Chapter 6

I felt the footsteps, more than heard them, and I shivered, fearful that it was Georgie coming back.

"What the ... Stephy?" Chris was there and I don't know how long I'd been on the floor. "What happened? Oh Jesus..."

Chris touched me, but just for a second and I recoiled from it. I didn't want him to get dirty.

"You fucker..." Chris said under his breath and then he was gone and I could hear him yelling. "What did you do to her ... What the fuck did you do?"

Voices were echoing through the house and I couldn't keep them straight. The came up through the floor like ghosts, muffled and deeper than they should have been. They filled my ear, which was pressed to the linoleum as I lay there, and I shivered.

"I didn't hurt her none." Georgie was laughing. "I just gave the little slut what she wanted..."

"What?" Mark's voice and he was yelling for me. "Stephy ... Steph? Where is she?"

"You little faggot, you wanna fight with me?" Georgie sounded incredulous or amused maybe, and there was some banging, some shaking maybe, but I was so tired.

"Don't you hit my son!" Wendy was yelling now.

"Stay out of it, whore!" Georgie warned her.

Some more noises, like glass breaking and thunder far off. I dreamt of rain maybe, or I wanted to. A big long rain, like in the Bible. Forty days and forty nights, it might almost be enough to wash that man out of me.

"Fuck you!" someone yelled.

"I'll kill you!" someone else said and I wanted the voices to go away.

"You little cocksucker!" Georgie was saying that. "Now you're gonna pay!"

More thuds and Wendy was screaming until there was a loud smack and she suddenly stopped.

"Mom!" Chris yelled and the whole house was shaking, like the walls were going to collapse.

There wasn't much else said, really. Not that I could hear. Just a lot of scuffling and grunting and the occasionally crash, and then there was a loud thump. Just that and then it was mercifully silent.

"Oh shit," I heard Mark. "Look at all that blood."

"I think I..." Chrissy's voice was so soft I could barely hear him.

Then I heard Wendy's shrill voice. "What did you do? Oh God ... Oh God..."

" ... is he dead?" Mark's voice again.

I couldn't hear anything else and I was cold, not feeling anything and not really understanding what was happening downstairs. They'd been fighting, obviously, and someone had done something and Chrissy's dad was dead? Or was it Chris? What did that mean, I wondered, and my heart was stopped. I heard footsteps, fast and heavy coming up the stairs and it was Mark, picking me up.

"Come on, Steph. We have to go ... Fuck, we gotta get out of here..." He was warm, flushed and sweating, and it was the only time I'd ever seen him afraid of something.

He gathered me easily in his strong arms and I didn't try to stop him. I just put my arms around his neck, pressing my face against his shoulder as he carried me out of the bathroom. We went down the stairs and I saw Chris standing in the front room which was all broken up, everything smashed like a tornado had hit it. Wendy was there too, kneeling by a body, by Georgie's body, and he was face down and his head was all covered with red blood.

"We gotta call the sheriff..." Chris was saying. He was bloody too, his lip cut and his nose bleeding, " ... or something. Oh fuck. I think I killed him."

"No! No police..." Wendy was shaking her head. "Oh, God he wasn't supposed to do this ... Not yet!"

"What do you mean?" Chris stared at his mother.

"You have to go, if they catch you..." Wendy licked her bruised lips.

"What did you say?" Chris grabbed his mother by the shoulders, shaking her.

"We were just having fun," Wendy said and then stared at me. "It's her fault! Georgie just wanted some fun, that's all."

"Fun?" Mark seemed to hold me even tighter. "Are you crazy?"

"He raped her." Chris rubbed his forehead. "I killed him."

"Shhhh ... No, he didn't. She's just a slut." Wendy was shaking her head, putting her arms around her son. "She doesn't love you, not like I do. Georgie didn't hurt her, Chris ... Chris..."

Wendy was moaning and pressing her body against Chris, kissing his cheeks and neck. One hand went to his head, pulling him down and she kissed his mouth, whispering something about love.

"Ummphh ... Mom ... Stop!" Chris was trying to push her away, but Wendy was clinging to him, crying now.

"He isn't your dad anyway ... I love you Chris ... We'll go away, me and you. They did this, not you. They did this to us..."

"What?" Chris pulled his mother's arms away, holding her wrists and forcing her back. "What are you saying?

