am a Pisces and...”

“HOLD IT! Hold it! Hold it.” Tricia lowered the camera and gave Annie a very disappointed look.

“What?”

“An IQ of a hundred sixty-five and a Pisces? Annie! People with IQ’s of a hundred sixty-five don’t go talking about their zodiac signs.”

Annie sputtered. “Well ... I know that! But the...” She gestured futilely at the notes. “They suggested...”

“Gimme that! Let me see that.” Tricia took the notes and looked at them. “Okay, this? This is complete shit!” She crumpled up the paper into a little ball and tossed it at Annie. It bounced off of her forehead.

“Hey!”

“Look. Annie. You want to get a man, right?”

Annie nodded. “Uh huh.”

“Well, it’s a business transaction, okay?”

Annie screwed up her face. “Nu?”

“You’re selling something, and you’re buying something! You gotta let him know WHAT it is you’re looking for, and WHAT it is that you have to offer. Understand?”

She shook her head.

“Here. Take the camera. I’ll show you how to do a REAL dating video.”

Tricia handed the camera back to Annie, and Annie pointed it at Tricia as she adjusted herself in her chair. “Now first of all Annie, you have to give him a free sample” she said as she started unzipping her blouse.

“Oy! Wait! Don’t give it all away like that.”

“I’m not.” Tricia stopped after revealing a couple inches of cleavage. She pulled her blouse open, exposing a fairly large amount of jiggling flesh. “I’m just giving a little taste. Showing him what I’ve got.”

“Well, you got a lot to show.”

“Don’t worry. You’ve got enough to show too. Now...” Tricia fluffed her hair back and shook her head, throwing her curls about wildly. “ ... You sell yourself!”

Tricia gave the camera a sultry look, honed from years of experience of making love to the camera. She inhaled deeply, expanding her breasts, and threatening her overworked blouse. “Hiiii...” she moaned with a heavy breath, and swung her shoulders slightly. “I’m Annie ... And I need a MAN!”

Annie burst into giggles, but continued filming her roommate.

Tricia pushed both hands down into her crotch and leaned forward, pushing her shoulders and large breasts forward. They strained the fabric, and bulged out slightly, threatening to spill out entirely.

“I need a man NOW!” she continued in a heavy breath. Annie was shaking with laughter. “Are you the one I’m looking for?” she asked running one hand over her head, rolling her hair back. “I’m SO lonely!” she wailed, tilting her body far to the right, and letting her long, curly hair spill out over her shoulder. Her massive breasts shifted and jostled dangerously in her blouse. “And I’m not just looking for a man to sweep me off my feet ... Ohh! ... If I can only find ... aaAAAIIIEEE!”

Tricia leaned a little too far over in her performance and comically fell off the chair and landed on the floor sprawled out. Annie burst out laughing. Tricia then pushed herself up on her hands, blew the hair out of her eyes, and continued. “Oh I need a man who’s just going to PICK me up and CARRY me over his shoulder!” She started crawling across the floor, dragging her mock-useless legs behind her. Her heavy breasts swung and jiggled and fought against her blouse, and appeared to be winning. “I need a man who’s going to THROW ME ON THE BED...” She rolled onto her back and hammered her fist into her crotch several times. “ ... AND REAM ME OUT! As HARD as you FUCKIN’ CAN! Cause I can’t feel SHIT down here!”

Annie was in tears, screaming in laughter.

Tricia rolled back, her hair whipped around, and her breasts pushed mightily against her blouse which nearly surrendered the fight. She breathed heavily and glared at the camera. “But don’t you think I’m just going to lay back and TAKE it! Oh no! We paraplegic girls, we try harder! You know that thing your other girlfriends don’t like doing? We SPECIALIZE in it!” She crawled towards the camera with an insane lust in her eyes. Annie was in near hysterics. “Oh yes ... just because you have to carry me around, doesn’t mean I’m useless. Oh no! I’m...”

Tricia stopped suddenly. A very strange look crossed her face. “Wait a minute...” she mumbled.

Just at that moment, a crackling, tingling sensation flowed over her body. She looked down at her bare arms. The fine hairs on her arms started standing up, and she could feel her own long hair lifting by itself. She looked up at Annie, and gasped, for Annie’s long black hair was suddenly rising too, as if charged with static electricity.

“What the...?”

FFFOOOMMM!!

Annie suddenly screamed in terror as the apartment was flooded with ultra-violet light.

Tricia bolted, saw Annie staring in horror at something behind her, and spun around to see what it was. She saw it and gasped. For there in the middle of the room ... was another Tricia.

