Chapter 28: Doubts

"Are you alright Cy?" Desrae asked.

I was a little startled. I had been so deep into my thoughts that the heightened situational awareness that I had developed since arriving on War World had deserted me.

"Sorry Des, just thinking about something."

"Yes, I can see that silly," Desrae said sitting down next to me. We were on a large rock upstream from the jetty and I had been staring out over the water. "What's got your knickers in a knot?"

"Do you think everything is coming too easily?" I asked.

"What do you mean?"

"I was just thinking that from the time we were recruited, we have been processed like mince being fed into a sausage-maker. I get the feeling that the powers-that-be have been more surprised at the fact that we have broken the mould than at what we have actually achieved.'

"Hmm, that doesn't mean it came easily?"

"True. What I meant though is that we have no real evidence that what we are doing is the correct thing. I keep thinking of things that worry me."

"Like what?"

"Like the shields. You know we have practised with the Fingers and the Hand generating shields?"

"Yes. That was a little scary until we saw the stones the cadre threw bouncing off."

"Yes, but the mental shields are no real use in close combat. We have to rely on members of the Finger defending each other, and on the use of the parry dagger."

"What would you like to see then? Are you saying that you would prefer to have proper shields?"

"Well ... sort of. It's just that I am a bit concerned about what would happen if we had any significant casualties, what happens when the integrity of the Finger or Hand is broken?"

"Sort of like you did with the thrown dagger in our fight against Lorraine's Finger?"

"Yes. I overheard a number of comments after that fight. A lot of people seemed to think that throwing the dagger wouldn't work because the shields protected a finger from projectile weapons."

"That's just silly. They should realise that it only applies to arrows and things from further away."

"Why should they realise that Des? It's what we were told ... but it was part of the dogma, not something that seemed to occur to anyone."

"And what do you think that means?"

"I think that things are stagnated. No-One is thinking beyond what they have been taught. I should never have been able to orchestrate the defence of a Finger like Lorraine's considering that they have so much more experience of actual battle than us. What is more important for me though is that while we have been doing this training as a Hand, I keep seeing ways that we could be attacked and defeated."

"Really? But what about the comments from Hand Evans and the way that he has given us this three day break in training as an award?"

"That's just it. We have done all the drills perfectly, but I spent enough time in the army before to understand the difference between drills and combat. It is easy enough to 'win' each and every battle during training when there is no enemy to confront you, and something else completely different when you are opposed by a real opponent ... in fact just having trouble with the weather or terrain can mean that you can be defeated by an inferior force. What worries me even more though is that the way that we are starting to mesh now as Fingers and as a Hand means that we are starting to think that is the only way that we can fight."

"Have you discussed this with anyone yet?"

"Only with S'Alor."

"And? What does he have to say?"

"He just appears to be vastly amused by everything, but I get the sense that he agrees with me about our vunerabilities. He just isn't really talking about them. I also think that he is willing to do stuff only up to a point, after that it seems that he expects me to figure stuff out for myself."

"Sort of like a parent hey?" Desrae said with a smile.

I looked at her and smiled back. She had an uncanny knack for knowing just how to cheer me up.

"I have been on an incredible learning curve here," Desrae continued, "I never served in the military before so all this stuff is new to me. I thought that the training was pretty fantastic and comprehensive. What am I missing?"

"Well, if I had to relate the way that our role has been described to us, I would say that it is analogous to that of shock infantry, but if I look at how we are armed and configured, I think it is more suited to that of skirmishers or for reconnaissance. Something more like the 95th Regiment of the Rifle Brigade in the Peninsular Campaign."

"Oh. I think I know something about that. You mean like Richard Sharpe?"