Chapter 3

Karen Wallace was in frenzy as she watched the flat Georgia countryside below the plane. She had not spoken to Tom since he had left her at the airport on Sunday and her stomach was knotted with dread. What had happened? How had things gotten out of control? Suddenly what she considered her little "fling" with Alex Smith threatened to destroy her marriage. She kept asking herself,

"What did Tom know?"

They had been very discreet. Karen had demanded it. She wouldn't, couldn't jeopardize her marriage to Tom, especially over something as trivial as sex with Alex. It wasn't like it had been going on very long — just a couple of months. They had been together exactly six times. Well at least before this week. She had been bored and feeling sorry for herself and Alex was the perfect guy to take advantage of the situation. He was pretty she had to admit, but after the erotism of the first couple of times he was actually a very unimaginative lover, much given to narcissism. Plus she was convinced he wasn't just seeing her. No Alex was a pretty boy who caught her at a vulnerable time and now she was filled with regret.

Actually she had gone to Atlanta with full intent to tell him their affair was over. But unfortunately she had succumbed to his pleas for one more time. He had met her at the hotel with flowers and champagne and despite her best intentions she found herself swept up in the excitement of being so wanted by this young man. She had responded again to the illicitness of it all. He even convinced her to spend the night in his room. She thought nothing of being in plain sight as the room service people brought dinner and breakfast. It was only sometime early in the morning that she realized that she had not called Tom.

She made up an excuse and called him from Alex's room. Tom didn't answer. That was common since he was so busy so she apologized in a voice mail. She vowed to call him that night.

But Monday night came with dinner and drinks with colleagues and it was late as Alex maneuvered himself into her room. She was happy and relaxed and thought what the heck, another night of sex and then it would be over. That night was particularly disappointing since Alex came too quickly and then passed out. She hustled him out of her room the next morning and tried to call Tom, again without success. On Tuesday morning she left another message that sounded lame even to her.

It was sometime later in the day when she was listening to a particularly boring lecture on "How to make more money on foreclosures" that an icy chill ran through her body. She realized that Tom had not tried to call her. That had never happened before. They had never gone so much as a day without talking. He stomach ached as she sat on that hard hotel chair, wondering what had happened. At first she feared something had happened to Tom. Had there been an accident? Was he in the hospital unconscious after wrecking that ghastly bike of his? The thought of Tom hurt or dead made her flinch. And the thought of losing him made her nauseous. He was the only man she ever loved. He was her rock, her strength, her tender lover. Why hadn't he called?

And then her blood ran cold. Could he know? She thought that was impossible. They had taken great pains to keep their secret. Had Alex bragged to someone? That was always a possibility, but he had a lot to lose too.

No he couldn't know. Tom was just busy.

As soon as they had their next break, she called Tom. No luck. Then she called his direct office line and got voice mail. She even tried that perky little assistant of his, Jennifer. Voice mail again. She cringed just hearing her voice. Karen had to admit that she was insecure about Jennifer. Although Tom never gave any indication that he had the slightest interest in her, Karen had seen how Jennifer adored him.

Karen almost laughed. Here she was, the unfaithful one trying to attribute the same behavior to Tom. She knew he was as faithful as an old hound dog, although he was far from old or a hound dog. Sunday night she had tried to make up to him for those weeks or perhaps months when he took him for granted — took his love for granted. Why wasn't his wonderful love and loving enough? He was certainly a more skilful and patient lover than Alex, or any man she had slept with before marriage. She shook her head. Why had she got involved with Alex in the first place? The fun of illicit sex and the sneaking around and the thrill of having a secret was ashes when compared to her marriage to Tom.

So was that it? Was she so secure in his love that she felt like she could have this little "fling"? That was ridiculous. Maybe she was just a selfish inconsiderate bitch who put her marriage in jeopardy for what? A few hours of pleasure with Alex Smith? And there was damn little pleasure for the most part. Tom knew every inch of her and every erogenous zone. She never came with Alex like she always did with Tom. Sure she came but there were no Vesuvius eruptions that left her limp and gasping for breath like with Tom.

