Chapter 5

Gibbs did a fireman's carry to get Tony up the stairs and onto the bed. He'd done this motion before. Shoes and jeans off, roll, pull down covers, roll back. He slid DiNozzo in on the opposite side from where he usually slept, not analyzing why he dropped Tony in here. "Sleep ... you're safe. I'll be back soon." He mussed Tony's hair and then pounded down the stairs, needing some coffee. Pee Wee seemed to want to engage him in conversation so he'd take what intel he could get.

"Boss?" Tony whimpered, reaching out in his sleep for the other man. When he didn't find him, he made a low whining noise deep in his throat, turned onto his side while slipping out of his underwear and shirt, and when comfortably nude and in a fetal position under covers smelling like Gibbs, popped his thumb into his mouth. Like the head banging, Tony hadn't sucked his thumb since childhood, but unlike the head banging he'd kept that particular stress-alleviating habit up longer through early adolescence, right up until the time he'd needed braces to fix the overbite it had caused.

The table was set with two mugs of steaming coffee, Thomas sitting at one end of it. His men were in the living room only a shout away.

"Jethro, I don't expect you to forget anything, really. What I do expect is that you're a strong enough man to not let it weigh you down and keep you from being happy with DiNozzo. I expect you to process this big adjustment not just for your sake but for his, and not give me any trouble. I'm not only willing to allow him to live elsewhere, if he so chooses, but to find you both work on the Havensport Naval Base doing pretty much what you were doing before. I know the Admiral quite well. My sister is his ex-wife, and the Admiral is very aware of clones. Interested?"

Gibbs took the mug of coffee and sniffed it once before downing it in a few gulps. When he was done, he poured another and downed it then rinsed his cup in the sink. Only then did he sit opposite the man, posture perfectly erect, bearing one thousand percent military. "You have a lot of expectations," Gibbs remarked. "You've done this a lot, huh? How many people have been in this position? How many have you put here?" Again he spoke without heat, asking curious questions.

When Pee Wee mentioned that there was work on the base, Gibbs nodded. He couldn't speak for Tony but he needed to work, to put the dirtbags away, to feel like he was making a difference.

"Well you two are my first Weatherly and Harmon. I've been a bit of a Star Trek geek," he laughed easily at himself. "For many years I concentrated on having the crew made to my specifications and giving them their own Enterprise, though the monstrosity doesn't fly." He laughed again as he sipped his coffee. "Once I finished taking care of my Trek obsession I started watching other shows on television again, and I caught yours late in the series, had to download all the episodes I missed, and when I caught up I sat back and thought to myself ... damn, those men are perfect together, more than even the legend of Kirk and Spock!"

Upstairs, Tony began to dream, his long legs twitching in the bed as he ran from a dog with the face of Gibbs, Donald Sutherland screaming at him, and ball-less versions of himself sobbing at their lost manhood.

"This is just a game to you, isn't it? This is my life you turned upside down. His!" He jerked his thumb to the ceiling. "It's not a game, not some goddamned manipulation for your entertainment."

Gibbs shook his head, standing. "I'm not like Star Trek. I'm not like anyone you've ever dealt with before." He leaned on the table, going nose to nose with the man. "Remember that." With that said, he turned, going upstairs and closing his door. Tony was curled up in his king-sized bed, the dark sheet wrapped around him. He'd clearly stripped off his T-shirt,. he was clearly in distress.

"Hey, DiNozzo," Gibbs said quietly, hoping to wake Tony slowly and gently.

It brought him out of the nightmare and put him right into another. Abby had him in her lab, collared and leashed, making him do tricks for Gibbs. The more he tried to impress the man, the more he failed. Gibbs paid him little attention, had McGee on his lap and was playing with the younger man's hair, and Tony just couldn't stand being ignored.

He moaned in frustration, thumb leaving his mouth to reach for the sound of Gibbs' voice his subconscious heard. "I can do better, Boss," he murmured, kicking off the sheet in a way that exposed his true frustration. "Please, gimme a chance. Not him, take me, I'm better'n McGee, I'm better, I'll do anything," he pleaded in his dream-talking. "Take me, please."

