Chapter 1

Like I didn't have enough problems.

"What do you think you're doing?" My mom was guarding the front door as I came down the stairs.

"Going to the beach," I said, hooking my thumbs in the pockets of my cut-off's. "It's Saturday."

"Not like that you're not," she said.

"Mom!"

"I'm tired of this. I really am, Kevin," she told me. "This isn't normal."

"I'm normal," I said, looking down at the yellow bikini top I wore. I adjusted it slightly, knowing that would set her off, pulling the triangular cups in place over my smallish breasts.

"You're a boy, not a girl."

"So what?" I frowned, looking at her then with my dark blue eyes. "It isn't my fault."

"Don't start with me!" she said. "You get back upstairs and take that off, right now. Do you understand me?"

"No!" I shook my head, "I don't understand at all! Why do you even care?"

"Kevin! Get back here, young man!" Mom yelled, but I was going the other way, out the back.

"Kevin's dead!" I shouted, slamming the kitchen door behind me.

It was better going out the back anyway. I could cut through the Peterson's yard and go around the block to the corner that way. Bad enough being a fag, as my dad liked to say, but having a boyfriend would really freak my parents out. They didn't know about Christian and I wasn't gonna tell them. I wouldn't have told them I was a girl, except would have been hard to keep it a secret.

"Kelly!" Christian smiled, waiting for me like always and he was a really great boyfriend.

"Hey!" I stopped running and started walking, putting my hands behind my butt and moving my hips a little more than I had to. My purse hung off my right shoulder and it bounced against my narrow waist, all the flair pinned to it jangling like a blonde haired gypsy.

He looked at me, really looked, and that's what I liked the most. I mean, the kissing is nice and the other stuff, you know, but what I liked about Christian were his eyes and how they drank me in. He made it feel like he was seeing me for the very first time and falling in love all over again. His big brown eyes would travel all over me and the corners of his mouth would go up. He'd shift his body, leaning against his old Corvette one way and then the other, like he wanted a better view. He just made me feel special that way and I enjoyed it.

"You look great," Christian decided and he gave me a casual kiss on the mouth when I got close enough.

"You always say that," I said, tossing my head to get the hair out of my eyes.

"You always do." Christian shrugged and grinned and opened the door for me so I could climb across the driver's seat.

"I was sposed to get a ... Hey!" I grabbed my panties. They were hanging from his rear view mirror.

"What?" Christian asked as he got in behind me. "Oh."

"I was lookin' for these!"

"I found them under the seat."

"Yeah, I bet!" I snorted, letting them go and tugging the seat belt around my tummy.

"What were you supposed to get?"

"Huh? Oh, a haircut." I rolled my eyes as he started the car with a vroom. "You believe that?"

"No way!"

"Yeah, seriously. My dad told me he was gonna get it all cut off too, like an army haircut or something."

"Fuck," Christian breathed. "Your parents are weird, Kell."

"I know."

I played with my hair and no way I was gonna get it cut. I hadn't had a haircut since I'd turned twelve and I was sixteen now. Four years of growing my hair out and they were gonna cut it?

"Like that would make you a boy again, huh?" Christian asked unhappily and I nodded.

"Yeah, or something. I gotta run away, I think. They're gonna like check me into a hospital pretty soon."

"Really?"

"Yeah," I said. "My dad hates fags. He called me a cocksucker last night."

"Your dad did?" Christian glanced at me. "That's messed up."

"I know."

It had made me cry, but I wasn't going to tell my boyfriend that. When my dad saw me crying he'd gotten really mad, throwing his arms up and yelling some more. He hated me and wanted to know where his son went, like I'd murdered Kevin and dumped his body someplace so I could take his place. It was sick.

"Hey..." Christian smiled at me. "I talked to that friend of mine last night."

"Which one?"

"Sheila, the one who's getting the operation."

"Cool. What'd she say?"

"She told me where you can get the hormones. It's really easy," Christian said. "She knows this doctor in Pasadena and he hooks her friends up all the time."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I've got his number in my wallet."

"That reminds me!" I giggled. "I gotta take a pill."

"Heh!" Christian grinned at that. "Least I know you're protected, huh?"

"Yeah, it's working though," I said. "My tits are a little bigger, right?"

