Chapter 18

I had been thinking about Melanie Meyers on a daily basis. I didn't want to, but it seemed like my mind kept bringing up thoughts of her at the least appropriate times. I was day dreaming about her, unable to expel her from my thoughts.

Against my better judgment, I stopped by at the Stanton City Hall to see her again. When she spotted me standing in her line, I was the fourth one waiting. I was a little surprised to see a tiny smile appear on her face when she recognized me. If anything, I'd have thought she'd be upset to see me coming back once again to pester her.

"How may I help you, Mr. Flanagan?" I wouldn't say her greeting was exactly warm, but it wasn't frosty either, in spite of her use of my last name, rather than just calling me Jim.

"I've missed you, Melanie. I was hoping you might join me for lunch?"

"I can see you aren't easily discouraged. Has anything changed in your life that might make it more acceptable for me to go to lunch with you?"

"Nothing is changed, but I still want to get to know you better."

I watched her face as she processed what I'd just told her. We'd already admitted that we were both attracted to each other. I had been hoping that she'd had time to get adjusted to the fact that I was married and had a family.

"You can't keep coming here, Jim. I can't be having personal visits at my workplace. I'll see you at my place, at six thirty. I will give you fifteen minutes to try to convince me that I shouldn't stick to what I've already told you I'd decided about us."

I smiled my acceptance of her terms. I really didn't have any other option, not if I wanted to see her again. I hadn't gotten her to come with me to lunch, but at least she was willing to give me another chance to meet with her face to face. I was encouraged.

I spent the remainder of my day splitting time between both job sites, trying to finish up the final stages of the nearly finished job, while coordinating things so that all necessary building materials were in place, when needed, for the two new builds.

I had a hot prospect for the home that was near final approval for occupancy. I'd tentatively sold it for more than $2,500.00 more than I'd anticipated getting when I'd first begun building it. New home sales was very strong, and local housing prices were reflecting that increased demand.

I'd phoned home to let Dorothy know I wouldn't be there for supper. If she'd asked why not, I'd have told her I had a late business meeting. She didn't question me though, so I didn't volunteer the reason I wouldn't be home.

When I got to Melanie's apartment, at six thirty, she opened her door before I'd had a chance to knock. When she invited me inside, she had a nice smile on her face, and a glass of white wine in her hand. She was wearing some sort of lounge wear, very nice, but casual looking too.

"Can I get you something to drink, Jim?" From the way her words sounded slightly slurred, I guessed that the wine in her hand wasn't her first glass that evening. I didn't make a comment about it though.

"I'll take a beer, if you have one, Melanie."

"Sorry, Chablis is all I have." She didn't sound sorry. I got the idea that she didn't approve of beer drinkers, just from the tone of her voice.

"I'm good then. Beer's about the only thing I drink, and I don't drink it very often. Thank you for seeing me tonight."

"You surprised me when you came to City Hall today. I was sure I'd made my position about seeing you socially clear the last time we talked."

"You did. I understood you then, but knowing what you want doesn't help me when it comes to constantly having you in my thoughts. I wish I didn't, but wishing doesn't make it so. I don't know if it would make a difference to you or not, but Dorothy told me I could do things with other women, and she wouldn't care. She just said I can't bring home any diseases or get anyone pregnant. She said it was my decision to make, and she'd be okay with it."

"Can I call her and ask her if that was what she said?" I could hear the challenge in her voice when she asked me that.

"If you call her, and she tells you that was what she said, would you have sex with me?"

"I was already planning on it, having sex with you. I just know I'm going to regret it, but I'm lonely, and I want to feel you making love to me."

I had just a second where I worried that she might be drunk, and I'd be taking advantage of her inebriation. That thought quickly passed, as I stepped forward and kissed her for the first time. From there, one thing led to another, and the two of us wound up naked in her bed.

The sex, which in my day dreams had always been fantastic, turned out to be very disappointing. Melanie never rose to any level of participation, let alone excitement. We weren't having sex, it was more like I was having sex, and she was being completely uninvolved, except as a live receptacle for my sexual energy. When I looked at her face, I saw tears falling from her eyes. I stopped my sexual motion then, and disengaged from her as gently as I could manage.

I moved myself over beside her and pulled her into what I hoped she understood was a non-sexual embrace. I held her close as she wept against my chest. It was over two hours before she stopped crying, but I stayed with her, never relinquishing my embrace. I didn't try to speak, thinking that she could talk to me if she wished. She didn't though, not for the longest time.

About fifteen minutes after she'd finally stopped her crying, she said something I couldn't understand. Her voice had been so soft, and her words were muffled by my chest. I moved away from her a few inches.

"I'm sorry, Jim. It isn't you, it's me. I didn't think it would work for us, but I still had to see. I was hoping that you wanting me so badly would be enough. Obviously, it isn't. I guess I'm just not cut out for this. I should have known better. Even when I've loved someone, sex has never been very pleasant for me. Just doing it for the sake of doing it, my body really never got started. I'm sorry."

I felt bad for her, realizing that my continual chasing after her had pressured her into doing what she hadn't wanted to do.

As for me though, I was vastly relieved. From the first time I'd laid eyes on Melanie, I'd been enthralled. I'd built her up so much in my mind, to the point where I'd been obsessed with her. I'd been willing to risk my family's stability and happiness to satisfy my selfish infatuation with this woman.

I had to really wonder, if the sex had been as good as I'd fantasized, whether I'd have been willing to divorce Dorothy in order to be with Melanie. As much as it pained me to acknowledge it, I believed I might have.

I'd learned an important lesson. I'd always known and understood that I had responsibilities when it came to my wife and children. I knew I'd always take care of them financially, but I now realized that I had to start being there for Dorothy emotionally too. I'd never been "in" love with her, even though I knew, and had acknowledged to myself, that I did love her.

I resolved that I would find some way to make Dorothy realize that I really did love her, and that our marriage was a satisfying one for me. I had no idea how I would accomplish this, but I knew I would find a way.

I got cleaned up and dressed, after first making sure that Melanie would be all right alone. I let myself out of her apartment, waiting long enough to hear her turning the deadbolt before walking off to get in my pickup.