Chapter 1

An entire lifetime wasted. My life was a total waste. I lived, I died. There was nothing useful or meaningful in between. Sure, I had kids, so my "legacy" could continue, but what good is that when I'm not even sure there IS a future. I was born in 1956. I died in 1999. Death was a little of a joke. I choked on an olive. Nobody around me was smart enough to do the Heimlich. I didn't even like olives. Still don't. That is the beginning of my curse.

Yes, I am cursed. I am immortal. At least it seems that way so far. Every time I die, I am born. I'd love to say "born again," but that has religious overtones that I'd rather not imply. In addition, it's not really "again" when it's the SAME birth. By the way, no matter how many times it happens, getting your head crushed by a birth canal is NOT fun.

My second life was exciting and fun. I "knew" the future, so life was pretty easy. I partied, screwed around, partied, and screwed around, ad infinitum. So, in reality, ANOTHER lifetime wasted. I didn't even live much longer the second time. I made it to 54 that time. It was a car wreck. My driver was high, ala Princess Diana. In our case, we didn't have paparazzi chasing us as an excuse.

Number 3: Finally, I realized something was more than a little weird. During the first repeat, I thought I was just a lucky guy. The second got me thinking. I know what you're going to ask. "Didn't you think during your SECOND life?" Sure, I did. I thought "Sweeeeeeet! I'm gonna be RICH and GET LAID and SWEEEET. I never claimed to be the sharpest pencil in the drawer. Most people would have done some kind of self-inspection. I am not proud to say I did no such thing. I just coasted through. It took me nearly 100 years of life to even acknowledge the age old philosophical question "why." Without the two (quite painful) deaths, I might have taken even longer. Death HURTS.

Did I mention I'm not all that smart?

The beginning of my story really starts with my third life. I went from crushed and bleeding in a car crash to crushed and suffocating. Ever wonder why babies cry right after they are born? I can't speak for the others, but I can tell you it HURTS. Not as much as death, but still quite painful. The first breath hurts in a way that's hard to describe. Of course, it's hard to describe because thinking is very hard at that age. I've learned a bit about brain development, and I can say from personal experience, babies DO NOT think like adults! I expect you perverts out there will say things like "I bet it was awesome to suck on your mama's tits" and other similar lame comments. Let me stop it before it goes any further. As a BABY, even with a lot of extra memories, your mind focuses on Eating, Sleeping, and Pooping. Not all that exciting. The best thing I can say about that time is memories don't form effectively. I don't really remember specifics, even after doing it far more than once. Things really don't start getting clearer until about 5 years of age, at least for me. Around that age, each time, I realize where I am and what has happened. Before that, it's almost like I'm drugged. I can't think about much other than the moment. My mom and dad always think I'm super smart for talking early, but it's not all that unusual for kids to talk really young. Since I'm not really "awake" before around 5, my time as a baby and toddler is not much different from any other child. Third life, 4 years 10 months old: The question came to me. "Why?" Why, indeed. Still unable to think in totally abstract terms, (that doesn't hit until around 11-12years) I simply cried. After that, I didn't talk much. My parents took me to the doctor, then a psychiatrist, and finally the pastor of our church. I told them nothing. For the next year, I barely spoke to my parents, let alone anyone else. I spent that year thinking about what had happened and specifically "why." Guess what? No answer ever occurred to me. Even now, I still have no answer. One thing good that came from that year was the realization that the ONLY thing I could take with me from one life to the next was knowledge. For the first time in over 100 years, I focused on education. I might not have been all that smart, but I could at least become educated.