Chapter 2

We'd found a book called "Backpacking New York City" at the bus station in Albany, which was a small one. It had been like four in the morning or something, but a little shop had been open and we'd found that book in a spinning bookrack near the register. It was basically for college kids who were looking for cheap food, cheap lodging, and cheap thrills while they visited the city. It was perfect for us and we'd used it to find our way to a hostel, which was a word I'd never even heard of before. I just figured the book had misspelled hotel, you know, like a hundred times. But they hadn't, and the place was cheap and clean enough, and the guy running the hostel didn't even bat an eye when we told him we all wanted to stay in the same room; and just one bed? Perfect.

He thought we were from Holland at first, since I guess we had funny accents or something, and he'd wanted to see our passports. I didn't even have a driver's license though, so I showed him my library card and he got a good laugh out of that. I didn't know if I should have been embarrassed or not, so I just smiled prettily and he gave us a room for twenty-six dollars a night and even knocked off ten percent when we told him we could pay cash for five nights in advance. He liked cash a lot, I guess, and even though it used up a lot of our money right away, we figured at least we'd have a home for a few days.

The hostel, called the New Berlin for some reason, was in Greenwich Village, which hadn't been all that hard to get to, since we had that handy book. We took the subway, which was pretty fun but super crowded since it was like seven in the morning by then. We'd had some breakfast at the bus station, in a little restaurant there and I think that was because we were just a bit nervous and wanted to think about it before we actually hit the streets. We only got lost once when we sort of missed a stop, but that was okay. I bet a lot of people get lost in a big city like that, especially new people like us.

We'd picked the New Berlin mostly cause it was in Greenwich and the book said everybody had to go there because it was the coolest place in New York. So we figured if we had to go there, well, we might as well stay there, right? It's in Manhatten anyway, and so that was pretty cool all by itself. Like who wouldn't want to go there? I didn't know much about New York, but I'd heard of Manhatten for sure.

We'd walked to the hostel, since it wasn't far from the train station where we got off. And while a lot of people were staring at me, and I did feel pretty self-conscious walking around in my cheerleading outfit, I was busy staring at the buildings. I swear, if Mark and Chris hadn't been holding my hands and leading me around, I would have gotten run over probably. Or at least bumped into a lot of people. I just couldn't stop looking up and we weren't even where the really tall buildings were, they were like a mile or two up the street, but they were still so tall it was amazing! I just wished the World Trade Center buildings were still there, but I know everybody wishes that, and it made me pretty sad knowing I'd never see those except in pictures and movies.

So, we got our room and it was so cool, all of it, that I pretty much forgot to be homesick. I mean, I was running away with my two boyfriends, and now sharing a room with them, a bed and a little bathroom, and nobody was going to bother us. We could do whatever we wanted for the first time in our lives. Of course, the first thing we wanted to do was go to bed. We were really tired, for one thing, but we weren't going to sleep right away, either. I could count on one hand the times I'd actually had sex with both of my boyfriends in a real bed, and still have a thumb left over, so this was like heaven.

And now it was four days later, Sunday morning, and I'd woken up in that room, in that city, and part of me really sort of wished I'd opened my eyes and seen my own bedroom back home. I could have stretched and smiled and thought to myself that I'd just had the weirdest dream ever and I'd want to remember it so I could tell Mark and Chris, but I'd forget, the way I always did. That would be okay though, because even though I wouldn't be the Homecoming Queen, I wouldn't have been raped either. Yeah, if only it had all been a dream.

Another part of me though, maybe the bad girl part, cause I new I had one, she was thinking it was pretty nice running away from home. I was grown up now, a real woman and sharing my bed with Mark and Chris. We'd had sex that first day, both of them with me, and then we'd fallen asleep. We didn't have to pretend anything anymore. Mark and Chris could be in love, I could kiss them whenever I wanted, and we could just have fun and be in love and do all the stuff we couldn't ever do back in Iroquois County. That wasn't a terrible thing to wake up to either, except for all the little things ... Like we were high school drop-out runaways without jobs or friends or anything.

That was a little scary.

But the truth was that we knew we weren't going to be there that long. How could we be? We weren't running away from our homes, we were just running away from some trouble which wasn't really ours in the first place. Once our parents sorted the problem out, we'd go back home and doubtless face an orchestra full of music. I didn't even want to think about the questions I'd have to answer about stuff like my birth control pills. For the moment though, we were more like on a little vacation than anything else. We were young and free and I'd probably end up grounded for the rest of my life when I went home, so I was going to do as much as I could before then.