"Georgie isn't your real dad." Wendy almost smiled and she'd lost it, like she was in shock maybe, not making any sense. "I just told him that..."

"Not my dad?" Chris looked down at the man.

"I was sixteen." Wendy was sounding crazy and her face was animated. She was happy, or something. Eager to tell Chrissy the good news. "I couldn't have a baby by myself. My parents kicked me out, so I told him it was his..."

"You were in college..." Chris stared at her.

"No, uh-uh, we just made that up," Wendy giggled. "I was in high school, in Syracuse, and Georgie thought you were his. But you're mine, Chris ... All mine..."

"I gotta..." Chris turned to look at me and Mark. "We gotta do something."

"No, you have to go!" Wendy didn't have any idea what she was doing, and she was running around suddenly, her clothes half torn away, her hair messed up and red faced. Mark just stood there holding me and sort of turning on his hips as we watched her.

"What are we going to do?" Chris stared at us wide eyed and frightened.

"I don't know, um ... I guess, we ... Call an ambulance or the sheriff," Mark was saying. "Call nine one one."

"Yeah, okay." Chris was shaking and he nodded, looking around for the phone.

"No, here..." Chris' mom was back. "You have to leave. Just go. Here's her purse and some money; it's all I got."

"What? Where? Mom, what about..." Chris stared at the money his mom had pushed into his hand.

"You just go away. I don't know where. Anywhere, but not around here." Wendy was wide eyed and scared now, like she'd suddenly changed into somebody else. It was scary, but more for Chris than me or Mark, I think. She was hugging him tightly. "Call me when you get someplace. I'll tell you when you can come back."

"He raped her," Chris was saying. "It was self-defense."

"Yeah..." Wendy was nodding. " ... But, oh God ... I don't know. Just run away, go now." She pushed him away and I could see she was crying and a little bloody herself. "You need uh ... A coat, it's cold ... I'll get your coat, and um ... Oh God..."

"But if I run..." Chris looked around.

"You have to! They'll put you in jail, don't you see?" Wendy was shoving him hard. "You can't go there, you can't."

"You have to take Stephanie home," Chris said, and he stepped close, sort of tucking my purse onto my tummy as Mark held me with one arm beneath my knees and the other under my shoulders.

"What are you going to do?" Mark asked.

"I'll uh, I don't know. I'll go to Albany or the City or something." Chris nodded like he might almost have a plan. "I have some friends, maybe."

"I'll take Stephy home, and then we'll go," Mark said. "Me and you."

"No. You can't just take her home and leave," Chris shook his head.

"Chris, I have to call a doctor! Go! You can't be here!" Wendy was pretty close to losing it completely.

"I'm going with you," Mark decided.

"Me too," I said softly.

"What?" Chris stared at me.

"I'm not going to lose you," I said and it was clear to me, like I felt detached from everything.

"I'll be back," Chris promised. "You guys just stay here."

"Here ... Here's your coat." Wendy was putting Chris' Yankees jacket over his shoulders. "You call me and uh ... I'll talk to the sheriff. It's their fault, not yours ... Her fault..." She was staring at me and I stared back.

"Then we're going with you," I said, a little stronger now, making sure Wendy heard me. "Right, Mark?"

"Yeah, we can't let you go by yourself," Mark nodded. "Let's go."

He didn't wait for more argument from Chris or his mom, Mark just turned and carried me out of the house and Chris followed us a second later. He hurried ahead of us so he could open the passenger door of the truck and Mark eased me onto the seat gently, being super careful, but I was okay. Chris got in next to me and Mark moved around so he could get behind the wheel.

"Go to our spot," I said and I think that was Mark's plan anyway. We needed some time to think, to slow down and get ourselves sorted out.

"Yeah." Mark gunned the engine and pulled out of the Wheelock place in a hurry while I curled up next to Chris, letting him hold me tight.

"Oh, God. I'm so sorry, Steph..." Chris kissed me and stroked my hair and I didn't say anything, I just listened to his heart beating fast.

We went to the old bridge, which was our special place, our secret spot, and nothing could hurt us there. I think we were all pretty numb, pretty exhausted emotionally, and we were all hurting. Georgie had put up a real fight before Chris had hit him over the head with something, I didn't know what, and it wasn't important anyway.

