Chapter 1

I could hear the old jeep winding up the trail. I knew the sound of it as I had heard it often enough in the last nine years. It wasn't going to get here and the driver, if it was who I thought it was, would know that too. I heard it spinning its wheels and get stuck in the mud hole that was always present at this time of year. I knew now that it was someone who had never driven up to the cabin before. The mud hole was a good half mile from the camp. Who could it be and for what reason would they be coming here at this time of year?

I had walked up from the backside of the mountain and had only arrived fifteen minutes before I heard the vehicle. I thought I would examine whoever was coming here before I made myself known. I stepped around to the side after shutting and locking the door. I waited for nearly a half hour before I could see a woman climbing along the trail. When she got to where a vehicle could be turned around she paused. She must have realized then that this was a strictly late summer and early fall trail.

She stopped and surveyed the cabin that was up hill from where she was standing. Christ, she didn't even have a carry bag or backpack, just a handbag. Most likely containing makeup, something women couldn't do without. Must be she wanted to see where the road went and started forward without thinking. Damn, now I would have to help get the vehicle out. It had to be done before dark, too, as it was impossible to back up the quarter mile from the mud hole to where it could be turned around.

Slowly she made her way up the path, up the steps and across to the locked door. I was surprised when she reached into her purse and pulled out a key and unlocked the door. She must have something to do with the person that owned the cabin with me.

Calvin Winslip and I had purchased this land nine years ago and over the years we had built this two-room hunting camp. The joke was on us, for any game stayed down in the lower reaches of the mountain. It was a great place to get away from it all. I got away from my wife and Calvin just wanted a place to relax. He had never married. Hell he didn't need to for he was a handsome devil and had all the women he wanted.

I wish I had gone that route, for I was now divorced and paying support for two kids that I couldn't even see when I wanted to. I eased around to the back door and cracking it slightly, I peeked in. The woman had sat down in a chair at the table and was sitting with her head bowed. Rousing up just a little, she opened her bag and pulled out a gun that looked like Calvin's .44 magnum and laid it at hand on the table.

I could hear her sniffling and then start to sob. Very carefully, I crept softly behind her and just as she reached for the gun, I picked it off the table. She must have had her eyes closed for she didn't realize it wasn't at her hand and she fumbled around. Not finding it, she gave a startled squeak and whirled out of her chair, tipping it over.

I stood facing her with the weapon behind me. Tears totally stopped now, "Who are you?"

"I'm Milo Burns, but Miss, I think it is me that should be asking who you are. You come into my cabin and," I paused, "what were you going to do with that gun, anyway? It almost looked like you were going to use it on yourself."

"None of your business what I planned. Besides I own half this cabin so you can't tell me what I can or can't do."

"Well if you're going to mess it all up with blood and guts and leave me to clean it up, I can tell you, you can't do that. And as far as owning part of this property, Calvin Winslip and I are the registered owners and you don't look like no Calvin to me."

She was strangely silent and then she started blubbering, "Calvin is dead. He was killed in Iraq a little more than two weeks ago." She couldn't say more because she was crying so hard.

"God no! Not Calvin. I knew his unit had been called up, but I didn't know he had been deployed yet. Where do you fit into this? You're not his sister."

I caught something she said through her hiccups and tears. "Wife."

"Are you saying you are his wife?"

She nodded. I looked more closely at this woman. Maybe she wasn't a dog, but she was far from the level of beauty that I associated with Calvin's women. And here she tells me she is married to him. I hadn't spoken directly to Calvin since Christmas and it was now June. I had been tied up with my own problems so it wasn't surprising that I didn't know about him being married. He had e-mailed me in February that he was being called up. That was the last word I had from him.

I straightened the chair and led her to it and pushed her down. I moved across the room and sat on the other side of the table facing her. "Tell me about it."

