Chapter 6: Thursday 27 September 2007

Bethesda Maryland — Thursday Day Twenty-Seven

It was well after 2400 hours last night when we got home from the party. I was tired and wanted to go to sleep.

But not Jens, she was a holy terror. The party got her so excited and horny that I got tired of fighting her off and told her to cut it out or I was sleeping in the basement. She kept at it and I went to the basement. The shocked look on her face was worth it.

"What the hell is that?" Something touched me, woke me up and startled me. I jumped off the basement couch and fell over something on the floor.

"Ouch that hurt." Jens complained.

"What are you doing down here?"

"I got cold and lonely and wanted to be by you."

"Are you going to be a good girl?"

"I'll be any sort of girl you want me to be. Good girl, bad girl, really bad girl." She teased.

"Well, if you're cuddling and sleeping with me on the couch. You'd better be a good girl and control your urges."

"I promise." She answered in her little girl voice.

I wasn't sure that I trusted her, but I missed sleeping by her. I crawled back on the couch after accidentally kicking her again. "Okay, but any fooling around and you're out of here."

She snuggled up against me and I pulled the blanket over us. She let out a big sigh and started her little snores.

I wiggled a bit getting comfortable and drifted off to sleep.

0400 came and I woke up, just like I always do. Yes it was much better sleeping next to Jens. She's like sleeping next to a furnace, well other than her feet. What is it about women's feet? The rest of a woman can be hotter than hell, but their feet are like two blocks of ice. Jens just loved to put those icebergs of hers against my nice warm feet or legs.

I wrapped my arms around Jens and held her tight; I didn't want her to get hurt. "Rise and shine. Hit the deck!" I yelled.

Jens jumped and tried to get up almost falling off the couch.

"Oh, I was having such a good dream. And you went and spoiled it. What time is it anyway?" She complained.

"It's O-four-hundred and time for Ben's bootcamp."

"Shit, you old slave..."

I interrupted her, " ... I'd be careful what you say. Remember yesterday?"

She was silent for a little bit and I heard the snoring start again. I guess this called for more drastic measures.

I moved as far back on the couch as I could. Put the pillow in front of my face because I didn't want to get head butted by her. And moved both my hands to her waist making sure I had a tight grip. Then I started tickling the hell out of her.

She started thrashing around like a fish out of water. "Hey, cut that out. You know how ticklish I am."

I kept it up.

"If you make me pee again I'm going to beat the hell out of you." She threatened.

I stopped, "Are you awake now. Or do I have to keep going?"

"I'm awake, but can't we cuddle just a little bit longer?" She pleaded.

"Sorry, you went back to sleep and missed your cuddling time."

"Damn it. Why can't you be more flexible?" She whined.

"You don't know? I thought you knew everything about me."

"I do and I know that since you were a boy your dad got you up at this time of the morning. But it doesn't mean I have to like it."

I moved over and turned on the light. Jens twisted around and faced me. When I looked at her face I could tell that she wasn't doing well this morning. She had bags under her eyes, her hair was a big mess and I could even see the sleepers in her eyes.

"I guess you could sleep in." I teased.

She opened one eye and looked at me. It was comical so I started to laugh.

"You really mean it?" She questioned hopefully.

"Sure then you could do PT all by yourself while mom, dad and I are shopping."

That motivated her. She jumped off the couch, "No way in hell that you three are going shopping without me. If I'm awake it's time to go wake up dad and mom. Come on let's go."

She pulled me upstairs to her bedroom. The bed was a huge mess.

"Do you think you have another t-shirt that will fit dad today?" She asked.

I dug around in my travel pack and pulled out the largest shirt that I had. It was black and on the front it had the Marine emblem which said, "The Few, The Proud, The Marines."

"Jens looked at it, "Daddy will love this. It's going to be hard as hell to wake them up."

I gave her a wicked look and rummaged around in my pack some more. I held up what I was looking for, " - not with this."

"Ohhh, you are totally wicked. I'm glad you've never used that on me."

I interrupted, "Not yet at least."

