Chapter 21

Flashback Linus — Kabul Afghanistan

We were driving back to the garage and Natasha had fallen asleep. She twitched, snored and snapped me out of the daydream I was having about the TSIFFTS mission.

Matt said, "Damn, she makes enough noise when she sleeps. Is she okay?"

I replied, "She told me she doesn't sleep worth shit. She sort of sees what the fucking terrorists are doing to Ben, plus she feels like things are biting her legs."

Jim said, "I sure as hell hope she doesn't make this much noise when we're all in the garage."

Matt fired back, "What are you talking about, you snore loud enough I doubt anyone will sleep."

Natasha jerked, woke up and said, "What the fuck is going on?"

I answered, "Nothing Natasha, you were just sleeping. Did you have another bad dream?"

She said, "Yeah, they happen whenever I fall asleep. This time Ben was being attacked by scorpions."

Jim said, "I bet it was those big black fuckers. They're nasty and sting like hell. I hear they can kill a healthy man."

Jim yelled, "Hey Natasha, cut it out, I didn't mean anything."

I glanced in the rear view mirror and determined she's kicking his ass. She yelled, "You fucking moron, if you ever say anything like that again. I'm going to kill you!"

I ordered, "Natasha, stand down!"

She stopped but kept grumbling in the back seat. Jim said, "Shit Natasha! You really have become a bitch!"

Jim started yelling again, "Hey Natasha cut it out. That hurts."

I looked in the rear view mirror and chuckled because Natasha had a hold of his ear, trying to pull it off the side of his head.

She said, "You'd better fucking apologize to me, or I'm taking your ear as payment."

Jim yelled, "I apologize, now give me my damn ear back."

She yanked it one more time and said, "Keep messing with me and I'll show you the bitch from hell."

We pulled up the to the garage door and I said, "Jim, get out and get the door for us."

He yelled, "Gladly, anything to get out of here!" He then bailed out so fast he fell down and we all had a good laugh.

Flashback Natasha (Jens) — Kabul Afghanistan

I had a terrible dream about Ben being stung by big, ugly, black scorpions. It hurt like hell too! I woke up cranky as hell. Then Jim opened his big fat mouth and got me pissed off. So I kicked his ass.

Linus made me stop before I'd fully expunged my anger and then Jim had the audacity to call me a bitch! Hell, I'm not half as bitchy as his wife Sally. So, I tried to rip his ear off his head.

I was glad when Linus made him get the door, because he's the one who had the accident and he smelled up the whole car. Linus pulled into the garage, I yanked off the fricken burka hood and hopped out of the car.

Linus demanded, "Hey Natasha! Where's your belly?"

I smiled at him, patted my six-pack belly and said, "Hey Linus! I should tell you where you can put that damn belly! I guess you didn't think everything out?"

Matt laughed at my bitchy comment while Jim was over taking care of his mess. Linus gave me a funny look and responded with, "I don't know what you're talking about."

I grinned and asked, "Am I the only one who thinks around here? What's going to happen when we go back to the airport if I'm wearing the same belly? Don't you think the security guards will be super suspicious?"

He gave me a stupid look and I continued, "Yeah that's what I thought. You didn't think about this. Did you? I guess no more Natasha belly burden for a few hours."

Linus sputtered and said, "I think you should still practice wearing it."

I went over and said, "Oh really! If I do that then I might not walk correctly without the belly. Is that a risk you're willing to take?"

He answered, "I guess you're right."

I replied, "Damn straight I'm right! So Jack should be here in another three hours. I'm taking it easy and no fricken belly for me!"

Linus said, "I think we need to leave early and trade the BMW for something else. This car is pretty hot."

I answered, "Oh Goodie! I get to drive another car! I hope it's better than this piece of shit."

Matt asked, "Hey Linus, you mind if I stay here this time?"

Jim yelled, "I'm not going if she's driving!"

I laughed and said, "What's wrong, boys? I didn't have an accident."

Linus answered, "I should make you two go while I stay here. But I need to observe Jens."

I answered, "I think all of you should come. The more the merrier."

Jim said, "There won't be enough room for Jack so I'm staying."

I went over and plopped on my bunk and waited for Linus to login to the computer.

