Chapter 9: Epiphany

The Lambda Pi house might have been an old one, the Victorian mansion itself, I mean, but it had a really nice bathroom! With separate showers and toilets, it had a lot of counter space and plenty of mirrors, as well. Being the home for a dozen college coeds, I guess the designer had known exactly what a girl needs in her plumbing. Sorta. There were only two showers, tiled in pink with clear sliding glass doors, but the stalls were twice as big as you'd expect them to be.

"A shower built for two," Marcy said, smiling as I looked inside the nearest stall.

"No kidding!" I had to smile, too. This was the best shower I'd ever seen!

It had a pair of shower fixtures, left and right. They were the long flexible kind, not fixed to the wall, and each of them had a stainless hose long enough to reach the tiled floor. There were a bunch of different nozzle things to go with them, too. The attachments were lined up on special nozzle holders, everything from a pulsating massage shower head to a smooth, curving attachment that looked amazingly like a silver dildo. There were two of those, actually, one being long and thick and the other long and thin, and I knew exactly what that one was for!

"Pretty cool, huh?" My newest friend had already removed her towel and as I turned around she offered me an unabashed view of her petite body.

Marcy wasn't shy, that's for sure, but why would she be? This was her house, and mine too, I reminded myself. I'd grown up wishing I could take showers with girls, like after gym class when they'd disappear into the girls locker room. I wanted to follow them, but not because I had any interest in seeing naked high school girls. I didn't want to have sex with them, I just knew I was a girl, too.

Nobody can understand what it's like being a girl and having to get naked in front of a bunch of boys everyday. Except maybe a stripper, I suppose, but you know what I mean. Even if my classmates didn't know I was a really girl, it still embarrassed me. I mean, yeah, once in awhile I would think more about the guys being all hot and sweaty and naked, but I couldn't do that very much or my penis would get hard. My little cocky loved being surrounded by boys. I used to pretend I was a secret agent, like in disguise, Jane Bond infiltrating the boys locker room.

Some of them knew about me, of course. Most of them figured I was gay, which I knew I totally wasn't. Kissing a girl would be gay, kissing a boy seemed completely normal, except none of the guys I knew would ever want to kiss me. Even my secret boyfriends only wanted me to suck them off mostly. But nobody teased me that much about acting girly or whatever. I had friends and everything, so I didn't grow up in some queer void of desperate loneliness. Things were pretty normal for me, or as much as they could be for a teenage transsexual cross-dresser in the middle of cornfield Kansas. I mean, I was a cross-dresser because I dressed like a boy, you know, which always felt weird.

That's why joining a sorority seemed almost like a dream come true for me. I could finally be one of the girls. I lived with eleven women, we shared the same bathroom and kitchen and everything else, and I didn't have to pretend at all. Except I wasn't sure my new housemates wanted me to be just another girl.

"Can I?" Marcy asked, smiling up at me and biting her lip as she reached for my towel.

She wasn't but an inch or two over five feet, and the girl had a boyish body, a very naked one just then. Her tits were even smaller than mine, firm and flat, with long, thin nipples that pierced the air between us. Marcy had soft hips, a little baby fat clinging stubbornly in all the right places, but even so, her hips were narrow like a teenage boy's might be. Short legs and slender shoulders, a flat tummy and a very cute face, and those big blue eyes beneath her long, dark bangs. If she'd had a sexy penis instead of her smooth, clean shaven pussy, I wouldn't have been very surprised.

Maybe that's why I didn't stop her as she removed my towel, unwrapping me like a Christmas present. Krystal and Mina, all the other girls I'd met, they were mature and womanly, like fully grown, you know? But Marcy was different, like she was still waiting to grow up. I liked that for some reason, not that she looked liked a tenth grader, but something deeper. Her innocence maybe, or the idea that she could be anyone and do anything. She hadn't lost the promise of youth ... Except appearances can be deceiving, as I should have known better than anyone.

"What a pretty little cock," she sighed, cupping my balls and lifting them until she held all of me in the palm of her hand. "Krystal told me how pretty you are, but ... I love your tits, too."

"Ummm..." I hitched a deep breath as Marcy kissed my left nipple. Her fingers closed around my penis, squeezing me gently as she opened her mouth. I thought I should stop her, but I put my arms around her shoulders instead. Her arm went around my waist as she used her tongue and then her teeth to bring my nipple to swollen life. My cocky became stiff, which kinda surprised me, and I wondered what I was doing.

