Chapter 51

When Felix got back to his quarters, he stripped off the ghillie suit and hung it on a hook in the closet. Then he remembered that Sasha was still in Dr. Weir's office — he said, "Ah, piss on it — I'll go like this."

So he went rapidly back to the office and found Sasha still across the chair where he left it earlier, and did a complete check to make sure nothing was tampered with, and that it was still unloaded.

Once he was satisfied he slung the big gun over his shoulder again and walked casually out of Weir's office towards the gate console technician.

He asked, "Out of curiosity — are there any other teams off-world right now? I'm asking to see if I need to stay ready for a scramble call."

Chuck checked his computers and replied, "Nope, according to this everyone is home for the night."

"Okay — thanks."

With that, Felix turned and went back to his quarters, where he stowed Sasha under the bed for now. Then he stood and looked around the room, wondering what he should do next; finally he decided to unpack his Bergen of all clothes, as he would need clean underwear after a shower. That took about 5 minutes to sort out what went where until he was satisfied, then it was time for a shower and detailed scrub. He found towels, got one and draped it near the shower door, found some soap and oddly enough a loofah sponge for a good scrub.

But first was the not so pleasant task of removing his beard — again — which took a good 10 minutes, then another 10 to get his face baby smooth with 2 razors, as the first one didn't cut the mustard and became dull about halfway along.

After a good cleansing shower and drying off, he sat at the desk and made out a list of things to do the next day — before he knew it there was about 20 items on the list. Too much for one day, so he numbered what he figured should be the priority things, and getting ready for scramble calls was definitely number one on the list.

It was when he was finished that he realized that the room hadn't been touched since he left those months ago. So he grabbed a good fantasy book, his poncho liner and decided to try sleeping on the bed for a change. He turned off the room lights and found there was a small reading lamp at the head of the bed — it was obviously put there by someone who knew he read at night.

Within 10 minutes he was asleep with his thumb jammed into the pages where he dropped off.

Morning rolled around when Felix woke up around 7am — which was amazing for him, as he hadn't slept that long in quite a while. He lay in bed for a few minutes, allowing the pleasure of gradually waking up, rather than the usual rapid up and dressed routine. Then his bowels reminded him that chilli from last night was arguing with the previous days food, and went to the bathroom.

Once the nature call was finished and hands were washed, he checked his face over — still baby smooth for now, so shaving could wait until the next day. He got dressed in clean cargo shorts, a clean khaki t-shirt, tan socks, and his very comfortable desert boots.

He made sure he had his headset in the left ear, was presentable to the world, and headed to the dining hall for breakfast. Once he got in the line-up, he didn't feel like eating right away, so grabbed a large mug of coffee, sugar and milk, and then sat at a corner table like he usually did. He did it because he liked to see who was coming and going, and this time he was more into people watching, so he could get a feel for the mood of the people.

After he sat down he started to zone out but was aware of people coming and going, and had the occasional sip of coffee until he was more or less awake.

Just as he stood up to get some food and more coffee, Ronon and Teyla came over to his table, where Teyla asked, "May we join you?"

Felix replied, "Sure, fill your boots — I'm just going to grab some growlies and I'll be right back."

Teyla and Ronon sat down and started eating while Felix went through the line fairly quick, getting scrambled eggs, bacon, a few slices of toast, and another mug of coffee.

He sat down, put pepper on his eggs — which had Teyla raise an eyebrow, which he caught and said, "Some foods I like a bit of added flavour to them."

She replied, "Ah. How did your mission go last night?"

Felix shrugged and replied, "Pretty good overall — killed four Genii and brought our two missing people back alive but slightly injured. I heard you got hit last night — how bad?"

She answered, "Rodney and Colonel Sheppard received fragments from a grenade that went off next to them but they are okay. Ronon has a mild concussion according to Dr. Beckett, and I was gladly unharmed. But Dr. Weir has told us to stand down for 36 hours until we are back to good health." There was a minute or two of nothing but eating and then Teyla spoke up: "I don't know if anyone mentioned this ... but Lt. Cadman was very upset when you left some time ago."