Flashback Linus — Kabul Afghanistan

I flipped on the computer and logged in. The minute I did I knew I'd made a mistake. Everything on the screen went black and the speaker spit out in Natasha's voice, "Mess with the best, die like the rest."

I looked over at her and said, "You shouldn't have been able to do that. I had my user account aliased to yours. When you tried to do something to my account, it should have ended up affecting yours."

She grinned like a Cheshire cat and replied, "Yeah, I saw that and took care of it."

I said, "So what the fuck did you do to my user account?"

She grinned even bigger and answered, "When you logged on you ran a little program I wrote when I was a kid called "blackhole". It set the colors on all the parts of your desktop to black."

I asked, "All the parts? How the hell did you change the colors on the windows control buttons?"

She said, "That's for me to know and for you to figure out Mr. Wannabe computer hacker."

I was going to say something else when Jens voice came across the computer speaker again, "Mess with the best, die like the rest."

She giggled and said, "Oh, I forgot to mention. You'll be listening to that until you can figure out how to turn it off."

I thought to myself, I'll fix her! At least I had the logoff keystrokes memorized. I logged off as me and tried to login as the administrator. The password didn't work. I looked at her, she was still grinning. I asked, "You hacked into admin and changed the password?"

She answered, "Yes, it was much too short and easy to guess."

I was dumbfounded. I really didn't think Natasha was that good a hacker. I was messing with the computer when the proximity detector went off. Natasha jumped up, flew over to the computer and said, "Move the fuck out of the way."

She logged on her account and brought up the cameras and said, "It's that damn dog again. As much as I like dogs, I'm going to kill him if he keeps setting off the alarm."

We watched as the dog came up to the door and then scratched at it as if he wanted in. Natasha went to let the dog in but stopped, then came back, logged off the computer and said, "No way are you getting access to my account."

She ran to the door, let in the dog and he danced around her like they were old friends. I went back to fighting with the computer.

Flashback Natasha (Jens) — Kabul Afghanistan

Wow he was one nice dog. He smelled some but reminded me of the dog in the Russian Movie Собачье Сердце (The Heart of a Dog) by Michail Bulgakov. I found and watched the movie after I discovered it was one of Ben's favorites. He told me he wondered how Bulgakov could have written a story like this, during the Soviet times, and not be sent to Siberia. I read the short story but the movie was even better.

It's a crazy story/movie which takes place in Soviet Moscow and opens with a dog (named Sharik) point of view. He's a street dog and gets adopted by a famous research doctor who uses him as a test subject. And unlike most Russian stories/movies this one has a happy ending. I think that is why Ben liked it so much.

I yelled to the guys, "Hey we're keeping this dog."

Jim yelled back, "I hope you wash him because he stinks."

The dog growled at him and I replied, "At least he doesn't smell like shit!" He blushed and shut the hell up.

Linus was still fighting with the computer and said, "Make sure he doesn't have fleas."

The dog growled and snapped at Linus and I said, "Come on Sharik. We need to give you a shower."

He jumped around me and barked excitedly.

Matt yelled, "Do you think you can control that beast?"

Sharik stopped barking and growled at Matt. I giggled and said, "I guess Sharik is a good judge of people. So far he's growled at all three of you and he loves me." He started barking and jumping again and we went to the shower.

I slipped out of my burka along with the rest of my clothes, turned on the water and pulled Sharik into the shower with me. He loved getting a shower and was snapping at the water! I lathered him up very well with soap and then made sure he was totally rinsed before I put some conditioner in his hair. I told him, "Sharik, you stand right there until I shower, then I will rinse out the conditioner."

It was like he understood me and patiently stood waiting for me. I laughed at him a couple of times because he looked so funny when he was wet. I finished my shower and then dried off and started drying off Sharik. I was almost finished drying him when he took off from behind the shower.

I heard Matt yell first, "That son of a bitch dog just shook water all over me."

Then Jim gripped, "That bastard dog did the same thing to me."

And finally Linus complained, "That damn cur got me all wet."