What a fool she was.

When Alex left that morning she told him that they were through and not to come near her again. He had only grinned at her like he was God's gift to women. But she knew it was over. There was too much at stake and she knew now that there was no one for her but Tom.

She just hoped it wasn't too late to repair the mess she made. But first she needed to talk to him. Where was Tom and why hadn't he tried to call?

She spent Tuesday night alone and it was a restless night. She woke from a terrible nightmare that Tom had disappeared. She felt so alone and afraid; there was no answer at home or on his cell phone. Karen was increasingly filled with dread. She was almost afraid to go home early. How would she explain that? Was he even there?

On Wednesday she walked around like a zombie, her mind racing with plans to try to repair things. She finally got through to Jennifer and was told Tom was out on the Ester.

Somehow that didn't make her feel better. Tom rarely took the boat out on weekdays. And no, Jennifer didn't know when he'd be back. That was infuriating. She wanted to scream at her and demand she find Tom and have him call her.

Tom didn't call Wednesday night, but Alex made it obvious that he wanted to get together again when she saw him after dinner.

"Alex, it was a big mistake on my part and we're through."

He scowled at her.

"Just don't come crawlin' to me when you've got an itch ... that hubby can't scratch."

She felt sick. How could she have ever been attracted to this jerk? He was disgusting.

After another sleepless night and more messages to Tom, Thursday morning she had pretty much decided to catch the next flight home, but she dithered until afternoon, fearful of what she would have to face at home. Then Kim called her and asked her to dinner.

"How come you didn't let me know you'd be in town? I had to find out from Dad."

"Sorry dear ... I've just been incredibly busy and you know these conferences, always smoozing with potential clients. Work, work, work."

She tried to laugh. It sounded feeble.

She tried not to sound desperate when she said,

"So when did you hear from your dad?"

"Last Sunday, I talked to him ... called to see when you were coming up this way. I really expected to hear from you sooner. Were you even going to call me while you were in Atlanta?"

She tried to say it with humor but to Karen it was an accusation.

"Sorry Kim."

"So, dinner tonight mom ... unless you're too busy?"

She was torn. She wanted to get on a plane and go. The uncertainty was killing her, but what excuse could she give Kim? Too busy? Did Kim know something? Karen's life seemed to be spiraling out of control

"Sure?'

"So mom, what's with you and dad?"

They were in a quiet restaurant not far from the hotel when Kim dropped that bomb on Karen.

Karen could feel herself flush.

"What do you mean?"

"Are you not happy with him anymore ... Has he done something... ?

"What are you talking about? Has your father said something?"

"No he hasn't. But remember I was around all summer. Something's not right with you two."

"That's absurd."

"Is it?'

Her daughter's questions were making her uncomfortable.

"Why would you say such a thing?"

"Does the name Alex Smith ring any bells?"

This time Karen's blood ran cold.

"What about Alex Smith? He's a member of my firm."

"He's here isn't he ... in Atlanta at this conference isn't he?"

Karen took a large sip of her wine stalling for time. This conversation was getting dangerous. She put on an indignant look

"Yes he is ... what are you implying?

"Mother, I know about you and Alex."

She didn't elaborate. Her comment just hung in the air between them. An evil accusation.

This was a nightmare. If Kim knew ... did that mean? She couldn't complete the thought.

"That's absurd." She'd try to brazen it out.

"How could you think such a thing?"

Kim looked at her with sadness in her eyes.

"How about Alex calling the house and telling you how he couldn't wait to fuck you again?"

Karen thought she'd faint. She'd told Alex never to call and could only remember one time he did. Kim must have heard him on an extension.

Suddenly Karen couldn't hold back the tears any longer.

"I'm so sorry Kim."

"For yourself and what you might lose?"

She jerked her head up.

"Does your father know?"