"My name is Ashley. Calvin and I were childhood sweethearts and we broke up when high school ended. I have always loved him and I guess he found that he loved me too. I saw him at Christmas time and we reconnected. When Calvin received his papers that said he was being called up, we became real serious and we were married Easter weekend. He shipped out a month ago. Two weeks later on his first exit from his compound, his Humvee was hit by an IED and he was killed. He never knew that we were going to have a baby." She couldn't continue speaking as she was crying too hard.

I let Ashley settle down before I asked, "Were you really going to use the gun if I hadn't grabbed it?"

"Yes."

"Are you still planning on doing it?"

"Yes."

"Hey, I'll do it for you." I pulled the gun from my belt, checked to make sure the safety was off and pointed the gun in her direction. There was a look of horror on her face. I pulled the trigger and the gun fired. Ashley toppled over onto the floor. I got up and felt for her pulse. Satisfied, I found a piece of plastic and spread it out on the bunk. I picked her up and laid her out, straightening her legs and putting her arms at her sides. I built the fire even though it was June, and I knew it soon would be hot in here. I made several trips out to the little water pipe that was our water supply, bringing back enough water to fill the tub that I had on the stove. It took two hours to bring the water to the temperature that I needed.

I went over to the bunk and shook Ashley. "Ashley, wake up. Come on, wake up."

Her eyes opened and she blinked. "I'm still alive?"

"Yeah, still alive. You fainted and have been sleeping for awhile. Look I think facing death and thinking you were going to die, made you pee your pants. I've heated enough water for you to give yourself a bath and maybe wash out your underwear. I'll give you my spare jeans to put on as I guess you weren't planning on needing a change of clothes. I mean who needs extra clothes if they know they are going to kill themselves and Calvin's baby.

"I'd like to see the baby when it is born, but if you are still bent on killing yourself, I'm leaving the gun here on the table. If you do it, would you please step out the back door and not mess up the cabin. I'll be right outside in front and you can call if you need anything." I laid the gun on the table. It was her decision and I honestly hoped she had given up on committing suicide.

I went out and sat on the top step. I could hear her stirring around. Suddenly the gun went off behind the building. God, no! I was so sure that I had at least stopped her long enough for her to change her mind. I ran around back expecting to see her writhing and dying on the ground.

"There you son-of-a-bitch, two can play this game. You thought I did it when the gun went off, didn't you? I thought I was going to die when you pointed the gun at me. I still ought to shoot you for making me pee my pants. How much longer do you want to keep this up?"

"I'm done if you are. Christ, you almost made me have to take a bath too." I went back to the front of the cabin and resumed my seat. Before long I was chuckling to myself. That is until I remembered that Calvin was dead and this woman loved him so much she didn't want to live without him. I was hoping she was beyond that now and especially for her unborn baby's sake.

"Would you come in now, Milo? Where do you want to throw this water?"

We worked together cleaning up and as it was near evening, I opened my backpack and laid out what food I had brought which consisted of mostly bacon and eggs and bread for toast. I had a gallon of milk to soak up the box of cold cereal and to mix with the bottle of brandy I had thought to include. "If I eat up your food, you won't be able to stay as long as you planned."

"No, but if you had carried through on your plans, I wouldn't have been able to stay at all. I'm glad my stay here has been shortened by just a little under the circumstances."

"You know Milo, Calvin talked about you all the time. He said you had some strange ways and weren't always happy, but you were the best companion a person could have. I think I know what he meant. I mean when you pointed the gun at me, suddenly, I didn't want to die."

"That was the point. It is like when people are young, they say, 'when I reach 75, I've lived long enough, ' but when they get there, no matter how sick and in pain they are, they think, 'maybe I'll make it to 80.' You just reached 75 today and decided you might like to see 80."

"You are so right." We were sitting at the table across from each other and when we both looked up, there was something being nurtured deep in our minds. A bond maybe?

"Let's sit out on the porch. We have to go out the back door and around to the south end of the cabin. There is just enough room for two chairs and we can look down into the valley. I think the moon is full tonight and will be coming up just as it gets dark. It's quite a sight."

