Chapter 27

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Carol came over at nine, getting Jake out of Ellen’s bed. He took her back to his own bed where Carol rode him hard for about fifteen minutes.

“Tomorrow it will have been a week since I got the birth control shot. We can start doing it bareback.”

“Just what I need. It’s hard enough not to come. What if I can’t control myself?”

“We’ll work it out. I want to feel you inside me, and I want to feel you come in me.”

Jake, Ellen and Carol sat with Gramma at the service. Jake noticed Carol’s calm and deliberate evaluation of the liturgy and his grandfather’s sermon. After the service, she left with Granddad quizzing him about the respective roles of reason and revelation in understanding truth and which kinds of truths each could reveal.

“What was that?” Jake asked as he watched them walk away.

“That was us losing our place in Dad’s heart,” Ellen said.

Ellen took Jake for a driving lesson that included parallel parking.

“That’s it,” she said as Jake pulled to a stop in front of the DeRizzo’s house.

“What’s it?”

“Driving lessons are complete. Go take your driving test.”

Jake’s smile was big.

“If I pass, there will be a reward for my driving instructor who I love very, very much.”

“Run along and see your girlfriends. But don’t forget that your slave is waiting for you at home.”

“I won’t be that long. I’ve got to meet Jan here at four,” he said and kissed her on the cheek.

Jake knocked on the front door of the DeRizzo house. Leanne, Julie and Kara greeted him in the entryway. He stepped in and gave Julie a kiss that showed his interest without pushing the bounds of propriety. He kissed Leanne on the cheek and thanked her for the invitation. Kara was standing back shyly. Seeing that she would welcome it, he kissed her on the cheek, too.

Jake noticed Brian watching them from down the hallway with a frown on his face. He was jealous of the favor the women were showing him, especially Kara who he desired, though in an ambivalent way. Jake was sympathetic. Kara was beautiful. It must be a sore trial for him to have her so close but still unapproachable. That was one challenge Jake had been spared by not having sisters.

The table was set, and Leanne insisted that Jake sit at the head of the table while the women brought out the food. Jake winced to himself when he felt Brian’s anger surge. How else could Brian take it, Jake thought, except that the upstart pipsqueak with designs on his little sister had been installed as the head of the family?

Brian is irritated that you put me at the head of the table, Jake sent to Leanne.

Whatever for? He’s been sitting in that same seat for years.

But you’ve got me sitting in his father’s chair. He sees the symbolism.

What symb ... Oh, dear, symbolism, indeed. You have certainly supplanted Gus in my heart, but I can’t let Brian see that.

“Brian, what are you doing with your summer?” Jake asked.

“Got a job at Sandy’s Drive-in. Flipping burgers.”

“Full-time?”

“Just evenings and weekends.”

Did Brian miss the excitement yesterday? Jake asked Julie.

No, he caught plenty of it before he had to go to work. He is chafing to learn what happened.

“So what’s it like?”

“Hot and the dinner rush is chaos, but I get all the fries and soft drinks I want.”

“How’s the money?”

“Minimum wage — $7.25.”

“How about you, Kara? Are you working?”

“No. I’m taking it easy until I leave for school.”

“That’s all still unsettled,” Leanne said.

“I’m going to call Columbia tomorrow and see if I can still get in,” she explained to Jake.

“Wow, that would be great,” Jake said.

She smiled at him.

“Things have changed for the better lately,” she said.

Brian caught her smile for Jake and did not like it.

“Are we still on for tonight, Jake?” Kara asked.

“On for what?” Brian asked in surprise.

“Jake and I are going out tonight.”

“Like on a date?” he asked incredulously.

“Yes, like a date. What’s it to you?”

“I want to know what’s going on here,” Brian said, “and I want to know now!”

“What do you mean?” Julie asked.

“This runt comes in here and has his way with you. And Mom treats him like he’s God. And now the prettiest girl in high school is going out with him on a date. The little fucker’s only thirteen.”

“What a sweet thing to say,” Kara said. “I didn’t know you took any notice of me.”

