Chapter 20

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Every spot at the big dinner table was filled. Kara had asked the Harrisons over, treating the evening as a kind of house warming party. Mark had taken the opportunity to inspect the quality of the construction of the house.

“Jake, if you find out who did his landscaping, let me know. I have to admit that his guy is better than my guy.”

“It’s not just how much money you spend?” Kara asked.

“Less than you’d think. Landscape design takes a bit of flair. You can spend a lot of money on expensive plants and materials but without a little panache, nothing grabs you when you see the house. The landscaping should be an exclamation point.”

“What do you think about the quality of the house itself?” Jake asked.

“It’s a lot harder to say than you might think. Sheetrock, trim, and paint can cover a multitude of shoddy practices underneath. Cockrell’s always had a reputation for cutting corners in places that don’t show. A couple of decades down the road, you start to need repairs. It might be best that you’re only leasing.”

“You should take that with a grain of salt, Jake,” Jan said. “You’ve never heard as many snide, backbiting remarks fly as when a couple of builders start talking about another one who’s not there.”

Mark laughed. “Have I dragged you to so many of those rubber chicken dinners that you’ve become cynical?”

“I just notice that you don’t say those kinds of things to Cockrell’s face.”

“Of course not. I’ve still got to deal with him in public. I don’t want to start a feud. But that doesn’t mean that it’s not true.” He turned to Jake. “I hear you got a new speedboat. What did you get?”

Jake told him all about the boat and its features, cutting it short only when he noticed the women were getting restless.

“Okay, maybe it’s not as interesting to you ladies as shopping or babies, but just wait until you get in it. The guy who showed it to Kate and me had it going full speed across the lake. It felt like we were flying.”

“Oh, dear,” Leanne said. “I don’t know if I like the sound of that.”

“Sound judgment is called for on the lake,” Mark said, “but don’t let Jake scare you too much, Leanne. The sense of speed comes from the feel of the wind and the illusion created by being so close to the water as it goes past.”

“Lots of kids are driving speedboats on the lake, Mom,” Julie said. “I can’t wait until we finish the boating safety class on Saturday, and I get a chance.”

“Still, I think that I’m going to come along the first few times until I’m comfortable that you kids are safe.”

“You’ll just make us putt around like old ladies,” Julie said.

“If necessary,” Leanne said. “I just want to point out that none of us old ladies suffered a premature accidental death.”

“Leanne, I think you’ll find that compared to all the things that kids could be doing, a little hard boating is pretty tame,” Mark said. “I just finished getting my own through that phase alive.”

While Mark was speaking, Jake had felt a fast sequence of strong emotions from Leanne. Shock, anger, shame, and finally despair. Jake was nonplussed. What had happened? He had been focused on what Mark was saying when Leanne’s emotions had erupted.

She stood when Mark was done.

“Yes, I’m sure. Please excuse me,” she said woodenly and walked out of the dining room before Jake could react. Her face was stiff. Jake knew that she was fighting not to cry. Jake heard her climbing the stairs.

Then he noticed that Jan was radiating shame and dismay.

Love, what’s wrong? What’s going on?

Oh, God, Jake, I’ve fucked up bad.

Jan stood. “I think I’m going to go check on Leanne.”

Jake, please, come with me, she sent as she walked out of the dining room.

“Maybe I’ll see if I can assist,” Jake said and followed after Jan.

She was waiting for him outside the door.

Jake read her. The memory was prominent in Jan’s consciousness. Her mind had wandered along the theme of Leanne as an old lady. She had pictured her crotchety, scrawny and unattractive, especially to Jake while she, Jan, still had her looks and Jake’s interest. Jan had snapped back to the present when Leanne’s distress had battered her, but by then the damage had already been done.

Damn. Well, it had to come sooner or later. He could tell the women about the need for a thick skin all day long, but there were still bound to be some bruised feelings along the way. Jan’s errant thought couldn’t have been more perfectly constructed to hit Leanne where she was vulnerable.

“Would you, please, get Ellen and Kara and follow me to talk to Leanne. She went to her room, I think.”

“Jake, do I have to? I don’t know if I can face her after what I just did.”

“You’ve got to be there. This can’t be allowed to poison our family. Explain to Kara and Ellen what just happened. The only way to deal with this is to bring everything out into the open.”

“Yes, Jake.”

Jan steeled herself and went back into the dining room. Jake ran up the stairs two at a time. He felt despair from Leanne as he approached her room. She was sitting on the side of her bed, crying. Jake tried the doorknob but the door was locked.

In a few seconds, Ellen, Kara, and Jan are going to be here. We are going to talk this out. I’m not giving you a choice about this.

The door opened. Jake pushed in. Tears were running down Leanne’s face. Jake grabbed Leanne’s hand before she could go back to the bed and dragged her over to a chair. He sat and pulled Leanne down onto his lap. He projected affection, admiration, and desire for her, and held her close.

They were still sitting there when the other three women arrived two minutes later. Kara knelt in front of Leanne and put her head in Leanne’s lap.

