Chapter 18

Mom got home Saturday afternoon and immediately collapsed in Dad's chair.

"Long day?" Dad asked.

"Long four days. Sometimes I'm sorry I took that promotion."

"Tell you what ... Dad, if you'll make a store run for me, I'll cook a dinner to revive any tired mother."

"Deal," Mom said before Dad could have an opinion.

I wrote out a quick shopping list. "Why don't you take the brat. She needs to get out."

Dad hesitated.

"Maybe you could buy her an ice cream, do some of that father-daughter bonding stuff."

The look Dad gave me was not entirely trusting.

"Mom, I've got something I think you'll appreciate," I said after Dad and Trace had left. I went to my room and got Bill O'Reilly's new book. I brought it out and handed it to her.

"It's book marked," I said as I retreated to the kitchen to start preparations. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and called Tami. "I"m doing the gourmet thing for Mom. She just got home and she's tired. Want to join us? Your mom too."

Tami laughed. "Your idea of gourmet is a steak cooked medium rare."

"And your point?"

Tami laughed again. "I'll ask and call you back."

I went back into the living room. Mom was staring at the pink paper I'd used as a bookmark.

"Oops. You're not supposed to see that." I said, snatching it out of her hand and stuffing it in my pocket.

"Tony!"

"No comment."

"Tony!" she said again. I stood mute. "Your sister got in a fight and got suspended?"

"No comment."

Mom stared at me, and it wasn't pleasant. "But she only got suspended for one day?

"No comment."

"You talked to Mr. Hollowell?"

"No comment."

"Somehow you talked Mr. Hollowell into one day instead of three or four. The living rooms spotless. Traci did this?"

"No comment."

Mom kept putting the pieces together like a jigsaw puzzle. "One day, so the other girl is okay."

I figured that needed some clarification. "Oh, boy! I can't wait for dinner."

"A boy! Traci got in a fight with a boy?"

"No comment."

"He's okay?"

"I heard the only injuries at Trace's school Wednesday were a loose tooth and some manly pride."

Mom nodded. "And you promised you wouldn't tell?"

"No comment."

"And just happened to leave her suspension form in your book?"

"It was handy."

"You are a sneaky so-and-so," Mom said after she'd stared at me for two minutes.

I grinned. "No comment."

"You obviously think Traci's been punished and I should ignore this."

I started to say 'No comment, ' but Mom raised her index finger in my direction and I took the hint.

"Is she going to tell me about this?"

"She's a good kid." Which I hope Mom translated as fifty-fifty.

Mom picked up the book in her lap and started reading. "This dinner better be damned good," she said threateningly.

"No comment," I said as I retreated to the kitchen.

My life is complicated, but sometimes it works.

I was sitting in Dad's chair, exhausted. Mentally exhausted. There was a Scooby-Doo cartoon on the screen in front of me, and that was too much to concentrate on. Robbie, Tami and I had been debating welfare.

It started at Robbie's house. We'd been playing three-handed pinochle with Fox News on the television in the background. A nice easy Sunday after dealing with Traci's suspension and everything else.

There was a story on about a single welfare mother with five kids who won twelve million dollars in the lottery.

"It's nice that she won that money," Tami said.

"It's a waste," Robbie commented. "She'll probably blow it in a couple years and be back on welfare."

"Twelve million dollars?" Tami asked in surprise."

"Twelve million dollars," Robbie agreed. "She should at least have to pay back all the welfare she's gotten."

My first mistake was having an opinion. My second was talking. "What's really wrong is a welfare mother with five kids. If she's on welfare and has a baby, the state should offer to have her tubes tied. If she has a second, they should throw her off welfare and let her starve."

"Tony!" both girls said together.

"Who are you, Adolf Hitler?" Robbie said. "Forced sterilization."

"First of all, I wouldn't force anybody. But if someone can't even take care of herself, she has no business bringing a baby into the world. But accidents happen. After the first 'accident' I would give them the option of having their tubes tied and I'd make sure they understood the consequences if they didn't. Second accident, and they're on their own."

"I can't believe you'd be so heartless," Tami said. "A little baby..."

"I said the mother would be in the street. The kids would be taken care of. Orphanages may not be wonderful, but I think in some cases the kids would be better off."