Chapter 6

Janet and Lila were impressed with house. OK, that is an understatement. They were in awe of it.

Lila took one look at the indoor pool and raced off to see if she had brought a swimsuit. I could figure no reason in the world why she would have packed one but what did I know. I am just a man.

"This seems a bit ostentatious for you," Janet said.

I told her that I had inherited it.

"I'm surprised after what you told me about your father," she said. "I figured that you would be reluctant to live in a house where he lived."

"It was my grandfather's house," I said. "He was a hard man but he had gentleness about him."

"I can see that you come by that trait honestly," Janet replied. "It's hard for me to picture the Mac I know with the Michael McPherson the rest of the world does. If I didn't know that it was an act, I would think it was schizophrenia."

"There probably is a touch of mental illness," I said honestly. "I'm sure I come by that trait honestly as well."

I got a half-smile from Janet before Lila raced in to see if there were any swimsuits in the house.

"Why would I have swimsuits?" I asked honestly.

"On MTV cribs they always have extra suits for guests," she insisted. "I mean this place could be on that show totally."

"Unfortunately, I am neither a rock star nor a matinee idol," I said.

"Jesus, Mac, she has no idea what a matinee idol is," Janet said with a laugh. "Next you'll be talking about your 78s and what a great TV show 'Gunsmoke' was." I almost flipped Janet the bird before I caught myself. She saw the motion, knew what it intended and burst out laughing.

"It's really nice to see you relaxed," she said. "Hon, give me a couple of minutes to sit here and then we'll go find you a suit. We passed a mall on the way here, didn't we?"

I nodded.

Lila pouted for a minute and stood looking intently at her mother.

"I believe 'a couple of minutes' was generic, Lila," I said. "What your mother should have said was 'cool your jets and find something else to do for a while.' Is that more accurate, Janet?"

Janet was still half chuckling over her "Gunsmoke" comment and simply nodded.

"OK, but I'm going skinny dipping in 25 minutes," Lila said. "So just be warned." "Skinny is about right," Janet chimed in. "Do you really want to know what Mac said to me about your age? He said he thought you were 11 or 12. You sure about that skinny dipping thing? Mac might have a pair of boys swim trunks you can use."

Lila shot me a glare. I knew she was kidding.

"Really, don't listen to your Mom," I said. "I swear, I said 17 or 18. Maybe 20. That sounds right. You look like a 20-year-old. College junior, no younger."

Lila smiled. I noticed she would probably need a retainer or braces in the next few months.

"OK," I said. "Rest time's over. Let's go find you two swim wear."

"Oh, I don't need a suit," Janet said. "It's too cold for me to even consider it."

"The pool is inside," Lila reminded her. "It's really warm in there. You could probably just get a tan from sitting in the room."

Janet rolled her eyes.

"There is a Jacuzzi downstairs you might want to use," I added. "But it's up to you. You have the run of the whole place. But you have to clean up after yourselves."

Janet gave a mock groan.

"So much for hospitality," she said with a laugh. "The next thing you'll tell us is that our evening meals won't be catered."

"Not catered," I said. "But almost assuredly delivered. I'm not much of a cook."

"Let me take a look at the pantry before we go out again," Janet said. "I'm a pretty good cook and if you're going to put up with us for a couple of days I can at least feed you."

"You really don't want to look in my cupboard," I said to Janet's retreating back. "I can list what's there. There is beer and leftovers in the fridge and Ramen noodles and things like that in the pantry."

Janet still was determined to prowl around in the kitchen. It was a space I rarely used.

"You're not kidding," she said when she returned. "You have nothing in there. Lila, we got our work cut out for us."

I could see Lila was not excited about the prospect of an extended shopping trip if it meant delaying her pool time.

"OK, give me a list of stuff you need from the store," I said. "You two can run to the mall and pick up a suit or two and I'll do the grocery thing."

Janet was shaking her head.

"No way, pal," she said. "I would ask for vermicelli and you would bring back spaghetti. Any man who thinks Ramen noodles are a food group is not getting anywhere near my kitchen."

"Mom," Lila whined.

Janet turned to her.

"Mac and I will go shopping," she said. "If he doesn't mind you can just stay here until we get back. I don't want you swimming alone but you can use the hot tub for 10 minutes at a time. Just wear your underwear. Do you mind if she stays here by herself?"