"They're sweet, Kell."

"Mostly nipples though, see?" I pulled my bikini open, exposing my puffy pink nipples and Christian swerved a bit. "Careful!"

"Don't do that when I'm driving!"

"Sorry." I stuck out my tongue, fixing my top again and then pointing at a Seven-Eleven. "I need something to drink."

"Kay."

I waited in the car while Christian got me a diet Pepsi to wash my birth control pill down with. I took two every day and I don't know if that's really healthy, but I heard it's just female hormones anyway. It did make my tits bigger for sure and if I could get like real hormone treatment, I thought that would be so awesome. The hard part would be finding the cash though because my parents weren't ever gonna pay for it, no way!

Christian took a long time in the store, so I turned on his radio. Nothing but static which seemed weird, but we were in the valley too, so who knows. I pushed in a CD, some old Nine Inch Nails, Pretty Hate Machine because that's pretty cool, and I was singing along with it when Christian came out.

"Head like a hole! Black as your soul! I'd rather die, than give you control!"

"Bow down before the one you serve. You're gonna get what you deserve!"

Christian started singing too as he got in and we just laughed at each other. We were totally alike in so many ways. That's why we were in love, even though he was like ten years older than me. He had his own place, of course, and sometimes I crashed there with him, but he had a wife too and she was mostly home, which really sucked. I'd never met her or anything, but I'd seen her picture and fucked her husband in her bed. I hated her.

"Your radio's broke," I said after the first track ended and I turned his stereo down a little.

"What?" Christian gave me a funny look and popped the CD out.

"See?" I shrugged as he pushed buttons and found nothing but static.

"That's weird," he said. "I was listening to the surf report this morning."

"Sun spots!" I giggled.

"I guess." Christian pushed the CD back in and hit number two.

"You talk to her yet?"

"Who?"

"You know who," I sighed, pulling my hair back as the wind whipped through the open window.

"No."

"Okay."

"I will, alright?" Christian looked at me.

"I'm not mad," I said lightly.

"Yeah, you are," he said. "I was going to, but then..."

"I know."

"I love you, okay?" Christian reached for my left leg, stroking my bare thigh. "I'm going to divorce her. Soon. I just ... I have to do it fair, you know?"

"I know, yeah." I looked outside and he'd said all that before. I didn't even know what fair meant.

We drove in silence for a little while.

"Hey!" I sat up and looked around. "I thought we were going to the beach."

"Everybody goes to the beach."

"So..." I blinked at him. "Where are we going?"

"Up to the cabin." Christian smiled at me. "Me and you, all night?"

"I didn't bring anything!"

"I got what we need, it's cool."

"You got clothes for me?" I laughed at him. "I got a bikini and a pair of shorts."

"Sandals too!"

"Yeah." I rolled my eyes. "And a purse."

"So? We'll just ... Stay naked!"

"Oh, God!" I sighed theatrically and slid back down in the deep bucket seat, putting my bare feet on the dash and wiggling my pink toes.

"What? Come on," he said. "It'll be fun. You like it there."

"See? I ask if you told her and you just take me to the woods. It isn't gonna work."

"What's not gonna work?"

"I ain't gonna forget about it, Christian." I bit my lip, looking at him, "I love you, but this sneaking around and my parents and..."

"I know," he said with a nod. "I'll look for a place on Monday. We can move in together."

"Promise?"

"Yeah." He looked at me. "I promise, Kelly."

"Okay." I tried not to smile, but I couldn't help it.

"Ummmm..." I sighed, lying on my tummy in front of the fireplace on a big, soft sheepskin rug.

"How's that feel, baby?" Christian straddled my thighs, massaging my back with some scented oil.

"Gooooood."

"You're seriously sexy, you know that?"

"Hmmm..." I smiled. "If Daddy could only see me now."

We were both naked after a nice little dinner salad and some wine. Christian hadn't brought clothes, but at least he'd thought of food. There weren't any lights at all either, just the fireplace and our bodies were golden in the warm firelight; my lithe form beneath his, looking very much like the girl I was supposed to be. Only my cock and balls gave lie to a disguise which was otherwise perfect, and Christian liked that part of me too. That's something his wife didn't know about - that her husband of five years loved transsexuals.

