Part I - GUIDE TO SEX WITH FEMALE DOGS

1 - Getting Started

The female dog normally comes on her first heat between the ages of nine and fifteen months. Attempting intercourse with her at this time is not recommended since these changes in her biochemistry are confusing enough without having you trying to do weird things to her. I would strongly suggest waiting until her second heat if all appears normal.

2 - Finding the right bitch for you

As a rule of thumb, any medium to large breed of dog should have no problem accommodating a healthy, averaged size human male. If you're like me and have a strap-on, be sensible bout the length and girth. Unlike some women I know, most bitches do not have a size fetish and the last thing you want to do is hurt the one you love. Proceed slowly and gently at first and at the first sign of discomfort in the bitch, STOP! and pull out. I'll get into more specific warning signs and safety precautions in another section of this text.

3 - Preparation is the key!

In preparing to have sex with your dog, you'll need to run down to the local drug store and pick up some KY Jelly. I use that stuff for everything. If you can't find any, Wet and Astro-Glide, both of which can be found at your local porn palace will work as well. Surgical lubricants, like the stuff Doc puts on his finger when you bend over, will work wonderfully. You can buy it by the gross at a medical or veterinary supply outlet. DO NOT use petroleum or oil based lubricants.

Buy, beg, or steal some latex gloves, the sort doctors wear. If you're going to be messing around with a stray dog or any dog you don't own, it doesn't hurt to rubber up! You can get infections or a fever from bitches with vaginal infections or brucellosis (Bang's disease).

Use Condoms! If sharing a dog with your Uncle Bob or picking up a stray for a one night stand, protect yourself. Dogs do not carry AIDS, however it is possible that the virus may survive long enough in a canine vaginal environment to be retransmitted to another (human) partner. That goes for all forms of STDs. Dogs are susceptible to yeast and bacterial infection and those may certainly be passed along to humans.

Purchase some surgical soap. The real stuff. Avoid an abrasive soap like Lava. Irish Spring smells nice, but what you want is surgical soap, ask your pharmacist. What are you going to do with it? Clean yourself. Clean your hands, clean your cock, clean your big toe if you intend to insert it into your bitch. Clean your toys, you lesbian dog lovers. Wash your strap-on before and after every use.

A bitch's vagina is a very vascular area and, especially when in heat, is quite susceptible to infection. Use your nail clippers and trim your fingernails if you intend to finger your dog. Fingernails are often dirty and sharp and you do not want to scratch the delicate inner lining of a bitch's vagina. Cut those nails down and file them nice and smooth. You'll also look stunning with your new manicure!

And lastly, MilkBones! Buy these with everything else if you really want to squick the counter people :)

4 - In the trenches

Once you've got your bitch and your supplies, it's time to get to work. I do not suggest attempting sex with a bitch out of season, especially if she is not your dog. You may wind up getting bitten, which may mean changing your name to John Wayne Bobbitt. A bitch in heat is your best bet, but just because she's wet and smells nice doesn't mean she's in the mood. How can you tell if she's wants it? Check the discharge. The discharge of a bitch in "Standing Heat" should be pinkish/creamy white in color. This period lasts for between seven and nine days and is in the middle of the complete heat cycle.

If the discharge is a dark, blood red, she's just coming into or going out of heat. It never hurts to try but DO NOT force her. She may say no the first time. Bitches are known to tease and may jump forward or fall over in front of you. However, if she reacts with hostility to your loving advances, STOP IMMEDIATELY. Always remember that for a dog, no really does mean no.

Definite signs that a bitch is receptive are: Flagging - raising of the tail over the back exposing the genitals; Soliciting - rubbing her butt in your crotch, sitting on your face, etc; and Play Posing - being excessively playful, jubilant, etc.

Once you're both consenting, you may consider some foreplay. Fingering her will bring you both hours of joy and amusement. The bitch's "clitoris" is located about 3/4-1" into the vagina in large breeds, and somewhat less than that in smaller breeds. The clitoral ridge is fairly prominent and easy to find with a gentle finger. Rubbing this will cause her to start thrusting and she'll love you for every moment of it. If she's your dog or if you're certain she's healthy, you may want to engage in some "puppylingus." Most bitches have a bitter-sweet taste when in standing heat and I definitely recommend the aroma. Note: For information on making out with your bitch, see below. (Part II Number 6)

When all the teasing is done, it's time to start your engines! The vagina of a female dog takes a sharp turn upward so you will have to enter from a seventy-five to eighty degree angle. The average body temperature of a dog is 101-102 degrees Fahrenheit so expect her to very hot and moist. I don't believe I need to tell you what to do from here on in. Enjoy yourself and treat her to a milkbone!

5 - Out of heat and spayed bitches

If the bitch is your own, you may want to try her out of heat. The same rules apply except be sure and use an excessive amount of lube and be very careful. Take it slowly and gently. You can do a lot of damage if you try and force her and that'll be a difficult one to explain to the vet.

