Chapter 2: Julia's Story

I walked into the soda fountain with Mr. Burrows. I needed to find work for the summer if I was to go on to college in the fall. I can't believe how scarce jobs are all over town. I hope by coming in March before Easter, I can find something before the rush of students scoffed up all the jobs at the end of the school year. Also I have seen Jake Hanson working here. He is in a few of my classes and I have been a little shy around him. It is only because he is a hunk and I'm only able to get out a "Hi" when we meet.

Good, Jake recognized me right away and knows who I am when Mr. Burrows introduced us. I hope he can't read my thoughts for I get weak in the knees when I look at him. Not only that, I can see him checking me out. I hope what I'm feeling doesn't show. I wish my boobs were a little firmer and didn't bounce so much. And my butt--I know it wiggles. Maybe that is good and maybe not, but I bet Jake notices it.

"Jake, I hired Julie to work with you on the soda fountain. See if you can get her trained before Easter next week. The place will be packed for the holiday. You are in charge and it will depend on you as to how much help she is to you."

My mind is always in a whirl when I'm around Jake. I can hardly wait to get to know him better. I'm glad that it is so narrow behind the counter. Every time I go by Jake, there isn't enough room to pass so I have to brush against him. I wonder if he minds.

Okay, so he touches me when I go by. I like it and he doesn't seem to mind. Maybe he will continue to ignore it. I hope not. I live for each time it happens. I wonder what would happen if I deliberately bumped into him. He is smart though, and has easily taught me what to do. I'm pretty good if I do say so myself. Jake is free with his compliments too, and is always telling Mr. Burrows how well I'm doing. Mr. Burrows is nice, and I think he is glad he hired me. He is awful old though. He must be twice my age. Who would want to make love to a man eighteen years older than you are? I wouldn't. Never!

Oh damn, I dumped the chocolate syrup into the marshmallow tub. I am so embarrassed. Jake just laughed and said forget it--happens all the time. I'm going to be brave and am going to kiss him when we close up tonight. Oh God, he really kissed me back. Wow! I hope this wasn't a one time thing. I'm going to kiss him every time I can sneak one when no one is looking.

Jake has asked me to the prom. Mom won't like it, but I'm eighteen and I can have a little fun if I want to. I wish Mom and Dad hadn't started going to that new church. They've changed and are so strict now. I wonder if Jake will take me parking after the prom. Should I let him touch me if he does? I'd love to have him caressing my breasts. He probably thinks of them as tits, but it doesn't matter. I've made up my mind, I'm going to let him do whatever he wants. What happens if he wants to go all the way? Should I let him? I'm going to say no at first anyway. But what happens if it is me that doesn't want to stop? I'll decide when the time comes, I guess.

Someone spiked the punch at the prom. I never drank this much before. "Julie, would you like to go for a ride up by the lake? There will be others up there so you won't be alone."

I wish we had some more beer. His friend Pete said he had some we could have. If Jake won't get it I will. "Jake, a couple of more won't hurt us. Two beers never hurt anyone."

Jake has done it and made me so hot I could scream. Why is he taking so long getting the condom out? Damn! "Jake, forget the damned condom. Put your thing in me. I know it isn't safe, but you can pull out when you get close."

"God it feels so good, I'm in heaven. I'm almost there. No, no Jake, don't pull out. You'll leave me hanging." I wrapped my legs around him so he couldn't pull away from me. The thought crossed my mind, Christ, what happens if I get pregnant. Jake will marry me if I am, I know he will. "Let's do it again Jake. That was wonderful. No, forget the rubber, I want to feel you when it happens this time and when you aren't trying to get away. I'll concentrate on what you are doing to me."

I am anxiously waiting for my period to start. It is graduation day and I have to tell Jake I am late. "I'm a week over, and I went to the doctor today and have found out I am definitely pregnant. We should go together to tell our parents this evening."

I thought Dad was actually going to beat Jake up and Mom wouldn't stop screaming at him. Right off they want me to have an abortion. I can't do that and Jake keeps saying it will never happen. God, I love him and I'm glad we're going to have a baby.

