Chapter 2

I dreamed I was watching a little dog running around and then I was chasing after it. You know how dreams work, things seem familiar, but not making much sense. Abruptly the dog disappeared, and then I was seeing my wife. It didn't seem as if I was that close to her, and I felt I had to keep a certain distance from her. It wasn't the Betty I had lost less than two years ago.

It was more like the Betty I had married many, many years ago. She was young, vibrant and so beautiful, and she turned and walked behind a dense bush behind her. I ran to catch up, not wanting her to go from me. When I rounded the bush she stood looking at me from a distance. Standing with his arms around her was a young soldier. They looked like lovers--I felt so sad! Then as they turned away and started to fade, Betty said softly, "Beeny will console you, and you console her."

"No! No! Come back!" I ran and ran, but couldn't catch them. Then I didn't even know why I was running, tears streaming down my face and feeling so sad and abandoned. I woke up with someone shaking me.

"Burt, wake up! You are having a bad dream!" Benny handed me a tissue to wipe my eyes. "That must have been a bad one. Do you have nightmares like this often? Tell me about it."

I couldn't answer her for a minute, trying to collect my thoughts. It seemed so real, but I had no idea what it all meant. "I never had one like that. It was crazy! I can't tell you now and maybe it will go away. I forget most of my dreams before I wake up. All that usually remains is the mood or feelings that I had in my dream." I was hoping that was the case, but somehow I didn't think so this time.

I went in and took a shower. The mood and unease stayed with me. It was getting late. It seemed as though I never would be happy again. I said to Benny, "I'm going to bed. Sorry I'm not better company tonight."

Benny came back with, "I guess I will too." She then went into the bathroom and started getting ready to join me.

When she came out, I had turned onto my side facing her side of the bed. She went to get in, sliding her robe off her shoulders. She was wearing a pale blue nightgown. Benny is definitely attractive. Before this, I had always felt guilty if I ever caught glimpses of her. She saw my eyes open, watching, so she gave a seductive little flip of her gown when she landed in bed, at the same time giving me a flash of her bare legs. "You like?"

"Nice!" With that I turned away and lay on my back. I did take her hand and give it a squeeze, and then hung onto it.

We lay there for a few minutes not saying anything. I did feel as though we were finally becoming friends. I know I had pushed her away whenever she had made any overtures, but for some reason I didn't feel that way now.

Benny broke the silence with a question. "Do you want to tell me about that nightmare you had earlier?"

"Not really. It was the craziest thing, and doesn't make any sense. I'm sure you couldn't make any sense of it either. It made me so sad and I don't want to feel like that again, ever!"

"Try it out on me. I used to go to a psychic, and he always asked me about my dreams. He would always give me an explanation for them." Benny gave a little shrug. "I didn't think he knew what he was talking about, so I used to make up situations just to hear what he would say."

"Okay, but I have to warn you. Your name came up, I think."

"So now I'm getting into your dreams. That is kind of flattering you know. You have to tell me now, and don't you make up anything or leave anything out." She laughed when she said this.

Whether she thought I was dreaming about her body or having sex with her, I didn't ask. "This is serious. It scares me the more I reflect on it. You listen. I'm going to tell you just as I dreamed it. Then maybe you can give me your slant on the whole thing." I told her.

Halfway through the recital, Benny went stiff and exclaimed, "O my God!" but I kept on speaking.

Benny was laying rigid beside me. I said, "What makes no sense is, was that really Betty? It seems as though she was younger than when I met her. And who was that young soldier? And I swear, if that was her, she said that someone named 'Beeny' would console me. Can you make heads or tails out of all this?"

Benny was silent for what seemed a long time. "I think I can explain what all of it means, but it isn't pretty. There is a lot of hurt in this, and if you accept my explanation, you may not look on the fond memory of your wife as you do now. You might even be so disgusted with me that you will sleep in the chair tonight. I hope not. I'm glad you told me, as it answers some of the questions why these things happened as they did." She looked at me and saw that I wanted her to continue.

"You remember I said just a short time ago that I had been to see a psychic? Well I saw two of them. I didn't stop there. I also had them give me life readings. Two different psychics--pretty much the same reading. That is why I think I can explain it because it follows nearly what happened in a previous lifetime."

Benny looked at me and then away. "Please don't interrupt when I am telling you this. I may ramble as I probably am trying to fit some of it into your dream. To start with, the soldier in your dream was most likely our brother, Philip. I will explain why we never talked about him and why there was some bad blood between Betty and me.