"I'll beat the hell out of you if you ever do. I hope it doesn't give them a heart attack." Jens finished and shot me a dirty look. "Maybe I need to see what else you have in that pack of yours."

This time I gave her a dirty look, "I could order you not to, but that would just make you want to look even more. How about if I say 'please don't go in my travel pack, you might ruin the surprise'."

Her eyes twinkled, "You know how I love surprises. And you're also getting pretty damn smart on how to deal with me. Since you asked so nicely I will leave your travel pack alone."

I looked at her, "And just so you know. I always keep it closed so it won't accidentally open if you tip it over."

She smiled, "I think you're getting too damn smart!"

"I should be. I've been trained by the best — you." I quipped.

"Damn, I should have known this would come back and bite me." She laughed. "Let's go wake up mom and dad."

"My love, before we do that. Does dad sleep with a gun by his bed? I don't want to get shot."

"Nope, we should be safe." She replied.

We slipped down the hallway and Jens slowly opened the door and found the light switch. She whispered in my ear, "On three. One ... Two ... Three."

She flipped on the light and I hit the button on the air horn. Jens yelled, "Rise and shine you lazy bums. Time for PT."

Mom was so scared she fell out of bed. While dad seemed to launch about three feet in the air.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?" Mom shouted.

I was laughing too hard to speak so Jens said, "And you scold me about my language. I told you I learned how to swear from you."

Dad said, "Shit. I thought there was a fire!"

I had finally stopped laughing and threw dad the t-shirt, "PT in ten minutes. Don't be late or there will be penalty reps. And don't you dare fall back to sleep or your next wake-up will be even worse."

We closed the door and walked back to the room. Jens was in front of me so I put the air horn close to her butt and hit the button.

She jumped about three feet, "Hey! That almost scared the pee out of me. Don't do that again or I'll take your toy away from you."

I was laughing so hard that I could even talk and tears were running down my face.

"Laugh now Mister. Just remember, 'He who laughs last, laughs loudest.'"

I stopped laughing and realized that Jens had made a tactical error. She warned me that she was planning retaliation. I'd have to be on my guard all day long.

I grabbed my clothes out of the travel bag and scooted into the bathroom. Today's t-shirt was all gray and had a picture of a fricken M4 on it and had the Rifle creed surrounding the picture:

"My Rifle

The Creed of a US Marine

This is my rifle. There are many like it, but this one is mine.
My rifle is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life.
My rifle, without me, is useless. Without my rifle, I am useless. I must fire my rifle true. I must shoot straighter than my enemy who is trying to kill me. I must shoot him before he shoots me. I WILL...
My rifle and myself know that what counts in this war is not the rounds we fire, the noise of our burst, nor the smoke we make. We know that it is the hits that count. WE WILL HIT...
My rifle is human, even as I, because it is my life. Thus, I will learn it as a brother. I will learn its weaknesses, its strength, its parts, its accessories, its sights and its barrel. I will ever guard it against the ravages of weather and damage as I will ever guard my legs, my arms, my eyes and my heart against damage. I will keep my rifle clean and ready. We will become part of each other. WE WILL...
Before God, I swear this creed. My rifle and myself are the defenders of my country. We are the masters of our enemy. WE ARE THE SAVIORS OF MY LIFE.
So be it, until victory is America's and there is no enemy, but peace!"

"Damn it. You always beat me in there." Jens complained.

I yelled through the door, "I guess you're getting slow in your old age."

"You're calling me old?"

"Yep, maybe I need to trade you in for a newer model." I teased.

"Just you try Mister. I'll let mom take care of you first and then I'll finish what's left." She yelled back. "And what's taking so long today. Come on get out of there." And she started banging on the door.

I finished, walked out and gave her a big hug and a kiss. "I was just teasing you my love. I don't think you're old and you're perfect for me."

She kissed me back, "What about this slow crap?"

"Well, I am faster than you." I tickled her and she started squirming and then ran into the bathroom and locked the door.

"Oh My God! What did you do in here? It smells so bad!" She yelled and complained through the door.

I laughed, "Check inside the shower."

"You sneaky devil-dog. I thought that was from you and that I was going to have to change your diet. Now I see that it's something called a "Fart Bomb."