None of us knew anything, except we were scared. Chris had killed the man, maybe Mark too, since they'd all been fighting. People went to jail for that. My boyfriends were going to go to jail, that's all I was thinking about, and I couldn't stand that thought. It wasn't their fault, it was mine. I should have gotten up and cleaned myself and pretended like nothing was wrong. If I'd just done that, none of this would have happened. Wendy was right, it was my fault and I hated myself for it. Letting Georgie fuck me wouldn't have killed me, but losing one or both of my boyfriends, that would do it.

"I need to wash myself," I decided, after we'd been just sitting there in the dark for a few minutes.

It was past sunset, but not really late, maybe eight o'clock, or a little after. The moon was up, just past full, and there was enough light to see. Chris and Mark got out of the truck with me and I went down by the stream, that creek running beneath the broken down bridge, and the water was ice cold. It was autumn now and the air was chilly and the water stung my body as I washed my face and hands first, and then I washed my sex, squatting on some rocks and cupping water in my hands.

I wanted a hot bath, but that stream was all I had and it was enough. I spent a long time down there, ignoring the cold and pushing freezing fingers into my pussy, digging every bit of Georgie's sperm out of me that I could. It wasn't so much anyway, or at least it didn't seem like it, and by the time the boys were wondering if I was okay and calling to me, I was finished.

Mark was waiting for me with his comforter, the big quilt blanket he always had in the back of his truck, stashed away in the Rubbermaid storage box mounted behind the cab. He didn't have any towels in there, but the comforter was just as good and I was cold. He wrapped me up in it and then held me, with my back to his chest and his arms around my waist.

"We're going to take you home," Chris said. "Then me and Mark, we're going to New York City. I have some friends there."

"Just for a little while, until we know we can come back," Mark added. "After Chrissy's mom talks to the Sheriff, she'll straighten it out and tell us when it's okay."

"I don't want to go home," I lied. "I'm not going to stay here, waiting for you guys."

"Steph..." Chris started.

"No!" I shook my head. "I have to go with you. If you don't take me, I'll just follow you, I swear."

"I love you, but you can't go," Mark said softly. "We don't have much money. We don't know where we're going..."

"I don't care," I protested. "I love both of you too much. I'll never let you go without me. Never, ever."

"Please, Stephanie." Chris was close now, close enough to hug and so I lifted my arms, pulling him to me so that all three of us were hugging and I was warm now, wrapped between my two boyfriends the way I was supposed to be.

"I love you," I told Chris. "I don't care where we go, as long as I'm with you."

I kissed him then, softly as I felt his lips swollen and the hard scab of blood where his lip had been cut. I kissed him as tenderly as I knew how, letting my tongue go into Chris' mouth and all that numbness was going away, all the bad stuff too. I couldn't remember any of it, not when I was kissing Chris. Not when Mark was holding me safe and tight in his arms. There was just us and all I felt was that love. It was all I ever wanted to feel and in that place we were safe. It was only when we left it, when we went someplace else, to school, or our homes, wherever, then we had secrets and lies and people jealous and cruel and wanting what we had.

I wished we could have stayed at the old bridge forever.

After Chris, I lifted my face and Mark kissed me, harder, but no less tenderly, and his hands squeezed my waist through the comforter and his tongue filled my mouth and Chrissy's arms went under mine and around to Mark, so that we were like one person. When we'd finished our kiss, Mark leaned over my right shoulder and I had my hand in Chrissy's hair, pulling him to their kiss. The three of us were in love and we were meant to be together, we all knew it.

Mark and Chris kissed long while I watched and sighed and felt my heart beating with new life. Georgie had tried to kill it, but he hadn't. Mark and Chris wouldn't let him, they were the ones with me now and I wasn't ever going to let them go. If they had to run away, and maybe they did since Georgie had looked pretty dead, then I was running away too.

I wanted to go home so badly, and see my parents and hug and kiss them, and sleep in my own bed ... But I wasn't a little girl anymore. I was sixteen. A hundred years ago I'd have been married with babies already. For whatever reason, sixteen was still a kid nowadays, but not for me. Not anymore. I was a woman and I'd leave behind my childish things. I'd see my parents again. I'd apologize and explain and they'd still love me. I'd call them as soon as I could, and my real regret was the hurt I'd be causing them while they worried. But I wasn't a little girl, I could do this, I could take care of Chris and Mark. I loved them too much not to and I knew they'd take care of me.

