Chapter 1

I don't believe that I have ever in my life seen my brother as mad as he was when he got home last Friday. My father lit into him as soon as he entered the house. Dad demanded the keys to my brother's car and told him that he was grounded for an entire month.

My brother looked at dad in shock. He didn't have any idea what this was all about. Not until dad yelled at him for doing burnouts in front of the school this afternoon.

Jeff turned and gave me a look that left no doubt what he thought of me. Death would have been too kind a fate.

I'll admit that I was the one that told dad about it as soon as he came home from work. My brother and I had never gotten along and both of us were quick to jump on any opportunity to get the other one in trouble.

I would normally have been grinning at Jeff, eager to let him know just how much pleasure I was getting from his troubles. But the look on his face at that moment scared the hell out of me. I saw pure hatred in his eyes. My brother and I have been fighting all of our lives. But I've never seen that look on his face before and I'm not exaggerating. The look on his face was so scary that it sent shivers down my spine. I would have been afraid to be alone in the house with him that night. There is no telling what he might have done.

I will admit that I was shocked at the one month grounding. That seemed a little harsh. But dad had warned him about his driving time and time again. And he was especially pissed about the burnouts. Jeff had a part-time job. But it only paid for gas and insurance for his car and some of the minor parts needed to keep it running. That meant dad had to pay for my brother's tires and any major car repairs.

What little money Jeff had left over after buying gas and insurance went for cheap dates when he could get one. Jeff is a good looking guy. But he has a temper and I think that girls have gotten wary of going out with him.

Jeff is seventeen. He is big and strong. I suppose he is a typical jock. He excels in sports and most of the guys in school look up to him. He has gone out with a lot of the girls in his class but he never seems to date anyone for long. As far as I know he has never hit any of those girls. But when he doesn't get his way he loses his temper. I've heard enough to know that I wasn't the first girl he scared with the angry look on his face.

My name is Lori. I'm sixteen but there is actually a two year gap in our ages. Jeff was born in January. I was born in November, almost two years later. I don't know if a two year old can be self aware enough to resent the birth of a sibling. But for whatever reason, from the moment they brought me home from the hospital Jeff and I have never gotten along.

My parents used to have to watch him closely when I was an infant. When my brother was younger if he thought that no one was looking he used to hit me or throw things at me. Our parents were so worried about him that they even took him to a counselor for a while.

They have also put him in anger management classes. I don't think the classes have had an effect other than to convince him that he needed to do a better job of hiding his temper from the people that could make him attend those anger management classes.

None of that, not the counseling, not the classes helped very much. Our relationship has never progressed beyond grudging co-existence. He doesn't hit me anymore. But we don't talk unless one of us has a complaint about something the other is doing. And as I said, both of us are quick to take advantage of any opportunity to get the other in trouble.

There is one other thing about my brother that I should probably mention. For several years now he has seemed to have an unpleasant and unnatural desire to spy on me. He has been caught several times trying to see me naked. I know that isn't so unusual, up to a point. Some of my friends have caught their brothers being a little more curious than what might be considered normal.

But I think that my brother was a little more sinister about it. My mom discovered a small peephole in the wall between the wall in the back of his closet and the bathroom that my brother and I share. He swore he knew nothing about it. But I don't think anyone was fooled. And he was never caught going into my room at night. But on more than one occasion I awoke in the morning to find that my bedroom door wasn't shut all the way. I always make sure that it is when I go to bed. And the thing that disgusted me the most was that it wasn't unusual for me to be missing a pair of panties after I did my laundry. So even though he hated me, he was not unaware of my budding sexuality.

Jeff didn't even have to ask how dad found out he was doing burnouts. Normally I would have been pretty proud of myself. But when I saw that murderous look on Jeff's face I opted for discretion over valor. I went to my room and avoided him as much as possible. But then, I have always done that.

Things got really weird around the house after that. Jeff turned into a perfect angel. I wasn't surprised that he would do whatever was necessary to satisfy our parents. He wanted his car keys back. Towards that end he was on his best behavior from that evening on. He did his chores without being asked. He kept his grades up and handed in all of his homework on time. He even kept his room reasonably clean. And most amazing of all, he made an attempt to get along with me!

He didn't start any fights or even do anything to annoy me when our parents weren't looking. He didn't go overboard. There was never any question that he'd had a sudden change of heart and suddenly he liked his little sister. But if not pleasant he was at least civil.