"I'm headed to the basement. You'd better clean that up or it will stink all day. Don't be late." I yelled.

I heard swearing as she turned on the exhaust fan. And as I headed out the door to the basement I started humming: "Oh what a beautiful morning."

I'm the first one in the basement so I started setting up the Soloflex for our leg workout.

I felt quite proud of myself for the pranks I'd pulled. Yes they were childish but I was having fun and no one was getting hurt. I'm quite sure that the Donaldson's had never had an experience like this and I was wondering how long it would take for retribution.

Dad and mom wandered into the basement, they still looked frazzled. I chuckled when I looked at them.

"Young man. Don't you ever wake us up like that again." Mom scolded.

I laughed, "No disrespect intended. Make sure you're up each morning for PT and I won't have to wake you up."

She looked over noticing the mess on the couch, "Who slept down here last night?"

Jens came jumping down the stairs, "We did."

I corrected her, "That's not quite right. Jens was too excited and out of control last night so I came down here. She came down later when she calmed down."

Mom looked at us and laughed, "Damn. I don't know how you two can stand it."

We both answered, "Death Before Dishonor."

I look around, "Who'd like to get the water and towels today."

Jens answered, "I'd be glad too." And she took off upstairs.

I looked at mom and dad, "Okay you two. Time for jumping jacks, keep up with me."

"This isn't fair. Yesterday you waited for the water and the towels." Dad griped.

"That's why we're not waiting today. Come on, keep up with me."

Jens came down with the water and the towels, "So, you tricked them today?"

"Affirmative. So you knew I would do that?"

"Yes my love, sometimes you're sooo predictable." Then she joined in with the jumping jacks.

I thought, yeah and so are you. I'm going to be so ready for you later.

I was amazed at how much better the attitudes were today even thought they were all sleepy from last night. I didn't even have to bark at them once. So I lavished even more praise on them than yesterday.

"Great job today! Much better than yesterday." I said after we were done.

"After yesterday we were afraid to complain." Mom said.

"Good you learn quickly just like your daughter."

Jens smiled and walked over and hugged mom, "Yes not only do we look alike, we think alike."

I could tell that there was more meaning included in that statement than Jens wanted me to know. So mom was going to be in on the retribution too. I could smell a conspiracy brewing and I loved the thought of the challenge.

"I'm hungry," I announced. "Let's go eat."

We all traipsed upstairs. I could tell that the leg workout was good by how slowly they moved.

"You all look tired, let me make breakfast." I offered.

"I'd be glad to help Honey." Jens offered.

"Great that'll help because I don't know where things are in the kitchen."

"Great, I'll take a couple eggs and some bacon and how about waffles." Dad asked.

Jens laughed, "Well, I hate to disappoint you. But Ben almost never eats that for breakfast."

"That's right. That stuff will not just slow you up, it'll kill you. Today you're eating healthy."

Dad scrunched up his face, "Don't tell me you're going to feed us some of that damn toadfood crap."

"No daddy we're not. And it's not toadfood it's tofu." Jens laughed.

"Today you're having a big bowl of oatmeal with fresh berries in it." I looked at Jens, "You guys do have some fresh berries don't you?"

Jens smiled, "I had mom get them yesterday while you were sleeping."

"Thanks dear! And some toast with honey on it." I finished.

"What! No meat or eggs for breakfast." Dad shouted.

I looked at him and felt sorry, "Okay, because you did such a great job today at PT. We'll give you a hardboiled egg."

"I'd like one too." Mom asked and gave me a big smile. Just like Jens.

"Hardboiled eggs for all." I said.

"I'll do the eggs and toast my love, you do the oatmeal." Jens chirped.

Jens and I headed over to the stove and she showed me where the pots and pans were. I started on the oatmeal, she started on the eggs and toast and mom came in and made some coffee and took the bowls and silver ware back to the kitchen table.

My "retaliator" prank early warning system went from yellow to orange when I caught them whispering to each other. Something was going on.

I took my time with the oatmeal so we finished at the same time and headed to the table.

