Chapter 1: Consequences of a Poor CAP

When the CAP testing first was announced, I did not worry too much. My wife, Janice, begged me to participate in the early testing, and I did quietly set up a test one weekend. However, when the test returned a three point nine score for me, I hid the card in the back of my wallet and never spoke of the testing.

I could not say the testing was wrong. Looking back now I have to say that I loved my wife and our then two children, but deep down I was a selfish and shallow man who was loyal only to himself. I did not cheat on Janice, I did not have the passion needed for that, but I always held something back. I never offered more than the absolute minimum of my time or efforts, and it showed in my life. I had few friends, and struggled in business.

But, Janice and I still had a good life. Financially things would get tight at times as my work habits annoyed my employers and my salary reflected my lack of devotion to work. Janice controlled the finances at home and was surprisingly good at finding bargains and deals which helped us to survive.

It was the special episode of "Average Joes" that opened my eyes to what my future might hold. I did not watch the show, but it was the talk of the office the next day and the news about the coming Sa'arm attack clearly worried many of my co-workers. I ended up feeling a momentary twinge of guilt that I could not save my by then three children, but years of thinking mostly of myself kept me from acting.

I did investigate possible ways to save Janice, but in the end she was the one to show me how strong a love she had for her children. We had stopped at a McDonald's for lunch one Saturday shortly after my thirtieth birthday and found ourselves in the middle of a pickup. As I sat there in shock Janice stripped to her panties and crawled up to one of the men who had been announced as a sponsor. At home she had always been inhibited about sex. She even still wore a floor length flannel nightgown every night, only lifting it up for me to enter her before covering up and turning away from me.

That day was the most erotic and disturbing day I could have imagined in my thirty years. One of the men growled something to Janice and she immediately took his cock into her mouth, giving him what appeared to be an enthusiastic if novice blowjob. She was clearly getting into it when one of the other sponsors came up behind her and after exchanging words with the man she was fellating, ripped her panties off and started fucking her doggie style.

My jaw dropped at this point. Janice and I had been virgins when we married, and she had never seemed all that interested in sex. Now, the woman who had lived with me for nine years, and given birth to my three children was performing like a porn actress in the middle of a fast-food restaurant.

And it did not end when both men pulled out of her. I could tell that the blowjob must have worked as Janice had cum dripping down her chin, but rather than wiping her face in disgust as I expected, she merely smiled as the man pulled her to her feet. He looked over at a young co-ed who was standing nearby. I thought I was done with shocks, but Janice walked over to this girl and knelt at her feet. Then with a smile on her face she pulled the girl forward and starting sucking on the co-ed's pussy.

Our children were confused, but I was beyond speech at that point. I just put my head down and cried, trying to close my ears to the sounds of sex going on around me. My eldest son, Jeremy tried to ask me what mom was doing, but I said nothing until Janice came back over with the man.

"I'm sorry David," she said quietly. "It's for my babies though."

I wiped my face against the back of my arm before looking up, trying to hide my tears. "I understand, Janice. Please, take good care of the children. I'll miss them and you."

Janice looked sad for a moment, but gathered the children up as the co-ed walked over to help. "You'll survive," Janice told me. "Now, why don't you step up and try to get picked up?"

I just shook my head. "I can't. Please don't ask me why, but I can't."

Janice gave me one final shrug and took Jeremy by the hand while lifting Alicia into her arms. The co-ed had managed to get Daniel to stand. I sat there wishing I could change things as they walked away, Jeremy giving me one final wave before my family stepped into the transport beam and left Earth.

I went home, to a quiet and empty house. The rest of that evening and the next day I spent looking at the walls of my house and asking myself what I had done wrong. Janice and I had been childhood sweethearts, and I had promised to always protect her, but her actions at the pickup proved my words a lie. How could I have protected her with such a poor CAP score? And more importantly, why had I always held so much back of myself. I knew that my failure to give of myself was the reason for my poor score, but twenty hours of drinking and contemplation later I was no closer to an answer as to why I refused to open up.