And she was glowing ... and naked.

It was a ghostly image; partially transparent, washed out and shining with an ultraviolet glare, but it was definitely Tricia. The ghost Tricia was squatting on the floor on her knees, her legs spread wide and her hips thrusting. She was leaning forward, bracing herself on some invisible support underneath her that was several inches thick over the ground. Her full breasts were bouncing, and she was gasping and rolling her head in ecstasy.

Then she opened her eyes, and the moment she saw Tricia and Annie the ghost screamed and covered her breasts and pubis. She stared at them in amazement. Tricia and Annie stared back in utter shock and confusion.

There was an awkward moment.

The ghost Tricia dropped her mouth open, inhaled, and let out a nervous “Ummm...” She blinked and looked around, as if trying to remember something. She then apparently remembered it, and looked at Annie.

“Annie? Keep filming!” Her voice echoed strangely, as if emanating from a long tube.

Annie nodded nervously, and kept the camera pointed at the ghost. The ghost Tricia then turned to the real Tricia.

“Tricia?” She paused, thought, and said, almost as if she were reciting something, “Memorize the date and time! ... And...” She looked down, relaxed, smiled, and looked back up. “ ... And trust your instincts. It’s him!”

FFOOOMM! The ghost vanished.

There were several seconds of pure silence.

“Annie ... Please tell me you saw that too.”

“I saw it!” she nodded, frightened. “What was that!?!”

“I don’t know!”

“Tricia! That was YOU!”

“I ... I...”

“How did you do that?” she asked incredulously.

Tricia spun and looked at Annie. “I didn’t do that!”

“Well don’t look at ME!” Annie gave Tricia a scowl. “You know this violates our lease agreement!”

“¿Que?”

“No pets! No drugs! No fuckwits, and no superpowers! HOW DID YOU DO THAT?”

“I didn’t ... Wait!” Tricia thought. “Are you still recording?” she asked frantically.

Annie checked the camera. “Um, yeah. Should I stop?”

“No! Keep ... Keep recording!” Tricia thought some more. “¿Qué ella dijo? ... Memorize the date and time...”

She jumped up. “Keep recording!!!” she yelled again, and ran to her purse. She grabbed her cell phone, came back to Annie, and knelt down in front of her. She dialed a number, put it on speaker phone, and spoke into the camera.

“Okay ... This is Tricia Sanchez, with Annie Freidman recording, and it’s the year 2009, July tenth, and...” She held up the phone to the camera. The phone rang, and a voice answered.

“At the tone, the time will be ... seven ... oh-eight ... and fifty seconds ... BEEEP!”

Tricia closed the phone, and sat on the floor. “Okay, Annie, I think you can stop recording now, ‘cause I don’t think that thing is coming back ... We have a time-stamp ... You can put that in the computer and find the exact moment that happened, right?”

Annie nodded. “Yeah, I can do that.” She turned off the camera. “Why? What are you thinking? What was that?”

Tricia slumped on the floor, stunned, but thinking. “I think ... that was a message!” She looked at Annie. “But I didn’t do that, but obviously I did! So I’m thinking ... maybe I just haven’t sent it YET.”

Annie looked puzzled.

“I mean ... if I was going to send a message to myself, and the very first thing I needed to know was WHEN the message arrived ... that tells me that ... when I DO send the message, I will need to know WHEN to send the message TO.”

Annie blinked. “Are you saying that ... that came from ... the FUTURE?”

“What else could it be? Do you have any other ideas?”

Annie balked. “A weird hoax maybe, but ... but that was YOU!”

“But how can I send a message back in time? I don’t know how to do that! I ... is that even possible?”

“Well ... kind of. I mean, all you really need is to take a black hole, carve it into a torus, spin it at the speed of light, and then jump in. But that would be pretty difficult on our budget.” Annie thought some more. “So you’re telling me that you are somehow going to be able to send a message back in time?”

Tricia nodded. “Yeah ... I think so.”

Annie glared at her. “AND YOU DIDN’T THINK TO SEND US THE PICK-FOUR NUMBERS? YOU MESHIGEH!” And she swatted Tricia’s shoulder.

“HEY! ¡No sabía! Gimme a break, Annie! I didn’t know I was supposed to do that!”

“Well you do NOW! Shoyteh ben pikholts! Why would you send a message back if not to help yourself?”

“Maybe I did! What was that other part? Umm... ‘Trust your instincts. It’s him.’”