Chapter 9

Friday, May 28, 2010

Jake greeted his mother with a hug when she came home from her parent’s house.

“Your grandparents are speculating about what you’re up to,” she said.

“Are you curious, too?”

“Of course, I am. I’m your mother. I have responsibilities.”

“I’m not trying to keep secrets, at least not from you. We can talk about it when we get a chance. Meanwhile, our guest is going to be here any minute. Why don’t you change into something casual?”

“Sure, Jake.”

“Before you do, did you get an appointment with the doctor?”

“Yes, I’ll see him on Wednesday.”

“Good. And you remember that your name is Jane.”

“Yes, Jake.”

“And we’re not telling Natasha exactly how we are related.”

“Yes, Jake. I know. I’ll be careful.”

“I’m very fond of Natasha. She has been good to me and has taught me a lot.”

“Yes, Jake. I’ll be nice to your guest.”

He sensed a certain, good-natured exasperation.

“She has a good heart. Feel her out. If you are comfortable with her, you should talk freely.”

“Yes, Jake. Any more instructions?” Ellen asked drolly.

Jake smiled. “No, Mom. I guess that’s all.”

Ellen went to her bedroom.

Jake was getting out glasses for drinks when there was a knock. He felt Jan through the door. He gave her a modest shot of arousal as he opened it, though not anywhere near as strong as he had been using. Jan was laden with two bags of takeout. He took one of the bags and invited her into the apartment.

“We’ve got a minute alone while Jane is changing. Let’s take this stuff into the kitchen.”

Once the food had been set on the table, Jake took a look at her. She was wearing khaki shorts and a blue sweater over a white polo shirt.

“How can you make such simple clothing look so elegant?”

He leaned in and kissed her cheek.

“Give me a real kiss, Jake.”

She threw her arms around his neck and pulled him in for a thorough kissing. A minute later, he sensed that his mother was about to emerge from her bedroom. He broke the kiss.

Ellen appeared at the door in jeans and a sleeveless top. She looked over at Jan and froze.

“You’re beautiful,” his mother whispered.

Jan looked up and saw Ellen. She gaped.

“My God. You’re perfect,” Jan said.

Jake felt like he was being buffeted by strong gusts. The lust and longing from his mother were powerful. He felt the same from Jan. Jan said that she had been with women, and knowing his mother’s appearance, he was not surprised that Jan was attracted to her. He had not noticed any sapphic tendencies in his mother, but given her strong libido, he was not surprised that she would be attracted to a woman as striking as Jan.

He looked back and forth between them. Ellen was the feminine ideal. Jan would never match her that way, but Jan had more poise and confidence, and Jake found that every bit as appealing.

“Uh, Jane, I would like to introduce you to my very good friend, Natasha. Tasha, this is Jane. She is the light of my life.”

Jan walked over with her hand extended. When she had taken Ellen’s hand, she leaned in and kissed her on the cheek.

“I’m very happy to meet you, Jane. Jake has spoken of you so much that I feel like I know you. He told me that you are beautiful, but he didn’t prepare me for just how beautiful. You make me feel frumpy.”

“Nonsense,” Ellen said. “You have the grace of a fashion model. My ... Jake has wonderful taste in women.”

Jan looked over at him fondly.

“Jake is an exceptional young man. He has enriched my life so much.”

“Now that we know that we all like each other,” Jake said dryly, “why don’t you both sit. I’ll get drinks. We have red wine, Coke, milk and water.”

“Red wine for me,” Jan said.

Ellen took the red wine also. Jake had a Coke.

“What do you do for a living, Jane?” Jan asked.

“I’m a stock analyst. JPMorgan Chase. And you?”

“That’s one of those questions that Natasha can’t answer”, Jake said. “She has a professional position and is very good at what she does.”

“So how did you meet my ... my Jake, Natasha?”

“That’s another topic we can’t get into at the moment,” Jake said. “Sorry.”

“So, what can we talk about, Jake?” Ellen asked.

“Don’t blame me. I’m just trying to make sure we all feel safe. I’m sure we’ll find plenty to talk about.”

“Jake tells me you don’t socialize much, Jane. Why is that?”

