Chapter 6: The Aftermath: Edith

I was stunned into silence. I have completely underestimated Howard. He has laid down an ultimatum and I was given no opportunity to respond. He would not permit it. I have never seen him like this before. Never! He has challenged me to defend my actions and choose between his demands and divorce. There is no middle ground. I can't see any road to compromise.

I heard the door close as he left for his walk. I got up and moved to the kitchen, making myself another gin and tonic. It was unusual for me to have this many drinks, but tonight was the exception. I needed to calm down and make some sense of what was happening to me. I have lost every ounce of control I once enjoyed. Howard had taken it from me as if I had no power to stop him.

And his questions. Of course I wanted to remain married to him. I had little option but to assure him there would be no infidelity. He had burned that out of my mind in a few moments. I had choices to make. They seemed simple right now, but I had two days to think about them.

What did he mean by my being honest with him? I've always been honest with him. This whole mess is because I wanted to be honest with him. How could he doubt that?

But there was something else. He never once said that he loved me. He never once even mentioned his feelings toward me, except for his anger and disappointment. Had I killed what we had together? I don't know if I could handle that. I love him. I know I do. I have wounded him, and like any wounded animal he's fighting back. But will he fight for us?

I felt sick to my stomach. I put down my drink, knowing it wouldn't help. Two days. Two days to find a way to salvage almost thirty years of loving and knowing Howard. Almost twenty seven years married. There had to be a way to make him love me again. But how?

I was exhausted again. Lack of sleep, tension and this ... this attack. I couldn't think straight. Go to bed, Edie. Call Ginny and arrange to meet with her. Maybe she'll have some ideas. God knows I don't. Then go to bed.