Chapter 11: Later Friday Evening

One time I was talking to Dan about sex stuff and he made some comment about bondage. He had to explain that it meant tying people up during sex. I remember thinking about how Tara and I have occasionally played games where as part of the game one of us has spent some time tied up and I couldn’t understand how that had anything to do with sex. When I asked Dan about this, he said he didn’t think he could explain it properly. I asked him to try. He thought about it for a moment and then this is what he said.

“I’m not an expert but I think it’s about completely surrendering control to the other person. It involves a lot of trust. When you’re tied up the other person can do anything they want to you and you can’t stop them. You’re trusting them to do only good things to you. There’s always the risk that they might do something else. Some people find that risk exciting. Another side of it is that you aren’t responsible for anything that happens to you. You aren’t responsible for making sure the other person is enjoying herself – or himself. All you can do is experience what is done to you. I suppose some people find that liberating – not having to be responsible or make any choices.”

That made me laugh – being tied up was liberating? How did that work? Then again, I’ve seen people who are so selfish they would like having someone else doing all the work – probably even during sex. And I’ve seen people who couldn’t make a decision to save themselves – being tied up would help them, too.

I guess I was kind of starting to understand – but not really.

“Do you?” I asked. “Do you find it liberating? Do you like being tied up during sex?”

Dan screwed his face up and shook his head. “There was one girl who liked all that so I tried it but it didn’t do anything for me.”

He stopped and looked at me with a thoughtful expression on his face.

“If I were a betting person, I’d be betting you won’t be into that scene either.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Just a hunch.”

I smiled at Dan and gave him a hug – a nice long hug. I’m so lucky to have a brother who always tries to answer my questions.

I was thinking about that conversation while I huddled in Tara’s closet. Not that I was in Tara’s closet by choice. Laura DiMartino had tied me up and locked me in with a bit of help from Tara. Now they were all at the hospital leaving me tied up and forgotten. I couldn’t imagine any way in which this could be sexy or exciting for anybody. To be honest, it was mostly boring. At first I’d been fairly relaxed about my situation but now I wasn’t so happy. My bladder was so full I was scared it was going to burst. It was downright painful.

I was uncomfortable from having not been able to move at all for so long. I was in pain from an overfull bladder. I was embarrassed from thinking I was going to wet my pants any time now. But most of all, I was angry. I entertained myself by planning all sorts of interesting punishments for Laura. I would never actually do most of them but they were fun to think about.

I wasn’t completely alone. Dad and Angie were at home. I could hear their muffled voices every so often. I could tell that Angie was unsettled and miserable. Dad was trying to put her to bed but she kept coming back out. Things went quiet for a while. Then I heard a rumble of voices from the kitchen as Dan got home.

Dan didn’t come into Tara’s room. He didn’t search the house for me. I guess Dad told him what Laura had told Dad – that I was with Mum and the other girls. When I was small Dan always seemed to have a magical ability to sense that I needed him. It seemed like he would always come looking for me. But this time he didn’t. Maybe his magic wasn’t working. Or maybe that was a special power that only works for big brothers of very young children and I don’t qualify any more.

Dan’s failure to realize I needed rescuing forced tears to tumble down my cheeks. The tears soaked into the material of the gag until it was quite wet. I know that expecting Dan to sense that I was in trouble was silly. I can’t explain why that upset me when nothing else had.

I closed my eyes against the darkness of the closet and lost myself in the maze of my uncharted mind.

Lance Jenkins stood looking at me with his head tilted to one side and an ironic smile on his face. Although he was still only a high school freshman, his body was already solid and muscular – a small version of his older football-playing brother. Lance wandered over and looked down at me where I sat.

“Hey babe! What’s up?”

I shrugged – at least I tried to. My eyes wandered up and down Lance’s body. He looked fit, healthy, strong, sexy. My brain raced with imagined possibilities.

Lance twisted and lowered himself until he was sitting next to me.

“I’ve been thinking about you, babe,” he whispered in my ear.

