Chapter 2: In Through the Out Door

I spent the next few melancholy mornings on the pier, trying to recapture the magic of fishing with my erstwhile friend. It was more depressing than therapeutic, even though I was catching three times as many fish as I had when she’d been with me. Eventually, I realized I was still clinging to the hope of seeing her walk down those old boards, even though she was gone. The disheartening feeling of loss became too much, so I stopped going to fish altogether.

Julie and Lara tried to hang out with me, but I wasn’t much in the mood for wild water games. They kept their distance after a few sullen rejections. I played my blues on my guitar and lay low, wondering if there was a way to find out her name. I could ask Julie, but that seemed awkward at best. I considered going into her family fish shop and asking around, but I felt a little weird about doing that, too. Questions like that usually engendered more questions. I didn’t want that. And besides, how would knowing her name help? It wouldn’t bring her back to fish with me. I wasn’t going to see her for at least a year. Probably never again, to be honest. I resigned myself to the situation and just reminisced and self-pitied.

A few nights after the pier girl deserted me, there was a knock on my door. I was on my bed, picking on my guitar. Lara let herself in after I grunted.

“Come on, get up,” she demanded. “You’ve been playing that thing all day.”

“So what?” I muttered.

She stood at the foot of the bed, her face impatient. “We’re going out.”

“Out? Where?”

“Somewhere, anywhere. Come on!”

I didn’t want to move, but maybe getting out would help my loneliness go away for a while. I sat there for a few moments, considering the offer. “All right. Let me put on some clothes. I’ll be out in a bit.”

A little while later, Lara and I started off along the firm, wet sand, walking faster than I wanted. She was excited, gabbing on about something James had told her earlier that day. It was impossible to miss the attraction in her voice as she spoke of the Scottish kid. When we angled off toward the pier, I had a feeling I knew how the night was going to end up. Sure enough, when we reached the gazebo I heard familiar voices in the darkness.

“What took you so long?” Julie asked.

“Matt was being a lazy-ass,” Lara explained.

“Hi Julie,” I greeted, my tone rebuffing Lara’s comment. I nodded at James.

“Hi Matt,” Julie said cheerily. “Have some.”

I grabbed the mostly full bottle from her outstretched hand. As I took a good swig, I found strange pleasure in the burning sensation. I passed the whiskey to James, who was sitting on the top edge of one of the weathered bench backs.

Being on the jetty and buzzed turned out to be a bad mix. Although the walk over with Lara had lifted my spirits a little, after a while I was depressed about the situation with the pier girl again. I kept glancing over at the railing where we used to stand. Even in the darkness, I could see her there like it was mid-morning.

Would she even have told me she was leaving if I hadn’t asked? Or maybe she wasn’t really gone. Maybe she just didn’t want to hang out with me anymore. More than a few thoughts of rejection went through my head as I stared off at the dark water while the three others talked.

“We’re going to walk down to the end,” Lara announced.

James stood up behind her. “Are you two coming?”

Before we could answer, Lara shrieked. “James, quit it!” Evidently he had tickled her.

“I’ll stay here,” I slurred. I wasn’t sure if I should walk down to the railing just then, given my state of drunkenness.

“All right, we’ll be back in a bit.”

James and Lara strolled off. Instead of going with them like I expected, Julie scooted over next to me, propping her legs up on the bench.

“You’re quiet tonight,” she said after some silence.

“I guess. Just in one of those quiet moods.”

“Are you mad at me?” she asked.

“Mad at you?” I turned and looked at her in surprise. “No. Why would you say that?”

“Well, I thought we were having a good time this week,” she said slowly, “and then the last few days you seemed like you didn’t want to be here.”

I took a breath and thought about it. Is she right? I realized that I’d been avoiding hanging out with her and hadn’t considered her feelings. But now I wasn’t sure what to say. Somehow I knew telling her about the pier girl would be the wrong approach.

“Well, I guess I was just in a funk. Still am. But it’s nothing about you. I’ve been having a good time, really.” My words sounded muddy. When she didn’t say anything, I went on. “I’m sorry if it seemed like I was ignoring you. I was just ... deep in thought.”

“About what?” she asked gently.

About what? What could I possibly be moody about, being fourteen and on vacation at the beach? I thought for a while, but I could only think of the pier girl, over and over again. Suddenly I was wrestling with every emotion again. Damn. I had to get her out of my head before she drove me mad. I glanced at Julie. Julie ... She’s here, right now.

