Chapter 2

For the next two years Kirby and I kept up our off again on again relationship. Sometimes Nick would be home the entire time I was there and Kirby and I wouldn't connect.

Somewhere along the way it occurred to me that Kirby and Carol were carbon copies of each other and I began to wonder if Carol was doing it for the same reason Kirby was. I don't mean cheating on me because I was cheating on her because until Kirby I never had. But was she with Monroe because she was just too horny when I was on the road? Was she telling Jason what Kirby was telling me? That she loved her husband, but had to have a sexual outlet when I wasn't there?

I decided that I needed to find out just what the deal was with Carol and her lover. The problem was that there wasn't any easy way to do it. I could put a tap on the phone at the house, but it didn't look like Carol ever lived there while I was gone. I could put a recorder under the seat of her Mustang, but it would only be good for maybe eight hours of the several weeks I'd be gone and I didn't want to waste a ton of money on a private detective. I just had to gamble on Carol and her lover talking on the phone while I was home. That didn't seem likely since they had all day to talk to each other at work.

I thought about it for a bit and then decided that I would try and set Carol up. I would tell her after she got home from work on Friday that I had to take a car to the state fairgrounds for the weekend and that it wouldn't make any sense for me to drive all the way home just to turn around and go back five hours later. Then I would tell her that I would probably be leaving Monday for a two week shoot in Charlotte.

I put a voice activated tape recorder under the seat of her Mustang and rigged one to tape calls on the home phone and then I kissed Carol goodbye and went fishing. I came home Sunday night and Carol damned near killed me in bed.

"I've got to stock up for when you are gone."

I'd already arranged to take a half a day off work on Monday so Sunday night I got the recorder out from under the seat of the Mustang and Monday I left for work at my regular time. I hit Wal-Mart for a few things and then came home after Carol had gone to work. There was nothing on the car recorder, but there was something on the phone tap.

"Hello?"

"It's me."

"Carol?"

"You sound surprised."

"I am. You never call when your husband is home."

"He isn't home. He is on an all night location at the state fairgrounds."

"Does this mean you are coming over?"

"Of course not. You know the rules. When Rob is home I'm his and his alone."

"But you just said he's not home."

"You know full well what I mean. He may no be in the house at this exact moment, but he is home. The reason I'm calling is to let you know he will be leaving Monday for two weeks. I'm calling to remind you to load up on condoms if you expect to spend time with me."

"You are really going to do it?"

"Yes I am."

"You know I don't like using condoms."

"Tough shit Jason. If you want to keep seeing me you will start using condoms."

"Your plan isn't going to work you know. I've always said he is more interested in his job than you."

"What you are saying is that you hope my plan won't work because you know if it does you won't be having me any more."

"I'm not worried about that because I know he won't leave his job just because you get yourself pregnant."

"Of course he will. He has a wife who loves him and who is crazy about him and he will have a beautiful child that he will have to help raise. He will want to stay home with us."

"But..."

"No buts Jason. I've already gone off the pill. If you want to continue with me until I give Rob his child you WILL use condoms. And Jason — don't get the cheap ones. You won't like what I'll do to you if one of them breaks. See you at work Monday. Bye."

I sat there staring at the recorder as I digested what I'd just heard. She didn't say it outright, but it was easy for me to infer that she was doing just what Kirby was doing — using a fill in when hubby was gone because she needed sex. She pretty much said that Jason was history when I started staying home full time, but the most monumental fact was that she was willing to get herself pregnant to try and keep me home. Before we were married we had talked about kids. I wanted two, a boy and a girl and Carol wanted none. In fact she flat out told me that if having a family was important to me then I should let her go and find some one else.

"I love you" she told me, "But I will not under any circumstances be having babies."

I loved her and I wanted her and so I had accepted that I would never have a family and I married her. And now here she was deliberately going to let herself get pregnant so she could get me to stay home with her. That one phone call flipped my world on its ear. Jason had a point. I did love my job. I made damned good money at it and before listening to that phone call I would have taken the job over Carol in a heartbeat because of her affair with Jason. Now? I just didn't know.

Monday when I came home from work I told Carol that the Charlotte trip had been cancelled and then in a joking manner I said:

"I guess you will just have to call your boyfriend back and tell him you won't be free after all."

I watched her face as I said it, but she just smiled at me and said in a joking manner:

"Damn. He will be so disappointed. I guess I will just have to be satisfied with you" and she drug me off to bed.

After Carol fell asleep I laid there staring up at the ceiling and wondered just what I was going to do.

Over the next two months I passed on two locations — a three day shoot in Miami and a four day shoot in Atlanta — so I could stay home with Carol. I had no idea what transpired at the office between Carol and Jason, but there was never anything on the recorders. Carol came straight home from work every night and I occasionally spot checked on her during her lunch hours and while she did have lunch with Jason a time or two it was straight from work to the restaurant and then straight back to work. I got to where I really believed that as long as I stayed home Carol was mine and mine alone. Our sex life was great. Carol never seemed to get enough and I began to understand why she needed a stand-in while I was gone for weeks at a time.