Most spayed bitches cannot have intercourse because of the removal of their reproductive organs. They do not come into heat and very few show any interest in sex. You can try fingering a spayed bitch or going down on her, but I'd strongly advised against intercourse unless you have extensive experience and are very familiar and comfortable with your bitch.

6 - Anal Sex

The same rule of thumb for size applies to anal sex as well. There are some dogs that like anal sex, others that tolerate it and those that can't stand it. Most dogs will not be immediately comfortable with anal sex, but if you really want to try it ... Note: If your dog reacts with an expression of pain or anger, STOP IMMEDIATELY. Your dog is probably not suited for anal intercourse. It isn't a mood thing, it's a dog thing.

How to: Start by touching the anal area of your dog and let them get comfortable with it. Do not dive right in and start insert everything all at once. Wait until the dog freely allows you to touch him/her under the tail. Be patient. While touching around the tail, wear surgical gloves. Numerous worms and bacteria which can cause a variety of illnesses can be found in dog feces. NEVER MAKE ORAL CONTACT WITH A DOG'S ANUS. The result could be a nasty infection or a case of tape, ring, or hookworms, among others.

Once your dog is comfortable with you feeling around the anus, try inserting a VERY well lubricated, gloved finger. Do this over and over again until your dog seems comfortable with it. Once again, if your dog seems to be in pain or reacts violently, STOP and DON'T try again. Gradually increase the number of gloved, well lubricated fingers you use until the number of fingers inserted comfortably represents the width of your penis. You may then attempt anal intercourse with your dog. You must USE A CONDOM during anal sex. It isn't negotiable unless you're really, really into nasty urethral infections.

Remember: (1) Not every dog enjoys anal sex. The majority of them do not; (2) Always rubber up and never have oral contact with the anus; and (3) STOP IMMEDIATELY if your dog shows signs of pain or discomfort. On a barely related note, if you notice worms in your dog's stool, bring your dog to the vet with a stool sample.

Part II - GUIDE TO SEX WITH MALE DOGS

1 - Intercourse with Dogs: Receiving (Vaginal and Anal)

(A) General Discussion

Most male dogs are more than happy to mount you and fuck you silly. Some are less enthusiastic than others. There are dangers to being mounted by a male dog though.

First, one must understand the anatomy of the male canine reproductive system. A dog's penis is unlike that of a human. The appearance, texture and sensitivity are much different. Working from the tip back, the end of a dog's penis is somewhat blunt with a slight angle. It typically swells to its greatest shaft width along the first 2/5 then gradually tapers until you reach the bulb at the base of the exposed, unsheathed penis.

The bulb, (bulbous glandis) is a large swelling at the base of the penis which consummates the tie between a bitch and a male during sex. On a black lab, it's normally about 3 to 3.5 inches wide, or about 7 to 8 inches in circumference ... A pretty good handful for most of us. If you're going to have sex with a male dog, the bulb and the Os Penis are your main concerns. The Os Penis is a bone inside the shaft of a dog's penis.

If he gets overly excited and starts thrusting wildly, you could get jabbed in the wrong places with it. This is more likely to occur during anal intercourse than vaginal, but be aware that unprepared vaginal intercourse with an overeager dog can result in lesions, tears, and painful bruising to the vaginal wall. Same thing with anal sex, except the results can be even worse due to the increased likelihood of bacterial infection.

(B) Anal Sex

Both men and women can enjoy anal sex with their male dogs. Since there is little to physically differentiate boys from girls, other than superficially (and the male prostate of course) we'll regard them in similar fashion for the purposes of discussion. Tips on mounting are covered in section C below.

For those men and women who enjoy anal sex, you absolutely, positively must ensure you're well lubricated. You should be very clean as well and that includes an enema, although it isn't mandatory unless you have a fetish for it. But cleanliness is always good and lube is essential. Help your dog find his mark! Getting jabbed in the wrong place by an eager dog hurts, I'm telling you. If you do, trust me, you won't sit comfortably for days. You men, watch your balls!

If you allow a dog to mount you anally there is a possibility that the dog may tie with you. That is the bulb, or knot as it is more commonly known, will enter the rectum and in all likelihood remain there. That means you're stuck together. The bulb is composed of muscle tissue which inflates with blood during intercourse and swells to a diameter significantly greater than that of the penis itself. Until you're experienced and very comfortable with taking just the penis, most people should take precautions to avoid penetration of the bulb. This generally means taking control of the dog's motion by grasping the penis firmly near the bulb itself and preventing its entry. Another person works amazingly well for this.

Getting tied to a dog anally is a much different proposition than vaginally. Let's face it, the human butt wasn't made for that sort of thing and so it must be prepared in advance. If you do not prepare yourself, you could be in for fifteen to thirty minutes of agony. Start by loosening yourself up using whatever you can fit up your anus. Well, maybe not anything. Graduated dildos work very well and I highly recommend them. They're available at most decent porn shops. Butt plugs work well to stretch the rectum as well, obviously. Wait until you are comfortable with at least a five inch circumference before taking on a dog. That's a bit more than twice as big around as my thumb and I'm a smallish female, so ... Get a tape measure and you'll see what I mean.

