Honey can you get me another car — mine isn't as good as Mary Ann's. Dad get me a faster computer — the

one I have is slow and the new games need a faster computer now. Daddy I need a new dress to wear to the

winter formal — the one I have I have worn twice now.

I have had it, no more taking care of other people and their problems. It is all that I have done since I was a

little kid. Well not really, I was big kid for my age (5'5" 175 pounds at 9 years old) and every time I turned

around my parents would tell me to watch out and take care of my little brother and sisters. Then when I was

older I was just the biggest guy around and it was just assumed that I was the protector of the little guy. Now it

did have its nice side a few times when given a little reward for not letting someone get the crap beat out of

them.

When I went off to college, I was just looking for something that would enable me to hide and be left alone so

I majored in business administration. After graduation, I was offered a job for a meat packing company in

Omaha, Nebraska. As the new guy I was given the task of solving all the little problems that came up, like

dealing with suppliers and distributors. And over time I got to where I got things done real fast, sort of a "let's

cut out the crap and settle this and get back to work."

After a couple of years working there I was at a meeting just across the river in Council Bluffs with a trucking

company we used and I was introduced to their new office assistant. Carol was her name and she can best be

described as a pixy. 4' 10" and maybe 90 pounds dripping wet. After the meeting as we were leaving she said

that her car was in the shop and could I give her a ride home. After that we started dating and a year and a half

later we got married. She called me her Bear and she referred to herself as Little Red Riding Hood.

Well now it's three kids and thirty-five years later and I'm still acting like her protector and I guess provider. Oh

she has a job at the trucking company still but it's more like five hours a day, four days a week.

I have been for years getting the feeling that I was more there to keep her in the life style she wanted rather

than her making me feel like I was loved and cared for. She likes to sleep late, I am an early riser, and after

years of her hassling me about waking her when I got up in the morning to go to work, I caved in as usual and

moved into the extra room downstairs.

I cannot put a day or even a time that I came to the understanding that all I ever felt was that my life was just

lived to make it easier for others. The house was not what I wanted, it was over 4,000 square feet of

pretension and I never felt like it was "MY" home but just a place where I was supposed to show up and to pay

the bills as they came in, and oh boy did they come in each month.

So back to why I'm writing this.

To all my co-workers, family, and friends;

I decided a few months ago that all of you can just take charge of your lives and take care of all your own

problems and that I am starting as of today to live just for me. This is not a hasty decision — it has taken me

months to decide just what I wanted to do as well as to plan it all out. I am going alone without anyone coming

along.

First to my co-workers, If you have a problem just "handle it." If by now you can't handle it then go down to

McDonalds and get a job there.

To my friends, the next time you need someone to cover your ass while you are out humping a co worker or

the barmaid, or your house need to be fixed, either do it yourself or call a repairman.

To my family;

Kids, the cost of your schooling is paid in full. After you graduate, get a job. There will no more money from

me. If you want spending money get a job. If you can't maintain a C average and you drop out of school, well

the financial arrangement I made with the school was payment in full and is nonrefundable, so if you leave or

drop out of college the school gets to keep the balance of your tuition.

Carol my wife, you can do whatever you want the rest of your life; if you want to file for divorce on grounds of

desertion that is fine with me.

Just so that you cannot say that I have lost my mind, here is what I have done.

Over the past year I have converted ALL the savings, interest, and dividends to cash.

I used my credit cards to get a few things that I'll need for my new life so there isn't any room left on cards for

your use. The house has been refinanced to the max and the property taxes as well as back loan payments are

now due. Carol, you are responsible for all the taxes and payments since they are in both of our names. I took

the cash value of my life insurance. My retirement and 401K are closed, and savings accounts were closed as

well, there will be a 20% early penalty tax payment due next year so Carol, just "handle it". Carol, your car has

one month left on the lease and then you'll need to find your own transportation.

Last week when my car was in the shop I really did not have a loaner car. What I did was to sell the BMW for

cash and got that little sedan. It's very cheap to operate and gets great mileage and it feels more like me

anyway. If you remember or even noticed, there were no license plates on it and you cannot trace me that

way. I got it from a private party so there is no bill of sale to be recorded.

All my "good clothes" are still there hanging in the closet and I will not be having a need for them anymore, I

will just need a few things that are comfortable and wash easily or as you called them my grubbiest things.

Now as to what I have planned or at least what I am willing to let you in on. Over the next few months I'll be

driving all over the good old United States to see it from ground level and not at 35,000 feet — you could never

understand why I loved to just go for drives and see things as they just came up and not all planned out like on

those tours you took me on. I will not use the interstate highways but I'll take the little state and county roads

to see little towns where their name just might be bigger than the town is. I'll stop at every little city, town,

village that looks like the 21st century has not gotten there yet. Places where the most up to date traffic control

is a flashing red light in the middle of town. Places where most people drive a pickup truck, not some high

priced foreign car.

I plan to find a place to settle in to before winter — the thought of winter driving does not appeal to me, as you

know.