He ran back over to me. I swear he was almost smiling, and I said as I shook my finger at him, "Sharik, that was naughty. Don't you do that again!" But then when I leaned down and finished drying him I whispered to him what a good dog he was. He wagged his tail and sprayed me with water. I giggled, finished drying him and myself, put on my deodorant and perfume. I sprayed some at Sharik, but he took off running before I could make him smell good. I then walked back out and Sharik was lying on my bed.

I called, "Sharik, come here and let me brush you." He ran over and stood while I took and old brush and brushed all the tangles out of his hair. He didn't even growl when I pulled on some very bad knots. When I was done he looked like a new dog and even more like Sharik.

I looked at him and used a famous quote from the story, slightly changed, "Sharik, you are handsome. Perhaps you're really a dog prince, living incognito. I wouldn't be surprised if your grandmother didn't have an affair with a Labrador. Now that I look at your muzzle, I see there's a white patch on it. I wonder how it got there." He wagged his tail and let out a single woof.

Jim asked, "What's this Sharik shit?"

Sharik growled at him and I said, "It's his name and means balloon or small ball. He reminds me exactly of a dog in a Russian movie which Ben likes. So I gave him the same name. Plus he likes the name"

I bent down and hugged him, then walked over to my bunk. He followed and lay on the floor beside the bunk. I reached down and scratched him. I loved having a dog, especially a dog prince!

Flashback Linus — Kabul Afghanistan

I was frustrated as hell because I couldn't get anywhere with the computer. Enough is enough and I decided to order Natasha to fix the damn computer for me.

I jumped up from the chair and walked towards her bunk. I got close to the bunk and yelled, "Natasha, get your ass over there and fix the fucking computer for me."

Her damn dog stood, started to grow and even raised the hair on his back. I looked at the dog and said, "Natasha, if you don't call off this damn dog of yours. I'm going to shoot it."

Quick as greased lighting her hand flashed out from under her pillow as she pointed her pistol right at me and said, "Linus, if you or anyone else ever hurts my Sharik. I will kill them, neither one of us likes your attitude so fix it."

I didn't know what was worse, looking down the barrel of her pistol or down the throat of her damn dog. I decided I needed to fix things. So I calmed down and replied, "Sorry Natasha, but I need to get into my computer account. I want to check the news before we go to pickup Jack."

She lowered the pistol and the damn dog sat back down. Natasha said, "Hit control-shift-F1 and type in Jens dash rules dash Linus dash drools."

I looked at her but didn't know what to say. So I walked back to the computer pressed ctrl-shift-F1 and typed Jens-rules-Linus-drools and it worked. I had my desktop back just like normal. I started poking around to see if I could figure out how she did it and everything went black again and I heard the computer say, "Mess with the best, die like the rest."

Natasha giggled and yelled to me, "Don't try to fuck with the program or it will do that to you."

I pressed the key combination again, and entered the fucking password and had my account back. I went out to the web, started reading the news and said, "Holy Shit!" when I saw the first headline.

Natasha yelled, "What did you find Linus."

I said, "You all need to come here and see this."

They all gathered around the computer, even the damn dog was there, as we read the news:

Massive Taliban deaths in Kabul Afghanistan.

In an act which this reporter still cannot believe, Kabul has awakened this morning to being itself an almost Taliban free city. In an act of almost Biblical proportions, which reminds this reporter of the black plague of death which descended upon Egypt in the movie The Ten Commandments, some unknown group went on a rampage last night and has killed many of the Taliban in the part of the city they controlled. The survivors have been seen leaving the city in a mass exodus.

There are a few survivors that remain but they are incoherently mumbling something about the black Angels of Death. This group has done what the Marines and Blackwater were unable to do. They have set this city free from the tyranny of the Taliban. We can only hope that now the city is free it will remain free.

Natasha yelled, "Shit! Now we're in big trouble!" Sharik barked a couple of times adding emphasis.

I asked, "What the hell do you mean?"

She replied, "Well, with the fucking Taliban out of the way. Now the Marines and Blackwater will be able to spend all their time looking for us."

I thought about what she said and concluded she was right. We were in deep shit because everyone was going to be looking for us.

I looked at the team and said, "Natasha is right. Without the Taliban causing problems the Marines and Blackwater will be looking for us. Matt and Jim, you guys need to go out and find us a truck because we need to head towards Khudabah, Pakistan as soon as Jack gets here. Make sure you're not tailed and once you get back here with it, start humping all the gear into it."