“I don’t know,” I said at last. “I’m sorry I’m being such a downer, though.”

“No you’re not a downer. I’ve had a lot of fun with you this summer,” she said, looking up at me with those big brown eyes.

I kept watching her through the slight fog of the whiskey. She held my gaze, her face inviting.

“Me too,” I murmured.

Julie ... I think she likes me.

It was then that it truly hit me: the pier girl was gone, and I was never going to see her again. It wasn’t meant to be and it was pointless to dwell on it. She was far away in Idaho or wherever it was she’d gone, and likely had already forgotten about me. The crazy girl hadn’t even bothered to tell me her name. It was ridiculous, really. By the time she returned to Montauk, I’d be hanging out with my friends back home, getting ready to start high school and who knew what else.

The pier girl is gone. I watched as my mind closed off some part of my brain for good. An instant later, Julie’s smiling eyes came back into focus in my vision.

She really likes me...

Neither of us looked away for what seemed like a minute. Suddenly we both leaned in and I kissed her softly. She eagerly returned the kiss. Her lips parted slightly and I felt her tongue tentatively touch mine as we moved closer together on the bench. The kiss gradually grew more heated until I broke it off, breathing hard.

“I was hoping you’d do that,” she whispered, her eyes dancing in the dim light from the houses on the shore.

For lack of anything to say, I pulled her close and kissed her again. Maybe the summer wouldn’t be a complete loss after all.

A while later, we heard Lara and James coming back. For some reason they were stomping loudly and then giggling. Julie and I quickly untangled ourselves, and I stood up to stretch. My lips were tired, but it was from incredibly sweet work, so I didn’t mind. We didn’t go beyond heavy kissing and a bit of tame groping, and yet I was very aroused. I was in a much better mood, even though there was still an echo of something missing inside of me.

“We thought you fell off,” I said quickly to Lara and James, trying to divert the potentially awkward attention onto them.

“Nah, just talking,” James explained, just as quickly. I couldn’t tell in the light, but his shirt seemed skewed and Lara’s hair was a touch wilder than when they’d left us. I had a feeling they’d been having their own lip battle.

“Is there anything left in that bottle?” asked Lara, her voice breathy.

“Yeah, here,” I said. “I’m done for the night.”

I passed her the whiskey, glad that she wasn’t scrutinizing me. Lara took a drink and passed the bottle to James. She and Julie shared a long look. I thought I saw a slight nod and smile from each of them, but I was drunk and it was dark.

“What time is it?” Lara asked.

James answered.

“We should head back, then,” said Lara, cheerily. “It’s getting late.”

James said his goodbyes at the foot of the pier, where he headed off toward his house. Julie, Lara and I stumbled down the beach back to my aunt’s. I found myself with an arm around each girl’s waist. Our six legs combined were just enough to manage the walk along the uneven sand without falling. We were being quite noisy, although no one was out at this hour. Fortunately, the adults were not back from their bar outing when we reached the house. I shared a private smile with Julie before she slipped into Lara’s room. Despite wishing I could’ve gotten one more kiss, I wasn’t bold enough to do that in front of my sister.

Settled in my own bed, I was surprised to find the pier girl in my mind again. Her eyes seemed to pierce me, even through the door I’d firmly shut her away behind. She’s gone, I told myself. Then I forced my thoughts back to Julie, sleeping just beyond the far wall of my room. What would it be like to sneak in there and... ? Eventually, I passed out into a deep sleep.

Julie and Lara were hanging out in the ocean the next day, working off their hangovers. I waded out to join them and was pleased when Julie and I shared a private smile.

“James asked about our parents last night, when we went for our walk,” Lara said to me.

“So you really were talking?” I asked with a smirk.

“Of course we were!” Lara retorted. “What did you think we were doing? Swapping tongues like you and Julie?”

Despite the cool water, Julie instantly turned bright red. I felt my face heating up too.

“Lara, we ... we...” stammered Julie.

“So what did he say?” I asked quickly, preempting any further discussion.

“He thought it was cool. He kind of figured it out by watching. He was confused about our names, though.”

“Yeah, I suppose he would be.”

Lara and I were born Lara Jackson and Matt Birch, taking our mother’s respective family names. After our father died, our mothers combined our last names to Jackson-Birch. They wanted us to have the same last name, as siblings, to strengthen our family bond.

“Speaking of...” said Julie, pointing toward the shore.