My attitude toward Carol changed a hundred and eighty degrees. She was no longer just a house keeper and sexual outlet for me when I was home. My feelings for her got back to where they were before I found out about Jason. Hey! I am not a hypocrite. She'd had Jason but I'd had Kirby so neither one of us could hold the high ground on the issue. Granted that she had started long before I did, but I had come to understand why.

The inevitable happened and a three week location in Palm Springs came up and I had to take it. The long shoots were where the money was and that is why I worked — to make money. When I walked into the lounge I didn't see Kirby. I took a seat at a table and Linda came up and said:

"Welcome back."

"Is Kirby here?"

"She's on break. I'll let her know you are here."

She took my drink order and a few minutes later Kirby showed up with my drink and as she set it down in front of me she said:

"I wondered if I would ever see you again."

"Have I been replaced?"

"No. Nick has gone through an uncommonly long stint at home."

"Does that mean we are not likely to connect while I'm here?"

"I don't know. How long are you going to be here?"

"Supposed to be three weeks, but you know how that goes. I could be out of here in two or still be here in five,"

"Nick hasn't said anything about having to leave so I don't honestly know if I can see you or not."

"I'm in room 216 at the motel in case you want to call."

"You won't be here nights?"

"Why? So I can watch you and know I can't have you? I may stop in from time to time, but no way am I going to come in here and sit for hours knowing that I'll be going back to my room alone."

"I'm sorry baby, but you have always known I'm Nick's when he is around."

"I know sweetie." She left to get back to work and after I had two drinks I headed back to the motel. Nick never did leave town and at the end of the shoot I headed home. It did not help my mood any to think on the fact that Carol was getting fucked on a regular basis while I was gone and I hadn't even gotten a sniff.

It was two months before I got another trip to California and during that two months Carol did everything she could think of to try and wear me out and keep me worn out. There were times I wondered if she might not have to sneak off to see Jason even though I was home.

I kept waiting for Carol to tell me she was pregnant, but it didn't happen and I began to wonder if my little swimmers were up to the task. Then I wondered if it might be Carol. How ironic would that be? She doesn't want a family and then she decides that she does want a little one to tie me down at home, but she can't conceive.

Anyway, I got to Palm Springs and when I hit the lounge that night Kirby told me that Nick had been gone a little over a week and she would love to spend some time with me if I would like. Does a duck walk barefoot on the beach? We spent every night for the next nine days together and on the tenth night we were just recovering from a rather strenuous coupling when the phone rang. It was Linda calling to tell Kirby that Nick had just been in the lounge looking for her. Kirby was out of bed, dressed and on her way out the door in less than five minutes and I resigned myself to being alone for the rest of my trip.

The next night when I got back to my room there was a message for me to call Linda.

"Kirby is in the hospital. Nick found out what she was doing and he hurt her pretty bad. I think he is looking for you."

He found me, but I don't think he was too happy that he did. It was about eleven when I heard the knock on the door. I was alone on the shoot so it wouldn't be anyone I worked with and Kirby was in the hospital. I went to the window and pulled the curtain back a hair and looked out. I saw a guy I didn't know, but the tire iron in his hand told me who he was. I went to the door and made a lot of noise with the security chain against the door so he would hear it and then I stepped off to the side and pulled the door open.

He heard me with the chain so he thought I would be standing right in front of him when I opened the door. The tire iron swished through empty space and I grabbed his arm and pulled him into the room and then used his forward momentum to pull him across the room and slam his head into the wall. It dazed him, he dropped the tire iron and then I beat the living fuck out of him.

"Not so easy when it isn't a woman is it fuck face" I hollered at him as I kicked him in the ribs, head and nuts. I picked up a towel and used it to keep my finger prints off the tire iron and then I picked it up and gave him three hard shots to the right knee. I grabbed him by his collar, pulled him out of my room and hoisted him up on the railing (I was in room 212) and then I pushed him over. If he was lucky the bushes that lined the edge of the parking lot would break his fall. If he missed the bushes? Tough shit! It had been a very hot day and maybe the asphalt would be soft. Then again, maybe not.

I went down to the restaurant and used the pay phone to call the front desk and then I disguised my voice and told them that I had just seen a drunk fall off the second floor walkway. I hung up and went across the street to the Oasis and had a few beers. About a half hour after I got there one of the cocktail waitresses asked:

"You are staying at the Westward aren't you?"

"Yeah."

"Any idea what is going on over there?"

"Something going on?"

"Red lights flashing all over the place."

"Haven't got a clue."