"Do you mean have I told him? No I haven't; not because of you, but because I love him and so desperately want to keep him from being hurt."

"Do you think he knows?" She blurted out.

"Do you care?"

That hurt her deeply and she wanted to lash out at her daughter, but it made her realize that her protestations of love for Tom would sound awfully hollow.

"I'm sorry Kim. I was stupid. I thought I'd have a little fling ... something your father would never know about ... just some excitement..." It sounded lame.

"Is there something wrong with dad? Doesn't he keep you satisfied?"

"O God yes. He's the most wonderful lover."

Her mind flashed to the previous Saturday night when he brought her to such heights of ecstasy. How could she do this to Tom?

"Then why?"

"I'm getting old and I wanted ... wanted something ... maybe recapture my youth ... I don't know. I thought no one would ever find out..." the tears flowed.

"Is it over?"

"Yes."

"I just want to get back with your dad and spend my life making it up to him..."

They sat in silence for a few minutes. Karen ordered another glass of wine.

"Kim, I don't know where he is."

"What?"

"I keep leaving messages and he hasn't called me all week. I'm so afraid. Jennifer says he's on the Ester. Why won't he call me?"

Kim looked sad.

"Mother ... that's not like dad ... unless he knows."

"Oh no!" She buried her face in her hands as she sobbed.

"You need to go home now."

"Yes ... I know ... but I'm so afraid." She paused looking at her daughter with red rimmed eyes.

"I'll get the first flight in the morning."

"Good, I'll take you to the airport."

She took her mother's hand.

"Dad loves you a lot."

Karen nodded, tears flowing.

"I think you can get through this."

Karen managed a slight smile.

"I can't believe how stupid I've been. I hope it's not too late. What should I do?"

"I can't tell you that. If dad loves you as much as I think he does ... he'll forgive you."

"But how can I tell him?"

"I don't know ... but I think you have to. If he doesn't know then you need to find out what's wrong."

"I'm so afraid I'll lose him. I couldn't bear it." She sobbed.

Karen felt devastated. For the first time she realized how precarious her marriage was. Kim was optimistic but Karen knew Tom. Would he ... could he forgive her? Could they ever find their way back? Karen didn't know.

Now she was on an airplane consumed with guilt. She called him one last time shortly after Kim dropped her off at the airport, leaving a message that she was coming home early and that she hoped he'd be there at the airport. She didn't know what to do. She was convinced he would never forgive her and she would spend the rest of her life without the man she loved so desperately. How could she have been so stupid?

She vacillated between trying to bluff it out and deny everything, and flinging herself at his feet begging for forgiveness. The worst part was not knowing. Why wouldn't Tom talk to her?

She knew that he was raised by his maternal grandparents after his parents died in a plane crash and the rule of that house was to avoid confrontation. Tom had taken that to heart. He only half jokingly said, "don't get mad, get even." She knew in his business dealings he forged partnerships and coalitions and confrontation was avoided at all costs. This strategy worked. That was what made her so afraid that he knew. Rather than confront her he would take a different tack and she would be blindsided.

God she ached inside. She watched as the plane approached the St. Petersburg airport. The early morning sun gleamed on the blue water of the Gulf and reflected from the sails of a number of boats far below. She wondered if the Lady Ester was among them.

Karen was disappointed but not surprised that Tom wasn't at the airport. Actually she felt somewhat relieved since it put off the meeting she was dreading. She tapped her foot impatiently as she waited for her bag. She still hadn't decided what to do, and unfortunately she had no one to talk to about what to do. Kim had already weighed in and she couldn't talk to Lisa. Hard problems were those she talked to Tom about. His wise counsel had helped her through many. But this was one she couldn't imagine talking to Tom about. How could she admit to him her betrayal? Her mind was awhirl, and she kept reproaching herself for her stupidity. Why had she been so blind and stupid? To Alex she was just another conquest. He would probably go through life breaking up marriages. She was furious at how easily he had manipulated her, but she knew, ultimately the fault was hers. How could she have been so blind?