Chapter 9

"Tim, I'm so glad to see you again, I've been thinking, and I really don't think I can go out with you."

Kathy and Tim were at the bus stop again, waiting for Julie.

"I just love your accent."

"Didn't you hear what I said?"

"Of course I heard. But your lips say one thing and your eyes say another."

Ken smiled despite himself. "Are you always such a charmer? Oh Bollocks. Please, Tim, it just doesn't make sense."

"Why not?"

"Well..." Ken had rehearsed this the night before but now, for some reason, he had a hard time getting the words out.

"I'm from England, right?" Ken ventured. "And I do like you..."

"You like me?" Tim's face lit up with pleasure.

" ... but what happens after our date?" Ken hurried on, blushing. "Someday I'm going to go back to England to be with my family and we'll both get our hearts broken, and then we'll regret it for the rest of my life and..." Ken trailed off. Suddenly, this wasn't coming out the way that he had intended.

"Kathy, what are you talking about?" Tim reached for Ken's hand and held it tenderly. "It's just one date, that's all. Let's just go and be together. One teeny little date. What could be wrong with that?"

"I..." Ken was desperately trying gather his thoughts and say something intelligent, but all he could do was stare down at his hands. The feeling was intense, as if an energy conduit had opened up between them.

'I'm holding hands with a Boy, ' Ken thought to himself. 'A boy is sitting next to me, asking me out on a date, and he is holding my hand.'

A boy is holding my hand!

"Tim ... I..."

BEEEEP.The bus pulled up.

Tim and Ken jumped up and shot apart as if electrocuted.

"You were holding hands!!!" Julie squealed, as she leapt out of the bus, raced over to Ken, and bowled right into him with a huge hug. She then turned and ran into Tim as well, hugging him too.

"Holding hands!!!" she shouted again, then turning to the bus, "THEY WERE HOLDING HANDS!!!" she shouted at the other students who were all looking out the windows, wide-eyed. "I TOLD YOU! I TOLD YOU THEY WERE IN LOVE! I JUST KNEW IT! I TOLD YOU SO!!"

"It's just one date," Tim whispered in Ken's ear, as the bus drove away and Julie literally ran circles around them, screaming with delight at the top of her lungs.

Ken looked into Tim's eyes, feeling trapped.

"I'll pick you up at five?" Tim asked, his eyes arched and questioning.

"Okay," Ken said tremulously, trying to smile.

"What have I done?" Ken berated himself over and over again over the next few days. "Why did I say yes? Why??" When he wasn't in the bathroom throwing up to calm his nerves, he was trying to think of ways to call Tim and cancel the date.

But darn Julie! Why was she so thrilled about this?

"I guess she's at that age where she's learning about mommies and daddies," Tina hypothesized as she looked over construction plans. "I think it's kind of cute, actually."

Julie could talk of little else.

"What are you going to wear?" she asked. "Will it be beautiful? I bet it will be beautiful. You'll look like a princess!"

Hardly, thought Ken. After all, he only had four outfits. Three were simple jumpers for taking care of children, and the last was too business-like to be good for going out.

Ken walked over and picked up the phone to cancel, but somehow he couldn't force his fingers to punch the buttons. Frustrated, he slammed it back down.

"You and Tim are going to go out on a date, and then you'll fall in love, and then you'll get married, and then you'll have children, and then I'll have someone to play with!"

"Julie!" Ken said, exasperated beyond belief. "I barely know him! How can you be saying all these things?"

Not that I'm much better, Ken realized, remembering his arguments to Tim earlier - all about having to go back to England and breaking peoples hearts. 'Tim is right, ' Ken realized. 'It's just one date.'

But it grated irritatingly against Ken's entire vision of himself. His entire life had been predicated on flying under the radar. Being inconspicuous, not being noticed, not standing out as being special. Fitting in. "Maybe that way, people won't look at me closely, and then they won't be able to see what a terrible, messed-up person I am," he thought to himself.

"Maybe I can go with a sack over my head," Ken thought sourly. "Wouldn't that be attractive?"

Meanwhile, the renovation plans hurtled forth at full speed. Ken watched as Tina turned into a completely different person, energetic and focused.