Legs spread, they lifted to bend at the knees and his back arched slightly off the bed, one hand pinching his own nipple and the other hand going low, going somewhere secret he never, never, never let a woman touch. Tony DiNozzo was a closet prostate-player, comfortable touching himself there when he was alone but not about to let anyone ever know he enjoyed such a thing.

Except in his dreams. Dreams were safe ... if they weren't being viewed by someone standing over the bed watching.

Gibbs blinked a few times, sighing and shaking his head. He couldn't let this continue. He crossed the room, grabbing a pair of boxers--his own or DiNozzo's, he didn't know or care. He lifted Tony's legs, removing the finger, slipping the boxers on, tucking that hard length in. It burned his hand but he couldn't ... he couldn't deal with it right now.

Gibbs went into the bathroom, wetting a washcloth and bringing it back into the room, washing Tony's hand off. He snagged the T-shirt off the floor and hauled Tony to a sitting position, tugging it in. He had to comfort the younger man and wasn't gonna do it when DiNozzo was naked.

Gibbs began stroking Tony's hair. "Come on, Tony. It's okay ... it's okay. I'm here. You don't need to beg for my attention. I'm here. McGee ... isn't." Neither were Ducky, or Abbs, or Ziva, or any of the man friends they'd made, people they'd shared their lives with. It was the death of all they'd known and it cut deep.

"Dad?" Tony's eyes opened slightly, the strong sedative still flowing through him. "Hey Dad." He smiled lopsided in that drugged stupor. "I got an A today, wanna see?" There was a definite tone of pleading in his voice, of needing paternal recognition and approval, and it sounded almost younger than normal too, as if Tony was channeling himself from before the voice-changing deepening of puberty.

Gibbs blinked a few times and nodded. "Yeah ... tell me all about it." He started to sink into the battered recliner he'd used to soothe Kelly to sleep--wincing at that memory, or lack of memory, or whatever the hell it was. Halfway there, he changed his mind and sat on the edge of the bed. "Tell me about your day, Tony." His hand buried itself in the younger man's hair but instead of ruffling it, he just stroked the silky strands from scalp to tip in soothing motions.

"Tell your old man all about it. So proud of you, son." Every time he said that. there was a little pang, as if he was being disloyal to Kelly even though he knew she'd understand and approve.

There is no Kelly, his mind screamed, but he refused to acknowledge that.

Tony didn't feel the slightest bit disloyal when he was honest with himself in accepting that he saw Gibbs as a father figure. He'd thought about it many times sitting at his desk at work. What he hadn't thought about was wanting Gibbs as a father ... in his bed. The poor addled man was going to be sickened if he remembered any of this later.

"You are?" Tony's smile was young and innocent, the most innocent one on his face Gibbs had probably ever seen. There was nothing mischievous, nothing calculating, nothing teasing about it. It was pure child of the heart. "Really? You never say that, Dad. You sure ya wanna hear? Always so busy. I don't wanna bother ya..."

Of course he did, but feeling that any moment the rug would be pulled out from under him by his "father", he was being cautiously hopeful in finally getting the man's full attention.

"I am." Gibbs replied gently but firmly. "Not busy now. I want to know all about it. Will you tell me, Tony." The hope in Tony's eyes and his childlike smile caused so much emotion to roar up in Gibbs. he couldn't imagine how hurt Tony had been and hoped it was his father being distant rather than anything more sinister or hurtful.

He sat up the bed beside DiNozzo, giving him a gentle smile.

"Come on, Tony. You're never so quiet. What did you get an A in?"

