Chapter 7: Friday 28 September 2007

Bethesda Maryland — Friday Day Twenty-eight

An unusual noise woke me out of my sound sleep. Jens was snoring lightly making it hard to hear so I poked her in the side. She rolled over and stopped snoring.

I listened intently and there it was again. Someone is trying to sneak down the stairs and not doing a very good job of being quiet. From all the noise it can't be a professional — it must be Mom and Dad.

I reached over to the nightstand and grabbed the Kimber with the tactical light with my left hand and the squirt gun with my right hand. I slid out of the bed and hid behind the door — and waited.

I heard the door knob turn and the door slowly opened. Two figures crept into the room. Whew! I can tell by their shapes and perfume that it's mom and dad. They moved closer to the bed.

I flipped on the tactical light; they spun around and froze like deer caught in the headlights of a car. Both had a pot in one hand and a spoon in the other.

I fired the squirt gun and yelled, "Great Chief Run-amok heard clumsy paleface on stairs."

Mom let out a shriek, and dropped her pan and spoon. Dad started banging the hell out of his pan with the spoon. All the noise scared the hell out of Jens and she fell off the bed.

I kept firing with the squirt gun and they both laughed as they ran out of the room. I chased them all the way up the stairs making sure they both paid for their attempted prank.

At the top of the stairs Dad yelled, "PT in ten minutes. Be ready or else."

I walked back towards the guest room, the light was on. Jens was rubbing her butt as I walked through the door.

She gave me a pissed look. "I'm getting damn tired of being woken up by having the hell scared out of me." Then she got a serious look on her face when she saw the Kimber in my left hand. "You could have shot them."

I waved the squirt gun, "Correction I did shoot them."

She wasn't in any mood for that this morning, "This isn't a joke and you know what I mean. Someone could have gotten hurt."

Still trying to lighten her mood, "Well — you know you aren't having fun until you have to dial nine-one-one."

I could tell that she was getting ready to let me have it for that comment. So I sat the Kimber on the dresser, walked over and grabbed her in a big hug and fell on top of her on the bed and started loving on her.

I whispered in her ear, "I heard them on the stairs and I knew it was them."

"Ouch" She complained, "That damn squirt gun's poking my back!"

She flipped me over on my back and straddled me, "Ben, this is serious. What if you hadn't heard them?"

I was going to argue with her and remind her that I would never fire without knowing my target, but she was seriously upset.

"You're right Jens, we need to call a truce to the wake-up pranks. I'll talk to them this morning."

That made her happy and she rewarded me with a smoldering kiss.

"That was some kiss Xenia." I remarked.

She pulled back with a puzzled look, "Xena! Plu-ezze tell me you're not comparing me to that fat Lucy Lawless bitch with the fake tits from 'Xena Whoriorr Princess.' She's so fake! I'd kick her butt any day of the week with one hand tied behind my back."

I smiled and said, "No I wasn't thinking of her. Since you seem to like to be on top of me, I was thinking of that beautiful Bond Girl from 'Golden Eye, ' Xenia Onatopp."

"Mmm," she purred, "You mean the hot Russian female assassin that tried to kill James Bond by squeezing him to death with her legs?"

She gave me a sexy-wicked look and then squeezed hell out of me with her legs and gave me another hot kiss, pulled back and said "Lbumyeets¹," sounding remarkably like Xenia.

¹(Transliterated Russian — My love)

She gave me a smoldering hot sexy look took the squirt gun away, "You don't need that gun ... Commander Bond."

Remembering the line from the movie I said, "That depends on your definition of safe sex."

She squeezed me again. I continued in character with the quote, "That's close enough."

She wrapped her arms around my neck, "Not for what I have in mind."

I knew we needed to get moving or we'd be late for PT. I extricated myself from Jens clutches.

She looked at me and just as in the movie said, "Buliatch²."

²(Transliterated Russian — In the movie it is subtitled as buliatch, they probably made a mistake and it should be bliatz. Which means whore or sometimes bitch — but usually suka is used for bitch.)

I gave her a wicked look and replied, "Pasasee mayu peesku³."

³(Transliterated Russian — Suck my dick.)

Jens scrunched up her eyebrows and thought for a minute trying to figure out what I said. Her mouth dropped open and she turned all red.