"I want to do it." I laughed lightly and just an hour or so before I couldn't have imagined that I'd ever laugh again.

"Do what?" Chris asked as he pressed his body to mine, with Mark hugging us both from behind me.

"We might not ever be back here again," I sighed.

"You want to make love?" Chris narrowed his eyes a little and I knew neither he nor Mark were probably in much of a mood for sex, not after what we'd been through.

"Yeah, please?" I looked up at Mark, who was looking down at me. "Both of you, before we have to go?"

"After what happened..." Mark tried to look at me, " ... What we did?"

"I need you," I said softly.

"Okay," Mark nodded slowly and there was something in his face, but it was hard to tell just by the moonlight. Or maybe it was his voice.

"What's wrong?" I asked, because I felt it.

"I..." he cleared his throat. "In the kitchen, I, um ... Chrissy's mom ... We did it..."

That was the real reason we were there, at the old bridge. It was the place where we didn't have any secrets, they weren't allowed. It was a promise I'd made to Mark, and he'd made to me the night I'd given him my virginity. We wouldn't break that promise, never, and I knew Chris didn't understand that yet. Probably no one would understand it, except Mark and me, but Chris was finding out now.

"What?" Chris jerked in my arms like he'd been slapped.

"She made you do it?" I stared at him, not sure what I felt.

"She just ... She was touching me and telling me that she knew..." Mark looked at Chris painfully. "She knew about us, that we love each other. She was going to tell, or your dad was maybe. I don't know."

"That's what Georgie said to me." I nodded slowly, holding Chris and making sure he couldn't leave us. "He said he was going to tell everyone if I didn't let him ... You know."

"You had sex with my mom?" Chris sighed.

"I didn't want to, but she was ... Touching me and ... I don't know..." Mark looked confused and sad. "I'm sorry, Chris, I really am. And Stephy, I shouldn't have left you alone. Jesus. I'm sorry."

It was kind of hard to be mad at Mark, even if I wanted to be, which I didn't. Chris and I both knew that Wendy had been hitting on Mark since the first time they'd met and Mark was just seventeen, it wasn't like he had a lot of experience. I was the only girl he'd ever had sex with, until now. It made me jealous, a lot, but I wasn't mad at my boyfriend, just at Chrissy's mom and she had to be evil or something. She knew what she was doing and how it could only hurt us.

"They planned it," I said, knowing it was the truth because it was so obvious.

"Yeah," Chris had to agree. "They just had to get me out of the house for a bit, huh?"

"I swear, I said no like a hundred times, Chris." Mark frowned and Chris just nodded, he wasn't going to be mad at Mark.

"I couldn't let him say anything to hurt you guys," I told my boyfriends. "Georgie was going to tell everyone I was a slut and I told him I didn't care, but when he said he was going to tell people about you and Mark ... I couldn't ... But then in the bathroom, when he tried to make me, I felt sick..."

"Shhhh..." Mark kissed my hair. "It's okay, we know. Chris knows."

"Yeah, I know." Chris had his eyes closed. "They lied to me. Ever since I was born. He wasn't even my dad."

Mark and I didn't say anything, we just held him.

"They didn't meet at college." Chris laughed, but it was a sad sound. "My mom didn't even go to college, she was sixteen? Jesus. No wonder she looks so good. She's what? Thirty-two or something? I thought she was almost forty."

"Chris..." I pulled his face to the comforter, against my breasts.

"She was just some high school slut from ... What did she say? Syracuse?" Chris shook his head slightly. "She doesn't even know who my dad is, I bet. God, how could I never know any of that? She was my mom."

"She's still your mom," Mark offered gently.

"I don't care, not after what they did to Stephanie." Chris looked up sharply.

"You gotta, I don't know..." Mark started and ended with a shrug.

"She did it too, just as bad as him," Chris said. "They planned it, both of them. We can't trust her either..."

"She loves you," I said.

"She knows she's guilty. What? Loves me?" Chris looked at me. "She wants to fuck me. She used to come into my room at night and..." He stopped abruptly.

"What is it?" I asked softly.

"Nothing." Chris looked down.

"You can tell us." I pulled him close again, kissing him. "It helps to talk. You can trust us."

"I know, but..."

"He doesn't have to," Mark said, and we could both probably imagine what Chrissy's mom might have been doing in his bedroom at night.