The next day I showed up for work still in shock about the whole experience. The shock ended up with me changing what I did at work. With no family at home, and the empty home acting as a reminder of my own failures, I hid from my problems at work, throwing myself into projects. I discovered a new need to help my co-workers and soon was being invited out for lunches and after work drinks.

My heartache faded, but did not quite go away during this time. My co-workers knew that my wife had been picked up, but none knew about the circumstances surrounding the pickup, nor my feelings of failure that arose during it. Instead, they seemed to think of me as a quiet but helpful man, who would listen to them spin tales of woe without condemning them for their mistakes.

I guess I should have come out of my shell, but inside I still missed Janice terribly and mourned for my lost family. I could listen to the others, but spoke little of myself outside work related topics, concentrating on work whenever possible. However, time did deaden the pain and nine months later, during a Friday night at the bar with my co- workers, Missy dropped into my lap and my life.

Missy, or more formally Melissa Jean Scott, was a young widow trying to care for her two children with the help of a small insurance settlement from the company where her husband had worked. We met one night when my co-workers had managed to pull me away from putting together the month-end reports and get me to a bar. I was sitting at the table watching the dance floor and finishing off my fifth or sixth beer of the evening while reviewing the basketball scores from the night before, when a fight broke out and Missy was knocked into my lap.

Now, I had gone to the bar with my friends thinking to deaden the pain of being without my wife and children, but when one hundred fifteen pounds of brunette haired perfection dropped into my lap, my cock stirred for the first time in months. Missy was trying to apologize, but I drunkenly put an arm around her waist.

"Don't go," I pleaded. "You're beautiful."

This petite woman giggled and put her arms around my neck. "Are you making a pass?"

I found myself looking into the deepest set of hazel eyes I had ever seen. I sat there silently for several moments as my brain tried to compose an answer. "I don't know. Do you want me to?"

To my shock, this lady burst out laughing. "I should warn you, I have two children waiting at home. If you accept me, you are accepting them."

There was a roaring in my ears after she said that. The silence extended and the woman relaxed her arms and started to stand up. Suddenly, I came to life and put my arms around her, pulling her deeper onto my lap. "Come home with me. And tomorrow we can meet your children together."

The woman gasped and looked into my eyes. "Are you sure? You would really take a widow and her kids in?"

I placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. "I just know I have a beautiful woman in my arms, and my home is a lonely place right now."

The woman just said there in shock for a moment and then smiled. "I'm Missy, how about we leave now. You willing to pay for the cab?"

I just nodded and stood up, discovering that I was a bit drunker than I had expected. Missy dashed off, but returned a moment later carrying her purse and put an arm under my shoulder, helping steady me as we made our way to the door. I could hear a couple of my co-workers call out to me, but after a pause at the bar to ask about a cab, Missy and I exited the bar.

The cold air helped sober me up some and I turned to look at my new companion. Missy smiled as we stood there and the giggled. "You just realized what you did, I see."

I nodded. "But I'm not complaining. It's just, I know nothing about you, and I think I just asked you to become my girlfriend."

Missy giggled louder. "Well, let's start with the simple one. Do you really think I'm beautiful?" She let go of my arm and pirouetted in front of me.

I let out a long slow wolf whistle. Missy stood five foot six, and her body had the slender curves of a healthy woman who got regular exercise. Part of me wanted to ask if she really had two children, but before I could speak, she pulled the left side of her blouse up a bit and revealed the faint scar from a C-section operation.

"Just before you ask," she said.

"Wow," I responded. "You truly are beautiful. Why aren't men beating down your door?"

Missy smiled. "This scar shows why. I have two children waiting for me. Amber is four and Alex Junior is two. Sadly, their father died in an industrial accident at the wind farm last year. And now, few men are interested in me, because I won't leave my children."

I just smiled and reached to hug her, but Missy pushed me away. "And that makes me wonder. Why haven't you refused me?"

I sighed and closed my eyes. "A year ago, I was married and had three children. Nine months ago, right after my thirtieth birthday, we went to a McDonald's as a treat for the children. There was a pickup."