Felix stopped eating and replied, "Oh?"

Ronon piped up with a smile on his face, "Yeah, she was looking to do some serious harm to you — I offered to help her one day and I almost got attacked by her. Yeah, she was some upset with you."

Felix rebutted with, "Don't know why — I was told last night that she is dating Dr. Beckett — which is fine by me."

Teyla glanced at Ronon as if saying something and then she looked back at Felix and said slowly, "Felix ... she still misses you and was simply dating Dr. Beckett, not ... like before. And she was upset that you haven't tried to contact her since you got back."

Felix looked down at his breakfast for a moment and then looked at Teyla and asked, "I don't suppose anybody clued her in that I was on a mission last night, and got back a bit later than my normal bedtime? Sorry if I haven't got that far on my social calendar yet, but it is on my to-do list today now."

Just as he thought about leaving the table, he spotted Dr. Weir coming to the table with her tray, and Lt. Cadman a few steps behind her. The young officer had a look of stone on her face, so Felix expected the worst possible reaction from her.

As the two women sat down, Felix greeted them both cordially, "Morning Dr. Weir, Leftenant."

Dr. Weir answered, "Morning Felix — you look better without the massive facial growth — much better."

Laura Cadman didn't say anything but started on her food and made a point of concentrating on eating and NOT looking at Felix.

Dr. Weir looked around at where they were sitting and asked, "Why are we sitting way over here?"

Teyla responded, "We joined Felix here while he was having coffee."

Elizabeth then looked at Felix as if to say the question again, so he also added, "I wasn't 100% awake when I first got here, so I grabbed a coffee and people watched for a while."

Dr. Weir simply went, "Okay then."

There was a pregnant pause and then Felix asked of the table, "Does anybody happen to know off-hand where I could lay my hands on a digital video recorder? I still have a 'how-to' lesson I'm supposed to do for Colonel Carter, and that's one of the items I was going to do today. Anyone?"

Dr. Weir answered that one easily, "Lieutenant Cadman can show you where to get the camera, and she can assist you doing it, and you could show her your traps at the same time."

Felix nodded and looked at Laura Cadman and asked, "Leftenant — that okay with you?"

As she had a mouthful of food she just shrugged her shoulders and continued eating.

Teyla caught that one right away and said, "Well, Ronon and I should check on Dr. McKay and make sure he gets some food.' She stood up and nodded at the table in general, with Ronon protesting that he wasn't finished yet. Teyla gave him a look that brooked absolutely no arguments.

Just after the two warriors left the table, Dr. Weir turned to Laura and said, "All right Laura — care to explain all this? Since you heard that Felix got back that is what you've been talking about. Now you give him the cold shoulder treatment after all that?"

Felix stepped in and said to both women, "Here's how I see things, and this is just my opinion." He paused to see if he had Laura Cadman's attention — she was looking at him finally.

He continued, "I would have to say that it's obvious that we both are attracted to one another — agreed?" After a moment Laura finally nodded her head slightly, so he carried on, "I see one problem with the situation — and it is me."

He saw Dr. Weir about to jump in so he held up his hand and said, "Just hang on a second and hear me out. Now why I say that, and so that you understand where I'm coming from is simply this: every mission I go out on ... I don't always know if I'm coming back. I have a potentially dangerous occupation that I strangely have a good talent for. I feel in my heart that if I get too attached I may lose my focus, and that could cost somebody their life. I don't want that on my conscience — I already lost my team and I don't want to lose any other people that I'm fond of. In the same breath I also say this: If I'm attached to someone that much, and I don't come back — ever, or for a long time — then in my opinion that isn't fair to them. Waiting and not knowing if that person is coming back or not gnaws at anyone I've met. It's not that I don't want to be attached to you, Leftenant — I just feel that it isn't fair to you if I go on a mission and become another statistic. Ultimately the choice is yours in my opinion."