“I honestly don’t know the answer,” Ellen said. “My parents never let me date, and I guess I’m not very comfortable around men.”

“How about girlfriends?”

“No real girlfriends either, except my friend Stephanie. She’s been my only real friend, aside from Jake. We still get together every week or two. She was my best friend growing up.”

“Tell me about the missing three days.”

Reluctantly Ellen told what she knew of the story. Jake did not think it was wise to repeat Steph and Billy’s accounts. Jan continued by probing Ellen’s relationship with her family and with men over the years. Several more times, Jake had to intervene when a question steered too closely to Jake’s real relationship with Ellen. Jake learned more about the several dates his mother had gone on over the years. None of them could have been called a success. She had been shy and uncomfortable and too tongue-tied to make conversation.

Jake poured more wine for them when their glasses were low. He figured it would help his mother to open up. He did not foresee how the alcohol would loosen their inhibitions and was surprised when he saw their thoughts take an erotic turn toward each other and him. He could not help but think that his mother could do a lot worse than Jan.

“Natasha, can I ask you a question?” Jake asked.

Jan looked at him fondly, if just a bit unsteadily.

“Of course, Jake darling.”

“Tell me about your marriage.”

Jake almost laughed when the arousal of both women dropped.

“Jake!” his mother said. “That’s not the kind of thing that you just ask someone.”

“Jane, Natasha is not just anyone. She’s my friend, and she’s becoming your friend. She doesn’t have to talk about it if she doesn’t want to, but I want us to know her better.”

Jan stared at Jake steadily for a few seconds, wondering why he had brought the topic up. Her guesses were all pretty good, Jake saw. She had decided it was partly youthful curiosity and partly a way to turn the conversation back to her.

“I hadn’t realized that you were such a schemer, Jake.”

Jake leaned over the table and kissed her briefly on the lips.

“Think about how much better you would be able to see through my schemes if you weren’t on your fourth glass of wine. And speaking of which, I see your glass is low again. Let me get you some more.”

“No, thank you, Jake. And that wasn’t very subtle.”

“Maybe not for you. Even after four glasses of wine you are still way smarter than the average bear. So how long have you been married?”

“Two years, as you well know.”

“How did you meet him?”

“Mark’s youngest daughter was in middle school four years ago. I was low man on the faculty totem pole and got assigned to chaperone the Valentine’s Day dance. When Mark dropped her off, he came inside to do the parent thing and make sure we would safeguard her honor. That’s when we met. He was divorced and charming and he asked me out.”

“So how long did you date?”

“We didn’t. Or at least not right away. I’d not been much on dating since college, and I told him no.”

“Because of the thing you told me about yesterday?”

“Yes. I was still licking my wounds. It had been a long time since that relationship had broken up, but that’s how I was. He was persistent though, and I finally agreed to go out with him.”

“Were you worried about the difference in your ages?”

“No, actually that was one of the reasons I agreed to go out with him. I used it to control him a little bit. He’s really very confident and used to having his way, but he was a bit desperate to go out with me.”

“I can see how meeting the most beautiful woman he had ever seen would make him desperate.”

“Thank you, flatterer. I’m something of a trophy wife for him. He’s handsome and rich and goes after what he wants. I needed every advantage I had to keep him off balance. Playing hard to get was my way of keeping him from dominating me.”

“How did he finally wear down your defenses?”

“Believe it or not, he’s a genuinely nice guy. I didn’t have a defense against that. I’ve never felt passionate about him, but I enjoy being with him. He’s been a good friend.”

“But now you are disappointed with your marriage.”

“Jake!” Ellen said. “It’s not polite to go probing into people’s marriages.”

Jan laughed. “You sound like his mother, Jane, the way you are so touchy about him making a social gaffe.”

“Yeah, Jane,” Jake said. “Stop acting like my mother. Besides, this is not a casual conversation with some acquaintance that we bumped into while we were out running errands. We are opening up to someone who is becoming a close friend.” He turned back to Jan. “Natasha, you were expecting something from the marriage that you didn’t get.”

Jan looked startled.

“Jake! How could you know that? I’ve never spoken about that to a soul.”

