Chapter 1

My name is Darin Taylor. I started a journal shortly after I turned twelve. The journal itself is just a collection of bits and pieces of my thoughts and ideas about things that have happened to me and my mom. I have kept the journal secret, but perhaps one day someone else my age may use what I have learned, so I have rewritten it as a continuous narrative.

I just turned seventeen a few days ago. I received a scholarship to the university and will be starting college in a few weeks. This will be the first time ever my Mom and I have been apart. You see, my mother is not only my lover, but my call girl as well.

Before you judge me, to understand how and why things turned out as they did, I need to provide you with some background.

My mom, Sharee, was a small town girl from Colorado. She was pretty, even as a schoolgirl, but shy and retiring just as she is now. At fifteen when she was asked out on a date by the school romeo she had no idea what would follow. She has since told me what happened on her one and only high school date. They went to a movie after which he drove her in his parent's SUV to a secluded lake which served as a popular lover's lane.

"Chad, I don't think we should be here."

"Why not? You said you liked the lake."

"I do, but..."

She couldn't finish the sentence because his lips were all over hers. He was experienced and she was not, so within only a few moments he had her aroused.

"It's so hot in here," she gasped pulling away momentarily.

"Yeah, I noticed," he responded his hand reaching inside the skirt to rest on her bare leg.

"No Chad, you shouldn't."

"Oh, Sharee, don't be such a prude. Every girl wants it just as badly as the guy."

"But ... it's just not right."

"Tell me this doesn't feel right," he said his hand brushing hers aside and caressing her inner thigh.

His kisses which followed were at first romantic, then passionate, his tongue overpowering the inexperienced girl whose mouth finally opened to him in surrender.

"She moaned in ineffectual protest as his hands unbuttoned her blouse."

"Chad, no!"

But his hands were already at the clasp of her bra and moments later the undergarment was loose. His lips met nipple and it was as if an electric current was surging thorough the young girl.

"Oh my God, Chad! Ohhhhh!" she moaned, slowly but surely losing control. "No, not my panties ... please!" she begged but he would not be denied. She wasn't sure whether to fight him or help him pull them from her, but it didn't matter for seconds later both her breasts and nest were naked and open to him.

He pulled her into the roomy back which, with the rear seats folded, provided plenty of room.

"I can't! I can't do this!" she pleaded but suddenly all she could manage was an inarticulate gurgle as his lips met her nest, penetrated and began further stimulation of her immature but already engorged clit. His tongue flicked in and out and over her magic mound bringing the young girl to the verge of her very first orgasm.

"No, don't stop!" she cried, mindless with passion and oh so near to ecstasy as his tongue retreated and he rested atop her, his swollen phallus pulsing against her tummy.

"Want it, Sharee?" he asked. "Want it inside you?"

"Oh Chad, I do want it but..."

Another nip of her hardened nipple and she could resist no more.

"Want it, Sharee?" he repeated.

"YES! God, YES!" she cried as he rubbed his lance against her enflamed labial lips. OH, CHAD! CHADDDDDDD!!!" she screamed as he rammed it home, tearing her virginity from her and burying himself deep within the tight, wet and satisfying young pussy. "It hurts! IT HURTS!! OH GOD, IT HURTS!" she shrieked as her hymen ripped and shredded, defenseless against the onrush of the massive shaft, a veritable lance which in that instant, cut through her innocence, taking with it her childhood and initiating her into womanhood. He came deep within her womb but she did not. She had come so close only to be denied by the pain and fear. As he dressed she lay, naked, ashamed and deflowered.

"You better get with it, Sharee, if you expect a guy to want you."

"Wha ... what do you mean?"

"You just laid there. You got to get with it. Move, hump, make a guy enjoy it."

"You ... you didn't enjoy it?" she asked, tears welling.

"Oh, you got a nice body and all, but you don't just get fucked, Sharee, you got to fuck back. You know?"

"I ... I guess so. Uh, Chad, does this mean I'm your girl now?"

"Not unless you can do a lot better than you did tonight."