I don't know if Mark felt the same way or not, since he really did feel a need to take care of me. My need was more like I wanted to have fun. Chris, what was going to happen with him? That was the big question mark for us. We just didn't know what was going to happen. For all we knew his mom and dad could get arrested. If we could come home again, it would mean someone somewhere had figured out what was going on, and that wouldn't be too good for Georgie and his wife, and so it wouldn't be too good for Chris either. We hadn't talked about it yet, but it was there waiting like a bad dream.

"Whew! I feel better!" I giggled as I dried myself off and Mark was frowning.

"Don't get the towel all wet!" he said.

"How am I not gonna get it wet?" I stuck out my tongue at him. "I gotta dry my hair."

"Yeah, but..." Mark was standing in the shower, soaking wet and just sort of brushing water off himself.

"You think I should cut my hair?" I wiped the mirror, which was just a little fogged. "Would I look good with short hair?"

"No, don't cut your hair," Mark told me seriously. "I love your hair."

"Really?" I paused and looked at him because I didn't know that.

"Yeah, seriously," Mark nodded and we both looked at each other for about ten seconds and then we laughed.

"Okay," I shrugged. "I guess I won't cut my hair then."

"Good." Mark finally got the towel away from me, but he was almost dry anyway.

"What about Chrissy?" I asked Mark.

I was checking out my face in the mirror and we'd been eating so much junk food I was getting a little worried about pimples. I didn't get one very often, but when I did I totally hated it. I heard some people never got any, but I found that hard to believe. Then again, I'd never seen Chris get one, but I hadn't known him that long either, so it didn't mean anything. Mark had a bunch of pimples when he fifteen, but I think he just matured so fast that he zipped through puberty like it was a week long or something. He didn't get hardly any now.

"He can't cut his hair either," Mark told me matter of factly and I giggled.

"He can't?" I was looking at Mark's reflection in the mirror.

"Nope, I won't let him," Mark said. "He's seriously sexy with his hair just like it is."

"Yeah," I had to agree with that.

"Sometimes I wish he was a girl," Mark said and that made me blink. "I mean, I love him as a boy and everything, but..." Mark shrugged, " ... I dunno."

"He's afraid you think he's girly." I turned around so I could face Mark directly. "You don't say that to him, do you?"

"What?" Mark frowned at me. "No! Of course not and I don't mean it like he seems like a girl, I just mean ... Uh, well, he seems like a girl, I guess. Sometimes."

"So he does and he doesn't? What?" I stared at Mark and I'd never known him to be confused about anything.

"Chris is a guy, yeah," Mark said, like he was talking to both himself and me, trying to reason it out. "But when we're together, he's Chrissy, you know? And he just..."

Mark couldn't find the right words and it was frustrating him. He sighed and shrugged.

"He feels like I do?" I offered, thinking maybe I almost understood. "I mean when you're with me, it feels the same as..."

"With him? Yeah, like that," Mark smiled and nodded. "He feels like you do to me. That's pretty dumb, huh?"

"No," I made a face. "Not at all, I understand."

"You do?" Mark looked a little surprised.

"Of course," I giggled. "So does Chris, believe me. He knows he's not like you."

"Yeah," Mark had finished drying himself and we just kind of stood there.

"But he's definitely not a girl," I said.

"Yeah, I know," Mark smiled. "He'd be a good one though, wouldn't he?"

"Maybe," I shrugged. "But he's better as a boy."

"Yeah," Mark sucked his lips for a moment. "He is. I really love him."

"I know," I said and this was real serious all of a sudden, but I wasn't sure why. "I love him too."

"I mean, I ... Sometimes I don't say it when I want to," Mark looked down for a second. "I don't want to hurt you."

"What?" I rolled my eyes. "I know you love him. I want you too, okay? You won't hurt me."

"Are you sure?" Mark asked me. "I love you both so much, sometimes I can't tell you apart. Inside, I mean. I just..."

"Mark," I sighed, "would you leave me for him?"

"What?" he blinked at me. "No, of course not."

"Would you leave him for me?" I asked and he frowned.

"I don't know. I'd, um..." he started and touched his lips with my fingers.

"No, you wouldn't," I said seriously. "That's why you can't tell us apart."

"Steph." Mark had his eyes closed and I stepped close enough to kiss his chest, his big strong heart.

"You know what that means?" I asked him softly, looking up and forcing him to open his eyes and see me.

"What?" he breathed.

"It means you have to marry us both," I smiled. "Cause me and Chris already decided were not gonna let you go."

"You did?" Mark was smiling again, finally. "When did you guys decide that?"

"When I was getting my pills," I shrugged. "I don't know what's wrong with you guys. He was more worried than you are."

"Why?" Mark had his arms around me, still holding his forgotten towel.

"I dunno," I giggled. "But I like watching you with him, okay? He makes us complete."

