Chapter 4: Friday Morning November 26th

I woke up suddenly – I don’t remember why. I think I might have been dreaming but I don’t remember the dream. I lay there and looked up at the ceiling. Suddenly, I was filled with panic. It was the wrong ceiling. I’d never seen it before in my life. I had no idea where I was. I’d gone to sleep in my bedroom and woken up somewhere else? What happened? Where was I?

It’s always been something that scares me – going to sleep in one place and waking up in another with no explanation as to how I got there. Mum tells me that once when I was little, Tara got sick during the night. Dad was away on some work trip and Mum hadn’t wanted to leave me at home while she took Tara to the hospital. Instead of waking me up, Mum picked me up and took me to Grandma Stone’s place and put me in a bed there. Apparently when I woke up in a strange room I completely freaked out. Mum says it took Grandma Stone ages to calm me down. She had to take me on a complete tour of all my favorite places in the house to remind me that this was somewhere I knew and somewhere I felt safe.

I’ve had nightmares about it from time to time. It was especially bad after we moved out here from England. I would wake up and not remember where I was. In England I shared a room with Tara. That wasn’t always fun but having her there when I woke up was comforting. Then we moved to America and not only was I waking up in a strange room but I was waking up alone. It really freaked me out. On Thanksgiving, when Tara shouted at The Parents for putting me through the move from England, that was some of what she was talking about. There was other stuff as well, like having to get used to a strange school where everybody did things weirdly, but waking up in a strange room was definitely a part of it. I don’t think Tara knew why I was so freaked out but she could see that I was upset.

And now it was happening again.

My heart was racing frantically. I sat upright in the bed. The walls were covered in an oriental style wallpaper. The furniture all coordinated and matched the wallpaper. I didn’t recognize this room at all. My panic became even more intense. Where was I? Why was I here?

I was getting ready to scream the place down when it sank in that I wasn’t alone in the bed. Dan was lying on his back and doing that noisy breathing that isn’t quite snoring. As soon as I saw Dan, my panic started to fade away. Dan is like my rock that I can hang on to. If he was here then I must be okay.

I looked sideways and saw Pearl as well. She lay on my other side, sleeping soundly. That’s when my memory came back. I remembered being brought to the house and joining Dan in the guest room. I was at Pearl’s house – not her college room but at her family’s house. And judging by the amount of light creeping around the curtains it was still early. Reassured, I lay back down and snuggled up to Dan. He felt so ... solid.

I wrapped myself around my rock and used him to anchor myself to the world.

I blinked and in the short space of time between my eyes closing and opening again, my rock had vanished. Dan had completely disappeared. I gasped and reached out into the space where Dan had been. There was nobody there. The bed was still warm from the heat of his body, but the body itself had vanished. I cried out and started groping around, as if my hands might discover something my eyes told me wasn’t there.

Arms snaked around me from behind.

“Hush! Bec, it’s okay,” whispered Pearl into my ear. “Dan had to go to the bathroom. He’ll be right back.”

I blinked as her words made their way through the solid layer of bone protecting my brain. Sometimes all that bone closes up and doesn’t let anything through.

I twisted my head and looked at the window. There was definitely more light coming through. It was the only logical explanation. I hadn’t just blinked, I’d slept. And while I was asleep, Dan had gotten up and left the room.

Pearl was still holding me, talking softly. She was saying those inane things that people say when comforting a small child who has woken from a bad dream. It made me feel better. I guess those inane words actually do work – maybe they aren’t so stupid after all. I relaxed into Pearl’s arms and let her cradle me against her. I was half-lying across her lap with my head pressed into the softness of her chest. She rocked me quietly and started singing some song in Chinese. It sounded like the sort of song a mother sings to her children to get them to go to sleep.

A part of me felt really silly. I’m not a child. I didn’t want to go to sleep. Pearl’s not my mother. She’s what, six years older than me? But another part of me loved it. Baby Bec sighed happily and curled up in Pearl’s arms. That was something I needed right then because I was feeling kind of fragile.