"This is the first time I've seen you smile," Ken said after hearing about the latest plans from Tina.

"I feel so ... I don't know. So alive!" Tina said, her eyes flashing. "I just hope that Brian likes it..."

During the day, the house was swarmed with contractors. Demolition had started and there was lots of measuring to do, drawings and plans to be created, and hundreds of decisions to make.

With Tina spending all her time on the renovations, it was all Ken could do to stay out of the way, keep Julie out of trouble, and keep Michael clean and fed. Because of the noise and dust, He found himself spending a lot of time in the park with the children.

Sitting in the park, gently rocking Michael back and forth, and watching Julie collecting leaves, Ken realized something.

"I like this job," he said, smiling to himself.

"But what am I going to do about Tim???"

Ken picked up the telephone, and started dialing Tim's number.

At the last second he checked his watch. 10:12 pm.

"Bloody, hell," he cursed, hanging up the phone. After 10 pm. It was too late to call. Ken would have to call him in the morning.

'What am I going to do??' Ken fretted to himself. "What am I going to do??"

Ken was alone. The date was now just two days away.

"What if Tim finds out who I really am?" Ken worried. "For sure he's going to tell Tina and Brian, and then I'll get thrown out!" Just the thought was enough to cause his eyes to get misty. Damn it! "Why did I have to agree to this bloody date!"

"Oh shit," a new thought crossed Ken's mind. "What if they call the police! What if I get arrested! Can you imagine how this would look in the papers? 'Transvestite, fugitive English Nanny sex offender arrested and charged with fraud!'"

Suddenly, Ken started to hyperventilate. Images of courtrooms, death threats, photographers, and jail cells flashed through his head.

"Oh shit..."

Ken clutched at his chest. "Oh no..."

A wave of vertigo and nausea overwhelmed him. Ken stumbled, and then collapsed to the floor, gasping, frantic, his heart racing.

"What is wrong with me???" he cried out, as the dizziness threatened to overwhelm him. "Stop it, stop it, stopitstopitstopit!" he stamped his foot in frustration, trying to get control of his body back. What am I going to do about the children? What if I collapse and there's no one to take care of them??

For the first time in America, Ken felt truly and completely alone. Tina was out. Brian was away on business. The children were asleep, and he was completely isolated in this horrible, alien country. Should he call a doctor? Which one? Go to the hospital? But then they'd discover he was a man for sure! God damn bloody...

"Miss Cabrini!" The thought came out of nowhere.

Frantically, he scanned the numbers on the icebox. There it was. He punched the numbers as fast as he could, his hands shaking.

"Yes?"

"Miss Cabrini!" Ken blubbered.

"Who is this?"

"This is Ken ... I mean... KATHY, this is Kathy!"

"Oh, Kathy, so nice to hear from you ... Wait!! are you okay? What's the matter??"

"Please, I'm ... Something's wrong! I think I'm having a heart attack!" Ken cried out. "My heart is racing, I'm dizzy, I can't breathe ... But I can't! Not now! The children are upstairs, and I can't..."

"Where's Mrs. Johnson??"

"She's out ... with the architects, I think. I don't know where..."

"Hang on, Kathy, I'll be there right away."

Sarah Cabrini's car screeched to a halt in the driveway. Grabbing her bags, she hurried into the house.

"Oh, goodness..." Sara looked around, stunned by the construction work. All of the wallboard was gone and the downstairs looked like a forest of wooden studs.

"Kathy?" she called out, her voice echoing through rooms.

"I'm over here, in the kitchen," a pitiful voice called out.

Sarah followed the voice, stepping right through what just yesterday had been solid walls, and worked her way to the kitchen.

She quickly went over to the table where Ken sat, his head down between his knees.

"Kathy, you poor thing!" Sarah placed the two bags on the table.

"I can't seem to ... I'm just ... it's the dizziness," Ken explained. "What's happening to me?"

From her purse, Sarah pulled out a jar of pills.

"Take one of these," Sarah handed Ken a small white pill and fetched a glass of water from the sink.

"What is it?" Ken asked as he washed it down.