I sat the big pan of oatmeal on the table along with the berries and Jens sat the eggs, toast and honey on plates next to each of us. I looked at her and noticed a silly grin. Something was definitely going on.

We all sat at the table and they bowed their heads to pray. I made a quick exchange in the breakfast items on my plate.

Jens smiled at me when I picked up my egg, "Honey, we have a silly little tradition at our house where we crack our eggs on our foreheads. It'd be fun if we could all do that together."

Dad looked at her like she was crazy and then jumped like he'd been kicked under the table.

I looked at her like she was crazy, "That sounds strange to me, but if that's your tradition I'm all for it."

Everyone picked up their eggs, "Oh goodie. Shall we all do it on the count of three. One ... two ... three." And we all broke our eggs against our foreheads.

Jens never looked lovelier than when I watched the raw egg stream down her face.

She looked flabbergasted and Mom and dad were laughing so hard they were crying.

"Gee, looks to me like you have egg on your face." I teased.

"I don't understand how that happened." Jens replied.

"I guess you didn't see me switch the eggs." I chirped and started laughing.

"Sometimes I could just take you over my knee and spank you. You act just like a little boy." Jen threatened.

I ran to the kitchen and brought back some paper towels and helped clean her up.

"I hear that raw egg is good for the hair and complexion. But I thought you were supposed to do that in the shower." I teased.

She angrily swatted my butt. "You just wait Mister. You're going to get yours."

"I already have mine and her name is Jens" I answered, hoping to subdue her anger.

She looked up and smiled at me, "Don't think that's going to save you. You're in big trouble."

I thought: Yeah right. Dealing with me, you're out-manned, out-gunned and out-maneuvered.

Breakfast finished with no extra excitement, just a few chuckles every once and awhile from mom and dad.

"I'll take care of the dishes." I offered.

"Son, you made breakfast. Let me take care of the dishes." Mom answered.

"You want to go for a run today?" Jens queried.

"If a man talks in the forest and a woman isn't there to hear him, is he still wrong." I smugly answer.

She gave me the evil eye and mom and dad started laughing again, "Yes, when he says something stupid like that - I'll call the Secret Service."

Jens took off to make the call and dad came over to me, "What's going on today. You're certainly on a roll."

"I hope I haven't gone too far. I think that I need to release some stress and this is my goofy way of doing it."

"Well, don't let your mouth overload your ass. If you get Jens too riled up she's going to open up a can of whoop ass on you." He admonished.

"Good, that's what I've been waiting for." I smiled back at him.

He shook his head, "You must have a death wish."

"Actually it's a life wish and Jens gave it to me. I'm just setting the stage for when we're in our own house. I want it to be fun."

"Okay, don't say I didn't warn you." He turned and walked away.

Jens came skipping back into the kitchen, "They'll be here in ten minutes. I'm going to go wash my face."

I looked at her and got ready to make a comment about the egg. She came over and kissed me, "Don't go there."

"Yes my love." I snickered, "I'm going outside to wait for the SS."

"Don't call them that. They get really upset if you do." Jens admonished.

She headed towards the bedroom and I went out front to wait. I noticed the nosey neighbors watching me so I decided to give them a show and started doing handstand pushups. After fifty I got bored and just started walking around the yard on my hands.

Jens came out and looked at me. She'd changed her t-shirt, it had the Marine Emblem on it and said, "Parris Island — Where the difference begins."

"What the hell are you doing now?" She grumped.

"The neighbors were watching so I thought I'd give them a show." I did a handspring and landed on my feet just as a black van pulled up.

I eyed it suspiciously. The back door opened and two agents got out. They weren't wearing suits, they were in running gear. I checked their ID closely just to make sure they were for real.

We followed them over to the van and jumped in the back. There were two more agents up front in suits.

"You'd think the government would have more imagination. Why is it that they always seem to buy black vehicles?" I kidded.

Their silence told me they weren't amused at my joke.

"So, are we going to Chevy-Chase high school again?" Jens asked.

"Yes Ma'am." The agent that was driving coldly said.

We looked at each other. I leaned over and whispered in Jens's ear, "These guys sure seem pissed about something."