Then she called my bluff, "That's big talk! Bare it and I will."

Now it was my turn to blush.

She looked at me and laughed, "Just what I thought. All talk and no action. Just to let you know, I'm ready anytime."

I blushed even more but was saved when Mom came in the room, "You two aren't ready yet. What have you been doing?"

Jens was going to tell her until I interrupted, "Sorry Mom we got distracted. We'll be right out."

Jens smiled at me as Mom left, "I should have told her. It would have served you right for saying that to me. Next time you say that to me you better mean it!"

I didn't know what else to do or say so I picked up the squirt gun off the bed and aimed it at Jens.

"Don't you dare squirt me with that again. If you do I'm going to make you eat it." She threatened.

I figured that Jens had enough of my pranks, at least for right now, so I lowered the squirt gun.

She ran over and gave me a kiss, "That's much better. Let's get changed."

I grabbed my clothes out of the travel pack and started changing, trying hard not to be too distracted by Jens. Today's shirt had the picture of a skull with a Marine cap on it and said, "Natural born warriors — United States Marines."

I looked over, Jens was wearing a long sleeve underarmor shirt and tights instead of the shorts. I went over and gave her a big hug and kiss. She pressed against me and said, "Mmm, somebody likes the tights I have on."

I swatted her butt, "I do. But you know you have VPL?"

"VPL," She questioned.

"Yes Visible Panty Line." I laughed.

She twisted around trying to see her butt in the mirror and finally did. "Shit, you're right. I guess I'd better fix that." She stripped off the tights, pulled off her underwear and threw them at me.

"I'll just go commando and let you think about that all day." She teased.

Damn! This was going to be an interesting day.

We walked out into the family room and Mom and Dad were already waiting by the Bowflex. They had the towels and water ready.

Dad looked like he wanted to say something but was holding back.

"Sorry we're late. We lost track of the time." Jens remarked.

Dad said, "If we were late we'd have to do penalty reps."

I looked at him, "You're right. Since we're late we'll do the penalty reps and you two can just do the aerobic parts longer."

Mom gave him the same dirty look Jens gives me, "I told you to keep your mouth shut. But you wouldn't listen."

I looked at Mom, "You're right too. Why should you have to do extra aerobics just because he mouthed off? You can take it easy when we do the penalty reps."

Mom smiled and Dad grumbled. "Is there something else you'd like to say Dad?" I asked.

"Let's just get this over with so I can rest." He said.

"Did you forget Glen? We're all going shopping today." Mom replied.

"Shit!" Dad said.

We did a full upper body workout again today with slightly different exercises than two days ago. Everyone did really well, even Mom in spite of her cast.

We were all working as a team and encouraging each other. Dad didn't even gripe with the extra aerobics and I did cut him some slack and let him take more water breaks.

We finished and Dad said, "I suppose you two are going running again?"

I looked at him and said, "No, all four of us are going running today."

Mom said, "Great, I'd like to get out and do a little run."

"I don't have any shoes." Dad groaned.

"Great! You run better barefoot anyway." I told dad.

"Are you crazy?"

"Yes, I'm crazy about running and running the right way. I'm going to teach you how to run right today. Once you're done, running will be easy for you." I answered.

"That's the biggest load of crap I've ever heard." He remarked.

I was going to say something pretty nasty but Jens saved me, "Daddy! Is that the right attitude to have?"

He looked at her and she smiled, "I guess not. I'm sorry Ben. It's just that I've always read that you need good running shoes to keep from getting hurt."

"We have better designed running shoes now than we've ever had. And if you look there are more injuries than ever. That's because shoes let us run incorrectly and that's very hard on the body." I answered.

"Enough of this gabbing. Let go so we can get back and go shopping!" Jens ordered.

"I'll call the Secret Service." Mom offered.

We headed upstairs to grab a quick meal replacement shake and wait for the Secret Service. The doorbell rang just about the time we finished.

I answered the door and let Buddy and Phil into the house.

"Good morning, Ben and Jens, Ma'am and Sir." Buddy said.

"Please call us Glen and Evelyn," Mom answered.

"Thank you Evelyn. Are you all ready to go?"

"Come on! Let's get going!" Jens yelled grabbed my arm and pulled me out to the van. Mom and Dad followed behind.

