An Absence of Trust
Copyright© 2009 by Coaster2
Chapter 9: Second Thoughts: Howard
I didn't accomplish very much at work. Friday is seldom a high intensity day, but this Friday was particularly quiet. It gave me time to think about Edie and tonight. When I woke up this morning, my mind was set. I knew what I would do. Now ... too much time for having second thoughts. Was I too hard on her? Was I pushing her beyond her ability to cope? She looked terrified at times. As if she thought I was going to snap and do something violent. Perhaps my act had been too ... dramatic.
What did I want from all this? What was I hoping to accomplish? I kept asking myself this over and over again. I still loved her. I knew that now. I knew it because I couldn't get her out of my mind. If I didn't, I wouldn't be obsessing about her. I wouldn't be angry. I wouldn't be uncertain about our future.
I knew what the trouble was. Her secret. The one she dared not tell me. Denying us our children. I still hadn't come to terms with how I felt about that. Was I angry? Yes! Could I forgive her? I didn't know. Could she bring herself to tell me? I didn't know that either. Would that be the determining factor in whether we stayed together or not? Another thing I didn't know. One moment I was sure and the next, I was riddled with doubt.
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