Jan told us what happened, Momma. Please, don’t take it badly. There isn’t one of us who doesn’t think you are the heart of this family. You belong with Jake and with us, and we need you. It was just a thought that popped into Jan’s head. She never meant it. She didn’t mean to hurt you either.

But she is right. I’m so old compared to all of you. Especially compared to Jake.

Love, you are the age you are, Jake sent. There’s nothing to approve or disapprove of. It doesn’t matter to me what your age is as long as I have you with me. If you weren’t the age that you are then we wouldn’t have your experience and wisdom and compassion. We would be diminished without you just the way you are.

But I’m going to be old and you’ll still be young.

Leanne, when you’re old, Ellen said, none of us are going to be spring chickens anymore. Not even Jake.

Kara, what does your mother’s mother look like? Jake asked.

She’s still lovely, Jake. She’s, what, 58, I think.

I suspected as much, Jake said. Leanne, I think you’re going to be a beautiful woman for decades to come. But even if you don’t age gracefully, I would still love you. We’re all mind readers. We’re not like the rest of the world. Just like none of us are attracted to pretty people who are ugly inside, we won’t spurn people with beautiful souls just because their bodies are aging. All our bodies are going to wear out, but our minds, our souls are much more resilient. I’d bet anything that your soul is going to be gorgeous no matter how old you are. That’s what’s most important. I’m pretty sure you already know that it’s your soul that I love. It’s the reason I think you are so sexy.

Leanne looked at him, her eyes both hopeful and fearful.

“Jake, I’m 25 years older than you.”

Twenty-four.

“That doesn’t make it any better. When you’re 25, I’ll be 50.”

Leanne buried her face in his neck.

But this is not my battle, Leanne. I can only reassure you about how I feel. You’re the one who is going to have to find the confidence — in me and in yourself.

Jake took in all the women.

As important as this is to Leanne, what’s happened raises an issue that is critical to all of us. If we don’t confront it, it could destroy this family.

Jake, why don’t I just apologize and hope that we can get past it? Jan sent.

Because there’s nothing for you to apologize for. I want you to know that, and I want the rest of us to know it, too. Jan, you did nothing wrong. A thought went through your head. You didn’t nurture it or broadcast it or intend to do anyone any harm. You had a thought. It’s not wrong for normal people to have unattractive thoughts. It’s not wrong for mind readers either.

But Jake, it was a vile, hurtful thought, Jan sent. I feel awful.

Jake looked at each of the women in turn.

It’s got to be that way. Don’t you see? The only alternative is for us to lose our freedom to think. We have to be able to form cruel, horrible, ugly, hateful thoughts. It’s the only way we can examine them, see them for what they are, and dismiss them. If we don’t give them form, they remain with us, under the surface but still polluting our minds, lacking structure but not necessarily impotent.

But Jake, Jan sent, there are lots of thoughts that it would hurt me for you to think.

Maybe it will hurt for a little while, but you’ll get past it. We’ll all get past it. And we’ll be better for it. Look, my friends, we are conducting an experiment. We are forming a society of mind readers. To my knowledge that’s never been done before. We know that modern mind readers don’t think it’s even possible. What is revolutionary about our family is not that we can control others or that we can pull information from their minds. The revolutionary thing is that our natures will force us to be totally honest with each other. If I think your slacks make your butt look big, you’ll know it.

Jake continued.

You may get mad for a while, but soon a wonderful thing will happen. You’ll learn what I’m like, including the side that if I were a normal person, I would hide from you. Eventually you’ll accept that I think those things. That’s when something glorious will happen. You’ll stop being mad when my words, thoughts, and attitudes don’t stroke your egos. And when we reach that point, we will be the most advanced society in the history of mankind.

You make it sound like we’ll be something radical, Jan said.

Because we will. Imagine how good the world would be if we were all as benign as Ellen, as full of faith as Kara, as spirited as Jan, and as compassionate as Leanne. That’s the promise of a mind-reader society. Not many people can be a part of that society, but you four can. I think I know of a few others. And we’ll meet more people as time goes by. To accomplish it, we need to generously accept the thoughts that the others think, both the pretty ones and the petty ones.

All of that will come out of knowing each other’s thoughts? Jan asked.

Yes. Tolerance and egolessness will come directly. The rest will flow from that. But it all depends on us learning not to judge each other’s thoughts. Think about what happened today between Leanne and Jan as an opportunity. If we can learn to be tolerant, much good will come of it.

Ellen looked at Jake and the others.

Do any of you understand what he’s saying?

Only Kara nodded. It’s obvious. If we don’t murder each other first, we’ll come to accept each other without worrying about what the others can do for us.

I don’t understand either, Leanne sent. I wasn’t upset because I wanted Jan to do something for me.

Of course, you were, Momma. You needed her to reassure you that Jake will still love you when you get older. This whole thing arose because what she actually did was make you feel more threatened about the age difference.

What do you think, Jan? Ellen sent.