Dad chuckled, "You're sure in a hurry today Jens."

"Damn right! I want to take my man shopping. He needs some more stylish clothes."

I frowned at her, "Don't go getting any ideas that you're going to dress me in some silly galuboy³ clothes. I'll wear Levis and a few other brands, but none of that Calvin Swine or Donna Kraphead New Fricken York clothes or Ralph Whoren'."

³(Transliterated Russian — The color blue or in this case homosexual.)

"That's Calvin Klein and DKNY — Donna Karin New York and Ralph Lauren. And you'd look great in some of those."

Dad laughed, "Oh boy. You're in trouble now."

"What are you talking about Glen? I plan on getting you some stylish clothes too. Jens and I have this all planned out." Mom quipped.

We both groaned. "I wonder if it's too late to take off." I remarked.

Jens grabbed me tighter, "Oh no you don't. You're not getting out of this now."

I pulled back with all my strength and brought Jens to a standstill.

"Don't tell me you're getting bossy with me?" I asked in a stern tone.

She gave me a sad look, "Sorry my dear. I guess I was becoming a little pushy. Please forgive me. I just think that you'd look so nice in some stylish clothes. Would you please wear some if I bought them for you?"

I looked at her and she smiled. Damn! She sure knew how to get her way.

"I will if I get total approval of the clothes."

"As long as they're some other color than camo." She pleaded.

I laughed, "Okay, I guess so. But not pink — or purple!"

She laughed and we shook on it.

"Deal?" I asked

"Deal. Now let's get moving!" She took off towards the van with me.

Jens was happy and was humming to herself the whole ride over to the school. I figured out what she was humming so I started humming harmony to it.

Mom looked at us, "What are you two doing?"

Jens grinned, "We're making beautiful music together."

"That's not what it sounded like to me. It sounded like two bumble bees in heat." She chided.

"Well, it was a pretty hot song." I replied.

"What song was it?" Mom queried.

I looked at Jens, nodded and gave her a pitch note.

She smiled real big and started singing, flipping her head and hair around. I provided the harmony:

With a taste of your lips
I'm on a ride
You're toxic I'm slipping under
With a taste of a poison paradise
I'm addicted to you
Don't you know that you're toxic

Intoxicate me now
With your lovin' now
I think I'm ready now
I think I'm ready now
Intoxicate me now
With your lovin' now
I think I'm ready now.

Mom gave us a funny glance, "I've heard that it was — oh what's her name? I know it was that Swords girl."

Jens and I both laughed.

"M-o-o-o-m-m." Jens admonished, "It's not Swords, it's Spears — Britney Spears. Sometimes you're an old fuddy-duddy."

Mom raised an eyebrow, "At least I don't use antiquated phrases like, 'fuddy-duddy.'"

"I could have said BOB — Bitchy Old Broad." She shot back.

"You're not too old for a spanking, young lady." Mom threatened.

The van pulled to a stop and Jens bailed out the door shouting over her shoulder, "But you are too slow to catch me. You old fuddy-duddy."

Mom took off after her. I looked at dad and we both smiled.

Then I reached behind my back and pulled out the squirt gun and pointed it at him.

"Great Chief Run-amok says run ass off paleface."

Dad took one look at the gun and said, "Not again." Then jumped out of the van and started running.

Buddy and Phil had finally had enough and couldn't contain themselves. They broke into laughter. So I shot each of them with the squirt gun.

"Hey, cut that out." Phil yelled.

"Yeah, you're getting us wet." Buddy added.

"Great Chief Run-amok take no prisoners." I shot each one again and then hopped out of the van to chase the rest of the family down.

Dad was easy to catch, he couldn't run very fast.

"Stop, I'm wet enough already." He yelled as I ran by and soaked his back and butt.

Jens and Mom had a bigger lead. Damn. Mom ran well for her age but Jens was taking it easy on her. I caught them in about a lap and a half, coming slowly up behind mom.

"Great Chief Run-amok gets even with sneaky paleface." I started squirting the hell out of her back.

"Son of a bitch! Where'd that damn squirt gun come from?" She yelled and started trying to catch me.

I got in front of her and squirted her some more, "Ha! Paleface woman too slow to catch Great Chief Run-amok."