"Philip was the oldest child, me being the middle, and Betty, the youngest. That would put him about four years older than you. He was jock, fun loving, precocious and didn't seem to care about anything, especially responsibility. Mother, Father and we two girls doted on him. All the girls were after him, which made Betty and me jealous. We flirted outrageously with him, Mother even trying out her wiles on him too. To make a long story short, he saw me in the hall after coming out of the shower one morning. I was trying to see what he would say or do if I flashed him. I dropped my towel, jutted my breasts out and proudly walked on by him. I could feel his eyes burning me, so I gave my butt an extra twitch and went into my room. I shut the door, but I could hear him pacing up and down the hall.

"He came in and we started an incestuous affair that continued for the next several months. We couldn't seem to get enough of each other. I had never dated much and he pretty much stopped dating others. God, how I was in love! We knew it was wrong and did take precautions, but after he was called up for the draft, I guess we weren't as careful. He took basic training at Fort Lewis in the state of Washington.

"His going away present was to get me with child. Or maybe I did it myself. I was going to miss him so. I didn't know of course until he was half through his basic training. If this was a straight boy-girl screw up, he could have got an emergency leave and come home and got married. It wasn't! It was incest! I did not tell anyone but him. I was going crazy with worry.

"I finally told Mother that I was pregnant. She told Daddy and they of course put pressure on me to tell who the father was. I couldn't, and back at that time I thought the same as most people did. Any offspring that issued from close relatives would be either a dummy or a two-headed monster. Abortion was not legal and fraught with danger, both for the mother and the abortionist, if one could be found.

"Daddy came through with the answer. He knew a man in his company whose daughter had got in trouble. He went to him and pressured him into telling how this person had resolved her problem. God, I was scared! Mother and I traveled to the next town, arriving at this doctor's office one morning about two a.m. He was a licensed MD and had performed abortions for many young women. I guess I was lucky to have this done by someone that really knew what he was doing. It was a short procedure, and by five that morning we were on our way home.

"I lost the respect of both my parents. Betty knew something had happened, but not what. I just moped around. When Philip was due to come home before shipping out for Vietnam, I made arrangements to go stay with my Aunt Alice. Philip was to be home for ten days. I did want to see him, but it seemed in his letters as if he was kind of callous. When I had informed him of my pregnancy, he just wrote back saying I had tough luck but knew I would think of something. This after all the hell I had gone through. The family couldn't understand why I didn't want to be with my brother all the while he was home, but thought I didn't want to face him, in case he found out. He of course knew, and my love for him had turned almost to hate.

"All of the time I was with my Aunt Alice, I waited for a call from Philip. None came from him, but my mother kept calling, telling me how wonderful Philip looked and how grown up and mature he was. I did ask her if he asked after me. Of course he did, but Mother said it in such a way that I didn't believe her. She did say that when my name came up, he said, acting very grown up, that I was still a teen-ager and that's the way they acted. It was like my brother used me and just threw me away. I could take it no longer so I headed for home.

"Mother and Dad were at work and I supposed that Betty would be in school when I got home that morning. Philip, I didn't know where I would find him, but I was going to set him straight about the pain I had gone through. When I came in the front door, I saw Betty's school books on the dining room table, and Philip's army jacket on the table beside them. A sheet of paper caught my eye. It was a note from Mom. It just said that she didn't have to take the bus to school, and to wake Philip to take her.

"I found them, and he was taking her alright. He had her undressed and they were having sex in my room of all places. I don't know what I thought as I opened the door and stood there watching. Christ, she was barely sixteen! Betty saw me first.

"'Hi Sis.' No apology or ashamed look from either. Betty wrapped her arms tighter around her brother as if she was going to lose him.

"Philip looked back over his shoulder at me. 'Want to join us?' he said with a smirk. That brought an unbelieving look to Betty's face as he sped up with their lovemaking.

"Betty acted ashamed now and I guess the fun had disappeared. He didn't let her go until he finished. Maybe she felt a little bit of being used like I had plenty of. She covered up as soon as Philip removed himself. He got up and slowly started putting on his underwear. His tee shirt first and then his shorts. It hit me then. He hadn't even used any protection with her at all. I started swearing at him and he was laughing all the while like it was a big joke. When he asked if I was still pregnant, I went bonkers and started throwing things. He picked up the rest of his clothes and left, laughing.

"The first thing out of Betty's mouth was a question about me being pregnant. I told her. Boy, did I ever tell her, and about all I had gone through in the past few weeks, and why I didn't want to see him anymore after realizing what an asshole he was. I was out to hurt her, more to make her believe me than anything. I said I hoped she was pregnant like I had been, and maybe she would have her eyes opened. This scared her.

"She asked me what she should do. I told her to go take a douche and maybe she would be lucky. Then I said I was going to a friend's house and for her not to tell Mother that I had come home. Just say I had called and that I couldn't make the connection I thought I could. I would see Philip next time he was home. Love to all.

"I was sure Philip wouldn't say anything, and I didn't want to see him again. I didn't know it then but I never did see him. Five months later we received notice that he had been killed in action.