Why did I like this girl? Because I could imagine her so easily as a beautiful boy? I brought one of my hands to her chest, and I could barely squeeze her breasts, they were so small. Those dark brown nipples were were amazing, too. They were like thin bullets, stiff and maybe an inch long. They weren't fat like mine and not puffy at all. I couldn't believe how long they were and I giggled as I played my thumb across one and then the other. My swollen cocky strained against Marcy's fist as she slowly stroked the shaft. I wasn't very large, I knew that, but her hands weren't very big either. We were a good fit that way and I just had to hope Dave would understand.

But I didn't even have to tell him, did I? What happens in the house, stays in the house. That was the very first rule in my Pledge book, and I guess it made a lot of sense. Twelve girls living under one roof could make for a lot of juicy gossip, like how Marcy became the first girl I'd ever fucked in my life.

"Right here," she said, pulling my penis along as she backed towards the sinks.

I didn't say anything, I only giggled nervously as she pushed assorted combs, brushes, and random cosmetics out of the way. The fake marble countertops were cluttered with everything a dozen sisters would need and just that atmosphere, the casual female presence, made me truly happy for the first time in my life. I felt at home, you know? I wasn't living with my uptight parents or a trying to be the only girl in a dorm full of men, this felt natural for me. Normal, and it didn't matter if I had a penis ... Except it kind of did as Marcy pushed herself between the sinks, spreading her legs to expose her clean shaven pussy to my equally pink, hairless boy parts. We looked like a couple thirteen year old virgins down there.

"Are you sure you're twenty?" I teased her. "You look like you're..."

"Twelve?" She giggled. "I know. Don't tease me, everybody says that."

"I've never done this," I confessed, watching as Marcy rubbed my cockhead up and down her slit. She looked tight, too small even for my girlish cocky.

"I have," she breathed, smiling as a look of complete bliss came over her face. The smooth head of my penis had squeezed inside her and all I had to do was push.

"Mmmm..." I blinked at the sensation of sliding into her vagina, feeling the odd tightness at the mouth of her sex giving way to something soft and moist, and unbelievably warm.

Marcy wrapped her legs around my butt, grabbing my hips with her small hands and pulling me deeper. I watched her face for a moment, captivated by her eyes as they'd taken on a lustrous shine. I wondered if that's how mine looked when Dave made love to me, but I pushed him out of my head. I didn't want to feel anything but the pleasure of being with this girl and I looked down, watching my cock sliding back and forth between her pinkish pussy lips.

My tits jiggled and my nipples ached, throbbing the way they do when I'm excited. I leaned forward, wanting to feel Marcy's flat chest against me. Her nipples seemed to prick my skin, pressing into my breasts as she pulled my mouth to hers. I kissed a girl, and I liked it. Our tongues were all over each other, moving from her mouth to mine. She bit my lips and nibbled them gently, rocking her body beneath me while we fucked. I moved my hands everywhere, exploring her thighs and hips, upward across her ribs and around her shoulders.

If I felt gay, I didn't care. Something clicked inside me and I knew it didn't matter if we were both girls, she was a person. I'd never looked past someone's sex, but I'd expected everyone else to do precisely that for me. I guess that made me kind of a hypocrite, but not anymore. I felt free and the hard part was reminding myself that we were only having fun. We weren't making love, just having sex and enjoying each other's bodies. Girl fun. I finally started to understand the concept and it would have made me laugh if I hadn't been so desperate to make Marcy cum, and cum inside her.

"I knew you'd be a great fuck," she gasped, squirming her ass and grinding her pussy around my cock. "Yeah! Fuck me! Like that, I like it! Uh-huh! Faster! Harder!"

"I'm gonna cum," I groaned, driving my cock into the way she wanted it. My balls were slapping her soft, round butt as Marcy practically fell off the counter. She clung to me, kissing my jiggling tits as they hung across her flushed face.

"Do it," she agreed. "I wanna feel it. Fuck, you're sexy as hell. Make me cum first!"

She did cum, even as the muffled words blew across my breasts, I felt her pussy convulse with pleasure. Marcy's legs tightened, her knees digging into waist as she bit my right nipple much harder than before. I jerked with painful surprise, but only for an instant and that's all I needed. My balls seemed to jump into my tummy and my cock throbbed quickly, spurting eagerly as I held myself as deep inside the girl as I could. The sensation was both familiar and strange, but refused to feel anything but good about myself.

