Chapter 17: Three Months Later - A Retrospective

I'm not writing this for English or History or any other class. I'm just writing this for myself and for you, my readers from a hundred-plus years ago. All through the last journal, I tried to pretend that somehow, you really would see this, and I'm going to maintain that pretense now.

It is now Monday, June 3^rd of 2109. Three months ago, I was inducted into the Naked in School Program. A week after that, I put my clothes back on, but I was a changed woman. Not all of the changes were because of the Program, but most or all of them were related to it in some fashion.

My worst enemy became a creepy sort of friend. She'd tried to humiliate me, but I'd turned it around on her. But I went too far, because she just wasn't normal for a while. Even after she was dressed again, she was strange. At least now she avoided me instead of seeking me out. I much preferred that. When we would bump into each other, at least until after Spring Break, she still acted shy and submissive. There was still a bit of that after Spring Break, but it diminished quickly. Last Wednesday, we actually argued, ending with this exchange:

"Anzu, you stupid bitch! Let's just stay the hell away from each other!"

"Best idea I've heard all year!"

I'd snarled and wrinkled my nose and bared my teeth and spun around and stomped off. I had to spin around to keep her from seeing me smile. I couldn't help but grin. In fact I was so happy I could have kissed her, and not just to gross her out. Jeness was back to normal AND I wasn't going to have to put up with her scheming bitchery OR her creepy clinging submissiveness.

I did talk to the school shrink, who told me that it's perfectly normal to get excited and horny and wet and breathless and finger myself to a shaking orgasm over the idea of sexually humiliating somebody so bad she cries, screams, and throws up. Really. Perfectly normal.

The difference, he tells me, is that I didn't actually do it, except that one time when I didn't realize how strongly it would impact her. When push came to shove (and what exactly does that mean, anyway?), I not only didn't join in with the gang-not-rape-exactly, I took steps to stop it. My virtue, he tells me, is stronger than my lust, for either sex or vengeance. For all that she'd been my enemy, I'd helped rather than hurt somebody who needed help. So I'm a good person.

Well maybe. I still get wet thinking about making out with her in the hall, grossing her out and then making it even worse. Of getting a woman who can't stand the site of two girls kissing to kiss me, and deeply. And I did actually do that, so how good am I?

And speaking of kissing girls...

Even without the Program, I think Botilda and I would have admitted our feelings for each other, but it might've been over Spring Break instead of at Holly-Kon. It turns out her parents have known all along, and don't have a problem. This floored Botilda, who thought her 'rents were more strait-laced than they are. Not that they aren't pretty straight in the laces, just not as bad as we'd figured. So now we make no pretense, and in fact she's my date for the Summer Dance that O'Neill High will be throwing on Saturday the 22^nd, signaling the beginning of Summer Break. I'd tell you all how much I love her, but there just aren't the words.

I had another enemy, sort of, in Bret. Once he gave up the whole getting even thing, he turned out to be a wonderful guy. Here the Program was a very big deal, because it allowed him (thanks to Jeness, weirdly enough) to get past the getting even thing without having to get even. If he had taken some sort of vengeance, I might have been the resentful one, and then how much longer for us to get together? It might have been next year.

Bret could've been a real monkey wrench in my relationship with Botilda, but it hasn't turned out that way. Botilda has had her moments of jealousy, her moments of insecurity, but she knows, really, that I'm not going to leave her for Bret or for anybody else. There wouldn't even be those moments if we hadn't always tried to pretend that our love-making was only for practice, or for fun, and that as soon as we started doing guys we'd quit with the whole "lesbians of convenience" thing. But it has nothing to do with convenience, and she's happy to share me with a man, as long as she keeps me too. Sharing me with another girl I don't think she'd go for.