"Home Ec," he said proudly, being young enough in his drug-induced delusion that getting an A in cooking and sewing was seen as perfectly fine by a "boy" who would someday grow into a man who would not see it so fine. "Miss Evans said I made the best pillow in the class! She's gonna teach us ta knit next week. I can learn how ta make ya socks, Dad! I'll do all kindsa colors, whatever ya want. You need socks, I'll knit'em!" He snuggled into Gibbs, his eyes droopy but his smile still very sweet. "And I met someone... " The voice deepened as Tony's subconscious continued to work through his demons and he suddenly aged. "I mean not met-met," he rushed to explain a bit too quickly, "I mean he's my supervisor at work. Used to be a Marine, walks with a rod up his ass and scares the shit outta me half the time, but he's incredible ... he's fucking incredible..."

"Yeah?" Gibbs asked, surprised to find himself charmed. "Guy can always use some extra socks, Tony. You make 'em and I'll wear 'em." he continued working his fingers through Tony's hair, soothing them both as he moved his hands slowly and soothingly.

"Met an incredible guy, huh? Someone you can respect? Good, glad to hear it. Tell your old man how he's incredible, Tony. What do you admire about him?" Gibbs couldn't believe Tony admired him so much and he really wanted to know what it was about him that pulled Tony's attention and garnered his admiration.

The stricken man paused as he tried to come up with a single word to explain it. "Control. No matter what, he's always in control, doesn't sweat under fire, probably doesn't even have sweat glands," Tony giggled. "And he's really smart, can figure anything out, I think he knows I watch'm, that even though I sometimes give'm a hard time, he knows I really respect'm, that he's important to me and I don't mean anything by it when I'm screwing around at work. I ... I just want'm to like me, Dad. I wanna be his favorite ... I ... I... " Tony's face began to crack, just like his voice. "I want'm to give me what you never did!"

He shoved himself away from his "father" and burrowed under the blankets, hiding himself as long-suffered tears began to fall again over an issue that the slowly waking mind of Tony knew could never be fully resolved, only alleviated, and only if Gibbs felt the same way in return.

Gibbs shifted with Tony, stroking his hair and rubbing his back. "I'm sorry for everything I did, Tony. I'm sorry for not valuing you like I should have. I'm sorry for not telling you what an amazing and intelligent and talented son you are. It is my problem, not yours. Never yours." He sighed heavily. His father hadn't been a prize but their problems had started when Gibbs was an adult. What had happened to Tony had started when he was very young and had left a much deeper impression on DiNozzo.

"Shhh," he whispered, trying to soothe Tony, wishing he could heal him.

"It's okay, Dad," Tony mumbled under those blankets, but he hugged his teary face into the man's thigh, holding tightly after having pushed him away. "You were always so busy ... It's okay ... because I love you ... Gibbs."

"Ah, Tony," he whispered. He wasn't sure who Tony was talking to--his father or Gibbs himself--but he appreciated the sentiment. He shifted around slightly, lifting Tony's head off his thigh and pressing it lightly against his chest instead. "You're fine, Tony. You're a damn good son. A damn good agent."

"I'm an agent, Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo ... I'm an agent, Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo..." His voice started to rise as his eyes snapped wide open. "I'M AN AGENT! SPECIAL AGENT ANTHONY DINOZZO!"

"SETTLE DOWN, DINOZZO!" Gibbs roared, hoping to get through to him. "Shhh ... it's okay, Tony. You're safe and you're okay. It's Gibbs ... remember. I said I wouldn't leave and I'm here."

"Like hell you won't," Tony snarled, jumping off the bed to pace the room in a pair of Gibbs' shorts. "We've fallen into one really fucked up rabbit hole this time, Gibbs. We've fallen so far Jules Verne couldn't find us and I know you. I know you're gonna run off to find your family, to see if they're alive too in this insane amusement park PeeWee dropped us into, and where's that gonna leave me? You SHOULD find your family, but I sure as hell can't stick around if you do." ... because I just might have to kill myself if I see you with her, he thought to himself.

Gibbs moved closer and bear hugged Tony for the second time today. It was exhausting trying to follow Tony's moods and Gibbs hadn't even dealt with what was happening, not deep down dealing with it.