"Uh-huh! Uh fuck! I feel it! Fucking cum inside me!" Marcy panted loudly, and that girl had a really dirty mouth considering how innocent she looked.

I kissed her again, awkwardly and smiling, and mostly wanting her to be quiet. Everyone in the house could probably hear the girl. So we kissed, looking into each other's eyes and sharing a new experience. I'd finally had sex with a girl and I had the weird, stupid thought that my Daddy would have been proud of me.

"What?" Marcy wondered, seeing the look on my face.

"My dad always wanted me to have a girlfriend," I said, more or less panting the words as we caught our breath.

"Well, I'm not your girlfriend," she replied, gently, with a soft kiss on my lips. "You know that, right?"

"Yeah," I agreed. "It's just girl fun."

"Okay." Marcy giggled. "Just wanted to make sure. Do you want to do it again?"

"I think so." I nodded, feeling some genuine amazement that my cock hadn't gone soft at all. I was still inside her, bathing in our combined orgasm, and I still had Dave's cum leaking out of my butt. Talk about weird!

"Hey Pledge!" someone shouted from two floors down. "Your boyfriend's here!"

"Already?" I frowned as I dug through my unpacked suitcase. I'd spent a long time in the shower with Marcy, after fucking her twice, and Dave had arrived fifteen minutes early.

"Big date, huh?" Mina asked, standing in the open doorway of my room. She didn't have to knock, since she was my sponsor.

My Mistress, I corrected myself, pulling my red silk blouse out of the pile. It wasn't too wrinkled, but I needed a better wardrobe. Except I couldn't afford new clothes, not if I wanted to eat, and especially not if I wanted some real tits someday. I mean, real fake ones, but still ... Fuck! Dave had come too early, but at least I enjoyed a girlfriend's right to make him wait.

"Better hurry, Pledge!" another girl yelled. "He looks horny!"

"This is okay, right?" I asked, fixing my blouse over my bra. I already had my black skirt and stockings on. "It's not too wrinkled?"

"You look great," Mina said. "Don't forget, ten o'clock curfew."

"What?" I blinked at her.

"It's in the book," she told me, smiling. "Pledges need their beauty sleep. If you're late, I'll have to spank you."

"Uhhh..." I smiled at that, but only weakly. I couldn't tell if she was serious or joking.

"And don't tell him anything," she reminded me, because I knew that rule. Pledges were sworn to absolute secrecy, which seemed kind of silly, but...

"What if he asks me why I have to go home so early?"

"Tell him you have a headache."

"But he might think..."

"So blow him first." Mina rolled her Japanese eyes. "You're a big girl, so stop making excuses."

"Sorry," I sighed, reaching for my shoes. "I'm still getting used to everything."

"Another excuse?" She laughed. "One more and I'll spank you right now, Pledge."

I opened my mouth to say something, but decided this would be a good time to be quiet for a change. Mistress Mina turned around anyway, probably bored with me, and this whole sorority initiation thing seemed kind of dumb. I mean, I knew there would be some teasing, some mind games or whatever, but a ten o'clock curfew? Spankings?

"Whatever," I sighed, fixing the straps on my heels.

I got halfway down the stairs when I remembered my Pledge book. Don't leave home without it! I had to carry it with me everywhere I went. If I lost it, I'd be in serious trouble, although I wasn't sure what that meant. If I did something wrong and a Lambda Pi sister saw me, she'd write the offense down in my book and I'd be in trouble for it later. I had to memorize all the rules, and there were a bunch of them, verbatim. That means word for word, because I had to look it up. I had to memorize the Lambda Pi Oath of Sisterhood, the Lambda Pi Hymn, and the name of every sister on campus. They were all listed, 73 of them, and I had to meet each of them personally and get her autograph to prove I'd introduced my humble, unworthy self as a prospective member of their illustrious sisterhood.

That's a lot of memorization for a girl like me!

"Hi!" I smiled at Dave and he looked good. Too good.

"Hey, Brandy," he replied, sitting between Veronica and Heather, two of my new housemates, and I hadn't really met them yet. We'd just sorta said hello to each other.

"I should change," I decided, except I had no idea what else I could wear. Dave wore a suit, a nice one that I hadn't seen before, and it looked seriously expensive.

"What? No," he said, rising from the sofa. "You look beautiful. Are you ready to go?"