Then he brushed his lips softly against the lobe of my ear. The gentle touch sent a shiver racing through me. He kissed the skin next to the corner of my eye. Then he kissed my cheek. The slow progression of his kisses sent my heart racing in anticipation. My lips felt dry and stiff. Finally his mouth moved down and pressed against mine. After the electric shocks from his previous kisses, I was surprised to feel nothing but pressure. Then I realized he was kissing the cloth of the gag. I tried to kiss him back but the gag completely prevented that.

My eyes roamed along the muscles of his arms and chest. My hands wanted to follow where my eyes had travelled but they were bound in place. I could do nothing but look. My fingers ached to experience the sensation of running over the smoothness of his skin but they were denied that simple pleasure.

At last Lance brought his own hands into the action. He tried to put arms around me and hug me. He couldn’t do it because I was fastened so securely to the struts and rails at the back of the closet. The attempted hug ended up being awkward and uncomfortable. Then he put one hand behind my head – he could do that – and rested the other on my stomach. He kissed me again on the mouth but I could hardly feel it through the gag.

The hand on my stomach started to wander and drift upwards. It didn’t get very far because one of my arms was locked across my chest and bound in place. Then Lance’s hand drifted downwards. A tingling started between my legs as I realized I was about to be touched down there for the first time – by a boy, I mean. A shiver of anticipation ran right through me.

My heart pounded in my chest. My breathing became quick and shallow – I was breathing through my nose, of course. My palms became sweaty. The hand drifted lower and closer – and then it stopped. I nearly screamed in frustration.

The hand shifted onto my thigh where it started making little circles on the tender skin on the front of my thigh. Again the suspense built as the hand drifted closer and closer to its obvious target. But then it stopped – again. This time I did scream in frustration. It came out as “gghh!” but in my head it sounded like a scream.

Then I figured out the problem. My legs were tied together – clamped so closely against each other that the parts I most wanted to be touched were securely locked away. I almost cried in frustration.

Lance sat up straight and looked at me. “Is there something wrong with me?”

Huh?

“Are you not into me or something?”

“Gnnh!”

“I’m kissing you but you’re not kissing me back. Do you think I’m a bad kisser or something? That’s harsh. I’m trying to hold you but you just sit there without even moving. Are you giving me the cold shoulder?”

What was he talking about? Couldn’t he see I was tied up?

“I’m trying to touch you but you’re blocking my every move. Well, I can take a hint. I’m outa here.”

Lance stood up and walked away.

“Gnnnnh!”

“GNNNH!”

I tried to thrash against the ropes but I was so tightly held I couldn’t move. I tried to call out to Lance to get him to come back but the gag was so tight I couldn’t speak.

So much for the idea that bondage makes sex more exciting. All it did for me was make sex impossible. Being tied up didn’t feel liberating – it only felt frustrating.

I heard a snort above me. I looked up and saw Mrs Gasbury looking down at me.

“Rebecca Freeman, you failed another test.”

She dropped a sheet of paper so that it floated down and landed sideways on my leg where I could see it. The heading at the top of the page said Science Test. The sub-heading said Sexual Interaction and in the corner was my name. Down the side was a list of actions like Eye Contact, Body Language, Kissing and so on. Mrs Gasbury had put a check next to Not Satisfactory for every single one.

I swallowed a sob. I hate failing tests. This was the second science test I had failed and Mrs Gasbury seemed to be enjoying that fact.

“What’s your excuse going to be this time? Do you have a headache, perhaps? That would be the traditional thing to say in these circumstances.”

“Gnnh!”

“I expect you’re going to go running off to Miss Webster and complain about how unfair I’m being – again! She doesn’t seem to understand. It’s all about standards. I expect my students to achieve a certain standard and you ... don’t.”

She sniffed and took a sip of her coffee.

“Well, go on then. Go running off to the principal and complain about me.”

She took another sip of her coffee and looked down again.

“What? Still here? Maybe you need something else to complain about. This should do the trick.”

She reached out with her coffee mug and tipped it. A stream of hot liquid poured out of the mug and dropped right into my lap.

The sudden rush of warm liquid between my legs jerked me awake. I was back in the closet – back in the dark. There was no science teacher – no science test. The ropes were real. The warm liquid dripping between my legs was real – but it wasn’t coffee. Apparently my bladder had decided it couldn’t wait any more.