"He looks good with you too," Mark sighed and then we were kissing and our little crisis was over. Silly boys.

"Well, I'm glad we got that straightened out!" I laughed a few seconds later and Mark just made a face and let me go.

"Hey." Mark was getting dressed and so was I, except I was mostly eating a donut too, since Chris was nice enough to leave them for us.

"Hey what?" I stopped chewing.

"In the shower, you said something about, um..." Mark was all full of strange thoughts today and i gave him a curious look.

Probably it was all the responsibility he must have been feeling and I wished I knew how to make it easier. I wanted to take care of him just as much as he wanted to take care of me, and it was the same with Chris, I was sure. We were all trying so hard to grow up and I was just starting to understand how young we really were.

"I said what about what?" I took another bite.

" ... Getting pregnant," Mark was smiling at me. "What was that about?"

"Oh!" I giggled and maybe blushed a little, but I wasn't really shy about it. "I just like it, sometimes," I shrugged. "I like to think about having your baby."

"Really?" Mark looked so innocent suddenly, like a little boy and I stared at him.

"Yeah, I can't wait." I felt soft inside. "We're gonna have kids, right?"

"I never ... Yeah," Mark smiled. "Wow."

"Wow?" I giggled.

"Yeah, I just..." Mark looked like something soft and heavy had just landed on his head. " ... Okay. Yeah."

"After we're married though," I drank some milk. "Or my dad will kill us."

"Oh sure, right," Mark agreed.

"And I want to have Chris' babies too, a lot of them," I said. "Like a dozen, yours and his. Ours."

"A dozen kids?" Mark laughed.

"Sure. What's wrong with that?" I stuck out my tongue a little. "Why? How many do you want?"

"Ummm..." Mark scratched his head and he was all dressed now, except his shoes. " ... I want a donut."

"A donut?" I rolled my eyes.

"And you need to get dressed," Mark grinned at me. "Chris is in Derek and Elsa's room, remember?"

"You think they're teaching him German?" I giggled.

"More like teaching him French, probably." Mark picked up a big cream filled donut and those were way too sweet for me.

"Heh," I opened a plastic bag which was serving as my closet and dug out some new panties. "Chris could give French lessons, believe me."

"Yeah, yeah." Mark gave me a cream-filled smile cause he knew exactly what I was talking about. "I'm just saying, the way Elsa looks at him, she might want some lessons."

"And the way Derek looks at me?" I pulled up my panties, little white bikini underwear with a little pink bow. "You're not getting jealous are you?"

"Me?" Mark knew I was teasing him.

"Chris wouldn't do anything anyway," I laughed.

"But if he did?" Mark asked and he'd finished his donut quick, so he was reaching for another.

"I'd want to watch, wouldn't you?" I was pulling on some new jeans, which were actually old and super comfortable.

We'd gotten most of our new clothes from a place that sold used clothes, like a thrift shop back home, except this place was called a Vintage Clothier and they charged more than the stuff had cost new. But it was so comfortable though! I swear; those jeans fit me like I'd owned them for three years, even better than that, since I'd grown about a foot taller since I was thirteen. These jeans never would have fit me then, or the top I was putting on, which was a real pink angora sweater that my Grandma might have worn in high school, and I figured I'd just never take it off again. It was warm and soft and, I don't know, like wearing a cloud, and the way my nipples rubbed the fabric was insane! I'd given up on bras mostly since getting to the City.

"Oh yeah," Mark said with his mouth full. "I love watching."

"Yeah, right!" I laughed, but it was mostly true, Mark did like to watch, but he was pretty big on the doing part too.

"What? You think I'd get jealous?" Mark asked, misunderstanding me.

"I don't know," I said. "Would you?"

"Hmmm..." Mark grinned and shook his head. "No, not really. I have to love him, just like I love you, so..."

"Yeah," I giggled and really wished I had that much confidence.

Mark had always been like that and I'd always struggled to keep up with him. It was a trust thing and I believed him. I wouldn't want to be jealous and maybe I wouldn't even have a right to be, since I didn't own my boyfriends, but we were changed now. I could feel it. Maybe we did belong to each other and I thought this was something we'd have to talk about sometime. Mark and I had been pretty open about stuff before, but people change. Relationships change and I couldn't help being possessive, especially now that it was just us in this strange city.

Still, seeing Chris with Elsa? Hmmm ... That would be kinda hot, especially if Derek was flirting with me the way he usually did and if Mark was right there, watching ... Oh!

Mark didn't say anything; he just ate donuts while I brushed my hair and made myself pretty for him and Chris, which was a real pleasure. I'd never had a lot of makeup and I didn't need it, except during a pageant of course, but it was still pretty fun now that I could buy whatever I wanted. I was experimenting, sort of, and once in awhile I'd go a little overboard. Less was definitely more for me, I'd figured that much out, and so a little lipstick and maybe a bit of blush, a tiny bit of eye shadow, and...