We were quiet for awhile and I spent it kissing Chris, rubbing my hands up and down his back and trying to comfort him. His day had been every bit as bad as mine, I realized, even worse, and probably we were all broken now, a little bit.

"She used to touch me, down there, my ... dick," Chris started talking. "Sometimes she'd kiss it, kiss ... Me. My lips, my mouth. She called it a movie kiss, and I didn't know. I thought it was what mom's do."

Another long pause and Chris was crying, making me cry too.

"She never tried to ... I mean we didn't have sex or anything," Chris said weakly. "She wanted to, maybe, after I was old enough to cum. She just jerked me off mostly, sucked me sometimes, but we never ... We didn't do it."

"It's okay." I kissed him, kissed his eyes and wet cheeks. "It wasn't your fault."

"Then, in Albany I said something, to a girl ... A girl I liked." Chris cleared his throat. "I didn't know better, I knew it was a secret, but I thought I could tell her. She ... That girl, she told her mom or something. That's why we moved, some social worker came over, asking questions and..."

"I know, Chris." I felt so bad for him.

" ... and I lied. I said mom didn't do anything; I'd just made it all up. My mom never did that stuff, that's what I said." Chris rubbed his eyes. "I lied and then we moved and then I met you and my mom hated you. She didn't want me to have a girlfriend."

"Okay ... Alright ... It doesn't matter now." I rubbed his back gently.

"She wanted my dad ... That guy..." Chris snorted. " ... to hurt you. I mean, she must have, right? She wanted him to do it, to get caught maybe, or something. Like you'd enjoy it maybe."

"And then you wouldn't love me anymore." I swallowed hard. "Like if she fucked Mark."

"Yeah," Chris nodded and we thought we had it all figured out now.

"They don't matter now," Mark said. "They can't hurt us anymore."

"Unless we go to jail. Or she lies," Chris sighed. "God. What if he's dead? What did I do?"

"You were just protecting me," I told him. "That's what we'll say. We'll just tell the truth."

"My mom will say you guys did it," Chris said and maybe he was right, we couldn't know for sure, but we all thought he probably was.

"We'll just go then," Mark said. "We're still going to the City, right?"

"Yeah," I nodded. "That's what we'll do."

"We're going to be in so much trouble." Chris wiped his face on the sleeve of his jacket and we'd stopped crying a long time before.

"Only if we get caught," Mark said. "New York is a big place."

"Have you ever been there?" I asked Mark, cause I didn't think he had.

"Once, yeah." Mark nodded. "When I was twelve, just for a weekend. It was huge."

"Yeah, it's big," Chris agreed. "I'll call my mom after we get there."

"Me too, all of us. You gotta call your parents, Mark." I bit my lip. "Everybody's going to be worried."

"Yeah, I know," Mark sighed. "This is going to be pretty hard on them."

"We just need some time," I decided. "If Sheriff Stover finds us tonight, he'll lock you guys up."

"I know, yeah. Maybe," Mark said. "Depends on what Chris' mom says."

"We can't trust her, man." Chris shook his head. "You and Steph can't, for sure. It's gonna be our word against hers."

It seemed especially bad hearing Chris talk about his mom like that, but we couldn't deny what had happened either. What she'd done to Chris, how she'd blackmailed Mark, the same way Georgie had blackmailed me. She'd been in on it and she was looking at a lot of trouble if it all came out. The thing in Albany wouldn't be forgotten, and having sex with Mark? I didn't know what the law was for sure, but probably it was statutory rape to have sex with a minor if you were like over thirty.

Wendy would go to jail for sure, lose Chris, lose everything if she didn't sell me and Mark out, make us guilty somehow. She'd probably say Mark had raped her while I'd been busy seducing Georgie, or something equally stupid. Georgie had caught him and Mark had killed him and Chris was just a confused boy, forced into it by me, forced to have gay sex with my perverted boyfriend. Who knows what she might say and what people might believe.

We had to run away, I thought. I couldn't stand the thought of losing Mark or Chris, I needed them both more than I needed anything else.

"How much money did she give you?" Mark asked.

"Ummm..." Chris dug into his pocket and slowly counted the crumpled up bills in the moonlight. "About a hundred and thirty dollars. I got about twenty in my wallet."

