Chapter 3

Conclusion

I checked in and the relief I felt was palpable. I went up to my room to plan how I was going to face Kim when I got home. Gina, I didn't worry about although she apparently was the one that had taken the lead in chasing Karen off. I'd have to thank her, but it was a subject I would have to pretend wasn't any of her business. When I opened my suite door, my ordeal was just beginning in a way I never could have imagined.

Gina and Kim were sitting facing the door and waiting for the bellhop to deposit my bags. As he closed the door I said, "How did you find out about this? I'm away a lot for the weekend. You couldn't have suspected anything.

Kim said, "You've been acting kind of strange for the past few months, so I got suspicious and started watching you. I talked to Gina and we decided if we looked hard enough we could find out why you were acting differently. It was so easy. You put too much information on the travel planner you keep on your desk. For the past month, whenever you made a reservation at a hotel or a motel we would call and ask if the reservation was for a single or couple. The first time a reservation for a couple showed up, it was here in Vail."

"How in hell did you know it was Karen?"

Gina looked smug. "I was the one that spotted your connection with her. We knew when you made a note on your planner you always put 'business' after she called if that was what it was. If you did something with family, you put 'family.' We looked going back over a year. You used to put 'business' after Karen's name up until that job down in the Ozarks. From then on you might have 'business' after her name or you might have a question mark, so we knew that the call had to be something else.

"You have been acting so damned guilty lately it was easy to figure out what was going on. Finding out the rest was just luck, I guess. Damn you Gordy, you are no better than me. I felt guilty for twenty-five years and now you can see how I felt all that time. I wouldn't blame Kim for kicking your ass out." Gina was crying by this time, "Oh shit, you piss me off and I'm going down to the bar and get loaded." Gina had to be mad to talk like that!

"Kim I'm sorry, thank God you two stopped me. I'll make it up to you." Kim came over and put her arms around me, and kissed me. "How come Gina is so upset and you are taking it so calmly?"

"I guess you will finally realize that women aren't the only ones that get placed on a pedestal. Gina has had you on one since you donated your kidney to Gordon. You have just about destroyed her. I also know she is sorry for how heavy the guilt is going to be for you to bear." Kim remained with her arms around me. "I guess now is the time to tell you I know all about guilt too. That is why I'm not upset--sad, but not upset."

"What do you mean? You don't have anything to confess. I can't imagine it."

"No, I started this and I'm going to finish it. And yes, I do have something to confess. Maybe if you can see that I'm not perfect, it will ease some of the guilt you feel. Of course I may add more heartbreak in trying to unburden myself of the guilt I have borne for years."

"How long has this affair been going on, and have you broken it off or are you still in it?"

"How long? Humm. Many years. Ever since before you sold the cable company. Maybe two years before that. And no, I haven't broken it off and yes it is still going on. I just could never find the words to tell you about it before. This little slip you made with that woman has made it possible for me to tell you of my own."

Kim looked sad, but still under control. "I think I should tell you everything. Maybe you won't feel I'm as bad as you think. I'm hoping so anyway."

"Who is he? Do I know him?"

Kim shocked me with her answer. "First it isn't a him, it's a her, and you have met her, but it is unlikely you will remember her. Unlike you I have been discreet and there is nobody that knows about us but me and now you--and her of course." She waited to see if I was going to ask more. I couldn't and it was too much to think about all at once.

Kim very quietly continued, "Do you remember a Penny Kimball that worked for you for a short time?" I shook my head no.

"Penny worked for the company as a temporary bookkeeper. Do you remember the bad case of influenza that swept the country? You caught it and I went in and helped out in the office."

"Penny was a mousy little thing and scared out of her mind as this was her first temp job. She messed up some receiving accounts and was crying because she didn't know how to balance the books.

"I came in and held her for a moment, just so she could calm down and do a restart on the books. I knew that she would find her mistake and she would make it balance. Instead she clung to me and before I knew it she was kissing me. It felt good and I kissed her back. For the two weeks, whenever we were alone in the office, that is what we did. Just that two weeks it was physical. It was not really satisfying then, but we talk about it a lot. I never have felt free to explore, but after this, I might.

"We remained friends and still are today. Some years all we have together are some phone conversations. These last few years while you have been away so much we talk sometimes for hours. It is mostly my talking about you and she talks about her work. That mousy little temp has become a lively, confident journalist. You might even recognize her name if I told you what byline she writes under. We have had a few meetings but nothing physical has happened again."

Kim looked kind of pensive before continuing. "When Gina first started saying that you were having an affair, I was hurt of course, but I thought if you did, you couldn't blame me if I did too. Then Gina kept saying what a burden guilt was and she didn't think you could handle it, I stopped thinking of myself and thought more of you. At that point we both tried to figure out how to stop you. I guess misery loves company because I certainly am miserable because I never really wanted to end it with Penny."