"He should be proud of you," Christian said. "You're such a beautiful girl. He's gotta be blind."

"I wish he was!" I giggled. "I wouldn't have so much trouble sneaking out."

"Not for much longer, baby."

"I know," I sighed. "I can't wait to move out. You shoulda seen his face the first time I put on a dress."

"I bet."

"I was twelve," I said and I'd probably told this story before, but he didn't mind. "I bought this dress for like three dollars at a yard sale and took it home and put it on..."

"What color was it?"

"Blue."

"Like your eyes," Christian agreed and his hands were on my ass, kneading the firm round flesh hard the way I liked it.

"Yeah," I smiled. "Blue like my eyes and I brushed my hair and came downstairs, wanting to show Daddy how pretty I was..."

"I know, Kelly." He lowered his chest to my back gently.

He began kissing my neck and face and I could feel his erection pressing between my butt cheeks. I moaned softly, wanting to forget how my dad had ripped the dress off me, taken me over his knees and whipped me with his belt. I got my last haircut then, that day, crying in the barber's chair and I swearing I'd never get another.

"I love you so much, Chris."

"I love you too," he breathed, pressing his wet cockhead against my anus until I opened for him with a gasp and small shiver of delight.

It didn't hurt, not anymore, and we were both oiled up for it anyway. Christian's thick cock pushed inside me slowly, stretching the soft walls of my rectum easily. I'd been making love to him for over a year, since we'd first met at Venice Beach. I'd been circling the body builders on my roller blades and Christian had been circling me, wondering if I was a really a girl or not because he honestly couldn't tell. I'd been fourteen and in that middle part of changing from a boy into a girl, awkward and insecure and struggling with myself as much as my parents.

Christian had saved me.

"I love your cock," I sighed, feeling him work it a fraction deeper with each slow stroke. We had all night for that one fuck, if we wanted it.

"I think about you," Christian said and I smiled.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean when I have sex with ... her."

"You almost said it." I giggled and we'd made a little game of never, ever saying his wife's name.

"Almost." He kissed my cheek. "But when I fuck her, I'm always thinking it's you."

"That's almost romantic."

"Only almost?" Christian pouted.

"Well..." I said. "I just wish you wouldn't fuck her at all ... Ummm there!"

"Ah yeah, Kelly ... There," he agreed and he was all the way inside me, grinding more than fucking. He rolled his hips and worked his swollen cockhead against my prostate nicely.

"Mmm hmmm ... Oh! Fuck me nice ... Slow, like that."

"Get up a little," he suggested. "Get on your hands and knees."

"Yeah," I whispered, knowing he wanted to play with my cock while he fucked me.

Christian reached around my right hip and found my soft penis. I was never hard while we made love, not without some help, but I would be soon enough. The birth control pills kind of put a damper on some of my urgency, but not much. I was just sixteen anyway, so my body pumped out the testosterone and whatever else boys make like crazy.

I was just lucky I didn't have a hairy body or anything. As it was I only shaved like once a week and that was plenty. I didn't get any hair on my legs or face and just a little under my arms, my pubic hair liked to grow fast though and that's where I shaved. I loved being smooth all over, especially between my thighs, and Christian didn't mind it at all. He thought I was pretty sexy like that.

"You're so wet, baby!" Christian chuckled as he found my cock leaking precum like crazy.

"Make it hard for me!" I gasped happily as Christian pulled the foreskin back and rubbed the sensitive head of my penis with his thumb.

"I will," he promised.

He fucked me slowly, but real steady too; in and out while massaging my cock in time with his thrusts. After a minute, if even that, I'd grown long and stiff in Christian's gentle fist. My girlish penis had swollen to its full five inches and that seemed so small compared to his. I'd felt a little self-conscious about that the first time Christian had undressed me and it had been even smaller then.

He'd told me it was beautiful like the rest of me, a pretty cock for a pretty girl, and then Christian had shown me just how much he liked it by giving me head for about an hour. I'd cum three times before he was done and then he'd taken me home without even showing me his. That had been on our fourth date and I'd been so in love that it hurt sometimes. I'd practically begged Christian to take my cherry and that hadn't hurt at all, or if it did, I couldn't remember it. And if it was weird, a twenty-four year old married man dating a fourteen year old transsexual-in-the-making, it felt perfect for us. Christian was my first and only boyfriend and I'd never want another.