“I’ve watched you very closely. And I get to see you in about the only place where it would show. You have a very good poker face, but I’ve learned some things about you lately and puzzled out some others.”

“Jake, that would take insight and experience that no thirteen-year-old could have.”

“That’s our Jake,” Ellen said. “He has always been able to read people. I’ve gotten used to it over the years, but I can see how it would startle you. If Jake tells me something about a person, I take it as gospel.”

“Jake, do you really want me to talk about this?”

“Not if you’re uncomfortable. If you want to change topics, that’s okay. But right at this moment, building trust is important between all of us. Jane and I have secrets to share, too. Your confidences are safe with us, and I want to show Jane that she can trust you. It’s up to you. Can I offer you some more wine?”

“No, Jake. I think right now I need a clear mind. I’m going to go to the restroom. I need a chance to think.”

Once she was gone, Ellen turned to Jake.

“Jake, do you know what you’re doing? I don’t know what her secret is, but you are being very intrusive.”

“Mom, stop mothering on me — at least for tonight. I know it was my idea to keep our identities secret, but I don’t think it’s working out. We can’t open up to each other gradually. Our secrets are too big. We’re going to need a high level of trust to bring them into the open.

“Besides, the way we’re doing it makes me feel like I’m deceiving you and her both. She is already going to feel at least a little betrayed when she learns how we’re related. It’s time to put our cards on the table. She’s an extraordinary woman, and I don’t want to drive her away. You need her even more than I need her, by the way. I can tell that you’re attracted to her.”

“What do you mean?”

“Look at you. She fascinates you and excites you. Doesn’t she?”

“Why would she fascinate me?”

“Mom, look within yourself. You’ve begun to recognize sexual attraction. You are not interested in men only. If you are honest with yourself you will see that you are also drawn to women.”

“That’s ridiculous.”

“Okay, I’ll prove it. Let’s try an experiment. Close your eyes and picture Natasha and you standing face to face. She smiles at you and says that you are the most beautiful woman in the world. Then she reaches for you. She puts her hands around your waist and pulls you to her. You can feel her body against your body. Her thighs against yours. Hips against hips. Breasts against breasts. She kisses you on the lips. You kiss her back.”

By the time Jake had mentioned thighs, Ellen was breathing more heavily. By the time he was finished, her nipples had become prominent through her shirt and she was staring off into space and biting her lower lip.

Jake felt Jan returning. She had resolved to talk openly with him and Ellen. When she walked into the dining room, she saw Ellen looking beautiful, distracted and aroused. Jake heard her breath catch.

Jake walked behind Jan and put his hands on her shoulders.

“She’s beautiful, isn’t she?” Jake whispered into her ear.

Jan nodded mutely.

“She’s very special, very vulnerable, and very needy. She doesn’t know it yet, but she’s also very passionate. We want you to know that we will keep your secrets. What we talk about here tonight will never leave this room.”

Jan looked over her shoulder at him.

“Have I mentioned how glad I am that you are my friend?” he said.

Jan just shook her head, but Jake could tell that he had said the right things. She did not feel as vulnerable anymore.

“Come have a seat, Tasha,” Jake said. He turned to Ellen. “Jane, have I made my point?”

“Yes. I never knew.”

“Jake, I think I’ll have that glass of wine now,” Jan said. “Notwithstanding your confidence in me, I could use some courage.”

As Jake poured, Jan began.

“What Jake’s asking without saying it outright is to tell you about my perversion.”

Jake winced when Ellen stiffened, suddenly suspicious.

“When I was a pubescent girl, I learned that I was attracted to pubescent boys. That’s how it usually works, after all. But when I got to high school, I realized I was still attracted to the younger boys and was rather indifferent to the boys my age.

“I grew up and went away to college. I was still attracted to young boys. By being a baby sitter, I was able to gain access to several of them, and they were as eager to play with me as I was to play with them.

“I graduated and got my teaching certificate. I chose middle school history because I couldn’t resist the urge to be around them. I do want to mention that I was able to keep myself from acting on my desires. In fact, up until this week, I’ve never touched one of my students.” She looked at Jake and smiled. “This week, Jake swept me off my feet. What’s odd is that before him I’d always been the aggressor. In this case, though, Jake pursued me. And he caught me. There is something very special about him.”