Jens was riled up and said out loud, "I'm sure these agents are just being rude because they think we're a crap assignment. Just guarding the general's daughter and fiancé is probably beneath them. After all they are used to taking care of important politicians."

Things in the van became even icier than before and no one spoke until we reached the high school. The van drove around back and the passenger got out and opened the door for us. I could tell that he thought Jens was a real bitch. I was going to deck him and Jens grabbed my arm. "Come on Hon, let's go on a little run."

She looked at the two agents in the running suits and said, her voice dripping with sarcasm, "I hope these big strong Secret Service agents can keep up with us."

We did a couple laps at a comfortable pace to warm up. The agents were behind us. I kept glancing back and they looked bored.

Jens ran close to me, in a loud whisper, "We're going to run these smug bastards into the ground. I hope you can keep up with me."

We came around the final corner towards the start/finish line. Jens looked over at me and said, "Run your devil-dog ass off Marine." And she took off like a jack rabbit, I was right with her and the race was on.

The two suits had been watching and started cheering on our pursuers. We hit the first turn and had a large lead. Damn. Jens didn't lose an ounce of speed on the turn, she had experience running turns. I was struggling to keep up with her.

She glanced back, "Get your ass moving Marine. I'm not slowing up for you."

I was pushing it and needed to concentrate on relaxing and running the turn. I started watching Jens butt and that was all the incentive that I needed. My rhythm improved and my speed increased. Soon I was right behind her.

We hit the straight at the end of the turn and had a quarter turn on the agents.

I pulled up beside Jens, "Come on you sexy Marine you! I'll bet you a massage that you can't catch me." And I sprinted past her.

"Woo hoo, three massages." She yelled.

"You mean two. Yesterday didn't count." I yelled back.

"Hey, I caught you."

"No you didn't, the police caught us both." I answered.

"Shit." Was all she said.

With the way Jens ran turns I needed to have a lead on her for the next turn or she would catch me. I ran flat out until I hit the turn, then I slowed up and I heard coming up behind me, "I've got your ass now." Jens yelled.

I poured on the speed and let myself slip out one lane. It was further to run but I could run faster.

"Shit, I thought I had you." Jens yelled as she fell back.

I could see that we were gaining on the agents. I thought we could catch them and lap them.

I was feeling strong; I needed to know how Jens felt. I dropped back to where she could hear me. "How are you feeling?"

"I feel great, but I'd feel better if I caught you."

"I think we can lap these agents. I'll tell you what. If we lap them I'll give you a massage each night."

"You're on Mister." Jens yelled "Orraaahhh, fresh meat." She ran like she was being chased by all the minions from hell. Her legs became a blur.

Two laps later it was all over we ran past the agents and Jens yelled, "Buh-bye boys too bad you're so slow." And we slowed up but kept running.

As we headed towards the finish line we heard clapping and cheering and glanced over to see who it was. The high school track team had been watching us. They fell in beside us as we ran past.

One kid runs up beside Jens, "Hi, my name's Jim."

Jens looked over and replied, "I'm Jens and this is my fiancé Ben."

He looked at both of us looked at our Marine t-shirts and the realization set in, "Hey guys. These are the Marines that won the Leadville One Hundred."

The whole team ran up close and started crowding us. "Be careful you don't trip us." I warned.

"Yes Sir." The team yelled.

Jim said, "It's a great honor to run with you two. Whatcha doin' here."

Jens smiled at him and he looked so happy I thought he was going to piss himself, "My parents live here and we're visiting them before we deploy to Iraq."

"Wow, I thought that heroes like you would stay home." Jim said.

Jens turned her head and gave me a look that said, keep your mouth shut and let her handle this.

"Jim, that's our job. We're Marines and that's what we do."

The agents finally caught up with us. "Hey you kids get away for these two people." One agent yelled.

The track team sighed in disappointment.

Jens looked at the agent and said, "It's about time you caught up with us. And what's this crap yelling at our friends. Are you finally pretending that you're doing your job?"

"We can't keep you safe with all these civilians around." He continued complaining.

I was fed up with this bullshit. I looked at the agent and said, "Shit."

