Chapter 2

Essay: First Love Nostalgia - Sweet and Sour

It isn't easy reconnecting with your first love after decades. Not if you love women generally, and appreciate her for contributing to your attitudes on women and sexuality, specifically.

Contrary to most stories you read on here, it's a matter of respect that you don't do anything to tarnish her memories of you when you were together.

Because you remember it differently. Oh ... you may have written several delicious accounts of how it all went down when you were bumping bones. And you probably included how she made you feel during and afterward. You believe that because you appreciated her girlish adoration and loved long afterglow petting, that might be enough of your feminine side sensitivities to put your attitudes equal. Not quite. She probably didn't see and feel the sensual aspects exactly the same way you did. That's why you're from Mars, she's from Venus.

And of course, you didnt include the misunderstandings and mistakes that broke you up. You've thought of that over the years, and rationalized it to death. Why pick scabs.

Meantime you've made a life and family and so has she. You've established family bonds and respect for your commitment to your mate. Even if things dont turn out exactly as you might have wished, and you've not been exactly the ideal husband, you understand what made you that way and you know it's partly that the same things you appreciated from all the women in your life contributed to your peccadillos.

In the same manner ... she has moved on. She may have raised a family on her own, owing to having dumped some guy who didnt live up to 'loves women', or just loved 'em the wrong way.

MAYBE it's your fault, indirectly. Or you think it might be.

If you had a time machine, would you go back and change it? Not if you're smart. Not if you realistically judged your own life. Think of her kids, and the strength of character she imbued in them by her struggle to raise them as a single parent.

Think of your kids. Of course all those characters and personalites, admirable and aggravating, that go away, to be replaced by the unknown.

So, when you reconnect and start sharing reminisces, remember you love her and why you love her and don't take advantage that you know she still loves you. If she can get by on having a sometime intimate moment, she will let you know. Even if you have to risk embarassment by trying and having her shut you down. She's the one living in her version of reality, not yours.

You might even think because of your experiences with others that you can force the issue and she'll adjust emotionally. Really? No matter how much you think you know about her and women in general and what makes them tick, you can't know that about her. Unless she lets you in on the intimate details. Because some of her fondest memories of you MAY be when you could have got in her pants and didnt.

If she feels she can and wants to bump booty for old times sake, and handle it emotionally, she'll let you know. You're both adults.

If she just wants to remember the taste of honey you once had, let her express that without worry.

You owe it to her. I bet she'll love you to the grave.

Someone should write a song...