I left at last call and went back to the motel. Connie was behind the counter and I said that I'd heard that there had been some excitement and she shrugged.

"Some drunk thought he was a bird and tried to fly off the second floor balcony. He landed kind of hard in the parking lot. Broke an arm and a leg."

I went to my room and went to bed.

The next day was one of those rare days when the sun didn't shine in the Springs. It was overcast and the light wasn't what the film crews wanted so they ended the day early. I was at the hospital at the start of visiting hours and I cringed when I walked into Kirby's room. She looked awful. Face bruised and puffy, black eyes, her right wrist in a splint. I felt guilty. I didn't do the damage, but if I had stayed away from her it wouldn't have happened.

She heard me come in and she looked my way and I saw fear wash over her face. She said something but because of her swollen lips I couldn't understand her. I took her left hand in mine and gave it a gentle squeeze and leaned down to put my ear close to her mouth. She jerked her hand out of mine and mumbled:

"Get out! You can't be here. You can't let Nick see us together."

"You don't have to worry about Nick. He isn't going to be getting around too well for a while."

"Oh my God! What did you do?"

"He came after me with a tire iron so I put him somewhere in this same hospital."

"You hurt Nick? You hurt my Nick? Damn you!"

I pulled back from her. "He did this to you — your face, your wrist and the nurse says you have two broken or badly cracked ribs — and you are pissed at me? He came after me with a tire iron and he is damned lucky that I didn't kill the worthless son of a bitch."

"You hurt Nick? You bastard!"

I stepped back from Kirby's bed stunned at how she was acting. I turned and walked out never looking back.

There was no fall out as far as the cops were concerned. Apparently Nick didn't want it to get out that one man had fucked him up so badly. Five days later the shoot was over and I was on my way home.

I did my usual and came home earlier than Carol expected and found that things were still the same. I decided to be mean just to see what would happen. I was home watching TV when Carol came rushing in. I knew she had already seen my truck so she knew I was there.

"When did you get in?"

"Yesterday late. Where have you been?'

"Maggie just broke up with her boyfriend and was down in the dumps so I spent the night with her."

Maggie was her sister and Maggie and I could not stand each other so it was a safe lie for Carol since she knew I would never call Maggie to check it out. Carol had to be thinking about whether or not I had noticed the lack of a 'lived in' look in the place, but all she did was the only thing she could do under the circumstances.

"You should have called and let me know you were coming. We lost a night and now we have to work hard at making up for it."

She was stripping off her clothes as I said, "If I called you it would have taken you away from Maggie in her hour of need."

"Yeah, right! Like I would choose Maggie over you."

After she had exhausted me and fallen asleep I laid there awake and wondered what I should do about our situation if anything. Let it go on? Confront Carol and see where it went? I fell asleep still thinking about it. When I woke up in the morning I did what I had been doing for the last two years. Nothing.

I did do one thing. Curiosity had gotten to me and so I made a doctor's appointment and two days later had the information. If Carol never got pregnant it wouldn't be my fault. My little guys were healthy as hell.

I'd been back about five days when Vern came up to me. "I got a call from Linda last night and she gave me a message for you."

"What?"

"Kirby wants to talk to you. Linda says you should come over to my place and we can set it up so you can do it from there."

"Why would I want to talk to Kirby?"

"I don't know bud; I'm just the go between here."

"Tell Linda to tell Kirby that I am not interested in talking to her. Tell her that the last words she said to me came through loud and clear."

Vern never mentioned the outcome after he passed my words back to Kirby via Linda.

Given the perverse nature of The Fates it was only three weeks before I was sent back to California. As luck would have it Vern was my co-driver on the trip so Linda knew we were coming and if Linda knew no doubt Kirby did too. We got to Palm Springs and got checked in and then Vern told me he would meet me in the restaurant for dinner in a half hour.

When I walked in I saw him in a booth in the back and surprise, surprise Linda and Kirby were sitting with him. I was tempted to turn around and leave, but then I decided that since we would be there two weeks I'd be ducking Kirby for the entire time so best to just get it over with.

I went to the booth, sat down and said hello to Linda and Kirby and then I let Linda and Vern monopolize the conversation. I couldn't ignore Kirby since she was sitting right across from me, but other than 'hello' when I got there I didn't speak to her. We ate and then Linda and Vern stood up and Linda said:

"Vern and I will get out of here and let you two catch up."

I resolved to do something really nasty to Vern for his part in things. Kirby reached for my hand and I pulled it back.

"Why won't you talk to me?"

"Why would I want to after the last time I saw you? You were quite vocal in what you thought of me for hurting your precious Nick."

"I didn't mean it. I was drugged up and not thinking clearly."

"Bullshit Kirby. There was nothing drugged about the hatred in your eyes when you called me a bastard for putting the hurt on that worthless mother fucker you were married to. You did get rid of that worthless asshole didn't you?"