"I have like seventeen in my purse," I said. "And my dad's credit card, an ATM card too. Maybe we can't use those though, I don't know."

"I have forty something, maybe fifty," Mark said. "That isn't very much for three people to go to the City with."

"Yeah." Chris pushed the money back into his pants. "Are we going to drive?"

"Nah, we can't take the truck," Mark shook his head. "They'll be looking for it."

"The Trailways?" I looked up at Mark and he nodded.

"Yeah, out at the truck stop. The busses stop there and they sell tickets and everything," Mark explained to Chris.

"They have an ATM too," I said. "I can get three hundred dollars from my account at one time, I think."

"Your college money?" Mark gave me a little frown.

"What good is college if we starve?" I grinned at him. "It's not my college money anyway and my dad said if I ever had an emergency..."

"I guess this counts," Mark sighed. "You're dad is going to kill me so bad."

"No, he's going to expect you to take care of me," I said truthfully cause I believed it. "He's going to be proud of you."

"Yeah, right. This is so weird," Mark said and we all had to agree with that. "He's expecting me to bring you home."

"You will." I went on my tip-toes and kissed Mark. "Just not tonight."

I don't know why I was suddenly feeling so strange, almost lighthearted in a way, like it was all a game. Probably post-stress something or other, but whatever it was, I felt a little excited. Running away to New York City with my two boyfriends, escaping a crime, a murder that we hadn't committed. It was just self-defense. We'd be wrongly accused and innocent and on the run. I felt high, like I'd taken some weird pill or something and it was romantic too. Seriously romantic, like I was living in a movie, except I was frightened out of my mind as well. I had no idea what I was feeling, except that I kind of liked it somehow.

"Can we lie down now?" I asked my two boyfriends. "We've been standing up a long time."

"We should get going," Mark thought out loud. "We don't know how late those busses..."

"No, not yet," I said and I was forcing Mark and Chris to move. "I told you, this might be the last time we're ever here. I want to make love before we go."

"Stephy..." Chris laughed like he didn't believe me.

"So it's weird? I don't care." I shook my head. "We have to. I'm not going anywhere until we do."

"Uh..." Mark rubbed his jaw. "I guess, um ... We could do it..."

"Since it's important," Chris agreed, but they really thought I was crazy, I was sure.

Maybe I was.

"It's cold out tonight," Mark said, but we were warming up and it wasn't really that bad.

The comforter was big enough that we could actually double it over us, with Chris near the fold, me in the middle, and Mark on the other side of me. That was probably why he was complaining, since the comforter was just a little too short and left his bare butt exposed. I thought it was kind of funny though and I promised him that I'd make sure he didn't freeze to death.

We'd all undressed and for being three fugitives from a murder, this was probably the last thing we should have been doing. The last thing anyone would have guessed we were doing, for sure. I'd made up my mind though, for reasons I wasn't sure I understood, that if I was going to leave my home behind and run off to New York City with my two boyfriends, I wanted one last experience to remember. Something special that I could take with me wherever we went, and so I wanted to make love there by the old bridge. It was our special place and it hadn't been very hard to talk the two boys into it, they needed to lose some of their nervous energy too.

I was on my back and Chris was to my right, facing me and kissing my right breast while he played with the left one. His right leg was over my thigh and I could feel his hard cock against my leg, he was moving it against me slowly, humping himself against me gently while Chris sucked my swollen nipple between his lips. I cradled him with my right arm, stroking his hair blindly because Mark was kissing me.

He was on his right side, with one arm beneath me while his left hand worked gently against my humid pussy, playing between the moist folds of my slit. His tongue was deep in my mouth and I was moaning into his kiss while my left hand played with his huge cock. I was squeezing and stroking him, enjoying as always the way it felt, all hot and heavy and alive. Mark was so big, I was always amazed that he could get that cock of his inside me, but he'd been doing it ever since my fifteenth birthday more than a year previously.

Chris sucked my left tit hard and his hand played roughly with my right breast. I liked it that way, tender at first, but then harder as we went on. My nipples burned almost painfully and I pulled my mouth away from Mark's just long enough to urge Chris to bite them. I didn't know why that felt so good, I only knew it did, and I shivered as I felt Chrissy's teeth against my soft skin. He didn't bite too hard, not like he'd break the skin or anything, but I could feel it nice and I arched my back as I tried to get more of those good feelings.