Natasha asked, "Linus what about your two guys?"

I looked at Natasha and said, "I'm going to contact them and tell them not to come. We can't afford to wait around here anymore. Natasha, get into your skinny burka, let's roll and get a new car."

Natasha said, "I think we should let the guys take the car and trade it for a truck. I will put on the fucking belly. We will find another car place and play Grand Theft Auto again. Then I will change back into my skinny burka"

It sounded like a good plan to me so I said, "This sounds like a better plan so let's all move out."

I sent a quick e-mail to my guys and told them not to come and then I headed to the Zuk. Natasha was sitting in the passenger seat and the damn dog was in the back.

I said, "We can't bring that damn dog."

He growled and snapped at me. Natasha giggled and said, "If you don't want him coming, you take him out of the back."

I reached towards him, he growled and bit my hand. I pulled it back and threatened, "I'm going to kill this damn dog."

That was a huge mistake because I found out just how fast Natasha could move even with the fake pregnancy belly on. She jumped out of the Zuk and was kicking the shit out of me in the front, and the damn dog joined her and was biting the hell out of my ass.

Matt and Jim laughed like a bunch of hyenas, while I fought for my life. I yelled, "Natasha Uncle! Stop fighting me and call off your damn dog."

She yelled, "Not until you promise me to never threaten Sharik again."

I said, "I agree, I will never threaten that damn dog again."

Natasha and the damn dog didn't stop. She smacked the hell out of my face and said, "His name is Sharik, not that damn dog."

I said, "Natasha, this needs to stop or one of us is going to get hurt."

She replied, "Apologize to Sharik."

I didn't want to hurt her or the dog and that was what it was going to take to win this fight, I capitulated and said, "Sharik I apologize to you and I will never threaten to kill you again."

It was just like a switch was flipped and they both stopped. Natasha walked over to the Zuk and jumped in, Sharik hopped into the back. I swear the dog turned his head and smiled at me.

I grumbled as I climbed into the driver's seat, wiggled a few times because my ass was sore from the damn dog biting it, and started the Zuk. Matt and Jim still laughed but had the door open. We wheeled out into the street. The damn dog barked a couple times and reminded me of...

Flashback Linus — TSIFFTS Mission

Dogs were raising hell and I said, "Shit Hammer! Someone fucked up, there weren't supposed to dogs here."

We started running our asses off and I said, "Hammer if we can't get away from these dogs we're fucked. Listen, you're faster than I am. You take off and I'm going to take care of these damn dogs."

Hammer answered, "Linus, nae way in heel aam leavin' yeh."

"Linus, no way in hell I'm leaving you."

I made a call on the tactical radio, "Overwatch this is Bravo team we have a situation. There's a pack of dogs after us."

Byron said, "There weren't supposed to be any dogs there. Can you bring them past my position and I'll see if I can't distract them."

I said, "Roger Overwatch. We will be at your position ricky tick."

The dogs were closing on us, Hammer said, "Linus drap y'r pack, it will distract em an' help ye scapa faster. We'll drap back an' pick it up later."

"Linus drop your pack, it will distract them and help you run faster. We'll drop back and pick it up later."

I slipped my pack off, let it fall in the trail and we picked up the pace. It didn't take long for the dogs to get to the pack; you could hear them tearing it up. It also didn't take long for them to come after us again. At least we had more breathing room.

I called, "Overwatch, we're at your location now."

We ran under the tree, I glanced up and saw Byron, he gave me the thumbs up and we kept running. Finally the dogs stopped barking. We stopped; I leaned over to catch my breath and said, "Hammer, this was too close."

He patted me on the back and said, "Aye it was excitin' wasnae it. Let's gang back an' see whit Byron did tae th' dogs."

"Yeah it was exciting wasn't it. Let's go back and see what Byron did to the dogs."

We trotted slowly back to Overwatch, as we got closer we heard the dogs growl. Byron said, "Walk in slowly guys so you don't scare the little doggies."

We walked in and I saw Hammer's mouth drop open Byron had the dogs sitting in a row. They wagged their tails and he said, "Now you little doggies can't be chasing my friends like this. They are much better than the bastard that owns you."