By now Laura had tears welling in her eyes as she asked, "Did you want me to stay away? Is that what you want?"

Felix sighed and answered, "No, of course not — I'm just giving my two cents worth. You don't have to make any choice between Dr. Beckett and me — that's not what I'm doing here. I just don't want to see you hurt is what I'm trying to say. Dr. Beckett is a really good guy, and he's always around — I'm not always going to be around — that's why my ex left years ago — I was always gone somewhere. I'm just trying to save you the grief is all I think I'm doing." He sat back and sipped the rest of his now lukewarm coffee and let the ball be in her court.

There was one other way he could get her to try and understand him — he reached into a lower cargo pocket and pulled out a data stick and said, "On here are two songs — they explain better than I ever can how I feel about you." He handed the data stick to her, stood up and excused himself from the table.

Felix walked over and dropped off his tray and went back to his room, where he proceeded to strip and then clean thoroughly the clippers, and put them back together. Once that was finished, he grabbed his medical pouch and walked down to the infirmary to drop off the clippers and see about getting the refill he mentioned last night to Dr. Beckett.

He walked along the halls until he reached the infirmary, entered and waited near the entrance until an older woman in a white medical coat approached him and asked, "Yes, can I help you?"

Felix almost burst out laughing as he caught the once over with a raised eyebrow as if to ask 'what are you' rather than 'who are you' as was asked. He replied, "I was wondering if I may be able to talk with Dr. Beckett IF he's available. If he's busy, I can wait."

The white coat woman walked over to where Carson's desk area and poked her head around a curtain and spoke to someone there. Movement of the curtain revealed that Dr. Beckett was available — he smiled when he saw Felix and also waved over the older woman to join them.

Dr. Beckett introduced her, "Felix — this is Dr. Maggie Jones. She's what I gather you would call my second in command. Maggie, this is Sergeant Felix Grey — he runs our Search and Rescue here." Carson paused while Felix gave Maggie a quick affable smile and stuck out his hand to shake hers — she obliged with a good firm handshake while Felix said, "Ma'am." She was about 5'8", a good solid build that wasn't fat at all — just solid. Her hair was short blond with natural waves in it — it looked nice to Felix. She had smiling blue eyes, full lips, and a nice smooth face with a bit of roundness to it; her age he put around his — late 30's, and by the finger — unmarried as there was no wear mark.

Carson continued, "I'm having you two know each other because I'm not always available, as you both know." He looked at Maggie and said, "Felix could also be considered our resident combat medic, in my opinion. He does good work, Maggie — he was the one that fixed up Hansa and Lindsay last night."

Felix asked, "How are they doing, Doc?"

Carson answered, "Hansa will recover fully — yer cleaning of the wound was good — it has already started to heal with the help of staples." He looked at Maggie and said, "Why don't you tell Felix about Lindsay?" He said the last bit with a bit of a knowing smirk.

Maggie chuckled and said, "She was definitely in shock when you brought them in last night — I was the one checking her out. Good move putting a tensor bandage on the knee, by the way — a week or two on crutches and she'll move onto physio-therapy after that."

Felix was listening and nodded, "Good for them." He then looked over at Carson who still had the smirk on his face and asked, "Okay — what's the joke here? You've got that 'I know something he doesn't know' look about you — what's up?"

Carson tried hard but was unsuccessful to keep a straight face before he got a bigger smile on his face.

Felix now had a raised eyebrow as he opened his hands as if to say 'okay — now what' and waited for one of them to explain this.

Maggie was finally the one to explain; "You know what Stockholm syndrome is, don't you?"

Felix got a puzzled look as he replied, "Yeah — that's where a hostage is empathic with the captor, or something like that."

Maggie nodded and added, "We think that Lindsay may have 'Rescue Angle Syndrome' as we are calling it."

Felix replied warily, "Oh?" and remembered the clippers he was holding, and handed them over to Dr. Beckett and said, "Thanks for the loan." He then looked back at Maggie and said, "I'm obviously missing something here — could you fill the blanks in my head?"