We sat there and it was just as I said it would be. Nothing needed to be said and nothing was. About a little after ten, I said, "I'm pretty tired. I think I'll go in and go to bed. I'll sleep on the top bunk. You can either go in first or I will."

"Milo, you go first. I want to stay out just a little longer. And Milo--thank you for everything."

Ashley was shaking me at daylight. "Milo, come see the sunrise. I opened my eyes and it is just peeking up. It is coming up fast so hurry."

I smiled to myself. Ashley had evidently not come to bed at all, sitting out and watching the moon and then the stars pop out. Now she was being treated to the most wonderful vision of all. Seeing the sun at this time of day was like being born again. I joined Ashley. Again she referred to yesterday. "I could have missed this. Thank you so much." When the sun had fully risen, I went in and started the bacon frying.

After the few dishes were washed and put in the cupboard, Ashley said, "I guess you want to know what brought me to the point yesterday to decide to kill myself." In a way it was a question, but I thought it was more of a plea to be heard.

I went for the plea theory. "Yes, of course I would. You might listen to me someday, for as I'm sure Calvin told you, I'm not always the happiest."

"Fair enough, we can bare our souls and be the better for it. I do need someone to talk to. Cry on your shoulder, if you will. First Milo, look at me and you can see I'm not the prettiest woman there ever was. It didn't help when I overheard my father say to a colleague of his, that if his daughter was in a whorehouse, she would starve, for I would be the last to get any business because of my looks. That hurt.

"I have had most every material thing I ever wanted. My grandmother settled money on me so I have always been popular with my peers because of that. I never tried to fool myself of why I was so sought after either. In high school I was always in the 'in' crowd. Calvin dated me, but I always felt it was strictly one way on the love train. I never was the clinging type and I guess I never made the depths of my feelings known to Calvin. He told me when we met again last Christmas, that he wished I had. He said I came off as not really caring, when in actuality, I would have died to have him love me back.

"I went on to school and have become a well-respected prosecutor. My love life was almost nil up until Christmas when I ran into Calvin again. I was more open this time around and welcomed his advances, telling myself if I couldn't have all of him, I could at least enjoy a part of him. Surprisingly, he came to love me very quickly and as deeply as I loved him. We had a short engagement, for from the first date we were making love just as a married couple would.

"Now he is gone. I'm still rich, I'm still homely and now I'm also pregnant. I feel the only chance I have for a satisfying life from now on is to buy a husband. I know that rarely works and I need my self-respect to hold my head up and look at myself in the mirror. Calvin had given me directions to the camp here, so I thought the perfect solution would be to come here, cry a little and take the easy way out."

"Changed your mind a little since yesterday morning when you started out?"

"More than a little. You have mentioned the baby a few times. Right now I'm awake to the fact that I almost committed murder on Calvin's baby. How could I have been so stupid?"

"I guess your priorities have changed. This is good."

"They wouldn't have if you hadn't been here."

"But I was here, so we don't need to go over that again. Are you going to sit down and rethink your life now?"

"Yes I am. Hey, I have had a man that I loved and one that loved me. If I never have that again, so be it. Maybe if I smile a little more people will look past my countenance and see the real me."

"It could happen that way. Go for it." Ashley went back over her life and filled in the blanks. She was an eloquent speaker and could paint a picture of what her life had been like. Parts of it were sad and those around her hurt her often, but I felt she was overly sensitive and said so. People seldom set out to really hurt a person and often it is the perception of the so-called victim who finds the hurt coming from their own mind. Ashley gave instances and when I tried to reinterpret them for her, she saw what I meant.

Ashley's way of thanks was to say, "Calvin said you were wise and he was right. Why didn't I know you years ago?"

Lunch consisted of cold cereal and a small mixed drink of brandy and milk. Mine was mostly brandy and Ashley's was mostly milk. I reminded her that alcohol wasn't good for the fetus. "How long are we staying here?"