It was unpleasant and humiliating and gross. Then I had to sit there with wet pants and a very distinct smell. That was unpleasant and humiliating and gross, too.

And I’d had a sexy dream about Lance Jenkins. What was that all about? The guy was a jerk. I mean, sure, he looks fine. But after Dan’s last football game he tried to pick me up and he was – well, you probably remember what he was like. I told you all about it back then.

Ugh! I wanted to scrub my brain out with soap and water.

The room outside the closet was suddenly full of noise and bustle. After quietness for so long it sounded really loud. The girls were all back from the hospital. They were setting out their sleeping bags and changing into nightwear. I could hear Tracey helping Tara get undressed. From the comments, I figured that Tara had some stitches in her hand and that it was wrapped up so she couldn’t use it.

I think Tara had been given some painkillers or something because they were teasing her about how she was so spaced out. Maybe that explains why she didn’t remember I was still in the closet.

I tried to call out to them through the gag but they were making too much noise and couldn’t hear me. I figured I might have to wait until they were in bed and settled down a bit before I had a chance of them noticing my muffled grunts and groans.

They all headed off towards the bathroom as a group.

Then I heard Laura call out, “I just remembered something. I’ll be along in a minute.”

A moment later the closet door opened. I blinked my eyes against the sudden light. Laura was leaning over me.

“Do you know your stupid sister has completely forgotten about you? What a loser!”

She reached around behind my head and untied the gag. I spat it out of my mouth and worked my jaw as I tried to get moisture back into my mouth. She started untying my hands from the back railing.

“You better go to your room and pretend you were there all the time. If you say anything about this, I’ll make your life so miserable...”

She stopped and sniffed. “What’s that smell? Eeew! Did you piss yourself? That’s gross.”

She stepped back with her hands raised as if she’d suddenly found out I was poisonous or something.

At that moment, the bedroom door opened and Tracey stepped in, saying something about her toothbrush. Laura slammed the closet door closed. I kept working on the rope around my hand that had been loosened. It wasn’t easy in the dark so I had to do it by feel.

Outside the closet, I could hear Tracey.

“What were you doing in Tara’s closet?”

“Nothing! Get lost!”

“I thought I saw...”

The closet door swung open again and Tracey was there. She looked horrified when she saw me.

“Laura, what have you done? You stupid, stupid bitch!”

Tracey leaned in and started pulling at the ropes. She sniffed and her nose curled up a bit but she kept untying me. She also kept on flinging abuse at Laura.

Laura stood behind Tracey and kept saying, “It was a joke! It was supposed to be only for a short time. She knows we were kidding around. It was a joke!”

That was when we started to hear The Parents. They were in the hallway, shouting at each other.

“How could you not know where she is? After last night...”

“I thought she was with you!”

“Why on earth would you think that?”

“Because...”

“Forget about that. Where is she now? She could be anywhere.”

“She’s in here,” called Tracey.

The door burst open just as Tracey discarded the last of the ropes and helped me out of the closet. My legs were stiff and sore from being in the same position for such a long time. I let Tracey help me out of the closet and then straightened myself up. My plan was to put my chin in the air and walk right out of that room without saying anything.

It was a great plan. It would have worked perfectly except I only made about two steps before my legs buckled under me and pain shot through the muscles in my legs. I screamed and collapsed to the floor.

A moment later I was wrapped in a strong pair of arms. At first I thought it was Dan but then I realized it was Dad who was holding me. He was kneeling on the ground and cradling my upper body against his chest. He gently rocked me back and forth like I was a child. It was nice. It would have been nicer if my legs weren’t cramping so badly.

Mum was hysterical – screaming and shouting. She grabbed Tara by the shoulders – I don’t remember Tara arriving but she must have – and shook her. “What did you do to your sister? What did you do?”

There was lots of shouting and talking over each other. Mum kept swapping between crying over me where I lay in Dad’s arms and screaming at the girls. Tracey and the other one denied knowing anything about it. Tracey pointed at Laura and said, “Ask her what happened.”