“Of course I do. Everybody who’s not legally blind does. But don’t change the subject. It’s like he’s a vampire. He’s got his teeth into this family, and he’s sucking the life out of it.”

“Brian, he hasn’t done anything but be a nice guy,” Julie said.

“Nice guy, my ass. He had you hopping into bed with him a week after you met him.”

“Didn’t you learn anything at dinner Friday?” Leanne asked.

“I remember what you said, but that was when he was just having his way with Julie. I don’t like it, but at least Julie’s his age.”

Jake caught the thought going through Kara’s mind.

Stop. Whatever you do, don’t say that.

Say that I think he’s sweet on me? Why not?

Because it’s true. It would mortify him if you put it out there for everybody to see.

But I don’t mind if he thinks of me like that.

You’ve been an object of secret desire to him for years. I mean, how could he help it? You’re beautiful. But it would shame him to admit it.

But Mom was saying that what you do with your mother is okay.

If she explained it all to you then you can see how unusual our circumstances are. Brian is fantasizing about plain-vanilla incest. His only justification is that you are so desirable. He could never admit to that, at least not in this atmosphere. And especially not in front of his mother.

Brian’s starting to look at you and Kara funny, Julie sent.

“Brian, maybe it’s not anything sinister. Do you know why I think those things happened?”

“Why do they happen?”

“Because I understand women.”

Julie snorted.

“Well, maybe as much as any male can understand females,” he said, smiling at Julie. “Certainly more than other guys do.”

“Yeah, right,” Brian said.

“Look, are there any girls you’re having a hard time with?”

“Well, yeah.”

“Bring the girl around and introduce me. If I can spend a little time with you and her, I’ll be able to tell you what’s going on.”

“You’re kidding me.”

“No, I’m serious. I don’t know why, but I’m good at it. Always have been.”

“If you embarrass me in front of a girl, I’ll pound you.”

“I’m only trying to help. If you don’t like the idea, you don’t have to do it.”

“Maybe I’ll give you a call.”

Jake, what do you think you’re doing? Leanne asked.

Just what I said. That and, well, distracting him from thinking that I’m a ghoul preying on the beautiful DeRizzo women.

You’re going to help him with girls?

It can’t hurt for him to better understand how girls think. He might become a better person for it.

“Brian, I promise I won’t intentionally embarrass you in front of your girl. And it’ll be educational.”

“What makes you think Brian can be educated?” Julie said. “You should see his grades.”

“That’s enough, girl!” Leanne said. “If you don’t want to spend the first two weeks of summer cooped up at home with no visitors then maybe you should speak kindlier about people.”

Julie stuck her tongue out at Brian, but she also shut up.

Jake got back home at the stroke of four. Jan was not there yet. He explained his plan for the evening to Ellen and asked her to lay low until he and Jan had had a chance to work out their differences.

He checked the computer for email from his father. A message had arrived the night before.

<blockquote>Dear Jake,

I am glad that you are loyal to your mother. I wasn’t there to help her raise you, but it looks to me like you have turned out to be a good boy. I am glad for that.

The profit in communicating with me comes from having contact with someone who has the same abilities as you and has had years to perfect them. For instance, I believe that for you, control is limited to manipulating emotions. That technique is effective, but there are circumstances in which other approaches work better.

For instance, there is nothing so daunting as finding that one cannot control one’s muscles. There are blocks that can be placed in the brain that interfere with motor cortex output. I could tell you more.

Or take the fact that there are techniques for reading thoughts and memories which are beneath the level of consciousness.

And, of course, as you already know, there are ways to hide a person’s memories. There are also ways to find and view hidden memories.

Consider the possibilities.

And good luck with your driving.

Your father </blockquote>

Jake read and then reread the email. The idea of his father taking part in bringing him up raised his hackles. He typed a reply.

<blockquote>Sir,

I can’t think of any reason why I should believe in your good intentions toward my mother or me. Let me make it clear that nothing is more important to me than protecting her — from you or anyone who might threaten her. If you hurt her again, I will kill you.