At the end of the first week I overheard dad tell him that he was impressed by the improvement in his behavior. He told Jeff that if he kept it up he would let him have his car back at the end of the following week.

To be honest, I was relieved. I knew how much he hated me for getting his car taken away. I knew it was festering in the back of his mind and that one way or another he was going to find some way to repay me for that.

The funny thing is, even though I still felt like I had to walk on eggs around Jeff, I would do it again. I loved getting the son of a bitch in trouble. I suppose that I should be grateful to him for giving me so many opportunities.

I hope I'm not giving you the wrong impression. I'm certainly no angel. I screw up from time to time. And whenever Jeff finds out about it he makes sure that my parents are made aware of it.

But I don't screw up any more than the average kid and I don't have that evil core that seems to be such a large part of my brother's makeup. There is no doubt in my mind that someday my brother is going to kill someone. There is something missing in him. He has never been diagnosed as a psychopath. But based on my limited understanding of what a psychopath is, Jeff is one. In his mind right and wrong are all about getting caught. Doing the right thing because it is the right thing to do would never occur to him.

Surprisingly, Jeff was able to continue to keep his anger in check. At the end of the second week he got his car back. What was eerie about his behavior was that even after he got his car back he continued to act as if he was still on probation.

I'm not trying to say that he became my friend. But he was at least indifferent around me. That was a big improvement. I knew that he hadn't turned over a new leaf. There was no question in my mind that when he got the opportunity he would pay me back for the humiliation he had suffered these last two weeks. That car of his was a large part of who he was now. Walking back and forth to school with the rest of us riffraff had not set well with him.

Life went on like that for another three months. We still had the occasional exchange of cross words. He couldn't control his temper completely. But my parents noticed the change in him and I sensed a hope for his future that they despaired of in the past.

I wasn't so easily fooled. I was still waiting for the other shoe to drop. I knew that his behavior was totally out of character. I could almost feel how tightly wound he was whenever we were in the same room.

Jeff kept the act up, though. He continued to do his chores without being asked. He came home when he was supposed to come home. He even managed to pass all of his classes! When school let out for the summer and he came home with the news that he had passed every class and wouldn't have to go to summer school for the first time since he started school my parents were almost in shock.

When our report cards arrived in the mail a week later and confirmed it they acted as if they had a brand new son. There were even a few glowing comments from his teachers about the improvement in his behavior and his work habits.

I still wasn't convinced that this was anything but a plot. I just didn't know what it was that he was plotting.

My suspicions grew when my grandfather called to tell my parents that they were giving them a present for their upcoming twentieth anniversary. They had purchased a two week Panama Canal cruise for them. As soon as I heard about it I began to wonder if Jeff had somehow found out in advance. That would explain his uncharacteristic behavior over the last three and a half months. He wanted our parents to believe they could trust him. He wanted to make sure that he didn't get shipped off to stay with our grandparents or our Uncle Bill when they went on their cruise.

He wanted to stay home and live the life of a carefree bachelor. And I suspect that he wanted the opportunity to pay me back for getting him in trouble. I didn't think for a second that he was just going to let that go. Not even after all these months had passed.

He got his wish. My parents were so impressed by his behavior lately that they even suggested that he stay at home. It would give him an opportunity to demonstrate to them that the trust he had recently earned wasn't misplaced.

That left me with an important decision to make. Did I dare to stay here and live alone with my brother for two weeks? Our parents had already as much as said that he would be in charge. The truth is I was still afraid of him. I was always going to be afraid of him. I was certain that he had been putting on an act since they grounded him. I knew that if he had the chance he would get even with me for getting his car taken away for two weeks.

But I had plans of my own this summer. My best friend and I had made plans. The time spent with my best friend was important to me. But just as important, I recently started dating Laney. Laney was the hottest boy in our class. The two of us have been making plans, too.

If my grandparents or my uncle lived here in town it would have been an easy decision. But they didn't and I didn't want to be exiled for two whole weeks. That would be nearly a quarter of my summer vacation!

I was nervous about staying in the house alone with Jeff. But I figured that I could spend a night or two with Tawney and if we didn't tell her parents that my folks were out of town she could probably spend a night or two at my house. With any luck that would take care of almost half the time my parents were away.

If all else failed, there was always 911.