"Oh! Keep doing that and I'm going to cum!" I warned him and Christian just laughed.

"I want you to cum on me," he said. "Let's do ... this..."

"Now I know why we have sex all the time," I giggled as he pushed and pulled me around.

"Why?" Christian asked, lying on his back now as I straddled his cock, guiding him back into my horny boy pussy.

"Cause you're too cheap to buy a Twister game," I said and then groaned as I lowered myself back down.

I took every inch until I sat flush against his body. Christian's wiry pubic hair tickled my balls as they rested beneath my hard cock. I reached behind me, putting my hands on his muscular thighs and started riding his dick slowly, arching my back as Christian took my penis in his hand and started jerking me off. We'd made love like this more than a lot and it was a really good way to do it.

"You told me you don't like games," Christian said. "Otherwise..."

"You'd buy it?" I stuck my tongue out at him.

"Sure," he agreed. "Anything you want, Kelly."

"I wish!"

"I wish I had a camera."

"What?" I pushed myself all the way down again, wincing slightly, but not with anything but pleasure.

"I want to see us fucking," Christian said. "I bet we look good together."

"Like I don't have enough to worry about?" I rolled my eyes. "That would be all I need."

"What?"

"Pictures of me on the internet or something," I panted. "One of those post-your-girlfriend-naked sites."

I had a hard time getting the words out and Christian just grinned at me. My cock was throbbing now and soaked with the precum he spread along the shaft. The foreskin made a wet snapping sort of sound as it covered and then exposed the glans, like the louder slap of my ass as I pushed myself down harder and faster, riding his erection eagerly as the pleasure mounted for both of us.

"Are you close?" Christian breathed and I nodded, swallowing thickly and any second I was going to lose it. "Cum for me, baby. Shoot your cum all over me, Kell ... I want to see you cum..."

"Ohhh ah!" I shut my eyes tightly, slamming my ass down on that long fat prick and grinding like crazy.

"Fuck yeah! Shoot it, girl!" Christian kept stroking my penis, keeping his fingers tight around it as I began to cum.

Sperm flew out the tip in rapid spurts, the first reaching his chest and the rest weaker, but it was a lot anyway. We hadn't seen each other in a long three days. My whitish orgasm stained Christian's flushed skin with streaks and blobs of semen, and a lot of it eventually spilled across his fingers and into the nest of black hair pubic beneath me. He pressed my cock down, rubbing it wetly against his skin, smearing my cum around so he could wear it while we fucked.

"Here, baby ... Fuck, your tits are bigger." Christian smiled as he brought his cum covered fingers to my small breasts, rubbing my sperm over my nipples.

"Uh-huh." I licked my lips, still feeling all hot and fuzzy from my orgasm.

"Fuck me good now, I want to cum too," he said, holding my hips and urging me to ride him hard again.

My cock had softened, slapping his belly while we made love, and soon Christian had pulled me close, wanting to kiss me as my spermy tits rubbed his chest. I opened my mouth for his tongue and his hands went to my ass, lifting me slightly and then pulling me back down as he thrust upward, really driving his cock inside me hard. I loved the way Christian tongue fucked me while his cock plundered my asshole relentlessly and it wasn't going to take him long. After only a few moments I felt his arms encircling my back, pulling me tightly to his body while his cock jerked inside me.

I squeezed my butt around him, massaging his spasming prick with my rectum, which hadn't been a hard trick to learn at all. I loved milking his balls, as I liked to think of it, and Christian filled me with his creamy seed. Our kisses grew languid then, lazy and soft as we caught our breath in each other's arms. I'd never felt so happy as I did then, I thought. He was going to leave his wife and move in with me. I'd be free and with someone who loved and understood me completely. We could even get married maybe, if the world ever came to its senses. Wouldn't that be nice, I wondered, to be a wife and we could adopt children and...

I fell asleep in Christian's arms with his cock still hard inside me.

"Your radio's still broke," I said the next afternoon, pushing the scan button and hearing nothing.

"Stupid radio," Christian said. He climbed into the car for the drive back to Los Angeles and I wasn't looking forward to going home.