"If I catch you I'm going to run-amok spanking your butt and make you eat that damn thing." She threatened.

I shot her a few more times, once even in the face, just to get her more upset.

"You'd better run or I'll scalp you." Mom yelled as I took off after Jens.

Jens had seen what was happening and was beating feet. This was going to be a challenge to catch her.

I ratcheted up my speed and was slowly gaining on her. I ran past Dad again and gave him another couple sprays.

He took off chasing me, "Dammit, if I was younger I'd catch you."

"Great Chief Run-amok not worried has fleet-feet of horse. You never catch me."

I ran past the van. Phil and Buddy were outside laughing so I shot them a couple more times.

"Hey, cut it out." One of them yelled.

"Great Chief Run-amok not listen to silly paleface in wet and funny clothes."

Mom was just ahead. I passed her and shot her twice more.

"Dammit! I warned you young man."

"Great Chief Run-amok laughs in the face of silly threat from wet paleface woman."

I had finally caught Jens and started squirting her.

"Great Chief Run-amok take no prisoner, kill all paleface today."

She tried to sprint ahead but I stayed just close enough to keep squirting her.

"Honey, quit your getting me all wet." She pleaded.

"That idea of squirt gun — paleface."

I had all my attention on her; she was quite sexy running in her shirt and tights. And it was fun as hell spraying her and hearing her complain.

"Ben! Stop, I'm getting cold."

"Great Chief Run-amok like to squirt hot paleface — Ugh — find her hot, leave her wet."

"Dammit, I'm getting angry. You'd better quit."

I sprayed her a couple more times.

I rounded the last turn right behind her, we were headed towards the van. She ran towards the front of the van. Mom, Dad, Phil and Buddy were standing there.

"Mom, save me!" She yelled.

For some reason Mom had an evil look on her face.

I understood why as Jens ran past them and mom raised a hose and started spraying me. Shit! Where did she get that!

Dad ran out and started to tackle me, Jens figured out what was going on and joined in on the fun. Mom continued to spray all of us with the hose. Buddy and Phil, not wanting to get their suits ruined took off running.

In seconds I went from being the only dry one to being totally soaked.

Jens and Dad had me on the ground and we were wrestling, me trying to get free, them trying to keep hold of me.

"How does Great Chief Run-amok like being hosed." Mom teased. She soaked my head, "Looks like you're all wet behind the ears."

She kept it up. Finally I broke free and took off running but — Shit — I dropped the squirt gun.

Jens ran over and grabbed it and held it up. They all started cheering.

"No more squirt guns for you anymore. And Great Chief Run-amok has run his course." She yelled.

They celebrated by passing the squirt gun between each other like a spoil of war. I kept on running around the track and they'd try to hose me every time I ran past.

Jens ran out to meet me my next time around, I eyed her warily making sure she didn't have the squirt gun. She didn't so I was safe and she fell in beside me.

"Damn! I'm cold." She said.

"You look pretty hot to me."

"Thank you my love. But you forgot. I'm going commando today and spandex doesn't keep me very warm."

I checked out her tights, "But you do look awesome in those tights. And at least they dry. This cotton t-shirt will be wet all day."

"So, you think you've had enough running for today?" Jens smiled at me.

We ran past the van again and Mom tried to spray me with the hose.

"I'm not stopping until she puts down the hose."

"I'll go talk to her." Jens said and headed back to mom.

I ran around the track and mom still tried to spray me. Jens ran back out.

"She's having too much fun, I don't think she's going to stop."

"Okay, I think I'll just run back to the house. Go tell Buddy and Phil I'll see them later."

I took off running out the gate.

Jens fell in right behind me, "Hey wait. You can't do this, you'll get lost."

I hit the street and picked up the pace, staying just ahead of Jens.

"Honey, stop. We can't do this." She complained.

It was lunchtime and the sidewalks were busy with people heading to lunch. I was having fun dodging around them, scaring some of them and eliciting rude comments.

"You fucking idiot, watch where you're running."

"Hey asshole, where's the fire."

Finally one guy said to Jens, "Owwee mama, why don't you run over to my place."

I slowed up and let her run beside me. "Ben this is crazy we need to head back to the track."

"It's too late Jens, the van's right behind us."

