Chapter 9

We found ourselves at my humble home — all five of us — after the show. The energy level didn't wane. We were all joking and laughing. A few beers after the show and we all piled into my car for the trip back to Chelsea.

Greg seemed pretty happy to have Melissa sitting on his lap. I was reserving judgment on that development.

Kellie sat up front and kept up a light patter with me. Carrie sat in the back with a bemused look. She would glance to her left at Greg and Melissa and then toward me in the front.

When we hit the house, Carrie was to the point.

"Where are we sleeping?" she asked. "It's after 1 a.m. and I'm beat. I've been awake since 5 a.m. So point me in a direction."

"Are we all staying here?" I asked. "I have one extra room and a couch. Unless we share, someone gets the floor. Melissa, you're not driving. I saw how many beers you drank."

"I get the spare room," Carrie said. "I don't care who sleeps with me unless you snore. That means Greg's out."

"I do not snore," he insisted. "I stayed awake all night once to check."

Kellie and I groaned and Carried rolled her eyes. But Melissa laughed like it was funnier than anything she had ever heard. I was certain that I had made better jokes than that. I noticed Kellie watching my reaction closely.

"Take the spare room," Kellie said. "I'll share space with you."

That left three of us and only two beds. It looked as if I would be sleeping alone if Melissa's reaction to Greg was any indication.

Oh well.

"Got a minute for a private chat?" Kellie asked me. I looked at over at Melissa and Greg who were enmeshed in a conversation so I nodded.

"So, how you been?" she asked jokingly. "Any surprises recently?"

"A couple," I admitted ruefully. "How about you?"

"No surprises," she said. "But a couple of interesting things have happened."

We spend a minute or two talking before Kellie got to the point.

"Do you think we can put things aside from the past?" she asked. "Is it possible that we can take a little while and get to know each other again? I won't pretend that things can go back to when we were 14. I'm sorry I was so stupid."

"C'mon, Kel," I said. "You were popular and pretty. I was average in just about everything. You shouldn't be surprised that I had a crush on you. It's not a surprise to me that you didn't think of me that way. You could have any guy you wanted. It's not a shock that you didn't want me."

"I did want you," she insisted. "The song I wrote was from the heart, Tee. I knew everything. I knew how much courage it took for you to ask me out. And I wanted to go. Then I saw a chance to increase my popularity. I mean, girls were waiting in line to go out with that guy. I figured I would go out with him once. Let everyone see me out with him and that would be it. Then when you asked me out again, we'd get together. Except you never asked me again.

"And even when I hinted that I wanted to you to ask me, you didn't. You asked someone else. Instead of telling you how much I really wanted to go to homecoming with you, I let my pride tell you that I only wanted to go as friends. I didn't. I knew that Carrie and Greg wanted to go solo. That's why I pressed her on it so much. I knew she would get fed up and tell me off. She finally did, you know. The only one who didn't play his part was you."

"I don't think it would have worked anyway," I said. "By that time, my feelings for you were dwindling."

Kellie looked at the floor.

"Why wouldn't they?" she asked. "I was a bitch. I broke a date to go out with someone else because I was shallow. I tried to manipulate you into taking me to homecoming. I did manipulate you into joining the band. I tried to browbeat you into doing everything I wanted you to. When you stood up for yourself, I turned mental. I hated you, Tee. I was embarrassed that you saw through me. I was so angry that you knew me for who I was and you broadcast that to the world."

"If you'll remember, I was opposed to it," I stated.

"I know," she said. "It took me a while before I realized how much it must have hurt you to know what you knew. It took me a while to stop looking at things from a selfish angle. Then I realized what we had done to you — what I had done to you. Then I thought about you from another side. I looked at the situation from your perspective. You didn't ask us to give up anything for you. You didn't ask me to change. You accepted me as I was. You just didn't want to date me."

I wasn't sure if that was what happened. But I guess it was close to the truth.

"I'm not the same girl I used to be," Kellie said. "Now that I'm an adult, I've recognized how childish and insignificant the things I thought were important were. I just want the time to show you that I'm more like the girl you liked that the one who lost you."

"I'm not opposed to that, Kellie," I said. "I've missed you and Greg and Carrie. But you have to admit that our lives are on pretty divergent paths. Actually, I don't think I'm even on a path. I've found a spot that I like. You've found what you've always wanted."

Kellie smiled slightly.

"Maybe I've found part of what I wanted," she said. "I admit that I wanted to do what I'm doing. I enjoy it and I like parts of being famous. But this isn't the only thing I want out of my life."

"You want it all," I said in what I hoped was a playful voice. "You always did."

I probably should have left the last sentence off but I didn't. I found I didn't regret it.

"I did want it all," she admitted. "I wanted you to wait for me to be ready for you. I wanted people to know who I was and I wanted them to envy me. I wanted the money and the fame. I've got everything but the first."

Laughter escaped before I could stop it.

"I know. I was self-centered enough to expect that you would wait, Tee," she said sadly. "All I'm asking is that you let me spend time with you."

"How are we to do that?" I said. "My life doesn't exactly lend itself to 100-day, 70-city tours. There are reasons why relationships between famous people and normal people don't work."

This time it was Kellie who laughed.

"I'm not sure you qualify as a normal person," she joked. "But our life isn't going to like this forever. We're coming off the road at the end of the tour. It hasn't been released yet, but Carrie is getting married in December."

"Your manager?" I asked. I had seen them in the greenroom after the show and they seemed to have more than a working relationship.

"Astute observation," Kellie mused. "You picked that up quickly. They are always professional at the venues. What did you see?"

"Nothing really," I said. "Carrie was always somewhat reticent to show emotion. I mean, we all saw the big ones — happy, sad, angry — but you had to really be close to her to get some of the lesser ones. I could tell she was close to him because she was willing to cry in front of him."

Kellie nodded.

"See, you're not normal," she said. "No one else would have noticed that."

I had noticed some other things but I decided it probably wasn't the best time to mention it.

"And we're taking a few months off after," Kellie continued. "I'd like to spend some of that time in Boston."

"Boston is a pretty big city," I said. "I'm sure you could get clearance if you used your influence."

"I want to spend part of that with you," she amended. "It looks like Greg might want to spend part of that time here, too. Are you OK with that?"

"Undecided," I said. But there were some things I had made a firm decision about.

"Kel," I said. "I think it will be fine for us to try to rebuild the friendship we lost. If we can do that, more might come from it. But I think it would be hasty for either of us to look any farther than friendship for the time being."

I could see Kellie was unhappy with my pronouncement. But she recovered quickly.

"That's all I'm hoping for, Tee," she said. "Anything more will have to come from a basis in friendship to be successful. But, Tee, I know how I feel about you."

Unfortunately, I had a pretty good idea how she felt about me, too.

The house was dark when we walked back inside. I dared not enter the living room for fear of what I might see. Instead, I walked with Kellie down the hallway and showed her to where she would be sleeping.