Mrs. Hanson is as bad as Mom. I can't even repeat what she called me. Jake's dad isn't as bad, but he is under his wife's thumb. Everyone but Jake thinks I should have an abortion. They have tried all kinds of bribes, promising everything if we would do as they wish and get rid of my baby. They keep saying we can both have a college education if we don't get married. Jake has been with me every step of the way, so we are going ahead and get married anyway.

Mr. Burrows is the only one that seems to care about us and how we feel. He has given Jake a better position and I have started to train in the office. He also found a trailer for us to live in. It isn't much, but we can afford the rent. We have each other and that is the best part, and the sex is out of this world. It seems like we even think alike. I cry when I think about how much Jake loves and cares for me.

I can't understand my parents. I thought they loved me. I have always been their "baby girl" and now I am nothing to them. Most times they won't even speak when they see me. I think it is because of the minister they have at the church. I hate Mrs. Hanson too, for she blames me for everything. Maybe I should feel a little guilty. I prevented Jake from pulling out, but there are some things you just can't do. Mr. Hanson has been a little nicer to us. He comes to the trailer and talks to us at least, but only when he knows his wife won't find out.

Thanksgiving is coming. This has always been a major holiday for both Jake and me. We are hoping to be invited home by one of our parents. This is the first time I have ever seen Jake really down, because there has been no word from either his parents or mine asking us to dinner. Mr. Burrows has come through for us though, and has invited us to dinner with his family. I know I'll cry all night after we get home.

Only a week since Thanksgiving and I feel so lousy. I know something is wrong, but I can't tell Jake. He has enough problems.

I lost my baby a week before Christmas and Mr. Burrows had to call someone to take me to the hospital. It was a little boy. I guess I had a growth inside me that pushed the baby out. When they removed the growth and I healed, the doctors said I would never be able to conceive another child. Poor Jake! God, we have always talked about having more than the one baby. We might have even had three babies. I know we would never have treated our kids like our parents treat us--even if we had a girl and she got pregnant.

Our parents have started in on us again with the bribes. Colleges were back as an option. They said no baby, no reason to stay married. Divorce has been talked up as if it was something that was wonderful. I feel sorry for Jake and I still want the best for him.

I have finally agreed to everything except the divorce. Jake didn't find out until after I agreed, but I made a pact and swore on the Bible that I wouldn't live with Jake if his parents would pay for his education. I wouldn't see him for a long time, either. I still want to be Mrs. Jacob Hanson even if we don't live together. My parents have finally agreed to those conditions and to send me to school. I applied and have been accepted. Jake has been accepted to some school out west. We are now headed in different directions to the opposite sides of the country.

We have had so little time to talk before we left each other. I think at that moment I was most sane for the first time since I lost our baby. Before that, I know at times I couldn't even remember who I was. I tried to muddle through it and I guess Jake thought I blamed him sometimes for our situation. I never have though. I was just trying to survive. It was so bad all the time and I didn't realize it until I was holding a butcher knife to my throat.

"Jake, do you want a divorce? I don't want to divorce you so you will have to be the one to ask for it."

"No Julie. I will wait twenty-five years if I have to, just to have you back."

He still wants me even when we are old. "Okay, twenty-five years from now, I will meet you in front of the soda fountain and we can come together again. Until that time I won't see or hear from you unless you send me divorce papers. If you do, we will just go our separate ways. For the time being, we will be married, but living single. I still want to be Mrs. Jake Hanson until you say otherwise."

"What about sex? I can't go without sex for half my life even for you. I don't think you can either."

"No restrictions on what we do while we are apart. We could have a committed relationship with someone as long as we are both free at the time we reach the front of the soda fountain. If either of us changes our mind we can contact Mr. Burrows. I can call him and you can call him, but I promise I won't ever call you and you can't call me either."

