Chapter 2

Roger sat down to read the last letter that his father wrote to him before he died. It had been a week since he was buried.

Roger and Sue,

You are reading this and it means that I am no longer in this world. You must be wondering why I wrote this letter even after dismissing all of you that Saturday. You must have some idea why I did what I did that Saturday. I was dying and I did not want to go from this world longing for another minute, another hour with my children and grand children. I did not want to see the pain of losing me in your eyes every day. I had asked for all of you to be informed of my death immediately so that you could see me for the last time and forgive me for turning you away.

I always wanted to make myself believe that I was a senile bitter man but I knew in my heart I was a broken man who was waiting for his death ever since the day he lost his children. Trust me when I tell you that I would have accepted all of you, even Darin, had you come to me before I found out about my terminal illness. Now that you will inherit my estate you will realize that despite having two big ass televisions in the house, and a house that was wired for sound, I never had cable TV or DVD movies nor did I have a single music CD. All colour, all music were snatched from my life when my children kicked me to the curb.

I did have the home videos that the three of you left behind when you moved out and I had them converted to DVD and kept playing them for 10 long years. During the last days of your mother's cheating I had put a tap on the phone and I had hours of recordings of you, my children, talking to their friends, these were the only sounds that played in the house. When I heard your voices I was able to pretend for a moment that you were still around.

I know you must be thinking what pathetic loser lives his life like that. My answer is no one lives like that and neither did I. I died the day I found the gifts l sent to Sue left at my doorsteps. I have been existing but only because I was too weak to take my own life. I know this letter will give you many sleepless nights but really, you were just kids who did not know better. Don't beat yourself over it.

I have lived through many nights when I would think that people offered mercy to rabid dogs and hoped that my children would even show as much mercy on their father who was dying all alone in his empty house, but after some time even that hope faded. I remember, my father took my face in his hand on his deathbed and told me that he knew that his values, his thoughts would live on in this world till such time as I walked the earth and that gave him a shot at immortality because these same values would live on in my children too.

I am no different than the two of you — I have failed my father too. I was not man enough to keep my wife and children with me and missed the chance to pass on his legacy to my son. My father lost out at his immortality because I could not be much of a father to my children. I guess, he will forgive me when we meet in after life, he loves me too much to stay mad at me forever. That said, I was not mad at either of you. I too loved you way too much to be mad at you forever. I am a proud man and have never begged for anything from anyone but god. I guess I was too proud to seek another chance to connect with my family. My weakness came down on you dearly and for that I am sorry. I was older and wiser, I should have done something to bring us together, even if as ex-family.