"Are you done yet?" Mark had finished the donuts a few minutes ago and he was trying to be patient.

"Sorry," I giggled. "How do I look?"

"Like you did ten minutes ago," Mark grinned at me.

"Heh!" I stuck my tongue out at him. I knew I looked pretty great, even if he wouldn't say so. "Don't forget the room key."

Derek and Elsa were from Germany, which was way cool cause I'd never met anyone from much farther away than Albany before. They were cool too, like real bohemians kind of, doing whatever they wanted and just traveling around for a year or so before they had to go back home and start college. To hear them talk, it seemed like a lot of kids did that over there in Europe. Maybe a lot of people did it in the States too, but I didn't know of any personally, not like them.

Derek wasn't tall, but Elsa was. She was even taller than me, but only by an inch or so, and thin with bony wrists and hips. She had blonde hair, like white gold, and it was naturally curly, kind of frizzy actually, and she just pulled it back into a short ponytail mostly. Elsa was cute, mostly because of her smile, and she had deep dimples and high cheeks. When she smiled it was like her face just changed suddenly, as if she'd taken off a mask and you could see the real Elsa, who probably should have been like six years old her whole life. That's what she seemed like to me anyway, a little girl who got stuck in a big girl's body.

Elsa's boyfriend, Derek, was kind of small actually, not a midget or anything, but just ... Small. He couldn't have been much taller than five feet and he had darker hair, mostly brown, but with blonde in it too and I didn't know if he dyed it like that, or if his hair just couldn't decide what it was supposed to be. He looked kinda scruffy, like he was in a rush or something, you know? Maybe he woke up late and didn't have time to comb his hair or shave or anything. He had kind of a beard, but not really. Just a long growth of hair on his jaw and upper lip. Probably he trimmed it like that cause it never seemed to get any longer or shorter. I thought he was pretty cute, actually. He looked like a lost puppy and Derek was always laughing about something. He made me giggle constantly just cause he had a permanent good mood thing going on.

We'd met them the day after we'd arrived at the hostel and their room was right next to ours. Elsa made a lot of noise when they had sex and I'd been a little embarrassed about it the first time I'd happen to bump into them; all of us leaving our rooms at the same time. Derek had just grinned at us though and given Mark a thumbs up, which was momentarily confusing until I realized our neighbors had probably heard us having sex too. It wasn't like the place had real thick walls or anything. We'd ended up sitting outside on this little veranda thing, overlooking an alley in the back and drinking some wine that Derek had bought. It was pretty fun and like nothing I'd ever experienced before. Sitting around, drinking wine. Weird. And just about one glass was enough to make me laugh at anything and we'd all had a lot more than just one.

That was how we met our German friends and we'd been hanging out with them on and off for the last three days, mostly at night. Derek and Elsa sure liked their wine too, I swear; they always had a couple bottles it seemed like. I'd pretty much stuck with apple juice after that first night; I hadn't felt too good the next morning.

We all liked each other, but Chris got along with Derek and Elsa especially well, mostly because they liked the same books. I'd never read a whole lot, even though I liked reading okay, and Mark wouldn't read a book unless you glued one to his face. Chris loved to read though and I felt a little bad realizing how much Chris wanted to share that with someone and he hadn't been able to with me or Mark. It made me a little jealous too, you know? Just because he would get so excited talking with Derek about something, and Elsa too, except she would talk in German mostly and Derek had to translate.

They made us feel kind of dumb actually, Mark and me, but not on purpose. I just wished I knew enough to say something without being afraid I'd sound like an idiot. Mark too, I thought, and we'd kind of sit there and smile and enjoy Chrissy's pleasure at discussing people I never heard of before, like Bertolt Brecht. Who's he? They skipped that guy in my English classes. Derek gave Chris a little book called 'The Three Penny Opera' and Chris was so excited he spent most of the night reading it to me and Mark while we were laying in our bed. Mark fell asleep and I just really liked cuddling up with Chris and listening to him read. I couldn't tell you what the story was about, but Chris enjoyed it and I enjoyed him.

Anyway, it was pretty obvious that Elsa liked Chris a lot, Derek did too, but Elsa wasn't hiding her desires and I was surprised by how little that bothered me. She'd say things to him in German and while we didn't know what she was saying, the tone of her voice made it pretty obvious, and Derek would laugh and refuse to translate for us. It was a serious tease and Chris was really self-conscious at first, but Mark and I just pretended not to notice mostly, and I even tried to encourage him. Elsa and Derek had both enjoyed that and they knew we were in love, the same way they were with each other.