Hammer says, "Damn Byron! Ah thooght thoo 'd killed th' dogs an' haur thoo hae em listenin' tae thoo. Whit ur thoo some sort ay dug whisperer?"

"Damn Byron! I thought you'd killed the dogs and here you have them listening to you. What are you some sort of dog whisperer?"

Byron answered, "Don't be crazy, I'd never hurt good little doggies like this. And I don't know, I've always had a way with dogs. You go and finish the mission and I'll just play with my new friends."

I said to Hammer, "Well, let's see if we can still finish this mission."

Flashback Todd — TSIFFTS Mission

Linus and Hammer were working one side of this tango's property while I was sent to come in from the other side. Thom wanted to come with me, but I always work alone. I heard all the commotion about the dogs over my tactical radio and I figured I would have some to deal with here. Linus and Hammer had been noisy and clumsy and let the dogs hear them. I wouldn't make that mistake.

I saw the first dog as I crawled to the top of the wall. The stupid mutt didn't hear me or even smell me. I pulled a dart out of its holder loaded it into the blowgun and one chuff later the dog was sleeping like a baby. I took my wounded rabbit call out of my bag and squeaked it. Now all I had to do was wait patiently for the other dogs to show up so I could dispatch them.

I heard a call on my tactical radio, "Alpha this is Mothership, is everything going as planned?"

I clicked my radio once for yes and squeaked the rabbit call some more. The next dog came flying in like its ass was on fire and ran right up to the sleeping dog - one more dart and one more sleeping dog. Because we had adequate time, I decided to squeak a few more times and make sure all the dogs were taken care of and I'm glad I did since there were two more dogs lured into my trap. I made sure to take all my darts with me as I slipped past the sleeping pooches.

With the dogs being taken care of I slipped off the wall and crept towards the house. I jumped another small fence and immediately saw an IR perimeter defense field. I stopped and signaled, "--... -... --. --... --... -... -... -. --... --. -... -... -... -. -.--... --.--... -... -.-... --. -... -... --... -... --. -... -. -... -... -... -... -... -... -.-.-.--... -... -... -. --... -. -.--... -... -... --... --.--. -... --... -... --... --... --... --"

"Mothership, I have found a very sophisticated IR perimeter defense field. Please notify Bravo team and advise me what to do."

I heard Jim reply, "Roger Alpha we have received your message and are relaying it to Bravo team. Sit tight while we discuss what to do."

I signaled back, ".-. --... -. --... --... --... -.-... -... --.--... --... --... -... --. -.-... --... -... -. -... -.--.--.--... --... -... -... -... -... -... -... --... --... -... -... -... -... --... -.-... -... --... -... --... --... -.-.-"

"Roger, I would say that unless we can find a way to disable this IR field we will need to scrub the mission."

I hunkered down in some bushes, watched and waited. This really sucked because all the intel on this house was wrong. There were no records of guard dogs or anything remotely resembling this elaborate security system. And now I noticed some movement and saw some roving guards patrolling the inside perimeter of the IR field.

I updated Mothership with the new info, "--... -... --. --... --.--... -... -.--... -.--... -... --.--.-... -. --. -... --.--... -... --... --... -... -. --... -... -. --. --... -.-.-. -... --... --.-... -.--... --... -.-.-... -... -... -.--... --. -.--.--. --. --... --.-.-... -.-... -. --. -... -... -... --... -... --. -... -. --... -. -... -... -... -... -... -.-.-"

"Mothership, while you're making new plans add roving guards to the equation. I have eyes on two tangos walking the inside perimeter of the IR field."

The tactical radio crackles; it's Thom, "Shit! This mission's going to hell and I think we might have to scrub it."

I replied, "-... --... --... --... --. --... --.--... -.-... --... --. -... -... --... --. -.-... -.-.-.-... --. -.-... -... -... -.--. --. --... --. -... --... --... -.--... --.-.-.-"

"Thom, don't get your panties in a bunch. Let me tail these tangos and see what they do."

I stealthy slipped along with the guards; they weren't paying attention probably because they thought the dogs would alert them to any intruders. I followed them halfway around the compound and didn't see any deviation in their patrol. But I did see Linus and Hammer hiding in some bushes. They had no idea I was so close to them.