James was walking down the sand. He tossed his towel near ours and waded in. His sharp-cut Scottish face showed no signs of the previous night’s heavy drinking.

“You three are a sorry-looking lot,” he joked, grinning broadly. Lara splashed him in answer.

The four of us lounged in the waves, no one really having much energy to do anything but float and occasionally comment on something random. After a while, Lara and James drifted away from Julie and me.

“Sorry about that before. She was kissing with James too,” Julie said.

“I figured as much,” I said evenly.

There were a few moments of quiet as we watched them. I wasn’t as comfortable with Julie in the light of day as I had the night before under the influence of the whiskey.

“So what’s the plan for today?” I asked, moving away from the suddenly uncomfortable subject of last night’s intimacy.

“Maybe another bike ride? After lunch I have to check in on the place I’m house-sitting for, but after that we can go out.”

“That sounds good.”

There was another stretch of silence as my brain searched for something to say. All I could think about was that I had nothing to say. I started wishing I’d stayed in bed. The next twenty minutes went by like molasses, as I desperately tried to keep a conversation going. By the time my mom called out lunch, I felt like an idiot. As we walked out of the waves, Julie seemed as cheery as ever, but to me the events of the night before appeared to be slipping away like the seawater off of her smooth body.

By the time we went out on the bike ride, I’d arrived at the conclusion that last night was just a fluke. Julie likely thought I was a dork. Seeing her and Lara confer in quiet tones and then giggle a few times during lunch didn’t help either.

I knew it wasn’t my day when my bike developed a flat tire a few miles from the house. I called out ahead to the others as I slowed to the side of the road.

“Must have ridden over a thorn or a tack,” I muttered.

“What should we do?” asked Julie.

They stood around on their bikes as I examined the tire. I’m not sure what I expected to accomplish with this, having neither a spare tube nor a pump, but I didn’t know what else to do besides glumly stare and poke at the rubber.

“We’ll ride back and have Aunt Beth come and pick you up,” Lara said.

“All right. I guess I’ll wait over there in the shade.” I pointed up the road to a stand of bushes and trees that offered a cool place to sit.

“Okay. We’ll be back in a while.”

Lara and James rode off. My heart sank when I saw that Julie was staying behind. Great, another half-hour of torturous silence. She climbed off her bike and came over to where I was still pretending to examine the tire.

“Do you mind if I wait here with you?”

“No, that’s cool,” I said. “Thanks,” I added, after a moment.

I stood up and started pushing my bike toward the shady area. Julie followed and sat down right next to me. I let out a long sigh.

“I can’t believe I got a flat. This sucks,” I complained.

“I don’t think it’s that bad,” she said, looking at me shyly. “We can hang for a bit.”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean it that way. I was talking about my tire.”

“Maybe it was meant to happen.”

I was surprised when she leaned her head up against my shoulder.

“Maybe,” I said, quickly forgetting the tire. “You didn’t have to wait here with me.”

“I wanted to.”

We sat in quiet for a minute, my head a confusion of thoughts.

“I think when we get back to town, I’ll go in and—”

I stopped talking when I felt her lips on my neck. A wave of relief flooded over me. I turned to her and kissed her gently. All the stupid thoughts in my head suddenly disappeared. She didn’t think I was an idiot, after all! The sound of an approaching car broke us out of our kiss.

“I’ve wanted to do that all day,” she cooed, her eyes dreamy.

“Really?”

“Yeah. In the water, at lunch...”

“So you poked a hole in my tire before we left?” I asked teasingly, tickling her lightly.

“No!” she squeaked.

She tried to squirm away, but I kept a confident arm around her waist.

“Matt! No fair!” she shrieked, laughing uncontrollably.

She started tickling me back. I’m fairly ticklish, and in the heat of the moment I grabbed her arms and pushed her onto her back, pinning her down with my body. Our faces ended up a few inches apart. She continued her struggles half-heartedly before giving up. She gazed at me, breathing heavily. Her eyes were vulnerable and open.

I kissed her hard. I could feel her smooth legs against mine, the rise and fall of her chest. Our arousal grew as we kissed passionately, slowly moving against each other.

Honk! A passing car sounded its horn and scared the crap out of us. We sat up instantly, squinting at the back of the receding station wagon. Neither of us recognized the car, so it was likely some smart-ass who thought we were having too good of a time. And they were probably correct, considering I was lying on top of her right off the side of the road.

“Sorry. I, uh—” I stammered.

“I liked it,” Julie cooed.