Laura tried to play innocent at first but when Mum started screaming into her face she went back to saying it was a joke.

Dan knelt down beside me and put his hand on my leg. “What’s wrong?”

“Muscle cramps,” I muttered through clenched teeth.

Dan got Dad to support my back and then he put the base of my foot against his chest.

“Push,” said Dan. “Work the muscles.”

I pushed against his chest with my foot and the pain in that leg eased off a bit.

Dan swapped to my other leg and we did the same thing. Then he started massaging my legs – pushing his big strong fingers hard into my calves and thighs. He didn’t even hesitate when he got to the wet patch in my capris. The coral pink capris showed the wet patch really clearly and it extended halfway down my thighs. Underneath, most of my bum was wet, too. I noticed all of this but I don’t remember being embarrassed or anything. I guess I was feeling numb.

Dan interrupted Mum’s ranting and told her I would need a warm bath – both to get clean and to help with the muscle cramps. Mum organized Dad to carry me to the bathroom. Then she swept her eyes over the assembled girls and told them to start packing their belongings. The sleep-over was over.

Dan tried to tell Mum that I should be walking instead of being carried. He told her I needed to make the muscles work to help the spasms go away. Mum ignored him and told Dad to carry me. Dan backed off – I guess he decided it was the wrong time to argue with Mum. I’m not sure Dad would have willingly put me down anyway. I think he was in shock. As we came out of Tara’s room we could hear Angie screaming in her room. I guess all the yelling woke her up and set her off. Dan hurried past us to look after Angie. Dad carried me through the kitchen and into the bathroom. He sat me down on the bathroom chair and started rubbing my wrists. Mum had to push in next to him to look after me. I noticed a wet patch on Dad’s shirt where he was holding me. I feel bad about that now but at the time I was mostly numb – noticing stuff, but not feeling anything.

Suddenly, Dad seemed to register that Mum was running a bath for me. That meant I would have to get undressed. He didn’t want to be in the room when that happened. He mumbled and backed off. Dad was ready to leave but Mum stopped him. I think she was about to ask him to do something but then she changed her mind. She yelled for Dan. A moment later Dan appeared in the doorway with a sobbing Angie on his hip. Mum told him to hand Angie to Dad and come in to help her.

Dad took Angie into his arms and left in a hurry.

“I don’t think Bec would want me in here while she’s taking a bath,” said Dan.

“I need someone to lift her into the tub,” said Mum. “She’s gotten too big for me to lift.”

“She can stand if she has someone to lean on,” said Dan. “It’s only muscle cramps.”

“Get ready to lift her into the bath,” said Mum in a voice that didn’t leave any room for argument.

Mum tested the temperature of the water and poured in some bath salts. Then she turned to me and started pulling the clothes off me. She literally had to peel the capris off me. They stuck to me like a second skin and Mum peeled them away like she was taking off a tight rubber glove like doctors use. Everything ended up in a wet pile in the corner. Except for me, that is. I ended up naked on the chair. I didn’t resist. I didn’t complain. I should’ve complained – they hadn’t even closed the door and Mum stripped me naked. I guess I was really really numb.

Dan scooped me up in his strong arms and lowered me into the warm bath. Mum picked up a bath sponge and started washing me. Dan went to leave but Mum stopped him. He shrugged and offered to wash my back. I didn’t respond but he picked up a second sponge and did it anyway.

Mum yelled for Tara and a moment later she appeared in the doorway. Tara looked like she’d been crying.

“Go to Bec’s room and pick out some clean things for her,” said Mum with a cold voice.

Tara held up her bandaged hand and said, “Umm!”

“Get one of the other girls to help you,” snapped Mum. “Do I have to tell you everything?”

Tara fled from Mum’s anger.

Mum and Dan went back to washing me. Slowly the warm water did its job and relaxed the muscles in my legs. The cramps fading away seemed to take the numbness with it. I think it was a bit like sucking on a chocolate-coated peanut. The soft chocolate disolves away revealing the hard nut underneath. In my case, the numbness dissolved and revealed anger. The anger had been there all the time, it was just coated with a layer of chocolaty numbness. I sat in the bath and felt angry.