I signaled, "--... -... --. --... --.--... -... -... -... -... --... --... --. --.--... --... --... -... -... -... --... -. -... -... --.-.-.-"

"Mothership, advise Bravo team I'm about five feet behind them."

The tactical radio announced, "Bravo team do not worry, Alpha team is approaching your position from behind."

Linus said, "That sneaky SOB one of these days I'm going to kill him when he sneaks up on me."

I slipped up beside the two of them and we waited.

Finally we get a call on the radio from Thom, "Guys were scrubbing the mission for now. We need to come up with a new tactical plan. Come back to the Mothership and make sure you don't leave any evidence behind."

I motioned to Linus and Hammer to take off and I would follow them. I wanted to make doubly sure they didn't leave any evidence.

Now I totally understood how the dogs heard them. It sounded like two elephants heading through a jungle. Someday these guys need taught how to be quiet in the woods.

I was not happy having to head back to Mothership like a beaten dog with its tail between its legs.

Flashback Matt and Jim — Kabul Afghanistan — Getting a truck

It was funny as hell watching Natasha beat the shit out of Linus and then Sharik biting the hell out of his ass. For once she was after someone other than us!

They drove off and I looked at Jim and said, "Damn, remind me to never fight with those two."

Jim still grinned and answered, "Shit! Remind me to never say anything bad about that damn dog again."

I answered, "Then you better start calling that damn dog Sharik. Let's go and see what sort of truck we can get."

I drove the Beemer out the door, Jim closed it, jumped in and we took off. Jim said, "I think you should head into a crappier part of town, we might have better luck."

The streets were alive with people, I guess with the Taliban leaving they felt much safer to be out. At least they moved out of the way when I hit the horn. I kept a close watch on the rear view mirror because I didn't want to pick up a tail.

We drove past a couple of car lots and didn't see any decent trucks. I was beginning to wonder if we were going to find anything we liked. Finally I saw a lot which looked promising, pulled in and parked.

We jumped out of the car and looked at several trucks. The salesman came over and said, "So you are looking for a truck. With the Taliban leaving these are the only trucks left in town."

I answered, "Yes, we would like a truck and would like to trade our car for it."

He laughed and said, "I am sorry but I do not need your car."

I looked at Jim and realized with the Taliban taking all the trucks they could as they left, we were fucked. I motioned to Jim and we headed back to the car. When we got out of earshot of the salesman Jim said, "Well what the fuck are we going to do now?"

I answered, "I think we have to chase down the Taliban and see if we can trade this car for one of their trucks." We hopped in the Beemer and went to make a deal with some devils.

It didn't take long to find the convoy on its way out of town. We drove up alongside the trucks and watched as they kept their rifles trained on the car. I saw a truck I liked and pulled up alongside, rolled down the window and Jim shouted to the driver, "Nice truck you have."

He looked over and replied, "But not as nice as your car." And I knew we had a possible trade.

I told Jim, "Tell him we might give him our car for his truck."

Jim answered the truck driver, "It must be tiring driving that truck for so long. This car is sure comfortable to ride in."

He answered, "This truck is a good truck, but it is no BMW."

Jim finally said, "We are looking for a good truck and might be willing to trade you our BMW for your truck."

He pulled to the side of the road, slowed and said, "If you are serious, I will trade you right now."

Jim answered, "Then it's a deal." I stopped the Beemer and Jim and I grabbed our gear and jumped out. The driver of the truck came over and said, "Allah has been good to me today."

I asked, "Don't you want what's in the truck?"

He grinned and suddenly I felt apprehensive when he said, "No, you two can keep everything in the truck."

He jumped into the Beemer and sped off; I looked at Jim and said, "We'd better see what the hell he left in the back of the truck."

We walked around back, opened the back flap and Jim said, "Son of a bitch! We certainly fucked up!"

Flashback Dariush — Kabul Afghanistan

After reading the note from the Black Angel, I got out of bed, went over to my safe, unlocked it and put it inside. Now it is time to check and see what's going on.

Ahmir came into my bedroom with my morning tea and a pain pill. I took the tea, but refused the pill and said, "Ahmir, I do not need that this morning. I feel much better."