"Behave yourself, Pledge," Veronica warned me in a teasing voice. She was one of those tall, dark, and beautiful girls.

"Where's your pin?" Heather asked, narrowing her green eyes suspiciously.

"Shoot!" I looked at the ceiling.

"Don't worry," she said with a scrunch of her nose. "We'll watch your boyfriend for you."

I'd have to go all the way back upstairs to find that silver Lambda Pi Pledge pin and fix it to the collar of my blouse. In the meantime, Dave would be making himself comfortable between Veronica, who looked like precisely like a Veronica should, meaning totally hot and kind of stuck-up, and Heather, a soft, cuddly, uber-cute Irish girl complete with red hair and freckles, and a pair of tits exactly like the ones I wanted to buy. Except hers were all natural and she'd be rubbing them all over my boyfriend while he waited for me.

"Hey? Do you want to see my new room?" I asked, thinking that would be a clever way to keep him out their evil clutches.

"Pledges can't bring boys to their rooms," Veronica told me. "Sorry."

"You should read the rules, Brandy." Heather gave Dave's arm a tug. "Sit back down. She'll be right back. I've never kissed a football player before."

"Neither have I," Veronica sighed, both of them probably lying their sexy asses off. "I wonder if they kiss as good as basketball players?"

"I'll be right back," I said, rolling my eyes as Dave smiled apologetically.

I knew I could trust my boyfriend though, girls a lot prettier than those two threw themselves at him all the time. I knew why they were doing it, too. Mina had warned me that bringing a boy to the House made him fair game for everyone, which meant nobody brought their boyfriends to the House unless they were having a party or something. It's a pretty good way to enforce a rule that everyone would eventually want to break ... No boyfriends allowed! But that didn't mean no boys, period.

Sometimes a girl might want a little something different, a change of pace, as Mina explained it. So she might bring a boy home just to fuck and forget him. That was perfectly okay and the girls could all trust each other to keep the secret, although trusting the stud in question was something else altogether. The only rules covering one night stands with unsuspecting boytoys were that they had to be gone before the next morning, and they had to get their picture posted on the private Lambda Pi Hall of Shame web page. The more embarrassing the photo, the better, and showing either his cock or his face, preferrably both.

I could never do something like that Dave. I mean, bringing some other guy to my room just for a quick fuck fix. That's why I had a boyfriend in the first place! It's the reason I'd moved out of the boys dorm, too. I felt guilty enough after fucking Marcy. Twice! And then taking a shower with her, which basically meant we'd made out a lot and jilled each other off to more orgasms. Two for her and one for me. I really hoped Dave wouldn't be disappointed if my cocky didn't get all excited for him the way it usually did. My balls felt pretty empty.

"How do you like it so far?" he asked me, driving off campus towards the restaurant. I wasn't sure if he meant being a Pledge or living in the Lambda Pi House, but it didn't really matter. The answer would be the same either way.

"It's kinda weird," I said carefully. "I'm not really supposed to talk about anything."

"Yeah." He chuckled. "I sort of figured that. So I guess you can't tell me if you hooked up with Krystal again, huh?"

"Uh..." I smiled nervously. "Do you want me to?"

"It's up to you," Dave replied, rather casually. "I just think it's cool you joined a sorority."

"But you don't care if I fool around?" I asked, just wanting to be totally clear. I know he kept saying that, but maybe I just didn't want to believe it.

"They're all girls." He shrugged. "Why would I care?"

"What if, um..." I swallowed hard, thinking about Marcy.

"I really didn't like you living in that dorm," he continued before I could ask. "I know you didn't do anything, but ... All those guys? I was a little jealous, Brandy."

"You were?" All I could think about was Keith and Stu. Dave really didn't know anything and I hated myself for lying to him. I felt sick.

"I didn't want to say anything," he said. "It's not your fault. You probably hated it, huh? All those guys leaving the toilet seat up all the time?"

"Yeah." I laughed weakly.

"How did you ever get a shower?" he wondered, half-teasing me, I thought. "Did you post a guard at the door or what?"

"I should have," I said. "Some of those guys, um ... they saw me, you know. I couldn't help it."

Yeah, like I couldn't help jerking off with Darrel? Watching him stroke his big black cock while I fingered my boy pussy and posed, playing with my cocky and wishing he'd fuck me. Like having sex with Keith? Kissing him under the hot spray, licking his hard body and sucking his cock, letting him fuck me only so Stu could catch us. I couldn't help any of that, could I?