"We'll have to leave right after breakfast tomorrow morning because the food will be gone. We have to pop your vehicle out of the mud. It is Calvin's jeep isn't it?"

"Yes, he said it knew the way. I wish the jeep could have told me about the mud. I buried it."

"Not too much of a problem. We will just grasshopper it out."

"What do you mean?"

"I can't explain it. I'll show you tomorrow. I have everything here to do it with anyway. Don't feel too bad about the mud hole. Calvin buried it at least four times that I can remember."

"Milo, I've told you about my life. Calvin said you were an unhappy person sometimes. Do you want to tell me why?"

"Sure, why not. First I want you to know I'm only four years older than you and Calvin. I know I look years older than I actually am. All I ever wanted was a wife, two kids and a good job to support them. I have had all of that and all at the same time, too. Now I don't have anything or at least anything I can call mine. I'm divorced from my wife. My two kids, aged six and seven, are with her and I had to sell the business and my home in the divorce settlement.

"When I think back to our life together, I wonder if my wife ever loved me. I think I was a starter husband for her and that was her intention from the day she met me. I never knew that she was planning on dumping me or that she already had my replacement waiting in the wings. That fact didn't surface until after the settlement was finalized. Children weren't in her plans, but when she asked for an abortion to terminate her pregnancies, I objected so strongly she went full term with them.

"What hurts the most, I don't really know how much love she has for them or if she is using them as pawns. The final decree says I'm supposed to have the kids for a month which is coming up in two weeks. Right at the present I don't have a home to bring them to, except this place here. I came up yesterday to try to figure out how I am going to manage. My wife knows there are no facilities and is going to object if she finds out I am bringing them here, so this place is out."

"Why did you have to sell your business? Calvin said it was a fast food franchise, I think."

"It was. The thing of it was when we bought the franchise, I borrowed $50,000 and Jean put up $5,000. I had to admit that money of hers is what made it possible to purchase the franchise, so in the eyes of the law she was entitled to half. I borrowed in my name so I was responsible for the note and she wasn't. The house went the same way. My child support isn't too heavy for I don't have much, but it will go up when I find a job. All of the assets I had left, I put into the hands of my attorney and he is paying the child support out of an annuity he bought for me with the money."

I was becoming dejected the longer I explained my situation.

"So where are your wife and children now?"

"She is remarried and the kids are with her in her new husband's home. He has three children, but they are older than mine by ten years or so. I often wonder how his kids like it with stepsiblings in residence. I'll find out in a couple of weeks when I get them--if I can."

"Who did your ex-wife marry?"

"Some attorney by the name of James Burgess."

"Oh shit, I know him. I don't know too much good about him either. I can't imagine a woman dumping you for him."

I laughed. "He must be pretty bad for you to feel that way. Remember I'm the guy who you didn't know 24 hours ago. Since you've met me, I've fired a gun at you and made you pee your panties. You were sure I was trying to kill you. And I gave you the chance to carry out your plan to destroy yourself after that. Yeah, I'm a really good guy."

"Yes all that, and you've fed me and listened to me and let me cry on your shoulder. You've also shown me the error in my thinking. And you took me out and sat me where I could see the most beautiful sky in the universe. Not once have you said I was wrong, you let me come to that conclusion on my own. Yeah, you're bad, you are."

"It wasn't me. It was there in your mind all the time. You just had to pause and find it. Well maybe I'd like to take credit for the pause."

"Okay Milo, I know all about your troubles. What about you? What can you do? Other than operate a fast food restaurant. Can you cook, can you keep books, weld metal, you must have a hobby or something you can capitalize on? You've built this place, so maybe it's carpentry. How about going to a trade school and learning to do something different?"

"God Ashley, you make it sound easy. That is great, but it takes money and I'm broke, remember?"

"How is your credit? Did that go the way your marriage did? For some reason I feel you still have excellent credit."

"It is okay, I guess. My attorney said I could file bankruptcy, but I paid all of my bills instead. The only asset I have left is this place and my half is only worth about eight thousand and that would be stretching it."