The door opened and Dan walked back into the room. My brain made an image of me flying across the room and wrapping myself around him. Since it was an image in my brain, it all worked perfectly. I flew to Dan without my feet even touching the ground. I wrapped myself around him without any awkward elbows or breath-stealing slips. It was such a beautiful image.

I lay in the cradle of Pearl’s arms and looked at how the covers were wrapped around me. I decided that if I really tried to do that then I wouldn’t so much fly as fall. Chances were that I would get my legs all tangled up and I would end up face first on the floor instead of nicely wrapped around Dan. The room was definitely colder than the bed, too. So instead of comfortably clinging to Dan, I would probably end up on the floor with my bum getting cold because it was sticking straight up in the air.

I decided a better plan was to stay in the warmth and comfort of the bed and not humiliate myself. I mean, I’d already humiliated myself pretty effectively last night. I didn’t see the need to add to it.

I watched as Dan closed the door and then came over and sat sideways on the bed. He had gotten dressed to go to the bathroom. I kind of wanted him to get undressed again and crawl back under the covers with me but he didn’t. Instead, he sat on the bed and looked at me as I lay there in Pearl’s arms. Pearl stroked a hand down up and down my forearm – that felt nice.

“There she is,” said Dan in a soft voice. “Good morning, princess. How’re you feeling this morning?”

I looked up at him and thought for a moment. Then I gave him a little shrug. I wasn’t sure of the answer.

“Are you ready to tell me what went on last night?”

I really wasn’t. I twisted in Pearl’s arms until I had my back to Dan and had my face planted into the soft material of Pearl’s top. Then I pulled the covers up and over my head.

I felt Pearl’s body shake as she giggled silently.

“I’m guessing that means no,” she said.

I lay still and pressed my nose into the hollow just below Pearl’s shoulder. Pearl smelled nice. She smelled like the sun rising over grass-covered hills.

I clung tightly to Pearl. I had a feeling that Dan wasn’t going to accept that my actions meant no.

I felt the bed shift as Dan slid himself closer to me. The covers got tugged out of my hands and lowered. Dan’s big hands gripped my shoulders and pulled. I was hanging onto Pearl so tightly that both of us immediately started lifting away from the pillows. As soon as Dan realized what was happening he stopped pulling. One of his hands drifted down from my shoulder. I felt his fingers dancing feather-light as they skimmed across the ribs down my side. I jerked away. My elbow automatically swung down to protect my exposed ribs. I was so not expecting him to start tickling me. Dan used the distraction to pull me away from Pearl. He rolled me onto my back and used a big meaty hand on that sternum bone down the middle of my chest to pin me in place. He wasn’t pressing hard – which is good because otherwise I wouldn’t have been able to breathe – but he was pressing firmly enough to stop me getting away.

I lay there and pouted up at him. Tickling me was definitely cheating. Dan grinned at me and leaned down so that he could kiss my nose. I thought for a moment about struggling against the hand pinning me down but I decided not to bother. Instead, I poked my tongue out at him but Dan ignored that. He calmly straightened out my hair and arranged it on the pillow with his spare hand. Pearl adjusted the covers up around me so that I wouldn’t get cold but she didn’t say anything.

“So, Bec,” said Dan. He leaned right over me and looked down into my eyes. “What happened last night? Did someone try to get into your room again?”

I shook my head but then I stopped. I had a memory of someone standing in my room and a roaring sound so I nodded. But then I realized that had probably been part of my dream so I shrugged my shoulders.

“O – kay,” drawled Dan. “Did you have a bad dream? Did you dream about someone trying to get into your room? Then you woke up and thought it was still happening so you ran away? Is that what happened?”

I started nodding when Dan asked about the dream but then I started shaking my head again. I bit my lip and looked up at Dan. He was asking too many questions at once. It was confusing.