Jake was relieved that Ellen was mollified by Jan’s explanation.

“How this relates to my marriage is that I was counting on my relationship with Mark, with an adult man, to meet my needs so that I would stop wanting to be with boys. But nothing of the kind happened. After the excitement of the marriage and the honeymoon was over, and as soon as we had settled into everyday life, I returned to the classroom only to find that my fascination with boys was as strong as ever. And worse, my attraction to my husband began to dwindle.”

“So now you’re caught in a vicious spiral,” Jake said. “He’s neglecting you while he tends to his business, and you’re withdrawing from him emotionally.”

Jan looked over at him in surprise. Then she became angry. Jake read her and realized his mistake.

“Jake, I’m not going to play games with you anymore. You can’t know these things. They are personal matters that neither Mark nor I would talk about with anyone else. And yet you know. I want you to tell me how.”

Jake glanced quickly at his mother who was looking at Jan with confusion. Jan noticed the glance. And then something shifted in her mind, and it clicked. She sat up straight, inhaling sharply, and stared at Jake.

“My God, that’s what it is. Isn’t it?” Jan said. “Does Jane know?”

Shit, shit, shit, Jake thought. How had she figured it out? He had always counted on the sheer outrageousness of the idea to stop people from even considering telepathy. He could not help but admire Jan. He should have realized that befriending this extraordinary woman would have its dangers as well as its rewards.

What should he do? He could not wipe Jan’s memories. She did not remember that Jake was telepathic. She had reasoned it out. She would just reason it out again unless he uprooted the relevant facts from her mind. And he could not bring himself to do that. It would alter her mind, and her mind had become precious to him just the way it was.

What he wanted, what he felt a deep-seated urge to do, was to confess all to Jan and Ellen. These were two of the people he cared for most. It would be a relief if he could be honest with them, to talk about the thing that was most important to him with the people who were most important.

If he did, how much should he tell them? Should he admit that he could read but hide his ability to control? If it came out later that he was concealing it, that would damage the trust that he hoped they were building. On the other hand, admitting it might cause even more damage. Would Jan feel betrayed by the way he had manipulated her? More importantly, how would his mother react if she connected his abilities with his father’s?

No, whatever the consequences, he could not tell his mother about his ability to control others unless he could figure out a way to do it without making her think he was a monster. He wished he could talk to Jan about that. She would be able to help him figure out the right thing to do.

But the fact that he was a reader was just about to come out. He couldn’t stop it now. In truth, he didn’t want to stop it. He would just have to keep compulsion to himself. He would consider disclosing it later depending on how this confession worked out.

Ellen looked over at Jake in confusion. “Do I know what?”

“So, you haven’t told Jane. My young friend, I think it’s time for a little sauce for the gander. You’re a big one for asking people to trust you with their confidences. I think that you’re about to entrust me and Jane with a very big secret of your own.”

He smiled at Jan.

“Natasha, you have got to be one of the sharpest people I’ve ever met. No one else has ever been able to make that leap.”

“What are you talking about, Jake?” Ellen asked. “What leap?”

“Jake can read minds,” Jan said.

“Read minds?” Ellen asked. “Nonsense. Nobo...”

She began thinking back on things Jake had said and done throughout his life.

“Oh, my God, you’re right. Ever since he was a boy. I can remember the first time it happened.” Ellen laughed. “Whatever was your grandfather going to do when the slut came for him, indeed.”

“What?” Jan asked.

“It’s a funny story from Jake’s childhood that suddenly makes sense. I’ll tell you later.”

“This changes everything,” Jan said. “Jake, think of the things you could do.”

“Natasha, stop! Listen to me. My secret has to remain a secret. The fact that you know about it now doesn’t change anything. It’s something I’ve been able to do for years. It’s something I do every day. I do it almost constantly. I’ll be happy to talk about it and toss around ideas about the implications, but as far as I’m concerned, everything will remain business as usual.”

“But you could do such good.”