"I never really figured it out but Betty never stopped loving him. She did not become pregnant, so I never found out if he would have treated her the same as he treated me. When word came that he had been killed, and we were discussing it, she said in front of the whole family that he was waiting to see her again someday. We thought she meant as a brother she missed terribly, but now I wonder."

Benny looked tired after telling me all of this. Betty had been my wife for many years and this came as a big surprise to me. We had loved each other. I loved her and I just knew that she couldn't love anyone else as Benny had suggested.

"I don't believe you. I can't see how this could be true! You must have seen how much Betty and I loved each other and how close we were."

Benny looked at me and said, "I know, but that is where my going to a psychic may help explain your doubts. Betty was devastated when we got word that Philip had been killed. She moped around for awhile. I reminded her how he had treated me, and told her if he had got her pregnant, she would have felt different. Finally she came to me and said she was going to put it all behind her until they met on the other side. That's just what she did. She never mentioned his name again to me. Myself, I pretty much hated him for what he had put me through and how he had moved on to my sister, appearing to not care that he had caused so much pain.

"Mother and Daddy never knew how their son had treated his sisters. They were supportive of me, more so when Betty seemed to turn on me. I got interested in Edgar Cayce. His death had caused an upsurge in interest of the psychic, so I delved into readings and all kinds of the paranormal. I was a very unhappy person and I didn't really know why. My first reading was when I was twenty. It answered the question of why Betty and Philip turned to each other, and why she wouldn't even give his memory up. It seems that they were soul mates and they met in each incarnation. For me, I had taken Philip's life in a jealous rage, in one incarnation. This lifetime of mine was supposedly to resolve all of this. Karma, you know, 'What goes around, comes around.' It has helped a lot, but it hasn't made for me a satisfactory lifetime or made me a happy person.

"I spent a month at the psychic center in Virginia Beach. I then had another reading, and it nearly matched the first one. The more I studied, the more my life became clear. I'm hoping this lifetime will resolve my past mistakes, but it has been extremely difficult, especially being so closely involved with those that caused some of the problems." Benny paused. "Do you understand what I am talking about?"

"Of course, I'm aware of some of what you are telling me and how it fits into the scheme of things. I've read articles about the paranormal and psychics whenever I ran onto them, but never thought I would need to know more than the basics. More specifically, why would I have a need to know? Maybe you should just continue and then we will work backwards to explain it all to me more fully. Question--in your readings, did you ever run into me? And who is the 'Beeny' whose name I seemed to hear so clearly?"

Benny smiled, saying, "Beeny is the easy answer. That was the nickname that Betty had for me when she was a baby. She called me that until we were both in school. I haven't heard that for many, many years. This is why your dream makes so much sense. Did I ever run into you in the life readings? No, I can't say I ever did. However, it was indicated that I would become close to someone and I would end my life on a happier note."

We lay on the bed just going over in our minds everything that had been said. It seemed as though I had more questions than answers about my life. I still couldn't understand how Betty, the love of my life, could abandon me in my dreams. What had been answered to some extent was why there had always been friction between the two sisters. Benny seemed so sincere and her explanations did seem to be logical. Where did this leave me? I asked that question of myself and then I turned to Benny and asked her. Her answer was simple and direct. "It looks as though you need a life reading yourself. I'm sure that will explain it all."

"Are there honest psychics who still do these things? I don't want to be in a crowd in front of a TV camera to have my questions answered. I haven't heard much about this except the ones that have garnered an audience. Those just seem as though they are putting on a show, and it is some stretch to make it believable."

Benny smiled at my skepticism. "I'm sure we can find one that you can trust. It might take a little time. You know, don't you, that you might find out something that you really don't want to know. It was a terrible blow to me to find out I had killed someone in a previous lifetime and was making amends for it in this one." Her hand found mine and squeezed it lightly. "Let's go to bed and think about it some other time. Tomorrow will be a busy day."

We had talked for several hours, and it was late. I wasn't sure how much sleep I was going to get. With Benny's revelations about her family, and my dream, I knew I would be awake for the rest of the night. That was not the case. Benny rolled over and slipped her arm around me, and I thought how nice that was. The next thing I was aware of was someone from the hall pounding on the door saying, "Wake up!"

Carol, Jimmy and the guys were waiting to go to breakfast, and they were wired! Today was their big day! I told them to go on and order and Benny and I would join them. It was a raucous meal. They all professed they didn't care if they won or not, just happy they had advanced this far. We could tell they were hoping for the best though. Carol gave Benny the key to her room as we were to take care of checking her out of the motel. After the others headed out to the valley, Benny and I went back to our room and packed our stuff.