Dan was looking down at me with a confused expression on his face. But then I could see as he thought through the questions he had just asked and the confusion went away.

“So you had a bad dream but it wasn’t about someone coming into your room?”

I nodded but then I frowned and bit my lip again. It was kind of about someone in my room but that wasn’t all of it.

“Then what was it about?”

I lay there and looked up at Dan. I blinked a couple of times. There was no way I could answer that question. My voice wasn’t working and I didn’t feel like playing charades until Dan guessed the right answer.

“Okay, that was a dumb question. You can tell me later, okay?”

I nodded.

“So, you had a bad dream. Then you woke up and you were so scared you got up and ran away.”

I frowned and shook my head.

“Oh! So, you had a bad dream. And you woke up and thought it was still happening so you got up and ran away.”

I bit my lip and shook my head. To be honest that might have been true but it didn’t sound right.

“Well, how did you end up out on the streets?”

I looked up at Dan and rolled my eyes. How could I tell him when I didn’t know myself?

“Okay, that was another dumb question. I can’t think straight. It’s too early in the morning and I haven’t had any coffee yet.” He looked over at Pearl. “I don’t think we’re going to get much more out of her than that until I can get some coffee into me and think up some better questions.”

“That sounds like a plan,” said Pearl. “I need to get to the bathroom and then we can brew up some coffee.” Pearl leaned over and ran a hand down the side of my head. “What about you, Bec? Do you need to use the bathroom?”

I looked at her and nodded. That was a question I could answer without any confusion.

Normally I’m not fond of going to the bathroom with someone else. I know it’s supposed to be a “girl” thing to go to the bathroom in packs but I’ve never really been like that. This time I was feeling very insecure so I was very happy that Pearl stayed with me in the bathroom instead of me having to be alone. If I could have figured out a way to drag Dan in there with me and not be embarrassed about using the toilet in front of him then I would have done it.

Pearl soaked a small hand towel in hot water and wrung it out until it was hot and damp rather than hot and wet. Then she used it to clean my face and around my neck. It made me feel so good – not just the hot towel but having Pearl do that for me. Once she was done I pushed Pearl to make her sit, took the hand towel from her and went through the same procedure to clean her face. Pearl sat there and let me do it, smiling all the time. She didn’t say a word – she just closed her eyes and smiled. It felt as good doing that for Pearl as it did having her do it for me.

When I was finished, her eyes popped open and sparkled at me.

“We need to get you dressed,” she said. “Come on.”

Pearl took me into her bedroom. It was very much a teen girl’s bedroom – a teen girl frozen in time from a few years ago anyway. I guess that made sense since she hadn’t been living at home for a couple of years. Her wall was covered with posters. There was Leonardo DiCaprio from Titanic and Orlando Bloom from the first Lord Of The Rings movie and the poster for Red Hot Chili Peppers from their Californication album and another one of Leonardo DiCaprio from Titanic and a poster of Pearl Jam. She had a shelf crowded with trophies and ribbons from her time as a gymnast and a dresser with a mirror that was nearly covered with photos of faces taken from too close and out of focus.

There was a cat lying on her bed and watching us with big green cat eyes. He was mostly gray with a white splash down below his mouth and across his stomach.

“What are you doing on my bed, Rui Shi?” asked Pearl.

The cat didn’t say anything. It looked at Pearl and then it looked at me and then it licked its lips.

Pearl looked at me. “Rui Shi means auspicious lion. Have you heard of the foo lions? The guardian lions that sit outside the door of Chinese temples? Rui Shi is named after them. Rui Shi actually owns this house. He lets us live here provided we keep his house clean and feed him and such.”

I nodded at Pearl and reached out to pat Rui Shi on the head. Rui Shi snuffled at my hand and then started licking at my finger. It felt like a tiny piece of sandpaper being dragged up my finger over and over.

“Apparently he approves,” said Pearl. “I guess that means you may stay.”

