Chapter 11: When the Levee Breaks

For once in my life, I’d made the right decision. As someone pulled me across the living room toward the door, Heather and I stared at each other. She was sitting on the couch, next to some guy who had his arm wrapped around her shoulder. It was obvious from their body language that they were a couple. Heather’s face was expressionless as I traversed the room. Then I found myself outside in the warm air, breathing hard.

“Are you all right?” Julie asked me.

“What? Yeah, just tired,” I said, recovering from my shock.

“You don’t have to walk me home, if you just want to go to bed.”

“No, it’s fine. It’s not far.”

We set off toward Julie’s house. Fortunately she sensed the need for silence as we walked.

She’s with someone! I thought that I should be relieved that I hadn’t waited for her in vain. Why was I feeling some jealousy then? It was silly. I had to shake myself out of it.

“So I’ll see you at lunch tomorrow?” I asked, forcing a smile.

“Yeah, that sounds nice. I’ll come by around eleven.”

“Cool.”

We reached her house and stood awkwardly for a moment on the sidewalk.

“I had a really good time tonight,” I said.

“Me too. Thanks for coming out.”

I leaned in and kissed her gently. She seemed surprised for an instant, and then she returned the kiss. I broke it off before she got too excited, though. She went inside, smiling and giving me a small wave.

On my way home, I was still somewhat conflicted. I was sad about seeing Heather involved with a boyfriend, but happy about the way things were going with Julie. After my reconciliation with Lara on the camping trip, I’d been amazingly refreshed about life in general. There were still loose ends to tie up, for sure, but I was relaxed these past couple of months. It was a good place to be, I knew. As I walked up the steps to my aunt’s house, I decided that I had to go with what was and not with what could have been.

The next morning I woke up feeling better than I thought I would. Some pink still hung in the morning sky as I drew up the shades. I was looking forward to Julie’s arrival at lunch, but there was something I had to do first to get some closure. I went out to the garage and gathered up my fishing gear.

When I reached the foot of the pier, I wasn’t surprised to see another figure out on the end. I stopped and watched her for a long time. She was leaning on the rail, a vast sphere of dark waves stretching beyond her. She seemed so small and alone, suspended far out over the sea.

I finally started the long walk out. Just like last summer, I recalled, except we were both a little older. And maybe a little wiser. As I approached, she heard my shoes clunking on the pier boards and turned to look at me. She said nothing.

“Hey,” I greeted, smiling in spite of myself.

“Hi,” she replied.

“So, you’re back—” we both said at the same time.

“Yeah,” we said, again together.

I laughed a little. “It’s good to see you.”

“I’m ... surprised to see you here.”

“Why?”

“Just because.”

“Well, I thought you’d be here this morning. Why are you here, if you didn’t think I’d come?”

“This is where I fish,” she said simply.

I noticed that she wasn’t fishing, though. Her rod was leaning against the rail.

“All right,” I said, shrugging. I set down my stuff and lowered my bucket down to the surface to pull up some water. “Catch anything?” I asked, peering into her container. It was empty of water, even, so I poured some in. She just watched me.

“What?” I asked, as I stopped and gazed at her.

“Nothing.”

I went about baiting my line, wondering how to break this ice. Last summer I’d felt nervous around Heather, especially at first. Oddly, this morning it seemed like she was the one caught off-guard. Had she really thought I wasn’t going to come to the pier after we’d seen each other the night before at the party? Maybe she really had come to fish alone, and I was intruding on sacred space.

One thing immediately became apparent. My luck had sure changed from last year. No sooner had I cast in, a fish latched onto my hook.

“Well, how about that!” I drawled, as I reeled in the small catch. I tried to keep my voice light, but it felt like I was trying to illuminate a giant cavern with a faint ember.

“Looks like you’ve been practicing,” Heather said impassively. She made no movement to start fishing. Her mood was starting to disconcert me.

“Nah, I only fished twice since last summer, believe it or not. Busy year.”

I soon pulled in a second fish, glancing at her as I dropped it into my pail. “Are you all right? You’re not fishing.”

“I just didn’t expect to see you.”

Why are all the girls in Montauk saying that to me?

“I can leave,” I offered.

“That’s not what I meant.”

“So why are you surprised to see me?”

“Well, seeing as how you’re back together with Julie,” she said. Was there a slight twinge of envy in her tone? It was probably just me, wanting to hear it in there.

“Well, I don’t know about that,” I said dismissively. Sure, she’d seen me holding hands with Julie, but so what? ‘No strings,’ Julie had said, and I was sticking to that for now.

I tugged on the line as another fish nibbled, but it was too soon and it got away. “Oh, just missed number three,” I announced, trying again to lift the tension.

“You never called me.” There was no accusation in her voice when she spoke, though maybe there was a touch of sadness.

I looked at her for a long moment. It was bizarre to see her so inexplicably vulnerable. “I didn’t—”

I was going to say ‘find your note until... ‘ but then I changed course. Mischief had burst into my head as I’d spoken the first two words. Maybe some gentle teasing would break the spell around her.

“ ... ever have your number,” I finished, frowning.

She stared at me. “You never got my note?” she asked, seemingly in disbelief.

I was having trouble not breaking into a smile. I raised my eyebrows at her, hoping that she wasn’t seeing my ruse. “Note? What note?”

“I left you my phone number. On your fishing license. Didn’t you get it?”