When we came to check out, the desk clerk said she hoped that Carol and her new band would win. We were hoping too, and it was nice to think others felt the same way. We took our suitcases out and put them in the bus that had already pulled up in front. We were to leave almost as soon as the winners were announced. I asked the driver if he had been following the competition at all. He said not much. I then informed him that one of his passengers was in the finals. When I told him who, he made up a face. I said not the hippies she came down with, just her with a new band.

We went out to the valley in the shuttle bus. Carol and The Down Homers were to go on second. This was a pretty small affair. Most of the bands that had lost went home the day before. There were several people there that looked like pure business types. To me they looked like vultures, waiting to pick up some raw meat. I was glad I had that conversation with the artist I had talked to earlier, and tipped off Carol that they could do better if they took their time about signing.

The first band played. The music was adequate, but the vocalist was nervous and started out a little timid. She did gain her confidence and before they were finished, I could understand why they had made it this far.

When Carol and The Down Homers were announced, Carol stepped up and just said she was more of a poet than a folk singer. She was going to sing one of her poems that she and Jimmy had set to music. It didn't seem that the audience acted too impressed. The introduction was good and then Carol started her song. The material was patriotic and had to do with this great country of ours. This was in the refrain, but each stanza was about a different section of this land and the immigrants who settled here. The song went on a long time, enough so I was afraid the judges might deduct points. The audience was enthralled, just hoping that Carol would get to the part of country that was home to them.

Well, it was over. I couldn't believe that this was the same person that Benny and I had found weeping on the deck outside the motel. Since that time she had found a band to accompany her and to sing a song that I was sure would be a classic. I felt a little proud that I had helped out some.

The last entrants were superb. It was going to be a toss-up on naming the winner. I was sure that our friends had a real shot at the prize. It would be half an hour before the judges announced the winner. Real pressure was being applied to Carol to sign with a record company. She and the guys held them off by taking names and addresses and what they were offering for perks to sign. We noticed that the other two entrants were in serious negotiations. Carol still stuck to her plan of not signing.

The primary judge took the microphone at exactly noon. "Attention please! We have had to change our announcement of the winner this year. The first group that performed is the runner-up. The two others were so different in content and style, that the only way to do them justice is to declare them both top winners. I will say that this year has been a standout and I hope next year's competition will come up to this standard. Again, let me congratulate you and thank you all."

The show ended with everyone congratulating everybody. The radio station did a short interview asking what future plans were, etc. When this was over, we mounted the shuttle bus to go back to the motel and our bus for home. When we got there it was almost time for it to leave. There was no sign of Carol's original band, which we were thankful for. Carol and Jimmy had a few minutes to talk and I heard them discussing when and where they would meet. Carol was going out to join them in their home town and try to get a career started. Jimmy came up and thanked us for all we had done. This was seconded by the whole band. It made me feel good!

All of the passengers were excited to think that Carol had won, so it was pretty noisy as we started out. That quieted down, and most of us were soon sleeping. It was a long trip home. Benny asked Carol to stay with her a day or two. I said that I would take her home to New Hampshire after that. Carol thought all along that Benny and I were a married couple. It surprised her when we revealed what our relationship really was. Her only comment was that she thought we made a nice couple.

I needed time to reflect on the dream I had experienced while on this trip. I wanted to mull over what Benny had told me about Betty and their early years before I had known either. Also my feeling for Benny had changed considerably. She didn't come off as such a bad person as I thought. I might even get to like her. I certainly was intrigued with, and going to follow up on, this psychic phenomena.

Benny, Carol and I had a date to go out for dinner. We returned to Benny's house after dinner for coffee. Betty and I had opted to not have children and Benny's marriage had been barren also. Sitting together with this beautiful young woman, I reflected that Betty and I should have had a child, hopefully like Carol. Mine was only a thought, but Benny verbalized the same idea. We all laughed and I said, "I guess we will have to adopt Carol."

Carol spoke, "Please do. You both have been so nice to me. I love you as much as I did my own parents."

It was a fun evening. We tossed around all that had happened at the festival, and how providence showed its hand for all of us. Near midnight I said, "If we want to get an early start tomorrow, I guess I had better get some rest." I got up and put my jacket on. Benny and Carol saw me to the door. Carol kissed me on the cheek and wished me a goodnight. Benny just naturally did the same. I said how blessed I was to have two women kiss me goodnight.

I picked Carol up about eight a.m. Benny waved at me from the door after hugging Carol good-bye. I had asked if Benny didn't want to go with us, but she said she had to check in with the man who was more or less her companion. This gave me a little pang of jealousy, but I quickly buried it.

It was a pleasant trip. Carol was a very intelligent individual. I learned a little more about her. I asked her how serious she was about pursuing this music career that had apparently opened up. She said she was somewhat. Her first love was poetry, but she said that didn't pay too well. Then she said, "I'm going to look at and go through life just as you do."