She gave me a lusty look and wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled me in for another kiss. When she tried to pull me back down to the grass, I broke away from her lips.

“Maybe we should wait, or something,” I said quickly, my heart still racing. “I mean, someone else might drive by and see us.”

“So what?” She flitted her tongue into my mouth teasingly.

“So, it might be my aunt next time!”

“Let’s go behind the bushes then,” she whispered, a wildness growing in her eyes.

“I don’t know. They could be here any minute.” I glanced down the road and then back at her, trying desperately to resist the call of her eyes. “When we get to the house we’ll figure something out,” I added, somewhat unsteadily.

I had no idea what that would be, but it seemed to mollify her. We kissed gently and more carefully, keeping watch for cars. Minutes later, Melissa arrived to pick us up. I silently breathed a sigh of relief that my mom hadn’t driven by when we were on the ground. Julie held my hand quietly in the back of the car for the whole ride home, and if my mom noticed, she didn’t show it.

At my aunt’s house, Julie had a hungry look in her eyes. Lara and James were getting ready to go swim and they asked us to join them. I wanted to find somewhere to be alone with Julie, so I rejected the offer. I wasn’t sure if there was anywhere that wasn’t obvious, though. Retreating to my room seemed impossible, with all the adults around.

I took Julie outside to the porch steps. Besides some tufts of beach grass here and there, there wasn’t much privacy to be seen. I couldn’t think of any place to go. The pier offered no shelter in the daylight. I made a mental note to seek out some secluded areas within walking distance of the house, but that didn’t solve my current problem.

“Where do you want to go?” she asked quietly.

“I don’t know.”

“How about your room?”

“No. My aunt and parents are in the house.”

“We’ll be quiet.”

I considered for a second. Who would’ve thought this had to be so difficult? Maybe it didn’t have to be. I turned to Julie, and lowered my voice. “Okay, you go inside first, and if it’s clear, go to my room. Then after a few minutes I’ll come in.”

I winced at the childishness of the situation, but Julie practically ran into the house.

“Slow down!” I whispered loudly to Julie, and also to the butterflies in my stomach.

A minute later I climbed the stairs and tentatively entered the porch. My parents and Beth were there chatting. No one seemed to notice me, so I walked down the hall and into my room, breathing a sigh of relief when I locked the door behind me. Julie wasn’t there, though.

“Julie?” I asked quietly. “Julie!”

The folding closet doors spread open and Julie stepped out into the room. “I didn’t know if it was going to be your aunt,” she explained.

Suddenly I laughed, a bit loudly.

“Shh... ! What’s so funny?” she asked.

“We’re like five-year-olds, sneaking around!”

“Well, no one knows we’re here.”

I nodded. “We have to be quiet. The porch is right out there,” I said, pointing.

“Okay, no more talking then!”

Julie wrapped her arms around my neck, kissing me passionately. I pulled her close and let my hands caress her back as our kissing grew more intense. She released a slight moan as I pressed my tongue into her mouth.

I quickly started getting aroused again. Her breasts were pushed against me and I could sense her hard nipples rubbing on my chest. I was a little self-conscious about the possibility of Julie noticing my growing erection, so I loosened my embrace and stepped back to sit on the bed. I thought she’d sit next to me, but to my surprise she straddled my lap and resumed our heated kiss. Any chance of not having her notice my arousal was gone, as she planted herself firmly down on me.

While I was kissing Julie, I was partly in disbelief. Here I was in my room, making out with an admittedly sexy girl, when just yesterday I was sulking over the pier girl. It was all happening too fast, and I could barely register the intense pleasure that I felt as we kissed.

At the same time, a corner of my brain was still thinking survival, and after what seemed like an hour of kissing, I figured that we should probably return to the beach to avoid any suspicion. I didn’t know what my parents would think if they knew what was going on, but I didn’t want to find out.

“We should go back to the beach. It’s been fifteen minutes,” I said, breathing a bit hard.

“You were timing it?”

“No!” I exclaimed. “I just happened to look at my clock when I came in.”

“I was kidding,” she said, with a laugh.

Reluctantly, she stood up from her position, giving me one last kiss. We collected ourselves, deciding that I would go out first and make sure that the coast was clear. Then I would wave Julie out.

That five-year-old feeling returned again as I opened the door and checked out the situation. Everything was normal, so Julie followed me out to the kitchen. The adults were still on the porch. Lara and James were still on the beach. There was no crowd of onlookers to watch us exit the room, like I’d expected.