Los Angeles, California. February 2009.

"People think it's tough to play a bipolar nympho, but I just played myself!"

Several years ago, I said that in an award acceptance speech. There are those who still think I was kidding today. It was the truth, however. It wasn't a joke. I really am a bipolar sex maniac. Those who know appreciate it, for the most part.

I need to introduce myself, don't I? The name's Isla Fisher. Occupation: actress, comedian, all around spreader of good humor. I'm thirty-three, a few inches over five feet tall, shapely in figure, clear complexion, long dark red hair. You may recognize my face from all the movies and TV shows in which I've starred.

I started acting when I was a teenager, growing up in Australia. My first big role was on the TV drama "Home & Away", a very popular soap opera. Fans often suspect that such shows have just as much intrigue off screen as they do on. In this case, they're right. Day-to-day life on the set was full of people dating, shagging each other, and in some cases, stabbing each other in the back. I did my share of these things. Back then I was a quiet girl, often overlooked by my peers. I got into acting because it seemed like a fun way to drop that image. On stage, I could become the person I longed to be in real life, but wasn't. Soon my screen and real personas merged.

I learned to express emotion, capture attention, and command my audience's applause. What I didn't know, my co-stars taught me. They also introduced me to the secret world behind acting. There were some things about that world I didn't care for, but one I did like was the sex.

Men and women both desired me. I wanted them in return. I had heard about sex before, and now I could enjoy it regularly. I became addicted before I could stop myself. I can guess what you're about to say. Don't believe the hype. Sexual addiction does not have to be a negative thing.

The way to make it positive is to take responsibility for your issues. Fix them. Don't want to get pregnant? Use birth control. Worried about disease? Keep yourself healthy and motivate your partners to follow along. Put your time on a budget so that you can relax. Do the same with your money and energy. Make your expectations clear to yourself and your partners up front. If they air their expectations, you should pay attention.

By far the biggest sex-related problem is insecurity. People don't know what they want, get dumb ideas, and wind up doing things that only make them more miserable. I had my fill of that a long time ago. Today I avoid it by keeping an open mind and researching my partners before I bed them. I spend time with them outside the bedroom and discern what makes them tick. We're friends first, and then if it seems right, we become lovers. I recognize relationships that might become traps and avoid them. I am usually successful in this. There's one case in particular.

Sasha Baron Cohen is my fiancée. He's familiar with my needs, my condition. He's also one of the most charming and handsome people I have ever met. We fulfill each other in every way possible. I plan to make sure our children know this, and that finding such a relationship is well worth the journey. Sasha and I will show them how to acquire one, as best we can.

I retain many other great lovers in addition to Sasha. I still see some of my old soap opera friends now and then. They've all moved on to different shows, but we stay in touch. There are newer companions too. The film for which I got the award was "Wedding Crashers". Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson, the male leads, double-teamed me on several occasions during and after filming. I got with them each singly a few times as well.

I also lusted after my fellow female lead, Rachel McAdams. However, I didn't pursue her. She was shy and totally into her then-lover Ryan Gosling. We chatted one evening, and she professed that she was frightened to make love with anyone besides him. I accepted that and decided not to press Rachel. I fooled her into thinking I had similar inhibitions, and that I was nothing like the character I played in our film. I fantasized often about throwing caution away and telling her the truth.

A year after our film premiered, Rachel lost her lesbian virginity in a threesome with Keira Knightley and Scarlett Johansson while posing nude for Vanity Fair. I was very disappointed for the chance I did not take.

Things worked out. Keira and I had mutual connections. She clued Rachel in about me and we reunited, then we made up our lost time. It was beautiful. I only wish we had done it sooner.

Recently I released another film, "Confessions of a Shopaholic". I played Becky Bloomwood, a woman who got herself in deep trouble with credit card debt. You might think the plot inappropriate to our troubled economy. I considered it a cautionary wake-up call. If Becky had taken more responsibility for her problem, she might have avoided her predicament. It was good she was able to overcome her mistakes. May we all find such capacity in ourselves.

I befriended my male co-star during the film, Hugh Dancy. He's a gentleman in public, a freak in private — the perfect man. Kristyn Ritter played my best buddy, and we became even closer off camera than we were on. In addition, I wanted a third cast-mate, but I was too apprehensive to approach her.

You want to know my secret shame? I've never conquered anyone. Every lover I've had has come on to me and scored in the initial encounter. The times after that don't count. I welcome the attention, obviously, but I still hope to initiate things one day with somebody. If only to confirm to myself I have the courage. I get apprehensive, though. Some of my relationships have turned bad on me. I don't want to add to their number. Fear held me back with Rachel, as it had with others before. Here it did so again.

Leslie Bibb intimidated me from the moment I saw her. Ever meet a person you're so attracted to it hurts? You want to kill them or throw yourself at them, you can't decide which. Sasha was drawn to me like that. It pleased me when I found out. The rarest coals make the warmest fires. I felt such a spark for Leslie, but I didn't dare ignite anything with her. When we met, she gave me this terrible unsettling glare. In that instant, I got the feeling we would never see eye to eye.

The script had our characters hating each other. During all the weeks of rehearsals and filming, it seemed Leslie wanted to make that spite extend offstage. Every day she mocked and snarled at me. She reversed her emotions once we were done, showered me with warm words and smiles. It was too late. I didn't know what to think about her, and the longing I felt made things worse. I decided it was best to complete the project, let her slip away. I didn't have to be with her. Some relationships you just know won't end well.

Even at this moment, standing on her doorstep, I have a premonition of doom.

I could not forget Leslie after we finished "Confessions". I saw her at several parties, across crowded rooms. My desire for her remained strong. I ignored it, especially in the brief conversations we exchanged. That only made it grow. She did not sneer or snap, and I got strained, wondering when she would. I got hysterical about the possibilities. Or was something else on her mind? Sasha suggested to me that might be the case last week.

"You should go to her," he said. "Profess your intentions, see what happens. The worst she can do is decline."

"Wrong. The worst she can do is spread the word about me to the tabloids, or the uptight casting agents in our industry."

"I don't think Leslie's the sort who would do that. You shouldn't worry about it anyway. If anyone does such a thing, it can be smoothed over. It's been done before." He touched my chin. "Step up to the plate and swing, Isla. If you don't, you will always worry what might have been. That is the worst torture. You should ensure you do not suffer it. I will be here for you regardless of what happens, my love."

Sasha says the sweetest things.

He's waiting for me at home right now. Kristyn is at the Starbucks around the corner. She's my escape, should I need one. I am at Leslie's door, taking Sasha's dare. My past flashes before my eyes as I ring the bell and hear approaching footsteps. I have stood on this threshold a brief span of seconds. It feels like forever.

Leslie reaches the portal and opens it. She is a tanned blonde vixen, six feet in height with impossibly long firm legs. Not a very well known celebrity, but nevertheless one of the most compelling personalities I have ever come across. Can I really ask her to enfold me in her muscular body, allow me to stoke her to ecstasy and return every caress in kind?