I’m not particularly interested in knowing more about you or from you but I believe I am entitled to learn exactly what you did to my mother and why. </blockquote>

Jake realized that Jan was standing next to him, watching him type, and looking lovely and miserable.

“What are you doing so intently?” she asked.

“Writing to Darth.”

“Darth?”

“That’s what Julie calls my father. You saw the two letters he mailed me. I replied and he sent this message.”

Jake opened the email for Jan to see.

“He really wants this,” she said after reading it. “He’s dangling these tidbits in front of you. What do you hope to get out of writing him back?”

“Here’s my reply,” Jake said, bringing the window to the front. “He’s right that I want to know those things, but I also want to keep him at a distance. And I want him to stay away from Ellen.”

“Don’t confront him head-on. He’s a powerful and probably arrogant man. Challenging him directly will provoke him to show you how much stronger he is.”

“You’re saying that threatening to kill him is too confrontational?”

“I would think so. What’s he saying about you driving?”

“What do you mean?” Jake reread his father’s email. “Crap. Crap. Crap. I didn’t think anything of it. How could he know that I’m driving?”

“You did make Masters give you his car. Maybe he just assumed that you’re driving it.”

“Maybe, but I could also have sold it or given it to my mother. Or I could just be letting it sit in the parking lot.”

“You think he wants you to know that he’s keeping an eye on you?”

“He said that we would never meet because each of us would be tempted to take control of the other. That makes a lot of sense. I’ve never sensed a mind reader within my range. If he’s watching, it’s from a distance.”

“He could be using someone you know to spy on you.”

“Oh, man, I don’t like the idea of him around my friends.”

“Who knows about your driving?”

“Ellen, you, Julie, and Leanne. Julie and Leanne only found out last night.” He checked the time of the email. “This was written after I told Julie but before I told Leanne. But it’s probably not either of them. There wouldn’t have been enough time for him to get to a computer to send the email. Besides, Leanne was here with me the entire time. I would have noticed him if he were close enough to read her.”

“So that leaves me and Ellen. I’ve known since Thursday.”

“My first lesson with Ellen was on Wednesday evening, so that doesn’t help narrow it down. But I don’t think it was you. He could only have learned about you from me and Ellen. Since it’s not me, it would have been Ellen. Either way, he would have read Ellen”

“Why would he tip you off that he’s been close enough to Ellen to read her?”

“Is he playing with me? Trying to show that he knows everything about me? Or maybe it’s a veiled threat against Ellen.”

“You’ve got one advantage. He wants your attention. And what’s the most important thing you want from him?”

“The most important? To leave Ellen alone.”

“It seems to me that there’s only one thing you can say.”

“If he’s been close enough to read her, he knows how beautiful she is, body and mind. She may be too big a temptation for him. You’re right about my next message.”

Jake erased the text of the message and began typing.

<blockquote>You have obviously been close enough to my mother to read her. I cannot accept that. Until you can assure me that she is safe from you, I will no longer communicate with you. </blockquote>

Jake looked up questioningly at Jan.

“I don’t see how else you can play it, short of open war.”

Jake hit the send button and turned to Jan. He took her hand and pulled her into his lap.

“About yesterday. When I saw that you had had sex with Kyle, I was jealous. I know that I have no claim on you, and I don’t really understand why I reacted that way. I should have behaved like a grownup instead of letting it hurt me. I’m sorry.”

“So you admit that you were using Shannon to get back at me?”

“What? No. I may have been foolish, but I didn’t have bad intentions. Jan, I didn’t want to hurt you. I just wanted some distance so that I could lick my wounds. Besides she’s eight years older than I am. She’s not interested in me.”

“Jake, we both know that you can have any woman you want.”

“Maybe, if I were willing to take control of them.”

“No, darling, all you have to do is understand them. You could have had Shannon spread on Mark’s living room carpet if you had wanted.”

He smiled at her.

“I appreciate the vote of confidence, but I think you’re overstating my way with women.”

She became serious again.

“Jake, what do you think happened with me and Kyle.”

“I saw that you had sex with him.”

“But you don’t know the whole story.”

“No.”