My personal attorney will be contacting you. Yes, dear Carol, I got my very own attorney and not the high

priced skirt chaser you like. He has a way of getting hold of me should my good name need to be protected as

well as representing me in any legal matters. Now, he can contact me but he will never be able to find me nor

will any of you. I have removed all connections to my old self. My new persona has no credit cards, no

passport, no bank records, and no cell phone.

Have a good life and see if you can stand on your own from now on will you!! I feel that, Enough is Enough.

It has now been 3 months since I left my old life and started on the quest for a new and what I know will be a

better life.

I wanted to get away as far as possible or at least as far as I could and have as many options as I could. A week

after leaving I ended up in Middle America at a place called Lake of the Ozarks. I got a room at The Point

Randall Resort. I am not a fisherman by any means — I really don't know how I found it but I guess after driving

over 200 miles of back roads and you're getting low on gas you make a decision to just stop running. Now I had

driven over 2000 miles since leaving, I had enough driving, and wanted a place to just hang out and relax and

this place looked like it. There were a lot of small and medium size fishing boats and the place said that they

had boats to rent as well as vacant cabins. I spent three days there listening to all the sounds of the wild. Just

taking a little boat out on the lake and cruising around — I know some might have thought I was a bit odd not

wanting to fish but just to motor about and take life very slow. Some say that fishing is relaxing and I guess for

some it is. But all that I saw was a lot of hurry up and pack the boat, get out there as fast as possible and try to

get your limit as soon as you could so that you could rush back in and sit around bragging — lying to each other,

this not in my way of relaxing.

After three days, I packed up and headed out. I wanted to keep going west since I knew that there was a lot

more open space and as I recalled people were a lot more open to people just passing through.

I ended up the day in Appleton City, MO, population 1,300 the sign said. They had one hotel and it was even a

nice one. From what I could tell it was build in the 1920's and refurbished a couple of times and had all that I

needed that's for sure, hot bath, TV, a firm bed and very roomy. When I checked in the clerk asked how long I

was staying and was I there for business or pleasure. I gave her what I had decided was going to be my "cover

story" that I was looking for property to open a small business. This was on a Thursday and I figured to stay

here a few days as well and then move on.

I spent all day Friday just driving around and looking at the countryside, and stopping occasionally to just chat

with a farmer whenever I saw one driving down one of the old roads.

Saturday I just walked around the downtown, not that that took too long. A big feed and grain combination

hardware store, a nice size market, a very big butcher shop — I know I was used to having them all together. A

little bakery shop that had a nice seating area to enjoy a sweet roll, have some coffee or tea, and do some

visiting. There were a few other small stores but nothing big. The nearest mall is either in Springfield going

south or Kansas City going north and they are both over 70 miles away. That Saturday night was very quiet and

I took an after dinner walk again. I was very amazed at how many people just were out for an evening walk.

Not just adults but teenagers as well — not a lot to do I guessed.

On Sunday the waitress at breakfast told me that if I wanted to go to church that the Community Church was

just 2 blocks behind the hotel and if I was really wanting to meet the locals that it was a good place to meet the

people that had been around for years and years. With nothing on my agenda and since I haven't been in a

church in years unless it was for a wedding, I thought why not.

The church was right out of a Hallmark Card. White clapboard, a small front set of steps and two white doors

that must be five feet wide each. The doors were open, there were a few people just walking towards the

doors, and what I guess was the preacher was greeting some of them as they came in. I was greeted and just

gave him my first name as a greeting.

The inside was just what you would have expected — simple wooden pews, a piano on the left side and behind

the pulpit a little choir loft that might have held twelve singers. If all the seats were full the church might have

seated 120 people.

The service was about to start and I got a seat in the next to last pew. As the pianist was playing I looked

around, the chapel was almost full with most of the people looking like they had been attending church there

for a long, long time. We sang a few hymns had a bible reading and a short prayer time and, as any good

church, they took up the weekly offering. Not being a cheapskate I put a few dollars in the plate as it went by.

Many of the older people just seemed to let the plate pass — I guess if you are on a limited budget you don't

have a lot to add to the offering plate. The preacher stood and gave a greeting and made a comment that they

had a guest this week and he asked me to stand and did something that I thought was very odd. While I was

standing, he gave a little prayer asking God to direct my path and to show me that there were things guiding

me that were not known to me now. I sat down and wondered just what he meant.

The sermon was about something in the book of Mark but I really did not hear too much of it. The service

came to a close and the lady in front of me turned and asked me if I had any plans after church and if I didn't

would I like to come to the monthly pot luck that was being held in the park just behind the church. With

nothing planned for the rest of the day I readily agreed since a real home cooked meal was so long ago I could

not remember just when it was. The potluck was just like out of a Norman Rockwell painting — a couple of long

tables with a long tablecloth and food from one end to the other. There was cold fried chicken, meats, salads,

homemade breads and rolls. I was just looking at all the food when a little boy walked up and took my hand

and told me that guests got to eat first and that he was waiting on me to get started so he could get his Nana

some lunch since she was old and couldn't stand in line. I filled a plate with a little of just about everything I

could and went to sit down under one of the old shade trees. A very pretty girl of about 10 or so brought a big

glass of lemonade telling me that she had made it herself. A few people dropped by to say hello and asked if I

had enough to eat and just let me relax. Somewhere about mid afternoon people started cleaning up and

packing their things. The preacher came over, thanked me for staying, and hoped that I had enjoyed myself.