She turned and looked and there it was.

She grabbed my arm and pulled me to a stop. "Come on, were getting in the van. We shouldn't be running here."

The van stopped and we walked back and opened the door. Jens jumped right in.

First I looked inside and I didn't see the squirt gun.

"I'm not getting in the van unless I get my squirt gun back." I demanded.

Mom replied, "Then I guess you're walking home. We gave that damn squirt gun to a bunch of kids that came out of school. No more Great Chief Run-amok for you."

I smiled and hopped in the van, "You really got rid of the gun?"

"Thankfully, it's gone forever."

I looked at Mom and Dad, "So tell me, how was your run today?"

Mom replied, "I don't really know. I was too busy trying to keep from getting wet."

Dad looked at me and smiled, "You sneaky bastard. You did this to keep us distracted from running. Didn't you?"

Jen gave me an amazed look, "You did do that!"

"Chief Run-amok has taught paleface well. It is time for him to travel to happy hunting ground."

Jens hopped in my lap and started kissing the hell out of me. "Thank you my love. I'm sorry I got so mad at you."

I kissed her, "Dogs get mad, people get angry. And you my love are certainly not a dog!"

She gave me another big kiss.

"We're here." Buddy yelled.

Phil opened the door and we jumped out.

Dad was in the back and said, "Ben you were only partially right. Dogs get mad, people get angry — but Marines get even." And he started squirting me with a water bottle.

I grabbed Jens and spun here around using her as a shield. Dad kept spraying us.

"Hey, I thought you were supposed to protect me."Jens griped.

"Well, you were a little stinky so I figured that you could use a shower."I teased.

The water bottle was finally empty and I let Jens go.

She spun around and acted huffy, "So, today I'm the stinky one?"

"Not yet, but if I tickle you enough you will be." I answered and grabbed her waist.

We started wrestling, rolling around in the front yard. Laughing and playing like a couple of kids. The playing gradually gave way to making out and the making out gradually lead to serious making out. Until we were both shocked back to reality when mom poured an icy cold bucket of water on us.

"Son-of-a-bitch that's cold." Jens complained and jumped up.

"Correction, that's DAMN cold." I yelled.

Mom and Dad were laughing. "Well you two were getting so hot we figured you needed cooled off." Mom teased.

"I've been cold and wet all morning. I hope I don't get sick." Jens complained and headed in the house.

I looked at Mom, stripped off my soaked t-shirt and threw it at Mom hitting her in the face.

"That's cold and stinky you little snit," She yelled, "You never let anyone win."

Dad was laughing his ass off, until Mom slapped him in the face with my t-shirt.

"Evelyn, that's nasty." He complained.

Further discussion on the subject ended when the automatic sprinklers came on.

"Shit! Those aren't supposed to come on now." Dad said.

I ran to the porch, just beating the sprinklers. Mom and Dad weren't quick enough and got soaked.

"Dammit to hell! I'm soaked again." Mom complained.

Jens walked out on the porch wrapped in a towel.

"Aww, I only got two of you. I was hoping to get all three." She laughed.

"I was too fast for you this time." I boasted.

"Young lady, did you turn on the sprinklers? You know that wasn't fair." Dad grumped.

"Daddy, you taught me that all is fair in love and war."

I slipped past Jens and stood in the doorway of the house.

"If that's the case then I'm taking the first shower." I yelled and ran towards Jens's bedroom.

"Ben NO! I'm cold and want a shower." Jens ran after me yelling.

I beat her to the bedroom and closed the door, waiting right behind it.

She opened the door and ran right into my arms. I hugged her tight.

"Now where were we before we were interrupted?" I asked.

"Mmmm, I think you were going to make mad passionate love to me." She teased.

I pulled back and looked at her.

"Not today dear. I've got a headache."

She playfully pounded my chest, "You just wait, someday I'm going to say that to you."

I pinched her butt and she jumped. "That'll be a cold day in hell. I do have to say, making out with you is much better than shopping."

"Shit! Look at the time, we need to get moving." Jens said slipping out of my arms and heading into the bathroom.

"Are you leaving the door unlocked for me this time Honey?"I asked and grinned at her.

