Chapter 4

My timing, obviously, wasn't as good as Jean's. When I got home, there was a note telling me that she wasn't hanging around, waiting for some petulant brat, and had gone to her mother's. I phoned Jean's parent's house and she answered the phone. I apologised for storming off, and told her what I had done, and the conclusions I had come to. I asked her to come home and she did. We talked, I made all the promises that you do under those circumstances, and we tumbled into bed together.

Unlike that morning we took our time and made love gently, exploring each other, and relearning the things that had brought us together. Sunday, we got up and went to church together for the first time for a while. We came home, had lunch, and, that afternoon, Jean proposed a Sunday drive down the Ards peninsula. We had a beautiful day together, ice cream in Bangor, we drove down through Groomsport, Donaghadee, Millisle, to Ballywalter, where we had fish and chips and walked on the beach, and then we continued down the peninsula through Portavogie and Cloghy then across to Portaferry, then north, along the loughshore, to Newtownards and home. That night was another of love.

On Monday, Jean left for work and I headed into town to the employment exchange to start looking for permanent work. I picked up a few prospects and arranged some interviews. I headed home to get ready for duty. I was going to get tea ready for Jean and me but she phoned to say she was going to be late and she would see me when I came in from duty. That night however was the start of an upsurge in terrorist activity. Int knew nothing of it, at least our battalion Int didn't.

There was a series of bomb warnings that spread us thin across our patch and we were on cordons until the bomb disposal teams had cleared all the suspect devices. Only one out of every six was a real bomb. Lots of people were out of their houses in church and community halls, or with relatives, until they were cleared. This had become commonplace, and for lots of people it was almost routine, so they had their own evacuation plans in place.

I didn't get home until seven in the morning. Jean was really anxious by this time. She hadn't really settled all night. She gave me breakfast, I reassured her that I was O.K. and she left for work. I had an interview at ten and another at two. I was absolutely wiped out, but was determined to take charge of my future. Needless to say I didn't star in the interviews. When prospective employers saw the state I was in, I had to explain why I was so tired. I had chosen companies that were likely to be sympathetic to the security forces but they didn't want employees turning up as tired as I was, and making mistakes or causing accidents. This didn't do my morale any good and when Jean got home she was disappointed.

The trouble was that the upsurge of violence continued, and one of the business' I had an interview with was firebombed. Another was out on a bomb scare when my interview was scheduled, and two others decided to hold back on recruiting because of the uncertainty. I kept on applying for more jobs but with no success. I was getting pretty down. The political parties were trying to get things calmed down so Jean was out late quite a few nights.

Then we were called-out. This was like reservists being called up for war but we were still allowed to rotate duties so guys could keep going into work. That meant that unemployed men like me were expected to take on a bit more of the patrolling to cover for them. It was usually a short-term thing until they could bring in reinforcements from G.B. and get them briefed up. We could deploy teams within an hour and buy time. Once the spearhead was deployed we would return to normal duties.

We were the most cost effective reserve ever. The army only paid us when we were on duty and when the emergency was over we went back to normal life, but it messed with sleep patterns and family life. Jean and I saw each other occasionally but not regularly. We started to argue and blame each other. Really no one was doing anything wrong; we were just tired and stressed. Both of us were targets, me, because I was a soldier, Jean, because she was working with a politician. So both of us were watching for attacks on ourselves and worrying about the other.

Unusually, this call-out lasted a month. The terrorist upsurge was widespread, and even with Regular Army reinforcements we remained called-out. I was almost a full-time soldier. I was putting in 16-hour patrols and rotating onto 24-hour guard duties so I could get some sleep. Eventually the situation stabilised and we reverted to normal duties. I knew I was just a number being used. I needed to get a normal life.

Declan, my former tutor at the Tech, sent me a letter. He asked me to call in to his office, as he had an enquiry that he thought would suit me. I phoned him. He told me one of his mates in Northern Ireland Railways had told him they would be looking for engineering staff in the next few months. I got on the bike and went to see him. The railways were planning a major update of the rail system and there were opportunities in civil, electrical, and rolling stock engineering. He knew I had a good grasp of all the principles and that I tinkered with bikes and cars. So he recommended me to N.I.R.

I was called for interview the following Tuesday. I figured I had carried more than my share during the call-out, so, this time, I made sure I wasn't on duty the night before. Jean gave me a peck on the cheek and wished me good luck as she left for work. I tidied the breakfast things, got ready for the interview and left the flat.

I went through a pretty severe grilling. In particular they wanted to know which division I thought I was best suited to. Trouble was, I didn't really know enough to answer that. So I said so. Strangely, they seemed pleased with that answer. They asked if I would be prepared to go back to college on a part-time basis. I asked who would pay the fees. They said that would be covered by N.I.R. if they got the right person. I wasn't all that long out of Tech. so I still had the mind-set required for study.

I realised the combination of study and work experience would be a great opportunity. I said what I was thinking. It turned out that they were considering a long-term plan for the railways. This called for someone to train up as a planner and co-ordinator for the rail infrastructure. I must have said the right things, because I was offered a position there and then. I would start in two months time and I would be studying for a degree in engineering management, at the new Polytechnic, when the term started in late September. ME! A DEGREE!

I went home that night like a dog with two dicks. I couldn't wait to tell Jean the news. I would keep the U.D.R. on for the next four months, until I started the Poly, and then Jean and I could move on with our lives. I started to make dinner for us, only to receive a phone call from her telling me she wouldn't be home till late. I tried to tell her I had good news but she seemed distracted. I felt singularly discumchuffed about that. We had been trying to get to the position where I could leave the army and we could plan a future. I'd finally got something with a real future and scope for promotion and she couldn't give a fuck. I got drunk and went to bed.