Carson looked at Felix and asked; "You didn't notice how she was looking at you last night, lad? I saw it; Colonel Sheppard and Dr. Weir saw it — you didn't?"

Felix looked around puzzled still and replied, "Obviously not — I was making sure they were okay last night. I chalked her reactions last night to shock at the situation, not what you're saying." He paused and then added, "The other reason I came here was to see if I can get my medical supplies replenished for missions. Plus, I wouldn't mind your perspective on the mission casualties if I could."

Carson answered, "Aye, we can top up your medical supplies, but what could I possibly tell you that you can't read in reports?"

Felix explained, "There are patterns here that we can't quite see yet with the teams getting hit all the time, so I'm exploring all possibilities — like types of wounds, made by what — that sort of thing."

Beckett thought for a moment and then replied, "Aye, we can look that stuff up and discuss it with you. You do realize about patient confidentiality, right?"

Felix replied, "Yes, definitely."

"All right, we'll get your supplies first and then I can show you with Maggie here the reports I did on our people."

Felix asked, "Can I make small notes if I don't mention names of things that may identify any of the people?"

Beckett replied, "I shouldn't see a problem with that."

The three of them spent the next hour going through the medical reports filled out by both Carson and Maggie — Felix made small notes on things that caught his interest. To Carson it seemed random but to Felix it made sense in a screwed up way. He was starting to catch wind of the pattern, but didn't fully understand it — yet — but he knew he would. Once he thanked the doctors, had his medical bag topped up, and his notes put away Felix then headed for the storeroom where the tri-wall of his ammo and gear was stored — he hoped it was still there.

He managed to find his way there without having to get lost too many times, and found that in fact the tri-walls were still there, left exactly as he left them.

Felix started to remember what had happened the last time he was in the room and before he had another bad flashback he made a point of forcing the bad memories away to the back recesses of his mind.

He picked up the cargo manifest and started rechecking the contents again, and this time he pulled out certain items that he knew he would need in the immediate future. While in the middle of pulling out gear he had missed for a while his headset crackled, "Felix?"

He recognized Laura Cadman's voice and it made his heart want to see her, but then he remembered that she was still an officer and he wasn't; he replied, "Yes ma'am?"

He heard an exasperated sigh from her on the other end and then her voice again, "Where are you right now? I'd like to come and talk to you — if you're willing."

"I'm in the store room where the tri-walls of my gear is at if you wish to pop in and see me, ma'am."

She said, "I'll be there in a couple of minutes — don't go anywhere, Felix."

"Yes ma'am," was his formal response in case she was in the presence of Sheppard or Weir was listening in.

A few minutes later Felix heard the door open while he was deliberately crouched down in the tri-wall, sorting through the gear and putting things he wanted for immediate use off to one side. He heard her calling, "Felix - where are you hiding?" as he stayed crouched down and stayed still — while trying not to laugh.

He heard her footsteps walking slowly around the tri-wall and the room, and when he knew she was away and checking the back part of the room he slowly peeked over the lip of the tri-wall to see her going away from him.

He hopped out quietly and walked silently after her and made a point of keeping his eyes off to the side so she wouldn't feel like he was watching her.

Felix waited until she was at the back corner — he was hard pressed to keep from laughing — and said softly, "Boo."

Laura didn't jump, but turned around with a semi-serious look on her face, which she couldn't hold, and started shaking her head and smiling at him.

He asked, "So I hear you are called 'Demolition Woman' now — that because of me?"

Her face turned a bit sour but not entirely as she started walking slowly towards him, backing him towards the tri-wall as she replied, "Maybe — what else have you heard about me since you got back, Sergeant Runaway?"

He continued backing up and replied, "Well, there was the time Ronon was going to offer pointers to you for boxing and you scared him away."

"What else, Sergeant Smarty-pants?" as she continued backing Felix towards the tri-wall, so that he was stopped when his body jostled against it.