Chapter 5

I knew the promises of naked fun with Julie stood a high probability of evaporating once she found out where I had spent the night. Although Danni and I had not made the leap into full sexual union, it wasn't for a lack of trying.

Danni was an enigma to me. I hadn't been lying when I told her I found her extremely attractive. In truth, she reminded me of Julie 15 years before. Danni was playful and fun. She was flirtatious and audacious. But she carried herself with a quiet, sultry dignity. And those dimples! When she smiled it was like Mother Nature herself had taken the time to gently carve out the divots in Danni's cheeks. Coupled with a smattering of freckles that ran across her cheeks and over her nose, Danni was, well, cute as hell.

And she had a body that would stop traffic. She was large busted and small waisted. I doubt there was an ounce of fat anywhere out her body outside of her mammaries. Danni was easily 5-feet-9 but with her soft green eyes and light-red almost blondish hair she seemed delicate somehow.

Julie was the physical opposite. She always claimed she was 5-feet tall but I doubted it. Maybe with shoes on. She had dark wavy hair that seemed to be in place even when she woke up. Her eyes were dark brown — almost the color of chocolate — and they got darker with her moods. Julie was small everywhere. She had breasts, but barely. Her waist had flared some as she had gotten older but I still doubted if it were more than 22 inches. But she had a fantastic ass. When she wore a skirt there wasn't a straight man alive who wouldn't take a second — or third or fourth — glance.

Before her career took up so much of her time, Julie was fun. We would spend hours playing games or goofing off. She was a master at quarter bounce and beer pong when we were in college and the only time I saw her hair truly unkept was after a day of Go-Kart racing — an activity we used to participate in at least twice a month before we were married.

The first five years we knew one another it was rare to see Julie without a smile. The last five years we were married it was rarer still to see her with one.

And yet I loved her. Despite all of Danni's wonderful attributes — physical and social — she wasn't Julie. Even when Julie would practically barricade herself in the study for a week, I loved her. Even when she would break plans at the last minute, I loved her. Even when she was in L.A. and I suspected she was seeing someone else, I loved her.

There were many times in the last 15 years that I hadn't liked Julie very much. But I had always loved her. Just like I loved her then.

It was close to 2 when I came home from my golf excursion. I was tired and hungry and hung-over. All I wanted to do was have a sandwich and an aspirin and go to sleep for 10 hours.

But I knew I had to tell Julie about the night before. I didn't feel guilty. I probably should have. But I didn't. I didn't feel regret. Any remorse I felt stemmed from the fact that Julie might leave again.

I found Julie rearranging my garage to accommodate the things she had brought back from Los Angeles. I wondered if she were wasting her time.

She smiled when she saw me and bounded over to give me a hug. The fact that I smelled like sweat and stale beer didn't stop her as it would have in our previous life. Instead she grabbed hold of me like I was the last life preserver on the Titanic.

"I missed you so much," she said.

"I missed you, too," I said truthfully but without much enthusiasm. I suspected that I would get the opportunity to miss her more frequently after the conversation that was coming in the next couple of minutes.

"I'm all sweaty, too," she said. "Why don't we take a shower and then I'll fix us a late lunch. I've been eating crap for the last week and I took out your garbage so I know you have, too."

"I think we need to talk about yesterday first," I said. "The friend I went home with was a female. We didn't make it to the main event. I'm sure we would have, though, if one or the other or both us hadn't passed out drunk first."

She glanced at me and smiled. I wasn't sure if what the smile meant but I hoped it wasn't because she had just remembered where the carving knives were stored.

She took my hand and led me through the garage to the kitchen.

"I was gone a long time," she said. "I don't doubt you had some unfinished business here."

I explained that it wasn't anything like that.

"I thought you were gone again," I said. "I didn't believe you were coming back. A woman told me she would like for me to go home with her and I went. I mean, there is a precedent for you heading off to L.A. and deciding to stay."

I didn't mean it harshly and I don't think Julie took it that way. If she did, she hid it well.

"I know," she told me softly. "The last week has been a disaster. I advertised the condo a couple of months ago. I had two really good buyers. Then the condo association said no to each of them. They weren't the Ken and Barbie types so the association said they wouldn't fit it.

"I can't believe they let me stay after Armando was gone."

I was the first time I had heard the name.

"Armando?" I asked.

"The jerk I married down there," she said and this time her eyes did flash. I couldn't tell if it was anger or sadness. "He bought the condo when we got married. I took it from him when we got divorced."

I definitely detected a note of triumph in her voice.

"Anyway, the two months of work I put in on selling the thing was undone in five minutes," she continued. "So I spent most of Wednesday on the phone with Realtors relisting it. I was plenty pissed off. Every time I would pick up the phone to call you I would realize you were at work or it was after 11 p.m. I should have sent you an e-mail. But somewhere in the middle of all this, I got the idea to surprise you.

"Then there was another matter I had to attend to. I have a, uh, friend down there. It's nothing emotional, purely physical. At least from me."

"Another Armando?" I said. This time it was harshly. "I should have guessed."

Julie looked at the floor. She had lied to me and I had caught her. She told me the first night that she hadn't been sexually active in more than a year. It's why I didn't have to run out to buy condoms.

"Not an Armando," she said. "Maybe an Amanda."

She was still studying the tile.

"Her name is Tara," she said. "She didn't take it very well when I told her I was coming back up here. I spent Wednesday and Thursday night at her place. Just like you, we didn't do anything sexual. I basically just wanted to let her know that I would still be her friend. I don't think a friend is enough for her."

"She really is a dear friend and I don't know what to do about her. I wanted to leave Thursday night but she seemed so despondent that I stayed. I met her a few years ago..."

I interrupted the narrative.

"I really don't want all the details of your sex life," I said. "If you feel the need to recount them perhaps you should start a blog."