We came down out of the mountains and onto the main road. A small town sat there, just a gas station and a bar, a few houses maybe, and not much else. Christian needed to get gas so he pulled into the service station, a Texaco, and as soon as we'd rolled to a stop near the pumps a man started yelling at us.

"Get the hell out of here!" he shouted, holding a shotgun and pointing it at us, which about made my heart stop.

"What?" Christian stared at him and then we took off, that little Corvette of his spitting gravel and then squealing on the asphalt.

"What was that?" I swallowed hard, looking behind us and Christian was looking too.

"I dunno," he said. "Shit."

It took me a few minutes to get calmed down. I'd never seen a real gun before, much less had one pointed at me. I licked my lips and leaned over, looking at the gas gauge and wondering if a quarter of a tank was a lot or a little. I didn't even have a driver's license yet.

"Have we got enough gas?" I asked Christian and he shrugged.

"No," he said. "We need to get some. There's another town about ten miles up the road."

"I hope they're friendly."

"Yeah," Christian agreed. "Me too."

The next town, at another junction where the county road met an old interstate highway, was crazy. It looked like rush hour in Long Beach or something, with cars everywhere and trucks too. They were in both lanes, but all going east away from Los Angeles; nobody seemed to be going west. We heard a lot of honking and yelling. People were running around the gas station there, stealing stuff it looked like. We were about a quarter mile away probably, up on a rise overlooking it, and I didn't want to go down there at all.

"Christian," I said softly. "I'm scared."

"Me too," Christian nodded. "I don't know what's going on, but..."

"Hey! Give us a ride! Hey!"

"Stop! We need a ride!"

Some voices interrupted him and we both looked as a couple guys were running up the road towards us, yelling and holding up their hands like telling us to stop. We were already stopped though and Christian and I were both kind of frozen, I think, trying to understand. Then I knew I didn't want anyone running up to the car and I reached for Christian's leg at the same time as he gunned the engine and popped the clutch, making a real sharp and fast U-turn away from those two guys.

"What do you think they wanted?" I asked, feeling like I wanted to cry and not knowing why. I was so scared I could hardly breathe.

"Probably the car," Christian almost laughed, but it wasn't funny and we both knew it.

"Where are we going?"

"We gotta get gas, Kell." Christian looked at me.

"But he had a gun!"

"The guy won't shoot us," he said and I wanted to believe it. "He won't shoot us for no reason."

"What if he does?" I asked. "What if he knows the reason and we don't?"

"What? Uh ... Shit, I dunno. Okay?" He set his jaw and I could see him trying to think.

"I wanna go home," I said. "Take me home, Christian."

"I will," he promised. "We gotta get gas and find out what's going on first."

I wanted to say more, but there wasn't anything else to say. I just sat there and the sun had started going down already. We didn't have any food left. I didn't even have any clothes except what I wore. I had about thirteen dollars in my purse and I didn't know what Christian had, probably credit cards mostly. What if credit cards didn't work anymore?

"What if the radio's not broke?" I asked suddenly.

"Huh?"

"Like, what if there's no more radio cause..." I narrowed my eyes, trying to think, " ... there's no more radio stations?"

"What?" Christian shook his head. "We were in LA yesterday, remember? The radio stations were there and the radio didn't work."

"Yeah," I frowned, "but what if they weren't? Or if they were like broken somehow and then..."

"Kell ... Kelly, relax."

"I can't," I said, feeling my eyes getting wet.

"There it is," Christian said a few minutes later.

He drove slowly, pulling into the gas station again, and I wiped at my cheeks and eyes. I wasn't totally losing it, but I was going to if I didn't find out what was going on. The world wasn't supposed to be like this.

"Get outta here!" the man shouted from the open door this time and still held his shotgun.

"Don't shoot!" Christian yelled back. "We just want some gas!"

"Ain't no gas," the man said loudly, but at least he wasn't yelling. "Ain't no electricity."

"What?" Christian raised his hands off the steering wheel, letting the man see them while I peered around him. "What's going on?"

"You better get out of here now," the man with gun said. "I don't want to hurt you."

"Please, hold on. Just ... Just tell us. Please?" Christian asked and then grabbed my arm, giving me a little jerk. "Look, I've got my girlfriend with me. She's pregnant."