Jens interrupted, "Honey watch your language there are kids here."

She was right so I de-Marined what I was going to say. "Agent your name must be Richard Cranium because that's what you are. I would suggest that you leave us alone and go practice self copulation."

The agents looked shocked and stopped. The kids figured out what I really said and started laughing so hard they couldn't run.

Jens looked over at me and said, "Wow my Marine can even use big words to cuss someone out."

"I thought you knew everything about me." I chided her.

"I know I'd like to practice mutual copulation with you." She grinned.

"Damn woman. We haven't run that out of you yet?"

"Not even close. If anything it's made it worse."

I looked over at her and she winked at me. She wasn't kidding.

We came back around and the agents and kids were in the middle of the track. The agent I'd told to go fuck himself held up his hand and stopped us.

"The allotted time for your run is now done. We need to get you back to your house."

The kids moaned in disappointment. One of them yelled, "He's right, you're a dick head."

"Who the hell said that? You're in big trouble." The agent yelled.

The kids seeing that they had the agent upset all started singing, "Agent dick head, agent dick head."

He was getting overly angry so I needed to stop it. I held up my hand and the kids stopped. The agent looked relieved.

I looked at the agent, "Sorry about that. Sometimes when I open my mouth I disengage my brain. Look these kids aren't a danger, I've been to Iraq four times and I know danger. So how about you let us run with the kids for another half an hour."

He looked at me, still very pissed and said, "You'll take responsibility if one of the kids attacks you?"

Jens answered, "You bet we will."

The kids cheered and we started running again.

They had a million questions for us, well mainly for Jens. They were high school boys and she was wearing those sexy shorts. I noticed that they liked to run behind her. Normally I'd get jealous but they were just kids.

The agent came out and stopped us our time was up.

The kids came up to say goodbye, shaking my hand and trying to hug Jens. She wasn't going to have any of that so she shook hands with them too.

We walked back to the van with the agents behind us, the insulted one muttered something. I turned and got in his face. "Do you have something you want to say to us?"

He looked at me in anger, "I was just saying if you weren't our assignment. I'd kick your butt."

I looked at him. This was a challenge and a showdown, just like the gunfight at O.K. Corral. I stepped back in a defensive position and said, "I'm your huckleberry."

"You calling me out?"

"Are you deaf as well as dumb?" I asked.

His anger flared as he turned red. He looked around, "Not here. Let's go to the Secret Service gym."

Jens said, "Oh boy! My man's gonna kick some Secret Service butt today."

We hopped in the van, it was as icy as ever. The drove for about twenty minutes to a non-descript gym in a poor part of town.

The agent in the passenger seat opened our door, "You can still back out of this and save your pride."

Jens looked at him and said, "You wouldn't want to make a little wager on this would you?"

"Sure. How much do you want to lose?"

"How about a thousand dollars?" Jens challenged.

"You're on. I hope you can pay."

Jens smiled at him. "I hope you can pay otherwise I'll have to kick your butt."

The agent gave her a quizzical look.

We walked into the shabby looking gym and were surprised when we saw how modern it was.

"Nice gym." I said. The agents didn't reply.

We walked over to an empty mat and Mr. Mouthy looked at me. "You can still back out."

I just smiled at him.

Jens said, "Okay Ben. Let's get this over with. Kick his butt so we can go home. I'm hungry and want lunch."

We both moved to the mat and I stretched a little and cracked my neck. "Damn. That felt almost as good as it's going to feel to kick your butt."

"Shit." Mr. Mouth said.

"Better put this on." Another agent said as he handed us protective gear.

"Oh goodie, now my man can hit and kick even harder." Jens chimed.

They all looked at her like she was crazy.

I put on the gear and walked over to Jens. She made sure things were adjusted right, "Mmm, I know what I'd like to adjust of yours." She teased.

I blushed.

"I was serious about you just taking this guy out. I want to get home." She ordered.

"I love and live to serve you." I answered.

"If you two are finished make goo-goo eyes at each other I'd like to mop the floor with this loser."

We walked to the center of the mat and squared off. Jens yelled, "Go."