I could hear Missy gasp, but I continued. "Neither Janice, nor I had the CAP to volunteer, but Janice was determined. As I watched she crawled naked across the floor of the restaurant, accepting the commands of two of the volunteers. When the interdiction field was lifted, I was sitting alone. My wife and children had left with the marines for a new life on another planet."

I dropped to the ground for a moment. "I could do nothing for them. I promised my wife I'd protect her when we got married. I was a father, and I could not lift a finger for my children. I failed them."

I was sure Missy was going to run off, but I felt her arms reach around my neck. "I'm sorry, I didn't know," she whispered. "Come, let's go see my children, perhaps they can start you on the path to healing."

I was incapable of protesting at that moment. My little speech has been the first time I had admitted how helpless the pickup had made me feel and I was shaken by how much emotion I had bottled up for months. Missy just held me until the cab arrived and then guided me into the seat, giving the cab driver directions.

The drive took us to a very poor part of town, and finally led to a battered apartment building that was little better than a slum. I sat silently as Missy negotiated with the driver. She made it clear that she needed to run inside for a few moments, but wanted him to wait with me in the cab until she returned. The driver was not happy with the idea, but I roused myself enough to hand him forty dollars and he grudgingly agreed to wait no more than fifteen minutes.

It was probably twenty minutes before Missy reappeared. She had changed from the flirty dress she had worn at the club and was now wearing jeans and a t-shirt. In her arms was a very sleepy two-year-old boy and just behind her an older lady was leading a young girl while carrying a couple of suitcases. I opened the door and Missy quickly put the boy inside.

"I have to go back and get the other suitcases, give me a moment more, please," she told the driver as her companion picked up the girl and handed her to me.

The driver grumbled more, but another twenty out of my wallet quieted him down, and Missy dashed off with a smile, returning only moments later with two more suitcases and a battered diaper bag. The driver grumbled once again, but got out to help her put everything into the trunk, and then waited as Missy gave the older lady a hug and slid into the cab beside me.

"Sorry about that lover," she told me as she gave me a kiss on the cheek. "I wasn't as well packed as I thought."

I stared at Missy as her friend closed the door. Missy motioned for me to give the cab driver directions to my home and I turned to tell him my home address. I could feel the car pull away and turned back to Missy. "Lover?"

Missy blushed. "Well, you offered to take me and my children in. I thought you would like being my lover. I haven't had a man since Alex was killed."

I stared for a moment at Missy who looked at the floor of the cab. Next to me I could hear Alex Junior fuss a bit, and felt Amber put a gentle hand on my knee. For a moment my thoughts came to a stop, but then I reached out and put my arms around Missy. "I invited you to my home because I wanted to help," I whispered. "My bed is open, but never believe that you have to be there. Only come if you truly desire to be with me."

Missy flashed an incredible smile and kissed me deeply, causing Amber to giggle. The cab driver coughed once to let us know he was turning onto my home street and moments later pulled up in front of the now ill kept home I had purchased when Janice and I first married.

It took a few moments to coax Alex and Amber out of the car, and collect the suitcases from the cab trunk, but moments later I found myself holding the hand of a frightened little girl as her mother held her brother in her arms and looked at my home.

"Its not much," I admitted. "I'm afraid that after Janice and the kids left for some colony I kind of stopped caring about how it looked. The inside is good, and both Amber and Alex can have rooms of their own."

Missy giggled. "Let's get them inside and collect the suitcases and then we can divide up the rooms."

I grabbed the largest suitcase, and Missy picked up on of the smaller ones as we walked up to the door. The time spent in the cab had sobered me up considerably and moments later I had the door open and was turning on the interior lights before dashing out to collect the remaining suitcases.

Missy had set her suitcase just inside the door and wandered down the hall. It was not hard to see which of the three smaller bedrooms had belonged to each of my children, and before I could talk to her Alex was settled into the crib that Daniel had last slept in nine months before. He fussed a moment, obviously unhappy to be in an unfamiliar house, but Missy sang him a gentle lullaby as I brought the suitcases back with me.

"Leave the smallest one and the diaper bag in this room," Missy said. "Put the next two in whatever room you want Amber in and take the two largest into our room."

"Our room?" I asked as Amber looked up from the crib and walked over to me.