“Last summer Kyle was home from school,” she said woodenly. “He and I were chatting after dinner over wine. Mark was out of town on a business trip and the girls were out. I got a bit tipsy and, I admit, I lost control of myself. We had sex. I’ve always been weak. When I woke up the next day, I told him that it couldn’t happen again. He said that if I stopped having sex with him, he would tell Mark. I felt like I had to do as he said.”

“How long did it continue?”

“All last summer and during the Christmas holidays.”

“What about since he came back from school last month?”

“He’s been pressuring me, but I told him I wouldn’t.”

“Would you have had sex with him after the first time without the threat?”

“No. It tore me up to do that to Mark with his own son.”

“And he’s out of town now?”

“He left this morning. He’ll be gone until the end of the summer. He’ll come back home for a week before he returns to MIT in the fall.”

“Jan, I could have protected you. I would have been grateful for the chance to do something for you. I would have punished him if you wanted. You know that I’m crazy about you. I’d do anything for you.”

She began to cry and pushed her face into his neck.

“I was just so ashamed. He’s ten years younger than I am. I handled it like a schoolgirl. I put my marriage into such danger. It would have devastated Mark. I didn’t want you to think less of me. I don’t deserve any respect, but for some reason, you do respect me. I didn’t want you to find out what I’m really like.”

“But that doesn’t change how I feel about you, Jan. I know what you’ve done for me. Hell, just look at what you’ve done for me in the last fifteen minutes. I am so full of love and gratitude and, yes, respect, that I’m about to burst.”

“Jake, I love you so much. I’ll leave my husband for you if you ask. I’ll have your children. I’ll turn tricks for you.”

“I’ve never had make-up sex before. Would you do that with me?”

“You don’t think that I’m going to let you leave my sight without it, do you?”

“I’d love it but I’m not being fair to you. I’ve got a date at six. I can’t ask you for sex and then go spend the evening with someone else.”

“Don’t worry about it. I’m asking you for sex. And we’ve only got an hour before your date. We don’t have time to waste.”

“Would you really have my child?”

“I’ll stop taking my pills today.”

“I know it’s selfish, but I would have children with you in a heartbeat. I want us to be tied together. I want to have you always around. I can support you, you know. I can support our children.”

“It would be a dream come true for me. Take me to bed now. I’m going to think about you giving me a baby while I fuck you senseless. We’ll worry about what’s practical tomorrow.”

“I’ve got to go take a shower,” Jake said as they lay under a sheet on his bed. He kissed the top of her head. “If you want, you can stay and visit with Ellen. I’d appreciate it if you have sex with her tonight. I’m going to be gone overnight.”

“I can’t stay all night, but I can stay until later. I guess I can force myself to fuck the sexiest woman in the world.”

“Mom had sex with Leanne DeRizzo last night.”

“Did you enjoy that?”

“Not directly. I was sworn to not touch Leanne last night. I did enjoy it from a distance. I thought it was good for both of them. It was important for Leanne to get to know Ellen and her sexual needs. I figured it would help her understand our situation better.”

“Did it?”

“Yes, she’s accepted my relationship with Ellen. It’s her daughter that I’m going on a date with tonight.”

“Julie?”

“No, her oldest daughter, Kara. I’ll tell you about it later when I’ve got time. I need to ask one more favor.”

“Anything, Jake.”

“Would you ask your husband to take Ellen out on a practice date? No sex. I want Ellen to experience once more how a respectful man should act.”

“I’ll ask. I can’t imagine he would say no.”

“What would you think if Ellen had sex with him? He’s the kind of man that I think I could let her be with.”

“I can hardly tell him no women when he lets me have you.”

“I’m not asking you to be fair. I’m asking how it would make you feel. I wouldn’t ask it if it made you feel bad.”

“I’ll think about it and let you know. We don’t have time to talk it out. Now go take a shower so you don’t smell like my pussy when you’re romancing that girl. I’m just going to lie here and enjoy your scent.”

“Love, it breaks my heart that I didn’t find you before Mark did.”

Kara smiled at Jake across their table at L’Espalier and Jake smiled back at her, delighted by her beauty and her charm. Her long brown hair was parted on the side and swept over to frame her face. Her face radiated both innocence and desire.