I told him that I had and that the food was great. He said that he would like to talk to me on Monday morning.

Could we meet in the diner across from the hotel for breakfast?

I said sure, and asked what time?

"Monday through Saturday I'm just a farmer so I get up real early but how would 9 AM sound?"

I told him that was fine and I was looking forward to it.

A mid-west country breakfast should really be called a gravy-covered breakfast. I have never seen so much

gravy in my whole life. They serve it over grits & potatoes, the eggs and then put the meat over all that. In a

bowl, they put a couple of biscuits and drown them in gravy as well. But enough of my food re-education.

While I had breakfast the pastor and I just chit chatted. As I was finishing eating, he thanked me for visiting his

congregation and commented that they do not get too many visitors. He asked me to take care of myself since

he had a special feeling that I had a troubled soul and he knew that all I needed was to listen to the spirit

within me.

Going back to my hotel, I got out the maps and started looking for my next stop. For no real reason other than

I saw a lot of railroads seem to cross at this little city, I made up my mind to head out to El Dorado, Kansas.

Little is right and most of what I saw made me feel very uncomfortable. Now I cannot exactly put a good

reason on it but I was happy to be on my way the next morning.

The road headed south to Wichita where I got a very warm and friendly breakfast, and yes, it was one of those

gravy with more gravy meals. I will not eat at one of those places that looks and serves the same meal from

coast to coast and I know you know the kind of places I mean. If you take a turn off any major road and go just

a little out of the way you'll find the places that the locals love to eat at and where the food does not taste like

it came out of a can or a freezer bag. Places where the service is warm and friendly and maybe the server has

been there long enough to have served your daddy or even your granddad. This place was just like that. There

were three women serving and I ended up finding out that they were all related, grandma, mother and

daughter. My next stop was Dodge City, Kansas; I remember as a kid reading all the stories about the wild

west and how Dodge City was such a bad cowboy town. As I drove into town, it was like two different cities.

The old west town re-created for the tourists, and the regular city.

It was almost dark by the time I got in, so I got a motel room at a place just off I-50. Before going to the room I

went looking around for a local diner; what I found a few blocks away was a western dance & roadhouse that

had a big neon sign saying they served steak, ribs and beef. I thought, well this is a "cow town". The place was

just out of every western movie I had ever seen. The floors had sawdust, the chairs were short and round

backed and very well worn. The tables looked like long planks of wood with a lot of spilled grease and beer on

them. People were sitting around facing each other with maybe an empty chair between each group. There

was no bar so I was seated at the long table just like everyone else. Before I ever saw a server, the people

around me welcomed me and just started talking to me as though I was someone they saw every day.

The server asked me what size of steak I wanted and then proceeded to explain that all they had was a lady's 8

oz. up to a real man's at 34 oz. and that all of them came with a salad, soup, baked potato, corn on the cob and

dessert and unlimited sweet tea. Well I was hungry but I didn't think in my wildest dream that I could eat the

"Real Man" steak. I just ordered one that was 16 oz. As she walked away, I heard her comment to one of the

women that someone should start feeding me better or I just might waste away.

The dinner was great and there was a lot of conversation with the people on both sides of me and they were

very understanding about things when I was telling them about feeling like I was nothing but a banker and

servant to my family and "friends". I was finished eating and about to leave when a band started playing and I

decided to see what the nightlife was like in this "Cowboy Roadhouse". The second song was just starting

when Mac who was on my left side told his wife to take my sorry ass out there and show me just how real

people danced. Being the visitor and wanting to see and experience all the new things I could, I took her hand,

and walked out on the dance floor and she showed me how to line dance. Now we were a bit of an odd-

looking couple, her in her western dance dress with all the petticoats and me in what could be best described

as "Eastern City Boy Clothes". After the second dance I got the feel of it and relaxed a little — not that I had

done much dancing since I was in high school. The next dance was a slow one and I begged off and I really

needed to catch my breath. As we were sitting there and the guys were talking about all their problems, with

raising cows and growing grain, complaining about the bad weather, I just sat back watching and was amazed

at how people could just have such a good time and act as if they hadn't a care in the world, but in fact they

had millions of dollars out there that could be lost with a tornado or just one bad storm.

I was getting real tired and bid a fond farewell with thanks to the ladies for the dance lessons and good

conversation.

The next morning I walked around the recreated old west town and got more than a few lessons on the real

old west history that I had missed from all the movies and television shows I had seen. Things like how Dodge