I didn't mind if Janet didn't.

"I'll leave my cell with her," I offered. "That way if she needs us she can get in touch with us."

I knew that Janet had delayed picking up cell phone service for another month, too. Still, she stared at me.

"Are you an idiot or am I missing something?" she asked.

"Honestly, there is a pretty good bet that both are right," I said. "But I will need more specifics."

"If you leave your phone with her what will we use when she contacts us?" she asked. "I mean it won't do her any good to try to call your cell when she has it."

"I have a personal Smart Phone that I will leave here with Lila," I said. "I have a business cell that I will take with us. Just give me a moment to program the speed dial."

It took me much longer than a moment and in the end I wound up handing the phone to an impatient Lila to allow her to do it. I hate to admit that it only took her four seconds.

"OK, you can't cook and your worthless with electronics," Lila laughed. "By the way, if I really wanted to I could get past that software Mom added to your computer in a heartbeat."

"But you really don't want to do that, do you?" I asked in what I hoped was a suitably stern voice.

Lila didn't seem impressed.

"My personal computer is on a server network," I replied. "Each and every web site you hit or e-mail you sent will be logged. If I need to, I will have no problem accessing that list and forwarding it to your mother and I also will have no problem locking up my office and denying you use of the computer."

Now Lila was impressed.

"No, Mac," she said. "I won't go past the software Mom put on there."

"Thank you," I said sweetly. "Are we ready to leave?"

Lila pulled Janet aside for a hushed conversation that included much head shaking from Janet. I stood patiently for as long as I could remain patient.

Have I mentioned that patience isn't a strong suit?

"Uh-hmm," I, well, I didn't actually say it but I certainly sounded it. "Are we ready or is it Ramen noodles and beer all around tonight?"

Janet concluded her conversation with an emphatic head shake and we were off.

"Ramen noodles and beer all around," she said as she slapped my arm. "I don't think so, Mister. Lila and I had a month's worth of Ramen noodles. And I probably would have given a lung for a beer to go with it."

Ouch.

"Sorry," I said. "I didn't think of that. You're awful eager to give up a body part. First it was a kidney to stay at the Watkins and now it's a lung for a beer." Janet just slapped me on the arm — a little harder this time.

I was given strict orders to disappear while she went into the sporting good store looking for a swimsuit. I tried to hand her my credit card but she declined.

"I still have some cash," she said. "And Lila will need a suit for next summer. So might I, come to think of it."

I didn't want to think much past the weekend. It had gotten off to a great start. Lila and Janet both seemed comfortable at my house and I was enjoying having them there.

Janet came out of the store 20 minutes later carrying a pair of bags.

"Do I get a look?" I asked eagerly — perhaps a bit too eagerly.

"They're bathing suits," Janet said. "Although by the price of them you would think they were more than that. You're springing for groceries."

The grocery shopping went really well. Janet took my arm as pushed the cart down the aisles. We were laughing and joking about everything from Lila's skinny dipping to my paltry food knowledge.

"You should see the suit I got her," Janet joked. "Well, you will but I got her another one off the sales rack. It's a one-piece with dolphins on it. It's in a young adult size but she is gonna shit when she sees it. It was on sale for $7 and I couldn't resist. I'm not going to show her the other one I bought until after she goes ballistic. Just make sure you're around for it."

"I will, I promise," I said. "I mean, really where would I go?"

"In that house?" she asked incredulously. "You could have a roommate that you only saw twice a year. I don't know if you have an ex-wife or anything but if you did you could split the house and still live alone."

She was a bit more serious after that.

"Have you ever been married?" she asked.

"No," I said. "I've never married. I have had very few serious girlfriends. None since I've moved back here. My life is somewhat awkward."

"Any one who dated you would be in danger," Janet said.

"Not really," I said. "I mean there is probably some potential danger. But probably less than with a federal prosecutor or a DEA agent. The people with enough reason to come after me know the risks far outweigh the rewards."

"You've said that before," Janet said. "I didn't understand then and I don't know."

"What reason would someone have for trying?" I asked. "He couldn't hope to take over what I have. It would be impossible. In addition, he would have to take out pretty much everyone who works for me.