Kara looked spectacular. She was wearing Julie’s new yellow dress. Julie looked cute and sexy in it. Kara looked devastatingly sexy. She filled out the bust in a lean, spare way where Julie’s young figure only suggested breasts and promised more in the future. Julie’s slim figure had been completely concealed by the way the high-waisted dress fell over her small hips, leaving her actual shape a mystery that invited contemplation. With Kara you could see the suggestion of the wonderful curves of her hips, especially as she walked, each stride highlighting one hip and then the other. Kara was several inches taller than Julie. That caused the dress to ride even higher on her thighs than it had on Julie’s.

He had almost laughed out loud when they had followed the maître d’ through the dining room to their table. Last week the diners had been entranced by his mother’s unworldly beauty. Kara, though not his mother’s equal, was stunningly good looking, and the dress had caused a murmuring to follow them through the dining room. Kara heard the murmuring and was thrilled. She deeply craved being thought special.

After ordering, they had fallen into conversation. Jake had quickly learned that Kara was indeed very special. She did not have Julie’s sharp and mischievous wit. She was more sincere, less confrontational, more nurturing.

To Jake’s surprise, she really liked him. In part, that was because Leanne had put her in a sympathetic frame of mind, assuring Kara that Jake, though unconventional, was of strong character and determined to do good with his abilities rather than use them to take advantage of others.

But mostly Kara liked that Jake took an honest interest in her. She had expected him to be like her self-interested, insecure theatre friends or maybe like the self-interested, arrogant jocks who had courted her in high school. When Jake asked her thoughtful questions about the things that interested her, questions that showed he was taking her seriously, she realized that it was possible to be friends with a boy. Not that she disliked the sexual tension that arose with the other boys, but she was relieved to find that she was being admired rather than seduced. Her father had clamped down hard on her attempts to be alone with boys, but she did not doubt that his warnings about their intentions were accurate.

Now this boy, this thirteen-year-old boy with stitches in his head was touching a need inside her that she had not even known she harbored. She felt like she could tell him anything. If she had met him at school, she would never have considered going out with him. This night, she gave her heart to him.

Over the salad, she had told him about the terror and glory of being on stage. She described the freedom that she felt when she portrayed a character. It did not matter what her character did. She could enjoy the experience, however outrageous, and when the curtain fell, she was free from reproach. Indeed, she would be admired and envied.

During the entrée, they talked about how her father had held her back socially in high school. Jake learned how Gus bullied, badgered and taunted his children to get what he wanted. And how he had threatened to do worse. Kara did not doubt that he would have done those horrible things to maintain the upper hand.

And yet, Kara seemed to have come through the unforgiving tyranny disappointed but undamaged. Jake wondered how someone who had endured years of such overbearing domination could come out of the experience as sweet as Kara was.

Jake encouraged her to order one of L’Espalier’s dessert pastries. She shared it with him. They talked about her ambitions for the future. The theatre, it turned out, was something of a hobby. As far as her place in the world, she didn’t have any personal ambitions. She was sort of in favor of world peace, but she would leave it to others to bring it about.

“But why Columbia? When I heard that I thought this is a girl on her way to the Ivy League. She must have dreams, an agenda. We would soon hear about her doing things that change the world.”

She smiled at him indulgently.

“Some mind reader you are,” she said. “Mostly I wanted a year in New York City and an excuse to be around the stage for a while.”

“You must have had great grades and test scores to get admitted.”

“I did okay. I always had good grades because Dad pushed me so hard.”

“So maybe acting is your calling.”

“Maybe. Maybe not. I’ll know my calling when it comes calling.”

“How do you mean?”

“I’ll know. Whatever my future is, I’ll know it when I see it”

“In all my years of mind reading, I’ve never known someone who thought that.”

“I’ve always known it.”

“You mean like a revelation from God?”

“I don’t think so. It’s more like faith.”

“I didn’t really take you for a religious girl.”