She looked away from me and that gave me the answer to my question. "Un-fucking real. He puts you in the hospital for doing with me what he was doing with dozens and you are still with him?"

"I have to stay with him. You messed him up pretty bad. He can't get around on his own. His leg is in a cast and his knee will never work right again. With a broken wrist and a broken arm he can't even feed himself."

"So let one of his sluts take care of him."

"I can't Rob. I know you don't understand it, but I love him."

"You are right about that Kirby; I don't understand it, but I can tell you the outcome. Once you have helped get back on his feet he is going to take it out on you for his getting fucked up in the first place. To him it will have been all your fault and as far as he is concerned you are going to have to pay."

"He isn't like that Rob."

"Yes he is Kirby. Any man who would do to a woman what he did to you will do it again. And you will just stand around and wait for him to do it."

"Please Rob; can't we just put this behind us? I need you."

"No thanks Kirby. I'm sorry, but I can't help you."

I got up and left her sitting there in the booth.

Four days into the shoot Vern asked me to meet with Linda at the restaurant. I gave him a look that should have had him shaking in his boots and he said:

"Just Linda Rob. I won't even be there."

I checked closely to make sure that Linda was indeed alone before I joined her. "What's up" I asked as I slid into the booth opposite her.

"You know full well Rob. Kirby needs someone to lean on right now and she wants it to be you."

"I'm sorry Linda, but it can't be me."

"Why not Rob? Why are you being such a hard ass toward her?"

"Her asshole husband is going to fuck her up again as soon as he doesn't have to pretend being grateful for her help anymore and it will be because of what I did to him. He will see it as all her fault and he will take it out on her. I'm not going to give him even more ammunition to use against her."

"I don't understand that."

"Someone had to tell him about Kirby and me and then he went after her and came after me. If I give Kirby a shoulder to lean on that same someone will tell him that Kirby and I are back to seeing each other and Nick has already shown what he is capable of. If she gets rid of the asshole I'm here for her, but as long as she is with him I'm not even going to talk to her."

"She doesn't think he will hurt her again."

"I'll bet she never thought he would hurt her in the first place, but he has already proved her wrong on that score. Guys who beat up on woman don't stop just because the woman says "please don't, I love you." Guys who beat on women are low life scum and they don't change. No thanks Linda, but I will not have anything to do with her as long as she stays with him."

I didn't hear from or about Kirby again by the time the location was over and Vern and I loaded up the truck and headed home. I didn't get to spend much time thinking about the situations with Carol and Kirby on the way home because Vern wanted to talk. He and Linda were talking marriage, but she didn't want to leave California and Vern, while he liked California, didn't want to give up his job and move there so it was three days of "What should I do?" He was definitely asking the wrong guy for advice.

Shit!

I couldn't even figure out what I was going to do with my life. A woman in the west that I was hung up on wanted me as her sex toy, but wouldn't give up her dirt bag husband and a woman in the east who said she loved me to death but was cheating on me by actually living with her lover when I was gone. Yeah Vern, ask ME for advice.

My home coming was not typical. Carol was at home even though she didn't expect me for another two days. She looked surprised when I walked in the house and saw her sitting on the couch reading a book. She jumped up and ran to me, threw her arms around me and kissed me and then asked why I hadn't called to let her know I was coming. I don't know why I chose that moment or what it was that pushed the "time to get it out" button, but I just looked at her and said:

"I didn't call because I expected that you would still be at apartment 3B at least until tomorrow."

She stepped back, looked at me and as calmly as you please said, "He's been out of town for almost a week." She paused for a second and then said, "What now?"

"I don't know."

"Well I do know this much. It is obvious that you have known for a while, but you still let me fuck your brains out so since that is your usual welcome home lets get to it."

Her matter of fact attitude so floored me that I didn't even think about how unreal it was as she led me into the bedroom. It was my usual welcome home. Sucked, fucked, sucked and then fucked again. Shower together, she washes my cock, bends over and sucks it hard again and then turns around and leans on the wall while I take her from behind. We got into bed and she snuggled up to me and said:

"Want to talk about it now or wait until the morning?"

"Morning. I'm too tired right now."

Getting it out into the open must have relieved something inside me because for the first time in a long time I slept like a baby. I woke up to the smell of bacon and when I walked into the kitchen Carol said:

"Coffees hot and breakfast is almost ready."

She acted like it was just another normal day in the Rob and Carol show. I poured myself a cup and sat down at the table and Carol put a plate down in front of me. Eggs, bacon, fried potatoes and sourdough toast. She fixed herself a plate and sat sown and we ate in silence. She got up once to refill our coffee cups and when we finished eating she picked up the plates and put them in the sink. She turned around, leaned against the counter and said:

"Okay, let's have it. How long have you known?"

"A couple of years."

"A couple of years and you've done nothing?"