Chapter 1

Ridin' on this here wagon has shore got old fast. 'Bout the only good thin' I kin say 'bout it is that it shore beats walkin'. Ever since we crossed that damned Chattahoochee River, this here road has gotten worse an' worse. Well, I guess that's what ya gots ta 'spect in this part of Alabama in the year of our Lord 1813.

Along here, we're so damned close ta Florida that, between the Injuns, the English, an' the Spaniards, ain't nobody gonna spend a lot of time an' money puttin' in a decent road. Either one is liable ta shoot, stab, hack, or club a body ta death at first sight. One or the other will cut off yer ears or pecker as a souvenir after ya're dead. Most people are right afeared of that, but it don't bother me none, since I figure I ain't got much use fer either one ifen I'm dead.

We kin do a decent job of defendin' ourselves 'gainst most people cuz we're pretty well armed an' scared enough not ta git caught by surprise the way we wuz back in Georgia. We started out in South Carolina 'bout three years ago when Ma died of the fever. It hit Pa pretty bad. He said that he'd had all he could take of the Carolina low-country with all of the sickness an' snakes an' what-all. Ma wuz hardly in the ground afore he sold the farm fer enough ta git us started on our way West. He wanted ta git us settled in Alabama, since that wuz as far west as he could imagine any sane person goin'.

Pa went a little crazy when Ma died, but not the kind of crazy that made him want ta hurt one of us kids. I had two older sisters, Sarah an' Elizabeth. Oh, my name is Josephus, but most people jus' call me Joe. Sarah wuz 12 at the time of Ma's death, an' had already started her monthly bleedin'. That wuz enough fer Pa, cuz she wuz of marriageable age, so he took her ta bed with him as a substitute fer Ma. Elizabeth wuz 11, an' I wuz 10. Pa told me I could take Elizabeth ta bed with me any time I wanted ta, ifen she wuz willin'.

We had a one-room cabin, soz I knew what grown-ups did at night besides sleep, but I wuz not able ta do that yet. Elizabeth wuz willin', soz she moved inta my bed, but 'bout all we did wuz sleep, though she wuz kind of put-out with me cuz she wuzn't gittin' what her sister Sarah wuz gittin' from Pa. I told her ta be patient, I'd git ta her as soon as I could keep my pecker hard long enough. We did do a lot of feelin' each other up, though, just ta see what the other one wuz really like.

Pa must of knocked up Sarah right quick like, cuz it wuzn't long afore I had a brother, half-brother, or uncle, sorta dependin' on yer point of view, I guess. Sarah named him Daniel, an' we all called him Danny. Sarah's tits were plenty big enough ta give Danny all the milk he needed, an' we seen Pa gettin' some of the left overs at night.

Anyway, the five of us started out fer Alabama right after Danny wuz born. We had a wagon an' a mule, Mable, what may have been smarter than the five of us put together. I loved that mule, an' she took right good care of us.

We wuz 'bout half way through Georgia when Mable needed new shoes. We had a mite of silver, so Pa stopped at a blacksmith/farrier ta fix her up. We wuz at a crossroads with no other people around but this one business. He also had a tavern an' general store connected ta the forge buildin'. Anyway, we stopped in, an' Pa negotiated a price fer four shoes fer Mable. We barely had enough silver ta pay fer it, but Mable needed them shoes real bad.

Anyway, the farrier re-shod Mable, an' Pa wuz payin' him fer the job when the farrier said that Pa wuzn't payin' enough. The farrier wanted ta screw Sarah fer part of his payment. That made all of us mad, an' Pa started cursin' at the farrier. The farrier didn't take kindly ta that an' hit Pa aside the head with a maul. Of course, this smashed in the side of Pa's head an' killed him on the spot.

Afore any of us kids could react, Mable kicked the farrier in the back hard enough ta break it. At least, it looked like a broken back ta me when the farrier fell all crooked. I wuz so mad that I picked up the same maul that the farrier had used on Pa an' hit the farrier with it. I made an even bigger mess out of the farrier's head than he did ta Pa.

All of us wuz scared 'bout the whole thin', but we did take the time ta bury Pa under a shade tree an' mark his grave. We left the farrier fer the rats ta eat. We wuz runnin low on supplies, so we took what we needed from the farrier's store—we figured he owed it ta us fer killin' Pa.

While we were about it, I took six muskets, all he had in stock, powder an' lead fer bullets. By the time we finished, Mable had such a load that she could hardly pull it, but she managed. We also took all of the money that we could find. Sarah wanted ta burn the place down, but I convinced her ta leave it be, since we didn't want ta attract attention ta what had happened. I wanted ta git as far away as possible afore anybody found what had happened.

We had been sleepin' on tarps an' blankets under the wagon, an' Sarah didn't want ta sleep alone. She moved her blankets ta beside me on my left an' Sarah slept beside me on the right. By this time, I could keep my pecker hard long enough, soz I had been servicin' Elizabeth fer several months. Now, I had two females ta service, an' I wuz in hog heaven! They had an argument over who got me first, but I settled that by tellin' them ta take turns bein' first. That seemed ta settle the arguments, at least fer a while.

One of the thin's we took from the general store wuz a halberd, that's kind of like an ax on a long pole, but it's a weapon, not a tool. Pa had made one, once, an' showed me how ta use it. He had learned while he wuz in the Army. Of course, the one Pa had made wuz kind of crude, but this wuz a fine weapon, an' I wondered ifen it had once been used by the farrier in the Army. I wuzn't sure what I would do with it, but I wanted it soz I took it. I kept it beside me in the wagon while I wuz drivin'.

Our other weapons consisted of eight muskets, a tomahawk, a war club, an' several knives of various types. We could all defend ourselves with the knives, the tomahawk, an' the war club of Cherokee manufacture. We could all shoot, but I wuz the best shot since I had the most practice cuz I did most of the huntin'.

Anyway, one day we wuz ridin' down the road on the wagon when three White men jumped out in front of us. Naturally, Mable stopped, an' I didn't know enough at the time ta argue with her. One of the men grabbed her harness while the other two walked up ta each side of the wagon.

The one on my side said, "Howdy, son, where y'all goin'?"

There wuzn't anythin' I could point ta, but he gave me a bad feelin'. I signaled ta my sisters ta git ready fer trouble. Elizabeth picked up the tomahawk an' Sarah took the war club. Neither one made a big show of it, but they were ready.

I said, "We're lookin' fer a place ta settle an' start a farm. Y'all know of any good places around here?"

"This part of Alabama is gittin' right crowded. Y'all will prob'ly have ta look farther west." The man drew his knife an' said, "Now, enough of this foolishness. We aims ta fuck them two juicy women. Ifen ya want ta live, ya better not make any trouble fer us."

The sign of that knife wuz enough ta tell the women ta act. They had walked up close behind me soz they were within reach of the two men beside the wagon. Elizabeth swung the tomahawk down at the head of the man standin' beside me. She missed a little bit, but chopped off his left ear in passin'. Her follow through drove the blade of the tomahawk through the man's neck at his shoulder an' chopped into his carotid artery. Blood spurted everywhere, an' the man fell.