"You think I'm a lesbian," Julie said. "You're angry."

I still wasn't sure. I was probably somewhere between angry and hurt.

"Do you remember the second night you were here?" I asked. "When we sat down and discussed, in general terms, the past five years. I don't recall this portion being mentioned. It makes me wonder if there are other things that you've omitted. I didn't care about the men you told me about. Well, I cared but I had already known so I, you know what I mean. I wouldn't have cared about Tara, either. What I care about is you lying to me. It must be an L.A. thing because I don't think it started until you went there. It sure seems to be a hard habit to break."

"I thought it would be the opposite," she said. "I thought you would be hurt because I played around with a woman. I didn't say anything because of that. I knew there was no possibility of disease. I didn't lie. Well, I guess I did. But I didn't know what to say. Just like I don't know what to do about Tara."

"And I don't know what to do about a lot of things," I said. "Telling you about last night was difficult for me. I knew I faced the possibility of you packing up and leaving again. But I did it anyway. I didn't have to. I could have told you a hundred different things and you would never have known the difference. But I thought you deserved the truth. I'll know better the next time I have a choice in the matter."

At some point I guess I had crossed the barrier into full-blown anger. When I came back from the shower, Julie was still sitting in the same spot. The warm water had not quelled my anger despite my wish that it would.

"What should I do about Tara?" she asked as I entered. "I trust your opinion. I don't know what I would do if something happened."

"I thought you said there is no emotional attachment," I said. "Sounds like you have an investment there."

Julie's eyes become coal black.

"Just because I don't want someone hurt doesn't mean I'm in love with them," she said bitterly. "She threatened to do something terrible to herself."

"What do you want me to do?" I asked just as nastily. "Do you want to buy a bigger house? We can bring her up from L.A. to live. That way you can dig for clams whenever the desire hits you."

Julie jumped to her feet and glared at me. I thought for a moment she was going to physically attacked me.

"This was a bad idea," she declared.

"Not being upfront with me from the start was the bad idea, Julie," I spat back at her. "Not taking the time to call me and let me know what was going on was the bad idea. Coming back here and basing a life on half-truths and mistruths was the bad idea."

She stormed out of the house.

Her U-Haul was still parked in the driveway and the back door was still open. I didn't want the neighbors to think I was having a yard sale so I hooked my truck to it and backed it into the garage. I figured Julie could pick it up whenever she decided to.

I lay down on the couch and fell into a troubled sleep.

I awoke a couple of times but saw no real reason to get up. I was hungry but I knew that I wouldn't starve to death before I got some energy.

An hour or two after she left, I heard Julie come back in the front door.

"Thanks for pulling the trailer in," she said. Somehow it wasn't the way I thought our next conversation would begin.

"I didn't want your stuff stolen," I replied.

She looked at me sadly.

"I noticed you didn't start unloading anything," she said. "Should I read anything into that?"

I was unsure of where to begin.

"I don't know if this will work," I said. "There is always going to be a residual of distrust. It has nothing to do with Tara, per se, but she exemplifies my point. When you went to L.A. the first time, I knew, at some point, that you had met someone else. I didn't know who and it really didn't matter.

"I suspected initially that there was a person down there this time, too. You told me there wasn't and I eventually came to believe you. The gender of the person is not the issue. It never was and it never will be, despite my earlier inappropriate comment. Before we can talk about anything else, I need you to fill me in on anything else you might have left out. I don't need sordid details but I need to know if there is anything that I should know about before I am willing to discuss the future."

Julie nodded her head.

"Let's talk about last night first," she said.

I didn't know what more I could tell her. I wasn't going to reveal Danni's name because it wasn't any of her business.

"I was at a bar," I said. "There was a woman there. We went home together. We passed out and woke up together. End of story."

"Was it a woman you had slept with before?" she ask and I shook my head. "Was it a woman who will offer you the opportunity to sleep with her in the future?"

Again I shook my head.

"It was a one-time thing," I said. "If we hadn't been drinking it would have been a no-time thing."

"So you know this woman?"

"I know this woman."

"And yet you know you won't sleep with her again. Is it because of me?"

"It was never because of you," I said. "Perhaps peripherally but nothing more. At the time we made the decision neither of us knew that you still wanted to be a part of my life. I thought you were gone and had no intention of coming back. The reason we won't see each other in the future is not because of you either."

"I've always trusted you," Julie said. "And with good reason. I'm sure you've probably lied to me in the past. Things like you were OK with the way I was acting or that you planned to mow the yard when you had no intention of doing it anytime soon."

Her statement actually brought a small smile to me. I guess she knew me well.

"I hated to go back to L.A.," she continued. "Not because of what was waiting there. I didn't really want to deal with it but I knew I had to. No, I hated to go because of what was waiting here for me and what was waiting here for me to leave."

I didn't follow the line of thought.

"I know who you spent last night with," she said. "I've known since the first day I met Danni that she had a thing for you. At first I thought it was hero worship. Don't look at me that way. The people who work for you think of you that way. It's time you admit it.

"The more I was around Danni and Bebe the more I understood the dynamics at work. If Danni could find a way to keep her job and have you, she would do it. In fact, if Danni could find a way to have you without me in the picture, I think she would do it, job or no job. Why settle for 8 hours a day 5 days a week when you can have the leftover time instead.

"I don't know where you left the conversation this morning but I do know this. Danni Dimples isn't done with you."

"She's done with me," I stated flatly. "I can assure you of that. This morning was awkward. And you are off the point. Regardless of whether she has designs on me or not, I am capable of making that decision for myself. And the decision has been made. Regardless of what happens with us, I will not be spending any time with Danni outside of work. It's a simple as that. Now, can we continue to the important matters we need to discuss."