Tara came back with the other girl – the one whose name I can never remember. Tara was holding my bath robe in her good hand. Her friend was holding a stack of clean pyjamas and underwear and socks and so on. They walked in quietly and put the clothes down on the counter. I think they were trying to avoid being noticed by Mum. If that was their plan, they failed.

“Thank you, Briony,” said Mum. Briony – that’s her name.

“Mrs Freeman?” said Briony. “I’m sorry about ... Is Bec okay?”

“The two of you need to go and wait in the living room,” said Mum – her voice as hard as steel.

They both turned and walked out of the bathroom without saying another word.

Mum got Dan to help me stand up in the bath. Now that I wasn’t numb any more I was very aware of how naked I was. I put my hands over my private places and turned away from them. Mum was using the shower nozzle to rinse the soapy water off me so she tried to turn me back around. I slapped her hands away and turned to face the wall.

I heard Mum sigh. “Honey, we need to get you clean. We have to rinse off all the soapy water.”

Getting clean was a great idea. I was all in favor of that. But I didn’t see why it needed a committee to do it. I’d been able to wash myself for years. I reached out and tried to take the shower nozzle from Mum. She resisted for a moment and then she let it go. I kept my back to them while I rinsed myself off. Then I turned the shower off and hooked up the nozzle.

As soon as I was done, Dan wrapped a towel around me. He lifted me from the bath and stood me on the mat. Dan leaned around from behind and kissed my cheek. Then he patted my shoulder and left the room, closing the door behind him.

Mum knelt in front of me and used another towel to start drying my legs. Apparently I was no longer capable of drying myself either. At least I was covered now so that was an improvement. Fortunately we hadn’t got my hair wet so I didn’t need to dry that. Throughout the entire process, I was getting more and more irritated with Mum hovering around me. Finally I got myself dried – with more help than I wanted or needed.

When I started getting dressed and Mum kept trying to do it for me I hit breaking point.

“Leave me alone,” I snapped at her.

My voice was thin and croaky like I’d just woken up from a long sleep. Then I turned my back on her. She hugged me from behind and I pushed her arms away.

“Don’t touch me,” I snarled.

Mum started saying stuff but I shut it out so firmly I don’t even remember what she said. I think she might have started crying about then but I’m not sure. I felt like any second I was going to start screaming at her to get out of the room and leave me alone. I didn’t want to yell at her but I couldn’t help it. Somehow I managed not to yell but I kept my back to her as I got dressed and I knocked her hands away every time she tried to help. I was furious with Mum for not getting the message.

I marched out of the bathroom and into the living room. Everyone was sitting around, not talking very much. Angie wasn’t screaming any more. She was sitting on the arm of Dad’s easy chair with her head on his shoulder. She was clinging to his arm and stroking it at the same time. It was like she was trying to drag some comfort from him but at the same time she could tell Dad was unhappy and she was trying to console him. Dad was sitting there staring into the distance. I’m not sure if he was aware of Angie or not. Dad hadn’t changed his shirt. I could see the wet patch slowly drying on his chest.

Tara and Tracey and the other one – Briony – were sitting in a row on the couch looking like the three stupid monkeys. You know the ones – the monkeys who were too stupid to cover up their eyes or their mouths or their ears like any sensible monkey would do. Laura stood in a corner with a scowl on her face. Briony was crying. She had a screwed up tissue in her hand and was dabbing at her eyes

As soon as Laura saw me, she came over and stood in front of me looking nervous.

“Hey! Um ... you know we were just kidding around, don’t you? I didn’t mean anything by it.”

I pushed her away from me – hard. She looked surprised when I pushed her. She looked even more surprised when she stumbled and found herself falling backwards. Laura fell to the ground and I glared down at her. She lay there and looked up at me with this confused look on her face.

I wanted to kick her but I didn’t do it.

I turned my back on her and walked over to Mum’s painting. I put my back against the wall and slid down until I was sitting against the wall with my knees in front of my chest. I wrapped my arms around my chest and sat there glaring at everyone.

Nobody said a word.