"So what do you want to do? Do you want to end it, get closer and more physical or continue just as you are? You must have some idea what you want."

"Gordy, I hate to ask and I know it is too much, but what I would like to do is go and spend a few days with her, because neither of us know what we want. I know I love you, and that counts for most of what my decision would ultimately be."

"Do you have her number?" Kim nodded and found it. "Give it to me." Kim reeled it off and I dialed it. Penny's answering machine picked up. "Hi Penny, this is Gordy Benson. Kim and I have been talking and she said she would like to spend some time with you. Valentines day is in two weeks and Kim is free to meet with you all that week. If that is satisfactory, call her on Monday as she is unavailable this weekend. Bye."

"Now let's go find Gina and see if she's drunk enough to go to sleep. We'll leave her here in this room. I'll move our stuff down to the next floor and we'll see if I can still perform like a husband who has never cheated and never intends to."

"You never cheated? How come you reserved this room for two then?"

"I did make the reservation, but when I hung up, I realized how Gina felt all those years and how you would feel, so I immediately called and reserved another room. It wouldn't be fair to Karen to kick her out and then leave her with no place to stay. That's why the two rooms. I will say she is a fabulous looking lady especially naked and I'll tell you about that some other time."

We woke Gina up the next morning and she was complaining of her hangover. "Damn you Gordy, you drove me to drink again, and I feel worse then I ever did. I suppose getting rid of that slut was worth the headache."

When she saw that Kim and I were still happy and in love as much as ever, she took credit for "saving" me from myself. I suppose she did, but only because Kim had her own issues and hadn't pushed like Gina had.

As the years go by you lose people to old age and death. George was fifteen years older then the rest of us. Pneumonia struck him down when he was seventy-eight. Before he lost consciousness the last time, we talked and he made me promise to take care of Gina. He said she never lost her love for me. I suppose at some level I knew that, but I couldn't see where I should have to take care of her. Oh well it was nice for him to have that much trust in me to ask.

Kim and I really missed George. We were still attuned to one another's thought, though not as often now as we were years ago. I caught Kim eyeing me speculatively one day. "What? What's on your mind? You've been looking at me funny ever since George was laid to rest. Are you worried I might sneak over and see if Gina and I could get together?" I laughed as if that would ever happen.

Kim gave me a big smile. "No I'm not worried, but I can't see why you haven't at least thought about it. It has been three years since Gina and George did anything except sleep in bed. She should be ripe for some man to come along now that she is a widow. I just wondered if it might be you."

"Is my wife offering me up to go sleep in my ex-wife's bed?"

"No, not really, but if it happened I wouldn't be too upset. The only thing that would upset me would be if you decided to divorce me and remarry her. That would crush me. I love being married to you and I love our family just the way it is. If we divorced the dynamics and stability would change and not for the best, either. I just thought if you two were discreet, I wouldn't mind at all."

"This is about my freeing you to go explore your relationship with Penny Kimball isn't it?"

"I suppose it is to some extent, but not as much as you might think. Sure it is so nice to be able to go visit her when I want to. That Valentines visit was the best present you ever gave me. You must have noticed that I don't go as often or for as long. I guess gifts wear out after awhile. I'm going next week for another visit, but I will be only gone for three days.

"I'm going to suggest to cutting our time together to the rare occasions when there is an actual need. We have found after the first day together, we don't have much to say to each other. I think in a short while we will discontinue the visits and make due with phone conversations."

"You don't have to, you know. I feel I deepened our love by letting you go to her."

"It has deepened. The other thing, George and I had often talked about you and Gina. He was so thankful to have her for his wife all of these years, but he said deep down he knew that you and her were the ideal couple and meant for each other. I said the same thing to him earlier, but I never would give you up because I love you too much, but we did agree that you made the best couple together.

"The point is, if you two get together, can she stand the guilt, knowing she is cheating with you and I am her friend. Whether that would be worse than with a stranger, like the first time, I don't know. She could take on an awful heavy load of guilt and there is no need given the circumstances. Talk to her, she may find you not worth it. Your problem, you know where I stand."

I did talk with Gina, but we did not resume the sexual relations that had been so abruptly terminated forty-five years before. My love deepened for Kim in proportion to the freedom to be with Gina if I wanted.

The one biggest joy in my life was to go and visit Jimmy and his family. Rosy had told Jimmy they had enough kids when she had five in the first seven years they were married. Jimmy had a new huge house built near his in-laws.

When I would walk in the door a scream would go up, "Gran-pop is here." You never knew how many kids were there and who they belonged to at any one time. Rosy had seven sisters and brothers and the eight siblings had a total of forty-one kids. I started bringing cookies and ice cream when I went to visit, but I was usually short and some little kid was left wanting. I eventually just stopped at a shopping center and loaded up the trunk of the car with goodies.