Once the dog's bulb is planted inside the rectum, try to relax and enjoy the ride. The animal will be releasing his semen long before tying with you and will continue to do so until after he is able to pull out. It is imperative that he NOT pull out of you until he starts getting softer and the bulb shrinks. Otherwise, you may have one hell of a story to tell at the Emergency Room! Do not try and pull it out as the anus and rectum may be injured by any forced removal of the bulb. Assuming you've prepared yourself well in advance, there's no reason the sensation of being tied can't be a nice long pleasurable experience for both of you.

© Vaginal Sex

Vaginal sex with a dog is a beautiful thing and I highly recommend it. It's important to remember that you should be relaxed and very well lubricated before attempting intercourse. The best form of lubrication, in my opinion, is natural and that's why they have such awesome tongues. If natural lubrication isn't sufficient use an adequate amount of any water-based lubricant, like our old friend KY Jelly.

Another point of interest is that dogs are both similar and different from human males in a number of ways. Both are easily excitable and prone to be selfish, but a man will generally accept your good advice (if he's smart) and reign in his urgent desires so much as he's able, or loose them as you prefer. A dog, on the other hand, will display a wide range of emotional response. Everything from disinterest to desperation and you must approach your liaison with some amount of patience and understanding. Enough for both of you, believe me.

To get a dog to mount you, grasp his sheath gently and start rubbing the base of it, near his scrotum. He should, at that time, start thrusting. Some dogs will try and mount you right then and there. Remember, if it's his first time, he'll need some guidance. Even some experienced dogs need help from time to time, and some dogs need glasses. If he does not try to mount you, try pulling him up and jerking him off as he stands behind you. If he just doesn't want to mount you for some reason, try lying on your back with your legs hanging off a couch or bed. Have him lay on top of you, in the missionary position, and try it that way. That's actually my favorite and the position I most recommend for vaginal sex, but everyone always wants it doggy style for some reason ... Go figure. On the other hand, for anal sex, doggy is more effective and comfortable, I'll admit.

Once you've got him to mount you, attempt to guide his penis inside you. Remember, if he misses, that Os penis can hurt. It's a bone! Once firmly inside, you can leave most of the driving up to him. The bulb, as mentioned previously, will swell during intercourse and the vagina is a very accommodating orifice. The bulb may easily enter and exit the vagina until eventually it becomes too large to easily disengage by itself. For this reason it is possible to be tied to the dog without even realizing that it's happened until one of you pulls or pushes and then you feel that strangely pleasurable tugging sensation. Don't worry! Girl's stretch and even with the largest breeds the vagina will stretch lovingly around it with little pain and often with significant pleasure, believe me!

Women who do experience any pain or more than slight discomfort as the bulb enters the vagina should stop their intercourse and take measures to prevent penetration of the bulb. This can be accomplished most easily by grasping the dog's penis by the hand and controlling the animal's movements. Often a partner works best in this situation, but if an extra set of hands is unavailable I'd suggest the missionary position as the most effective way of controlling the dog. It's also a great way to kiss him and tell him what a great lover he is. The cuddling is awesome!

The idea that a dog's bulb will "lock" the animal's cock inside a human female is largely a myth. As I said, the vagina is flexible and it stretches wonderfully. If he ties with your vagina and you wish to disengage prematurely, this is usually not a problem. The vaginal mouth will stretch enough to allow the bulb egress, but this may be uncomfortable for some women and even unnecessary. Unless your parents are coming home unexpectedly, I wouldn't advise it and suggest you relax and enjoy yourself.

Taking the knot invariably leads to 15-30 minutes of raw, wonderful pleasure and a golden opportunity to bond closely with your dog. Even a petite woman with a larger breed of dog will accommodate the bulb with little or no discomfort assuming she is relaxed and well lubricated, either naturally or with KY Jelly, or other non-petroleum based lube as mentioned previously. If you have your husband or boyfriend handy, this is a good time to give him that slow, loving blowjob you promised him for his birthday last year.

To remove the knot, take control of the animal by grasping the base of his penis and pull GENTLY do not jerk or yank it. Don't grab him by the balls either! A steady, gentle pressure will generally allow you to pull the bulb free with a minimum of discomfort depending on the relative size of the animal. Don't worry; the dog won't feel any pain at all. If you feel any pain or more than small discomfort, stop pulling immediately and relax, enjoy the ride and wait for the bulb to shrink in its own good time.

Once "tied" the dog will probably try and turn around so that you're butt to butt with him. This is an instinctual behavior as he wants to fend off anyone who would take advantage of the situation. If he starts trying to pull out or panics, grab whichever legs you can and try and hold him against you so he doesn't pull out. It is a very good idea to have someone else present the first time you tie with a dog in case of an emergency. As mentioned previously, disengaging the knot from the vagina prematurely is usually not a problem, but you want to ensure as much control over the situation as possible to reduce the risk of injury. Sit back, enjoy fifteen to thirty minutes of elation and once he starts getting soft, let him pull out of you. The dog will test the bond you share and that's normal.