"But this was my first time."

"Yeah, it was kind of nice busting your cherry."

"Then... ?"

"You only got one cherry, Sharee and I just got it. You're not a virgin any more."

"But ... I want to be your girl. I'll do whatever you want!"

"WHATEVER I want?"

"Yes," she said, her voice barely audible.

"We'll see. Tell you what, tomorrow night my parents are going out to a party. Those parties never break up until the wee morning hours. They're leaving around seven. You come over at eight. We'll see if you can keep me interested."

"But I don't know if..."

"I said eight o'clock!" HIs voice had turned authoritarian, demanding.

"I ... all right," she said slowly in surrender as she began dressing.

Mom was so naive -- still is. It's only been recently that I have made her tell me what happened back then. She's so embarrassed to relate these things, yet never seems to learn.

The following night she told her parents she was going to study with a girlfriend. instead, of course, she showed up on Chard's doorstep, just as instructed. She honestly thought the guy cared for her.

"Come in, Sharee."

"I ... I can't stay long. Mom and dad said I have to be back by ten."

"No problem. You want something to drink, to relax you?" he asked, walking over to the liquor cabinet.

"No thanks. I ... I don't drink."

"Okay if that's the way you want it. Listen, I've got something really fun and kinky planned. Why don't you go on upstairs and get ready for me."

"Get ready... ?"

"My bedroom's the one at the far end on the left."

"I ... I don't underst..."

"Oh come on, Sharee! Go get undressed, turn off all the lights and get on the bed. I'll be up in a minute."

"But ... but I thought we might talk..."

"We'll talk later if you want, but right now I don't want to waste any time, especially if you have to be home by ten."

"Well ... all right," she murmured uncertainly. "Chad, are you sure we should be doing this? I mean..."

"Sharee, if you want a guy, you've got to be willing to put out for him. It's that simple. Now either get upstairs and get undressed or leave. No girl of mine is gonna promise and then not deliver."

"But..."

"No buts. Either put out or get out," he said gesturing first to the stairs and then to the door.

" ... All ... right," she whispered, hesitating then turning to climb the stairs and find her way to Chad's room.

The room, although spotless, was otherwise a typical teenager's pad, sports posters on the wall, several plastic airplane models suspended from the ceiling and hot rod magazines on the bookshelf. The room was not enormous but roomy enough for a large dresser, bookshelf, card table where a model car was under construction, and end tables on either side of a full sized bed.

Sharee was already having second thoughts but the thought of losing Chad because of her own prudishness was simply unbearable. She slipped off her shoes and sat on the edge of the bed wondering if she could really go through with this. Last night had been a moment of passion thing, but now she had come to his home with his parents away with one specific purpose. She knew several girls in school who had "the reputation." Would she acquire such a reputation as well? No, she thought, Chad would never tell anyone. He loved her. He had said as much last night. If he wanted her to give herself to him occasionally then she would ... and she would learn to make it really great for him too. That would keep him with her, no matter what.

Now determined, but still mortified, she slipped out of her dress and shoes and unsnapped the bra. Her breasts were just beginning to develop, little more than the nipples themselves. She looked in the dresser mirror and wondered what Chad saw in her. Her face was pleasant but there were lots of girls in school much prettier. She knew she was shy, especially around boys so it was hardly her sparkling wit which attracted him. Her eyes drifted down to her crotch. She didn't want to admit it but knew it was true. After all it was the reason he had invited her over in the first place. Between her legs was what he wanted. She shook her head as if to dispel the notion, but knew it to be true. Well then, if that was what it took, so be it. She would be his girl, no, his woman, in every sense of the word.

"Hey in there, you ready?" she heard from the hallway.

"Uh, just a minute," she called, stripping the panties from her, flinging them to the floor, climbing onto the bed and finally, turning off the lamp resting on the end table beside the bed.

She was struck by the total darkness as the blinds at the window were drawn and someone had obviously turned out the hallway light which had been on when she entered the room. It was dark as a coal mine. Sharee found the darkness disquieting.