I blinked at that, but I wasn't gonna say anything.

"Hmph." The guy didn't look too impressed, but then he cocked his head as if listening to someone else. "Just get out slow. The both of you."

"He's gonna shoot us!" I whispered, clutching Christian's arm. "I don't want to get out."

"I don't think he's going to shoot us, Kell," he said, but he didn't look too eager to get out either.

"Come on. If you want gas, we gotta pump it manual," the guy told us and he kinda jerked the barrel of his shotgun.

"You'll sell us some gas?" Christian asked and the guy nodded.

"Maybe, let me see ya first," the man said. "Be quick, it ain't gonna be too safe around here tonight."

"We gotta get gas," Christian told me. "You'll be okay, Kelly."

"I'm scared," I said needlessly. "I don't like this."

"Me neither, but we gotta do it."

We got out of the car slowly, holding our hands up like the man was arresting us. He was older, in his forties, I guess, maybe fifty, and looked like any other guy. Except for the gun.

"You're pregnant, huh?" He looked at me and I shook like a leaf and almost started crying again. "Okay, yeah. Sorry about this."

He looked genuinely sorry as we walked towards him and he pointed the shotgun down at the ground. I could see a woman about his age standing just inside the store. She looked nearly as frightened as I felt, but a little concerned too as she looked at me. I guessed she probably had her own kids someplace and was thinking about them; maybe she had a girl like me.

"What's going on?" Christian asked and we stopped maybe ten feet away. "We got down to the interstate and it was crazy."

"Gonna be crazy here too, soon as somebody looks at a map," the man said. "Only good thing is this road don't go hardly anywhere anyway."

"I just want to go home," I said in a small voice.

"Get your car, bring it around the back way, there's a hand pump we can use." The guy looked at me. "Where's your home at?"

"In LA," I told him. "Out by Studio City."

"Hmph," the man looked over his shoulder at his wife.

"What?" I asked him.

"There ain't no Los Angeles anymore," he said. "It's all gone, least that's what I heard."

"What?" I felt dizzy.

"Highway Patrol came through about two hours ago," the guy said. "Been telling everybody to stock up and hide."

"Hide?" I stared at him, thinking he must be joking. This was all a dream.

"From the aliens." The man nodded and turned around, already walking around towards the back of the station while Christian had gotten back in the car. I couldn't tell if he believe the man or not.

"Come in here and sit down," the woman said. "I'll get you something to drink."

It was too late for that though because I just collapsed mostly, landing on my butt on the gravel. Aliens? There aren't any aliens, everybody knows that. Los Angeles is fine. My parents are fine. Everything is fine. So why was I sitting in the dirt feeling like I wanted to throw up?

"Here now. Come on," she said gently as she pulled me to my unsteady feet. "We don't know what's going on. There's no radio or television since yesterday, the electricity went off last night. Nobody knows, so we'll just sit down..."

She seemed to be speaking to herself as much as to me, I realized, and trying to reassure both of us at once. I found myself sitting on a stool in the little store they had there, leaning heavily on the glass countertop. I put my head on my crossed arms while she put a can of Seven-Up in front of me.

"That might settle your stomach," she said and I wondered why my stomach would be upset. "I had three babies, got sick with every one of them too."

She was thinking about her children and I shook my head.

"I'm not pregnant," I told her. "My boyfriend just said that cause we need gas."

"Oh."

"Sorry," I sighed, wondering if I could still have the soda, but I wasn't thirsty anyway. Just really scared and confused.

"Don't have to be sorry about that." She smiled bravely. "You look a little young for it anyway."

"Yeah." I tried to smile back and decided to drink some just for good manners. "You think it's really gone?"

"I don't know." She closed her eyes for a second. "I hope not."

"Me too."

"Do you have someplace else to go?"

"No," I said. "I don't think so. My mom and dad are there."

"My kids," she said with a nod. "My oldest just had a little girl a couple months ago. Ruby Ann. Named her after me."

"That's a nice name. Ruby."

"Silly kids." She smiled again. "Anyway, they're okay."

"Yeah," I agreed, drinking some Seven-Up. "They're okay."

We sat for awhile, I don't know how long, before Christian and the other man came in through the back door. Christian looked a little red faced and sweaty, not smiling neither.