“Oh, I got my license. Which, by the way, how did you get it in the first place?”

“I took it out of your box when I was borrowing your pliers,” she admitted.

“Hmm. That’s how you found out my name, obviously.”

“Yeah.” Heather was disconcerted. “But you didn’t see my note? I wrote it on the back.”

“Must’ve missed it. What did it say?”

She just gaped at me, before turning her eyes down to the pier deck. “I’m such an idiot,” she muttered.

“What?”

“Nothing. Forget it.” Heather lifted her pole and cast her line into the water. She looked sullen as she stared far past the place where her filament pierced the water.

I started feeling bad for teasing her. My heart was racing as I wondered what was going on with her. Another fish took my bait and I pulled it in. It was a nice size. Heather’s pole tip was dead still.

“Number three,” I said, bucketing the catch. I glanced at Heather. Her eyes were missing their usual light. It was time to end the game.

“You know, you better start catching, or I’ll be winning the contest this year.” I turned to her, and then added one more word, as an afterthought. “Heather.”

I watched her mouth slowly drop open.

“Matt, you—you—what!” She sputtered some incoherent phrases out.

“I have no idea what you’re saying,” I said nonchalantly, gazing out at the water again. Finally some reaction from her, I thought, relieved. I turned to her, smiling. My grin faded immediately when I saw her eyes shimmering with tears.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, putting down my fishing rod. I moved a few paces toward her, concerned with this turn of events.

“Nothing, nothing,” she said, turning away from me and dropping her fishing rod to the deck with a clatter. The bent tip swung awkwardly a foot above the boards, as the line had gotten caught on the rail. She wiped at her eyes as I watched her, helpless. What the hell just happened?

“What’s going on?” I pressed.

She said nothing, just sniffed a few times and stayed quiet. My insides churned as I desperately tried to think of what to do.

“Just go,” she finally whispered.

I was stunned at her command. “Go? Why? What did I do?”

“Nothing. I just need to be alone right now.”

I stood stone still for a long while, watching her shoulders move up and down. I was deeply afraid; my image of Heather had always included confidence and strength, and yet here she was reduced to tears and sending me away. And for what?

“Heather—”

“Just go,” she repeated with finality.

I swallowed hard as I gathered my tackle quietly. I dumped my bucket of seawater and fish over the rail, having found no pleasure in catching them after all. As I hefted my gear and set off, my stomach was hollow. I almost spoke again, but felt that I’d used up my share of words with her. I didn’t want to make her any angrier at me. At the end of the pier, I turned back once more. She was leaning against the railing again, fishing rod in hand, gazing out at the black sea.

The walk home had been difficult. More than once I’d started walking back toward the pier, only to turn around after a dozen steps. I was hoping that maybe Lara would have some insight into the situation, because I sure had no idea what had just happened. Was she mad at me for not calling? That was my best guess, but how was I supposed to have done that?

When I returned to the house, all the adults were awake and having an animated conversation out on the porch. Lara was in the kitchen, just out of bed and looking quite tired. I watched her for a moment, thankful I had at least one person in my life who understood me.

“Hey, look, there’s some dishes for you,” I said, pointing to the breakfast remnants.

“Oh, fuck off,” she replied grumpily, unsuccessfully stifling a yawn.

I smiled despite my uneasy mood. I turned on the water and started washing plates. Lara stood at the pantry for some time, trying to decide what to eat. Suddenly, she gave me a sidelong glance and pointed at the sink, her mouth and eyes wide open.

“Oh my god!” she exclaimed. “Did you—?”

“Shh!” I cut her off, gesturing at the pass-through window that opened onto the porch.

I went back to washing the dishes. Lara came up behind me, slipping her arms around my waist to give me a tight hug. I peeked over my shoulder in surprise at her smile, somewhat confused by her tender gesture. It felt good though, after my rather uncomfortable morning.

“What’s that for?” I asked as she pulled away.

“Just happy not to be doing dishes,” she teased, sticking her tongue out at me.

“Oh, I thought for a second maybe you were happy for me,” I said with the most sarcasm I could come up with.

“Yeah, right!” she laughed.

I splashed some soapy water at her. The jet caught her on the shorts, making it seem like she’d peed herself. I laughed as I pointed that fact out. Her gaze moved from the wet spot to me and back, her face taking on a ‘What the fuck?’ look. Suddenly she grabbed the sink sprayer and started showering me. I desperately slapped at the basin water as I fended her off. She shrieked as we both became soaked.

We stopped still when we heard a crash. Evidently I’d scooped up a glass in a handful of water and it had crashed to the floor, sending clear shards into the growing pool of suds. Lara stared at me wide-eyed for a few seconds and then we both started chortling.

“What the—?” I heard Sarah exclaim behind me.

Lara and I were dripping wet, standing barefoot in a pool of soapy water and broken glass, laughing our asses off. Soap bubbles were everywhere. Even the cabinets had little white beards hanging here and there. Mom didn’t seem as pleased as we were, though.

“What the hell is going on?” Melissa asked, finishing Sarah’s words.

“Matt started it,” Lara accused between fits.

All four adults were now rubbernecking from the porch doorway. Hans and Beth were laughing quietly and soon our parents were even smiling a little. We must have looked ridiculous.

“How old are you two? You’d think you just turned five, not fifteen!” Melissa chided, as she skirted the pool and went for some towels. She came back and tossed us each one and then threw a few on the floor.