I said I have to go and see my parents and tell them they have won in all except the divorce. I came back and spent my last night with Jake in my arms. He was crying when my Dad picked me up to take me to the bus in the morning. He couldn't even come out to say good-bye, he was so sad.

I enrolled as Mrs. Jacob Hanson and this is how everyone except my closest friends addressed me. College life was good. I very seldom went out, although I did accept a date to go to a concert or the opera sometimes. I studied hard and graduated in business in the top quarter of my class.

I think about Jake constantly. I wondered if he was out every night making some little college slut happy. No I don't think so, he wouldn't do that. He was too sad when I left for that to happen. I would know if he found someone just as soon as Mr. Burrows sent the divorce papers on to me--I mean if.

I graduated and found a real estate agency to work for. The agency was owned by a man in his late forties. He was tall and handsome in a dignified way. Pleasant enough and I found out a short time after my arrival that he was a widower. I am not a salesperson, I am more of an office coordinator. I am pretty good at it, and Mr. Jameson often comes and watches me work. Over time I could feel he has wanted to say something to me.

One day I was feeling his eyes on me. I pushed away from my desk and turned to him. "You have been watching me for more than two months Mr. Jameson. If you want to ask me something, why don't you go ahead and say it?"

He looked intently at me and then smiled. "Okay then, fair enough. Why don't we go into my office? We can have a little more privacy there."

I followed him and he closed the door as he went past me. "Coffee? I just made a pot." He looked to see if I wanted anything in it. I shook my head no. "Now, Mrs. Hanson, first of all you don't have to answer anything you don't want to. I guess I am just curious about you. You are an excellent worker. You are pretty and you don't tolerate any off-color remarks. I have never heard of you having any social life outside of the office. So my question is, are you really married and is there a husband somewhere?"

"Yes, there is. His name is Jacob Hanson. I just don't live with him. I do love him with all my heart. I imagine as long as you know me, you will never meet him."

"He's in jail then?"

"God no! He is too good for that. He is in sort of a prison though, but it was me that sentenced him to it." I couldn't help it, tears started from my eyes, thinking about Jake so suddenly.

Mr. Jameson took his handkerchief out of his blazer and handed it to me. For some reason I couldn't stop and continued sobbing. Finally Mr. Jameson came over and hugged me to him and held me. I clung to him. This was the first time that I had been this close to anyone in four years. I finally composed myself and apologized for breaking up.

"Mrs. Hanson, is there anything stopping you from going to dinner with me this evening? It is Friday and I usually eat out. You sound like you want to share your story with me. The office isn't the place for it."

"There is nothing stopping me, but are you sure you can put up with me breaking down again?"

"I think I will take the chance."

I put on my best dress, which I found to be at James's choice of restaurant, barely acceptable. James was the perfect gentleman. When we finished our dinner he asked, "Where would you like to talk? They have a private room here we could use or we can go to your apartment, or we can go to my home. Whichever place you would be the most comfortable in. You tell me."

"Your place I think. It would be hard for me to be comfortable here and I don't think my apartment is appropriate."

"You would trust me?"

"Of course. You would respect my wishes. Not only that I have had a chance to watch you too. You respect yourself. No one that does that is going to cause me any grief. You couldn't live with yourself."

"You are a very astute young lady. Yes, you will be perfectly safe with me."

So Mr. Jameson heard the story of my life up until now. It was easy to tell for it had played endlessly through my mind, until I thought sometimes I would go crazy. Maybe I was crazy for sometimes I was me and at other times I was a person looking down on me. I was beginning to relax more and take an interest in life though. Since I was hired and came here, anyway.

I told James all about Jake and how we came to be apart. I know how stupid I had been to swear on the Bible. The vow promising not to see Jake for twenty-five years. I had been back right after college and had a consultation with my parents and their pastor. The one that had urged it onto Mom and Dad. I think it was a power trip for him. I came away more discouraged from the meeting than ever. This was something that Jake didn't know.

In a perverse way, Jake could be free of his pledge to wait for twenty-five years for me if he had to. All he had to do was send me his request for a divorce. James asked, "Is that what you want?"