"It is worth a lot more than that. I am never going to sell my half and I'm hoping you won't either. If you need to raise some money and need to tie this up to do it, come to me first. We can work out something. This place is part of something good that has happened to me and I'll never ever let it go."

The evening activities were the same as last night--the moon came up and the stars came out. I went to bed first, but couldn't go to sleep as soon as I had last night. About an hour after the moon was up, I heard Ashley come in and crawl into the lower bunk. It wasn't long before I could hear her sobbing quietly.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes I'm fine. I was just thinking my baby will never have a daddy. As long as you and Calvin were friends, I was thinking of asking you to be an uncle. Would you do that for me?"

"Of course I will. Thank you for thinking of me." I was smiling when I finally slept.

Every last smidgen of food was consumed at breakfast. Before we were ready to leave, I rummaged around in a box behind the stove and got out four short poles and four light, but strong chains. "I keep these here for getting vehicles out of the mud. We have to carry them, but they will fit in my backpack just fine. I'll hide them beside the trail and bring them back up the next time I come." Ashley was about to ask how they were used, but remembered that I said it was hard to explain and it was easier just to show her.

When we got down to the mud hole, I could see that Ashley had driven right in but didn't get too far before all four wheels were spinning. The jeep had settled in some, so it was going to be messy getting it out. "You watch and see how I do this. You may have to do it yourself sometime."

I put one pole down beside the left hand wheel so that it stuck out in front and back about four inches. I took the small chain and passed it through the holes in the wheel and hooked it as tight as I could. I did the same to the left front wheel. Next I went around to the right side and did the same, except I made them as vertical as I could. "Give me your key and I will back you out."

Ashley stood off to the side and watched as the wheels turned, the poles went down into the mud and jacked the jeep up, first one side and then the other, all the while jerking the jeep backwards. The minute the rear wheels reached solid ground, I undid those two poles and backed up until the whole vehicle was where the tires could gain traction. "This works best on a jeep because the fenders are not down over the sides of the wheel. Where wheels are covered with fenders you can only have the pole sticking out on one side and have to be careful not to let the wheel go all the way around, or you will rip the fender off. Still going slow and being careful, it can be done. The jeep, with its four wheel drive, helps a lot too."

"Where did you ever learn a trick like that? It is amazing."

"My father told me about it and he heard it from my grandfather. Back when the roads were mostly dirt and unimproved, ways had to be found to get out of mud holes. I can just visualize a bunch of car owners talking about how to unstick their cars 80 or 90 years ago. This way seemed to work the best and the principle still stands. Henry Ford even approved of it when he was shown how good it worked."

"It sure does work."

I hid the poles and chains under some nearby brush and Ashley gave me a ride the rest of the way down the mountain. When we reached the bottom, I showed her where my car was parked and where the path began I took to reach the cabin up on the mountain.

Standing by my car and ready to get into it, we both felt awkward and didn't know what to say to each other. "Milo, my life has changed in the last couple of days. I feel as if I have been reborn. I haven't asked, but where are you staying?"

"I'm crashing in a friend's basement until I find something."

"I feel like I ought to do something for you, but I don't know what. Would you let me have your friend's address so I can keep in touch?"

"Sure, I don't mind." I wrote it out on a piece of paper. "That is right next to where my home was for several years. It is a little depressing living there, but I try not to dwell on it." I had a word for her too. "Ashley, if you get to feeling blue, would you call me and we'll hike up the mountain?"

"I'll do that, but count on me not waiting until I'm blue."

For some reason I wanted to hug Ashley, but felt that would be too forward, so I just shook her hand. When our vehicles hit the blacktop, Ashley was gone like a big-assed bird. The jeep was an early edition, Korean war, but Ashley drove it as if it had just left the factory. For two miles mud flew out of the tire treads or off the chassis where it had settled into the mud and clung there. I came up to her five miles up the road where a trooper had her pulled over. I tooted when I went by. She was an officer of the court, so she would make out just fine I was sure.