Pearl sat me down at her dresser and put a brush into my hand. I brushed out my hair while Pearl dived into her closet. She explained that most of her clothes were at her apartment but she still had some things here. She was sure she could find something for me to wear. She pulled out different things and held them up against me before shoving them back into the closet. I rejected the miniskirt she thought would look cute on me. No way on earth am I going to start wearing miniskirts. Pearl pouted at me in disappointment but then she grinned and winked at me. I must have a label on my back that says, “Please tease me now.”

Pearl almost had me convinced on a combination of patterned leggings and a mottled blue jumper-style dress over a long-sleeved white turtleneck. Then she pulled out a dress that I fell in love with as soon as I saw it. It was amber with burnt orange leaf motifs down one side. It had three-quarter sleeves and a crew neck. It had a fairly tight bodice and then flared at the hips to almost a full-circle skirt that would fall to about mid-calf on me. It probably sounds like a summer dress but the cloth was a tighter and heavier weave than you’d want on a summer dress. Pearl saw my eyes light up when I saw it and stopped digging through her closet.

I turned my back on Pearl while I stepped out of my pyjamas. I mean, I was still wearing my underwear but I still turned my back. Pearl had the dress all gathered up so that I could put my arms and head through and then she dropped it into place around me. The bodice was tighter than I expected. I had to breathe out so Pearl could zip up the back.

Once the zipper was up, the bodice of the dress fit me like a second skin. It felt tight around me but I could breathe okay. I looked at myself in the mirror and twisted to one side and then the other. The skirt flared out when I twisted and then swished and swirled back around my legs when I stopped moving. The cloth was heavy enough that it didn’t flare up so high that it was embarrassing. That was a good thing. The cloth sliding around my legs felt nice.

I ran my hands up my stomach and chest. The tightness of the bodice had flattened out my beginner boob so much that it disappeared. Maybe if I’d been wearing a bra it might have held its shape better but like this it made my chest look completely flat. I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. I was getting used to seeing the little bumps in my clothing all the time – even if one of the bumps was mostly tissue paper. In a way those little bumps have become a symbol of how I’m slowly but surely getting older. This dress wiped all that progress away and made me look as flat-chested as I had been when I was ten. Maybe not quite, but almost. I looked in the mirror and ran my hands down my sides – there was just a hint of a curve in under my ribs then out to the points of my hips. That hadn’t been there when I was ten.

Then I realized what I was doing. I was staring at my body in the mirror. I was standing in front of Pearl and looking at my body. I folded my arms across my stomach and turned away from the mirror. Pearl was waiting for me holding up a white sweater. She grinned at me.

“I can guess what you’re thinking. I never wore that dress without wearing this as well.”

She held the cardigan up so I could slide my arms into it. She turned me back to face her and carefully arranged the edges about three inches apart down my front.

“You don’t have to button it – it works if you wear it like this.”

I looked down at my chest. The lines of the sweater broke up and disguised the smooth expanse of my chest. My flatness wasn’t quite so obvious anymore.

Pearl was stepping back to look at me. Then she turned and dug a pair of long white socks out of a drawer and threw them to me.

“Put these on. The color doesn’t matter, because...”

She bent down behind her bed and stood up holding a brown boot in each hand.

“Ta da!”

I sat on the bed and pulled the socks on. Then Pearl knelt in front of me and slid a boot onto my left foot. It had a zipper on the inside. She zipped it up and the boot nearly reached my knee. I lifted up my foot so that I could run my hand up and down the leather wrapped around my calf. Rui Shi prowled over to the edge of the bed and examined the boots too. I think he approved because he sat down and started licking his back leg.

In the meantime Pearl had put the other boot on and was ready to help me stand up.

I stood and took a moment to get my balance. The boots had a small heel on them – nothing major, a bit less than two inches I think. But since I never wear anything with heels it took me a moment to get used to them. I walked back and forth from one side of Pearl’s bedroom to the other – delighting in the feel of the leather squeezing at my calves and the material of the dress swishing and swirling around my legs.