Laura scrambled back to her feet and retreated back to her spot in the corner. She seemed confused and unsure of herself. I think she realized she’d lost control of the situation and didn’t know what was going to happen next. She wasn’t alone in that.

Mum came in a moment later and looked around the room. She looked at Dad.

“Did you make the phone calls?”

Dad ignored her. He just kept staring into the distance. His face looked really – haggard.

“They’re done,” said Dan as he stepped into the room from the entrance hall.

Mum nodded and walked over to sit in her easy chair. Laura looked down at the floor – so did the row of girls on the couch. Dan leaned against the opening from the entrance hall and looked around the room. He caught my eye and winked – then he turned his head and stared at Laura.

Nobody said a word.

The doorbell rang and all three of the girls on the couch jumped. Dan slipped into the entrance hall and opened the door. There was a brief conversation and then Dan came back into the room.

“Tracey, your sister is here. Briony, your mother’s car is in the shop so you’re going with Tracey’s sister. Say your goodbyes and grab your bags.”

The three girls on the couch stood up and hugged each other. Then Tracey and the other one – Briony – came over to me.

“Bec, we’re really sorry about what happened,” said Tracey. “Neither of us knew anything about it. I promise you.”

From my position on the floor I could see Tracey’s Playstation tucked under the TV where it was out of the way. I reached out an arm and pointed at it. Tracey turned and looked at it then turned back to me.

“I forgot. It’ll take too long to pack it away now. How about I leave it with you for a week or so. You guys might like to use it. The Dancemat is really cool.”

Briony nodded and said, “We’re really sorry!”

She flapped her hands around as if she had something more to say but then she didn’t say anything.

Tracey and Briony turned around and walked towards the entrance. They stopped beside Laura.

“Just so we’re clear,” said Tracey to Laura. “We are finished. There is no more us between you and me. This is the end.”

Tracey pulled a friendship bracelet off her wrist and broke it. Then she dropped it at Laura’s feet.

Laura opened her mouth to say something but Tracey got in first.

“Oh! And if you’re about to threaten to spill all my dark secrets, just remember I know some stuff about you, too. And what you know about me is trivial compared to what I know about you.”

Laura’s mouth closed with a snap and she glared at Tracey with a mixture of anger and worry.

Then Tracey walked over and picked up her bag from the small pile next to the door. Briony didn’t say anything. She broke her bracelet and dropped it in front of Laura. Then she picked up her own bag and the two of them walked out through the front door.

The room descended into silence again as soon as the door closed. Angie sat up and started pushing and pulling on Dad’s arm – trying to get a reaction from him. It was clearly upsetting her to see Dad so disturbed. At first Dad ignored her but then, without any change in the expression on his face, his arm looped around and pulled her down onto his lap. The hand that started stroking her hair seemed disconnected from the rest of him. It was like an automatic movement programmed into a robotic arm.

I watched Dad’s hand stroke down Angie’s hair. I was hypnotized by the simple repeated movements. They made a stark contrast to the stillness in the rest of the room.

We stayed like that for nearly ten minutes.

I wasn’t bored. I was having fun glaring at Laura and watching her twitch.

The doorbell rang again and Dan went to open the door. There was no conversation this time. Mr DiMartino strode into the center of the room. His face looked calm but I could sense a deep anger hidden just beneath the surface.

He glared at Laura. “The Freeman boy told me on the phone that you tied up his sister and locked her in the closet all evening. Is that true?” His voice filled the room – pressing me back against the wall.

Laura shrank back from him and looked down and away.

“Well?” he barked. “Is it true?”

He stared at Laura for a moment. She stood there shaking and looking down at the floor.

“What the hell were you thinking?” he yelled. Laura flinched at the sound of his voice.

Mr DiMartino turned and marched over to Dad. Dad struggled out from under Angie and stood up. Mr DiMartino fished out a card from his wallet and handed it to Dad.

“This is my lawyer.”

Dad looked down at the card in his hand as if he didn’t know what to do with it.

“If you’re looking for any sort of compensation...” said Mr DiMartino, but he didn’t finish the sentence. He just stopped talking and turned away.

He strode over to Laura and grabbed her by the hair.