Chapter 30

As I walked in the door, I looked at Dad's empty chair. I closed the door and made a beeline for the chair, sinking into it with a sigh. Thursday, practice had been rained out, so the coach pushed us twice as hard yesterday.

Today, I worked at the gym club all morning, but now, I could just veg out for the rest of the weekend. Life was good. It'd be better if Tami hadn't gone to Seattle with her mother, but life was good.

I picked up the remote and flicked through channels, finally settling on something on the Sci-Fi Channel: a giant snake was eating someone. Not exactly great television, but sometimes mindless entertainment was just what I needed.

The movie ended and another started. Apparently giant snakes were the theme today.

Traci wandered in and sat on the sofa. And fidgeted.

I watched the snake eat a cute blonde, then took pity on my sister. I clicked off the TV and looked at her.

Traci took a breath. "I think it's time to talk to Peter."

"Okay."

"He doesn't want to talk to me." She took another deep breath. "You said..."

I remembered our talk when I'd said that when she was ready, I'd make sure that Peter would be there. "I'll see what I can do."

Reluctantly I got out of the chair where I'd planned to spend my afternoon.

It took a couple minutes to walk to Peter's trailer. He was outside with Mikee and Kelly, unloading groceries from their mom's mini-van.

"Ladies," I said as I walked up. The two girls smiled at me, then picked up a couple bags each and walked into the house.

"Traci wants to talk to you."

Peter shrugged. "Not interested."

"I really think you should," I said as the girls walked back out.

"Or what?" Peter said, looking straight at me for the first time. "You going to beat me up if I don't?"

"Yeah, I think I will."

Peter looked surprised. So did the girls. But I don't think any of them were more surprised than me.

Peter glanced over at his sisters, then looked back at me and nodded.

We walked back to our trailer. Traci wasn't in the living room, so I lead Peter down the hall to her door. I stopped and looked back at the kid.

"You know Peter, I can make you be here. I can make you hear what she has to say. But I can't make you listen. But as long as you're here, you might want to consider it."

Peter looked stubborn as I knocked on Traci's door.

Inside, Traci was sitting on her bed. I pointed at her desk chair, and Peter sat. I started to leave, but Traci shook her head, so I leaned against the doorframe.

There was a long silence. Traci couldn't seem to focus. Her eyes wandered from the floor to Peter, to the wall, to me, the ceiling, and back again. Finally, Traci sighed and looked at Peter.

"Peter, I've wanted to talk to you. But it's taken awhile to figure out what I had to stay. You were, you are, very special to me. And I never wanted to hurt you, but I have. I may not be as smart as my brother," Trace gave me a small smile, then looked back at Peter, "but I'm smart enough to know that I can't take it back. I'm not asking forgiveness. I don't need forgiveness. But I want you to understand. I want you to really know who I am.

"The simple fact is, I've had more sex than you. A lot more. We both know you were a virgin when we..." Peter turned red as Traci left the rest of the sentence unsaid.

"I was kissing guys, I mean seriously kissing them, in the fifth grade. The next year, in sixth grade, I gave Kyle Thomas a hand job. I probably shouldn't have, but he worked so hard for it. We'd been making out and he kept saying that an unattended hard-on could do permanent damage. I knew he was lying, but ... It was pity and curiosity that finally got him what he wanted. There have been a few others."