“You look very Teen-Vogue. Probably a bit formal for breakfast but who cares? You look gorgeous and that’s all that matters. You may as well keep the dress – I never wear it any more but I want the boots back. They’re my second favorite pair of boots.”

Pearl opted for the same mottled blue jumper dress and white turtleneck that she had almost convinced me to wear. I stood swishing my dress and admiring the Orlando Bloom poster while Pearl changed. Once she was done, she took my arm and looped it through hers.

“Let’s go find Dan, shall we? I promised him some coffee.”

Dan greeted the two of us with a beaming smile. His eyes danced as Pearl posed me in front of him and then did a pirouette to show off her own outfit.

We perched ourselves on the stools around the island in the kitchen. I had nudged my stool a bit closer to Dan’s so I could push my thigh against his and lean against his side. I watched Pearl as she glided around the kitchen boiling water and percolating coffee. Dan had suggested that I might want tea instead of coffee and I had nodded gratefully. Nobody spoke as Pearl smoothly went through the routine. I know why I wasn’t talking. I guess the other two were allowing themselves to wake up slowly or something.

Pearl lined up the mugs and put out milk and sugar. We each took turns adding in what we wanted and stirring. When the drinks were ready, Pearl sat down across the bench from us and smiled at the two of us. I wrapped my hands around the hot mug and let the warmth seep into my hands. The tea was still too hot to drink so I blew softly onto it and watched little ripples run across the surface in response to my breath.

Rui Shi arrived on the island with a thump. He walked down the length of the bench between us with his tail waving in the air like a flag. His tail had subtle dark rings spaced down its length. I hadn’t noticed them before. The rings added an interesting texture to the otherwise uniform gray of his back. Rui Shi sat himself down on the bench in front of Pearl and butted his head at her. She reached out and tickled under his chin and he rubbed the side of his head up and down on her hand.

It was nice, sitting there and letting the morning happen in its own time. There was no rush. Nobody had to be anywhere on any particular schedule. It was a chance to be lazy and relax and that was nice.

It didn’t last. Mrs Wong came into the kitchen and started banging around. I guess she was starting breakfast so I don’t want to sound like I’m complaining but she did kind of spoil the mood.

Mrs Wong looked at me closely. I guess she wasn’t exactly staring but it kind of felt like that at the time.

“So, what happened to you last night? Hmm? Did you have a nightmare? Hmm?”

I shuddered. I guess I’d known it was going to happen. I fully expected it was going to keep on happening. Everyone was going to ask. Everyone was going to expect answers. They would all stare at me and wait for me to supply answers that I didn’t have.

I dipped my head and shook my hair forward over my face. I turned and buried my face in Dan’s chest. I think I was shaking. I guess it was good that my tea wasn’t boiling hot any more because I completely forgot it was in my hand. I didn’t understand why Dan jerked away so suddenly. I thought maybe he was being mean or something. But then one of my hands couldn’t grip onto Dan’s shirt because it had a mug in it and I figured out what had happened. I felt really bad about that.

I opened my eyes and looked down. Dan had a wet patch on his stomach and a strip of wet across the top of his left thigh. I brushed his leg with my hand but that didn’t help at all. Dan was telling me he was okay – that he wasn’t burned – but I still felt awful. I kept my head down and hid behind my hair as I brushed uselessly at the wet patch on his leg. Pearl arrived with a couple of small towels and handed me one. Together we dabbed and sponged at the wet patches on Dan’s clothes.

I think Mrs Wong might have been saying something but I didn’t hear it.

I think Pearl and I would have quite happily kept doing that for half an hour but Dan stopped us after a minute or so. He lifted me up and put my arms around his neck. My head rested on his shoulder and my knees wrapped around his waist. I was kind of sitting on his right hip so that I wasn’t pressed against the damp patch on his left side. My boots bumped against his legs as he moved. My dress swished and dangled behind me.

“I think maybe we should sit in the other room for a little while,” said Dan.