“I’m not. I don’t mean faith like they talk about in church. I mean real faith. I’ve gone to church all my life, but I’ve never met anyone there who seemed to have real faith. They talk about God all the time, but they don’t really trust Him. It doesn’t even occur to them. They’re too concerned with getting what they want to consider the possibility that what they have is actually what God wants for them. I just know that there is something I’m supposed to do. I’m waiting patiently to learn what it is.”

“And what if it never comes?”

“Then I’ll go to my grave still waiting. In that case, I will conclude that my life was supposed to have been spent in anticipation even if I didn’t know for what or understand why. I can’t make it happen. I just know that I’m supposed to wait for it. In my heart, I’m confident that it’s going to happen, and that it’s going to be wonderful.”

“My grandfather is a priest and I spend a lot of time in church, but I’ve never seen that kind of faith before.”

“‘There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.’” Kara laughed. “I wonder if I will ever get to play Ophelia.”

Jake settled the bill and they walked hand in hand back to the hotel.

“Jake, you are sweet to let me talk about myself so much, but I want to find out more about you.”

“I’m an open book.”

“But one I can’t see. You’ll have to read it out loud for me.”

“What do you want to know?”

“Have you hurt anyone with your power?”

“Yes.”

“Tell me what you did.”

Jake told her about Colin Masters, Rod Finch, and Jerry Amos.

“So you’re an avenging angel.”

“I make no claims that what I did was moral. I just refused to let those men threaten people I love and get away with it.” Jake looked down. “There was one other time I hurt someone.”

He told her about Gil, the rock, and reform school.

“I stay close to Gil. I’ve done what I could to fix the damage, but I can’t give him back the time he spent there. You can still see the shadow of it in him. Not just me. Anyone can see it. He was very dutiful even before the incident. Now he’s very serious and very careful. He doesn’t know how he could have done something like that, and he fears that someday he might just snap and do something crazy again.”

“What’s the best part of being a mind reader?”

“You mean besides discovering beautiful minds like yours?”

She smiled shyly.

“You can stop flattering me. You’re already going to get lucky.”

“I don’t want you to think that I said that to get something from you. I see lots of minds and only a few are beautiful like yours. What I see in your mind is exceptional.”

“And who are these other people with beautiful minds?”

“Two of them are your mother and your sister. I wonder how you all managed to be so special.”

“And the others?”

“My mom. She is guileless and innocent and devoted to me. Sometimes I sit with her just to experience her emotions.”

“Others?”

“Just one—Jan Harrison. I think of her as my mentor. She’s been a selfless friend, and she’s very wise. She also comes with the inconvenience of a husband.”

“Are you sleeping with all of them?”

“No.”

“So you don’t have sex with this Jan Harrison?”

“No, I have glorious sex with her. You’re the only one I haven’t slept with.”

“The husband doesn’t trouble you?”

“Actually I admire him a lot. We have become friends. Jan got his permission before we went all the way.”

“So you sleep with all the women whose minds you find attractive?”

“So far. But please, understand that I can resist attractive women. I was only going to take you to bed because your mother and sister convinced me that it would be good for you. I was impressed by your beauty, but I don’t need more sex partners. It was only tonight when I had a chance to get to know you that I found myself really wanting you. I found a goodness in you, a benevolence that I want to bask in.”

“Jake, I’m just a girl. I’m nothing special.”

“I don’t believe that for a second. That’s obviously not true if only because of that beautiful exterior of yours. But, for me, it’s much more than that. I’ve got this sense other people don’t. I judge people by criteria that no one else uses.

“Let me explain what it’s like for me. Picture yourself walking on a South Pacific island. You climb a sand dune, and there in front of you is the beach. The ocean is a brilliant blue and the beach is white sand. You walk onto the beach, lie down on a towel, and feel the warmth of the sun and a cool breeze on your skin. You realize that suddenly you’re relaxed. Your cares aren’t significant anymore. Just being in that place soothes your soul. Kara, being with you is for me like lying on that beach. My burdens don’t weigh me down as much.”

“So there is something unique about me that appeals to you?”

“I don’t want to be creepy or anything, but it’s like your mind was designed to make me fall for you.”