Chapter 17

Francine

A light bulb in my head turned on.

I 'd had what they called an epiphany. While I thought of Janine as self-centered and sort of manipulative, I had just realized that I reacted to learning about Larry's relationship with Mary Ann and Sally pretty much the same way, self centered and maybe even selfishly.

Everything in my mind began, for me, when I met the three friends. I had never considered what must have gone on before my arrival. And I reacted badly to learning about it. Now I realized Mom was right, I needed to talk to the girls and understand how these things happened. Or did I? Was that really important, or was it more important to just understand how things were at the moment.

Something else occurred to me. Larry had told mom he wanted to date me even with no chance of sex. A year or so ago I would have been glad to hear that and I would imagine a nice platonic relationship full of wholesome goodness and dates to the movies, holding hands, sharing a milkshake while our eyes locked in dreamy longing.

Now I certainly knew better. If I really liked Larry, there was no way I could stop at holding hands and good night kisses at the door.

"Mom ... If I date Larry... " I didn't know how to put it in words.

She smiled at me.

"Honey, I think you're starting to understand. You're growing up and I'm proud of you."

She reached across and took my hand.

"Francine, you're a victim of the times. In another era you would be long married and producing children, and some would not survive, no matter your efforts to keep them safe. Your body and its chemistry is built for that. It's also built to keep you fit, for about 40 years, to survive diseases and famines that no longer exist."

"Sex is a basic part of human survival, just like hunger and thirst. Imagine if you'd never been hungry, or thirsty and by chance you followed some strange urge to eat or drink for the first time. And that triggered the responses in your body that tell you when you need nourishing."

My mind was going a mile a minute trying to get hold of what mom was saying. That last stuck. I'd had sex. At first it just felt good, now it was one of my basic needs. My rubbing off was now just an appetizer, a snack.

"Civilization wants us to control those urges for nourishment. That's why over the years we have formal times to eat our meals. It's a discipline required for our own good and well being."

"But everyone doesn't have the same need for nourishment or what we now call metabolism, which governs that basic urge. And, just because you always have a strong urge to eat, doesn't mean you should just chow down every time it happens. Instead of stuffing yourself whenever you see food, you set rules for eating. Certain times, places or certain foods, only."

"Because, in this era, there's now a need to mature intellectually before adulthood, society and its customs want to put off the basic reproductive process until it's best for the society, not based on yours or my needs. But, because sex is a private thing just like elimination, we at least have the ability to adjust that filling of our needs to suit ourselves."

This began to make sense. Everyone had to deal with sex however was best for them, without messing stuff up by doing it in the street or when they just felt like it. Maybe Janine controlled the urge one way, but it might not be the best way for me. She evidently could stop her urge or use it, whenever she wanted. Could I really do that, especially when my body, specifically the part that juiced me up whenever I got that certain feeling, betrayed me? Did I really want to do that?

Did my strong urges to screw really make me a slut ... or was responding to them by giving in what made me a slut? What if I just refused to give in no matter what? Would I be able to do that and would it really be healthy?

In my head, I imagined every time I got hungry just dishing out and eating a small salad. To me, rubbing myself to satisfaction had the effect of eating that salad. A few hours later I wanted another salad. But, after I'd had good sex, I felt satisfied with just that salad for much longer. Ooops ... the mixed metaphor made me giggle.

"Mom, you know I like Larry. Do you think it's possible for me to date him without having sex?"

"Anything is possible, honey. But that's not really the question, is it?"

I thought about that.

"No, I guess it isn't. I suppose the question is really do I want to."

She smiled.

"I guess the important thing for me is that I am in charge of my urges, right?"

"Yes, honey. Always remembering that sex and how you deal with it is private, only between yourself and whoever you are with."

I flashed on that it was obviously just like peeing and pooping. I giggled again. Because now my mind was going a mile a minute and I imagined Janine just going behind a tree whenever she had to go and not caring who knew what she was doing there. While Larry and the girls had obviously 'built a bathroom for themselves' and never called attention to it or let on they were using it to pee and poop. Janine had a healthy attitude, for her. But some of us really wanted and needed more privacy than just hiding behind a tree. Maybe because it felt so good to pee or poop. Now I laughed out loud.

"What is it honey?"

"Oh, nothing. I was just thinking about bathrooms and pooping in the woods."

Mom looked confused for a minute then broke out in a broad grin.

"I think you've got the idea, honey. Better a bathroom than a tree, anytime. The main thing is we don't just stop and squat in the street, right?"