Jimmy's home was always loud and noisy with the innumerable nieces and nephews that always seemed to be there. Rosy thrived on it and Jimmy did too being in his own world as he often was.

Tuesdays, once a month, all of Jimmy's kids would be shipped out to one of the numerous aunts or uncles and Rosy would clean house, throw out all the broken toys and furniture and replace what was beyond repair. It was a hectic way to manage a household, but I guess that was the way of Rosy's family and it worked for them. I loved it!

Jimmy was above it all because he could tune himself out of the bedlam. I asked Rosy one time where her littlest one was. "He is working with Jimmy."

She took me in and showed me Jimmy sitting staring in space "thinking." In his arms and fast asleep was the little fellow. Rosy was laughing, "If Mickey wakes up, Jimmy will just set him on the floor and the little cuss will crawl out and find me. All our kids have done that, and it doesn't interrupt Jimmy a bit."

"Does Jimmy make enough to support you? I could help out if you need it."

Rosy laughed. "The government pays him an indecent amount and Jimmy says he doesn't know why, but he said for them to keep it coming, as he had a big family to feed." A boisterous laugh followed this statement. I stopped worrying about their finances.

I really appreciated Rosy for smoothing me over the rough spots when I gave Kim leave to take up with Penny Kimball. I was uncertain how freeing Kim like I did was going to turn out, so I traveled that week and spent it with Rosy and Jimmy.

Rosy was the only one I told that Kim had an outside interest. I pretty much gave her the story of my life. We talked off and on all week and I guess before the week was over Rosy knew everything about me. You could just open up your heart to her and she understood. Kim liked Rosy well enough, but never seemed to get close to her like I did.

And she was thoughtful too. For example, "Hey Pop if you need to get your rocks off, my cousin Marie is in the business. She's real class and works out of a suite uptown. In fact you can see the White House from her balcony." I said no, Kim was still doing well by me.

Gina could never understand how Jimmy could be happy with a big, sloppy-appearing Italian girl like Rosy. Rosy and Gina just came from two different cultures. I liked to think I could fit into either culture and the way I enjoyed myself pretty much proved that I did.

This brought on the thought of why was I always thinking of what Gina would think about something or someone. I couldn't answer because I didn't know. I just knew I did it.

Tragedy brought me into contact with Rosy's cousin Marie. Earlier I met Marie several times at Rosy's when she was visiting at the same time as I was. You talk about beauty and class, this girl had it. In fact we had some stimulating conversations. One evening when things had quieted down and Marie and I were sitting out on Jimmy's patio she asked me, "Rosy says she told you I was an escort. How come it doesn't bother you? I've met your wife and I've met your ex-wife. It would bother them, I know it would."

"Marie, don't sell Kim short. She knows all about you and it hasn't changed her attitude towards you a bit. Now Gina, that's different. She cheated on me at the beginning of our marriage. She divorced me almost immediately after she cheated. She remarried a really nice person and they have had a good life together. I would imagine that being an escort would be way down on her list of acceptable lifestyles. Probably, she would make a connection between being an escort and cheating."

Marie was laughing, "You know, we both used the designation escort when we both know I am a whore. I'm not ashamed of what I do. It is a pretty good life and I'm about to give it up. Next year I think. I've noticed my boobs have lost a little of their bounce, so I know it is time to quit. I've met a lot of powerful men here in Washington and I've been very discreet by always entertaining out of the public eye. Eventually I will pick a nice looking Congressman or Senator and go home with him when he leaves office. I just hope he will be as nice as you or even Rosy's Jimmy. You may not know it, but Jimmy is a very powerful man here in this town.

"I'll probably pick someone with a ready-built family. I love kids, but I made sure early on in my career not to have any. A pregnant whore is a career stopper. I imagine five years after I quit the business, I will look just like the rest of the family with big fat boobs and a big fat ass. God I haven't had my belly full of what I really want to eat for ages. Fat whores are viewed about the same as pregnant ones. Has Rosy ever told you that being in the business is a family tradition? With such a large family some of us are bound to be what we are. I took over from my Aunt Michelle when she retired years ago. I have a niece that I am training now for my replacement. If she is as smart as I think she is, she will be better at this than I am and I'm up there near the top, so I have been told."

"Pop, I have troubles." This was Jimmy calling me. "Rosy has a brain tumor. Could you fly in as soon as possible? Rosy is at Walter Reed and they are going to operate as soon as they figure out the best course to take to remove the growth. They may tell me they can't operate, but I don't know. Please come, even if you just stay with the kids. You've always been able to calm them down and I really need you."

Kim and I were ready to go almost as soon as the chartered aircraft had finished its preflight check. When we flew in, we were met by one of Jimmy's brothers-in-law and taken directly to the hospital. There was a lot of Rosy's family there and Jimmy with his oldest child, a girl of fifteen. "Pop, Rosy was hoping you would get here before they operate. They are going to start things in an hour, so you just made it."