Chapter 8: Ginny's Advice: Edith

I finally had a decent night's sleep. I wondered why when I had so much confusion and chaos going on inside my head. I crawled out of bed and made for the ensuite. The shower brought me to a more lucid state. I had called Ginny last night before I went to bed. She agreed to meet me for lunch at our favorite little bistro. Thank god for Ginny.

I was greeted at the door by Nick, the head waiter.

"Ms. Maarden is expecting you, Mrs. Carver." He led me to the far corner to a table we knew would be private and quieter.

"Thank you, Nick. Hello, Ginny. Thank you for coming." I was genuinely relieved to see her. I desperately needed her guidance.

"You know I wouldn't say no to you, Edie," she smiled.

Ginny was so solid, so grounded. We've been friends for ages, over ten years. Howard was wrong. I do have a real friend. Virginia Maarden is the best friend I've ever had. I can tell her anything in confidence. She knows all my secrets. All of them.

"I had my talk with Howard last night ... or should I say ... he talked and I listened. He didn't want me to say anything. He said he'd give me my chance on Friday. Oh, Ginny, he was so cold, so ... mean. I've never seen him like this. He's a completely different person from before. I don't know him at all."

"Tell me everything," Ginny said calmly.

I told her everything I could remember. I told her of his three final demands. By the time I was finished, I was almost in tears.

Ginny reached over and patted my hands. "Calm down, Edie. Calm down. Let's talk about tomorrow night," she said. She was so unruffled and composed.

"What are you going to tell him?"

"I'm ... I'm going to tell him I love him. I'm going to tell him I don't want a divorce and I will never betray him. I'll tell him it was all a bad dream and that I don't know what made me think I could hurt him like that."

"What else?"

"Oh ... he says he wants to be with me when I'm out at these functions. I don't know why, exactly. He says he wants to be treated like an equal. He used to hate my parties. I don't know what to think. I'll do it, of course. I just don't know what he expects."

"And?"

"I'm happy to have him be more ... forceful. I want him to be my partner in everything. I'll tell him I welcome his becoming more ... assertive with me."

"Anything else?"

"I don't know what to tell him about his comment about my honesty. After all, I told him what I was thinking before I did anything. Isn't that a sign of honesty? I don't know what he's referring to."

"Don't you? Think hard, Edie. Isn't there something that you most fear telling him?" Ginny was looking at me with her most penetrating gaze.

I couldn't understand what she was getting at until ... until. "Oh my god. I can't tell him that. It will kill him. It will end our marriage right then. I can never tell him." I had moved to panic mode.

"What if he already knows?"

"He can't. You're the only other person that knows. You wouldn't tell him. How could he know?"

"I don't know. But it's a dangerous game you're playing. He didn't bring that subject up because he thought it might be interesting. He has something on his mind. From your description of last night, he was very specific and very prepared. He must have a reason for making it one of the 'big three.'"

"Maybe he thinks I'm already having an affair."

"Maybe. Can you take the chance?"

"I don't think I can bring myself to tell him. It would destroy us. Then I'd have nothing."

"You've really messed this up, haven't you girl?" There was no hint of humor in Ginny's eyes.

I nodded. She was right. This was entirely my fault.

"What am I going to do? I can't lose him. I just can't."

Ginny sat back for a few moments, sipping her coffee and thinking.

"Well, keep in mind this advice is free and you know what they say about advice being worth what you pay for it." Again there was no intimation of a smile.

"Putting myself in your place ... I'd tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I wouldn't hold anything back. You can't slip up if you do that.

"Second, I would seek professional help to try and understand why you thought you needed to have an affair. I've had some experience with a psychiatrist when Nels left me. They don't have all the answers, but they sure make you look at all the questions.

"Third, I would suggest both of you seek marriage counseling. You're going to need it no matter how that conversation goes tomorrow. That is, if you're still together.