That night lying in my bed, I thought over the two days that had just passed. I was pretty pleased with what had transpired. It had solved none of my problems, but if Calvin was looking down, I felt he would have been pleased by my actions. I went to sleep thinking that.

I was sitting in the living room with my friend and his family two days later. It was just after dinner and everyone was relaxing. His front doorbell chimed. His son answered it. "Is this where Milo Burns is staying?"

Mikey replied, "Yes it is."

I knew it was Ashley. Before I could get out of my chair, Mikey had led her into the living room. "Hi Milo, I've been thinking about your problem and I may have a temporary solution. Can we go somewhere so I can tell you about it?"

"Sure." I made introductions and told Patrick and Linda that this was my friend, and Calvin's widow. Before we got into her car she asked which place I had lived at formerly. I pointed it out and she admired how nice I had made it. I bragged some, because I was proud of my landscaping abilities.

"You did all of that yourself?"

"Yes and I had plans for doing more, but I ran out of wife." I chuckled when I said this. Ashley flashed me a smile. "How did you make out the other day? I saw you parked beside the road talking to someone when I went by. You didn't get a ticket did you?"

Ashley's face flamed. "No, I got off with a warning, but I have promised to drive the speed limit from now on. It was kind of foolish of me. It is like you cautioning me about drinking alcohol. I wish I had someone like you with me all the time to tell me what is right and what's wrong. Damn, that didn't come out right. What I meant was--"

I broke in with, "I know what you meant. Just someone around to stop a person from doing foolish things. We all wish that. It happens to me too often." I think she was grateful she didn't have to explain further.

"Milo, you know I'm pretty well off. I own a two acre lot in one of the better sections of the city. It is a narrow lot that fronts on two different streets. I live in one house just off one street. There is a large building that fronts on the other. On the lower level there are three garage spaces that are used for storage. Over them there is a two bedroom apartment. The facilities are all installed, but turned off. If you need a place to have your children for a month, I can have the utilities turned on."

"What about the cost? I can't afford very much."

"I know that and I'm not suggesting you stay without paying. I need some things done around the grounds. The building you are in, although livable, needs upgrading. I remember Calvin saying that you did all of your own repairs. If you would fix up the place that you will be living in and maybe do some yard work, I will pay you what I would pay someone else to do it. I would be more comfortable having you there than some unknown renovator doing the work."

"Could I look at it first? I just want to be sure this isn't a make work job for me."

"Trust me, there is work enough that needs doing. I was taken to the cleaners one time by a carpenter and had to have the work done all over again by a different one. Now I have been leaving things until they can't wait any longer."

Ashley lived on the other side of the city and it took almost forty-five minutes to reach her home. "This is where I live. It is the worst looking house on the block. We will park here and walk across to the other building. That will give you an idea of what needs doing. First you have to fix up the other place to give you a decent home to live in and then you could start on this empty space between the two buildings."

We walked through the cluttered garage spaces on the first floor when we reached the building. There was furniture of every description, and many old appliances, too. "All of this is still good. My grandmother liked a change every so often and this is where the old stuff ended up. The apartment upstairs is empty so pick out anything here you want to use to furnish it."

I climbed the stairs behind Ashley and for the first time I had some thoughts about her and how she was put together. I stopped halfway up and turned to survey the layout below me. No way was I going to lust after this woman, Calvin's widow. She didn't need to cope with that. Besides, what was I? Whatever I was it wasn't anything she would be interested in.

I heard the door unlock and Ashley enter. I then went on up. The place was bare. It needed paint and paper and new tile in the kitchen and bath. The fixtures were of an older period, but of quality. Renovators were begging for reproductions, but these were originals and priceless. The beautiful pocket door casings enhanced the whole effect, as did the matching window casings. There was a crown molding framing the ceilings. The kitchen had a chair rail circling it. "God Ashley, this is beautiful. Are you sure you want me to live here?"