She turned and smiled at me while she started stripping of her clothes, "No way in hell! If it wasn't you dumping a bucket of water on me, it'd be Mom or Dad."

"Why don't you run downstairs and shower so we can be ready faster?"

That was a great idea, beside my travel pack was down there anyway. I headed downstairs to the guest bathroom, locked the door and took a nice hot long shower.

It felt really good to wash off all the sweat and to get warm again. I stepped out of the shower and — shit — all the towels were gone. Then I heard laughing in the guest bedroom, it was Jens.

"Ben, are you missing something?" She yelled through the door.

"All the towels are gone." I replied then faked a sneeze. "I'm getting cold and I think I'm getting sick."

The bathroom door opened and Jens had a concerned look on her face as she handed me a towel. I took the towel and smiled, she realized I was faking it.

"You big fibber, I was worried. It would serve you right for getting everyone so wet today."

I laughed, finished drying off put on my undies and walked into the guest bedroom. There were clothes on the bed for me.

"What's this?"

Jens hopefully smiled, "I hope you don't mind. These are a little gift from me. While you were asleep the other day I went and bought you some nice clothes."

I looked at them and they were classy; a black pair of Murano wool slacks and a dark gray sweater shirt with black accents and zip turtle neck made by DKNY.

I glanced at her and she was biting her lower lip, I could tell she was worried what I would say. I walked over and hugged her.

"Thanks for the clothes my love. They're not what I would have chosen, but their very nice. And with the tag hidden no one will know the sweater is from DKN fricken Y."

She hugged me back enthusiastically, "You're going to look so nice in those. Especially when you're on TV."

"Don't tell me that Ms. Morgan is going shopping with us today." I complained.

"Not just shopping my dear. They've been filming all of today. I guess you didn't notice them." Jens answered.

I thought back, "I remember seeing them now. They were in the bleachers. I guess I was blocking them out of my mind. They must think we're crazy."

"Don't worry about it my dear. Remember we can tell her what she can release. I'm going to head upstairs and get dressed come on up when you're done."

She jumped off the bed and gave me a peck on the cheek and a swat on the butt and headed out of the room.

I put on the clothes, the pants fit me just right and the sweater fit me like a second skin, it was one of the most comfortable sweaters I'd ever worn. I looked in the mirror and Jens was right I looked really nice.

I looked around; she'd even given me a new pair of dress socks and new Italian leather shoes. The shoes were just a touch tight, but would be okay as they stretched.

I was all dressed and sat on the bed; I needed a minute to think. No one had bought clothes for me since my Mom died years ago. I thought about it and came to the conclusion that Jens didn't do this to control me or to even change me — well maybe a little bit to change me — but to change me for the better. She did this because she loved me and she wanted me to look my best on TV. It seems like almost everything she did for me was to make me a better man.

I hopped off the bed and walked upstairs. Mom, Dad and Jens were waiting by the door for me.

"Jens was certainly right. You do clean up well." Mom said.

Dad laughed, "Looks like they made you dress up too."

I spun around, "Yes, my wonderful Jens took her time to make sure that I'd look good today. I don't know how I'll repay her for that."

She beamed and came over and gave me a hot kiss. Then pulled away and whispered in my ear, "I know one thing you can do for me."

I swatted her butt, looked in her eyes. She continued, "I know, someday!"

Mom and Jens were wearing similar black mini dresses. Jens's was a lot shorter and a bit tighter. They even wore matching pearls.

I looked at them, "Both of you look lovely today. I'm wondering if I'm going to need a gun to keep the men away from you two."

They both gave me big smiles, "Thank you Ben."

"Let's go." Jens said and started towards the front door with me in tow.

This time I noticed Ms. Morgan and the news crew when we walked outside. Jens waved at the camera and blew them a kiss. Damn! She sure liked the news media.

The van had been replaced with a limo.

I looked at Dad and said, "This riding in limo crap is getting old."

Jen interrupted, "Yeah Daddy, what's with all this limo crap."

"I'd feel better in a Humvee. How about getting us one from the base?" I finished.

Jen added her two cents, "Yeah I want a Humvee too!"

The limo driver interrupted, "We have a nice H3 that I can request next time we pick you up."

"Plu-ezze! That's not a real Humvee, that's as fake as the tit's on a Hollywood actress." Jens chided.