My parents were oblivious as the time for their departure neared. This was their dream cruise. They had talked about a cruise through the Panama Canal for years. They were finally getting to go. It was all they talked about now. It was all they thought about. They placed a lot more faith in their fucked up son than I did. I imagine there was a lot of wishful thinking involved.

They had apparently come to the conclusion that we were old enough and mature enough to be left alone for two weeks now that Jeff had mellowed and could be trusted. I found it hard to believe that they couldn't see his unnatural behavior for the act that I knew it was. But I didn't say anything for fear that they would either cancel their trip or send me off for my own good. Having decided to stay in town and enjoy the things that I had planned with my boyfriend and my best friend I didn't want to take a chance on being shipped off to a relative's house.

I was surprised once again when even two days after my parents left town my brother was still acting like he had honestly reformed. Even though we had been specifically told that I was not to invite Tawney over for a sleepover, when I broached the subject with Jeff he just shrugged and said, "I don't care."

And he acted like he really didn't care! I went over to Tawney's house that day and we worked it out with her parents that she could spend that night at my house. It never even occurred to them to ask about my parents. We certainly didn't volunteer the information that they were out of town.

Tawney packed her pajamas, a change of clothes and her toiletries in a knapsack and we went to my house. Jeff was in the driveway washing his car when we arrived. Tawney didn't trust him any more than I did. But she smiled and said hi as we went by him. He nodded and then ignored us. No insults, no threats, very strange behavior!

We watched a little television early in the evening. We ordered pizza and even shared it with Jeff. Then we went to my room. We listened to music and talked for a long time. When the house got quiet we changed into our pajamas and Tawney pulled out a joint that she had "borrowed" from her little brother.

I snuck out to the living room. Jeff was in his room so I poured two glasses of wine and took them back to my room. We smoked the joint, drank the wine and lay together on my bed. We laughed and joked and teased each other the way best friends do.

I guess I have to confess something here that is pretty embarrassing. Tawney and I don't have sleepovers as much as we used to. But when we do, for the last few years we have been doing something that as far as I know most girls who are best friends don't do.

We have been helping each other masturbate. We aren't gay or anything. Not that there is anything wrong with that. But we aren't. It started when we were thirteen. We were talking about boys at one of our sleepovers, nothing unusual about that. This was before we started masturbating. We talked about kissing and I honestly couldn't tell you how it came about. But somehow we ended up practicing our kissing with each other. I know that sounds weird. It was embarrassing at first. I wouldn't admit it to anyone, not even to Tawney, but it was actually kind of exciting once I got over the embarrassment.

I'm pretty certain that the things we did that night, and the things we have done since, were done at Tawney's instigation. She has always been more adventurous than I am.

We didn't do those things every time we had a sleepover. But sometimes we would talk about boys, who we thought was cute and what it would be like to kiss him, and we would start getting excited and we would do it again.

It was more than two years before the subject of masturbation came up. We didn't jump in bed and start rubbing each other off. We talked about girls that we thought were doing it. By "it" I mean having sex. We talked about what we thought it would be like. We were both still virgins, of course.

The subject came up at the next couple of sleepovers. We were getting older and our hormones were raging. Tawney pulled out a woman's magazine one evening that talked about the ways that women masturbate. There were even vague drawings that illustrated various methods of masturbation for women.

We were both embarrassed. But we read that article over and over and discussed every word and every drawing. I had every intention of going home the next morning and trying some of those things out. Tawney surprised me, though. She took the lead and by the time we went to bed we were lying together in the dark, side by side, masturbating for the first time.

We never touched each other. That didn't start until much later. But it was very exciting and we did it over and over that night. It was the first time that either one of us achieved an orgasm. It was truly a revelation. It wasn't until later that I realized how strange it was that I masturbated for the first time with another person in the room.

Tawney and I seemed to be growing even closer as we shared these sexy secrets and began to discover some of the benefits of growing up. We were not ever lovers. We were just best friends who were learning about our bodies and sex and experimenting together.

Last year something new was added to the mix. A boy offered Tawney a joint. Tawney learned two things that day. She learned that pot made her feel wonderful, increased her already high libido and lowered her already low inhibitions. And she learned that kissing a boy was a hell of a lot more fun than kissing her best friend. She also learned that a boy's hand on her bare breast was just about the most exciting thing in the world, at least so far.