“I do the good that I can. It has to stay hidden. Think about what you’re suggesting. Think about the people who would feel threatened if they knew. Think about the extremes to which some people would go to make me use my abilities to find out things they want to know.”

Jake felt them both becoming more somber as they realized the dangers.

“For that matter,” Jake continued, “aren’t you just a little concerned for yourself knowing that I can tell what you’re thinking?”

Jan tensed up at the thought. Jake was glad that Ellen took it in stride.

“Tasha, now that you are beginning to understand the implications, I want you to realize something before you run out of the room in terror. Everybody has secrets they want to keep hidden and thoughts that they don’t want anyone else to know they think.

“You’re the same way. Because of what I can do, I learn those secrets, and I hear those thoughts. What I want you to keep in mind is that this is commonplace for me. It’s all I’ve ever known. I accept the secret part of people. I don’t judge them because of it. I don’t think any worse of them. And I don’t tell other people.

“So please, don’t start fearing that I’m going to learn your darkest secrets. I already know them and I don’t care. I think you both are very special women, and I love you both more than I can say.”

“Even me?” Jan asked.

“Especially you. I can read minds. It doesn’t take me long to get the measure of a person. And in my opinion, you are one of the three most extraordinary people I have ever met.”

“And who are the others,” Ellen asked.

He walked around the table and kissed her hard on the lips.

“Do you need to ask about yourself?” Jake said. “You know there is no one who could replace you in my heart. The other is Julie DeRizzo. The more I get to know her the more I think that she is someone special, just like you two.”

“So, what is Mark thinking right now?” Jan asked.

“It doesn’t work that way, Jan.”

“Jan?” Ellen asked.

“Yes. It’s time to put all our cards on the table. This is Jan Harrison. She is a teacher at my school. Jan, Jane’s real name is Ellen Fielding and she’s my mother.”

“Your mother? But how can that be? She’s so young. And she gave you birth. She must know something about men.”

“Jan, except for her name, everything I’ve told you about her is true. Everything that she told you about herself tonight is true.”

“I can’t believe that I didn’t see it,” she said, looking back and forth between them. “The resemblance is obvious now.” She looked at Jake. “So, what is Mark thinking?”

“I can’t hear what Mark is thinking because I can only hear people clearly if they are within ten feet of me. That means you, Mom, and Mrs. Ferguson through that wall who hates the new American Idol winner, whatever that means.”

Can you really read my thoughts? Jan thought.

“Yes, Jan. Really and truly.”

Ellen looked confused.

“Jan thought me a question, Mom. This does raise some possibilities that I’ve never considered before. You can tell me things without speaking. But keep this in mind. Sometimes I’m distracted, or I may not be paying attention to any given moment. And if I’m around a lot of people, the noise of all their thoughts sometimes overwhelms me. When that happens, I may not be able to pick out the thoughts of any one individual.”

“Oh, my God,” Jan said. “In class, you have dozens of people within range. No wonder you’re so distracted.”

“Class is hard that way. I get what I can from reading the text because it’s hard to follow the lecture sometimes, especially in your class.”

“Jake, that only works when everything you need is in the text,” Jan said. “We’ve got to figure out something better for you.”

“I’d be glad for any pointers.”

“What did you mean when you said it’s harder in my class?”

“It’s not just thoughts. I feel people’s emotions. If people around me are feeling strong emotions, it’s hard for me to not get swept up in them.”

“I love my subject, but I haven’t noticed that I’m inspiring my students to strong emotions.”

“Actually, for most people, listening to a lecture calms them. They engage with it mentally more than emotionally.” Jake took a sip of his Coke. “Think about it, Jan. I know you’re aware of the effect you have on many of your students.”

Jan suddenly blushed.

“Oh. I didn’t realize what I was doing to you.”

“Of course not. How could you? Fortunately, none of my other teachers inspire such strong reactions from their students. Yours is the only class where I have that particular problem. Especially on days when you wear that tight tan sweater.”

“God, I’m such a tease, aren’t I?” she said laughing.

“Anyway, I’m not sensing that either of you is about to run away shrieking that I’m a monster. Are you both okay with the mind-reading thing?”

“Actually, I’m intrigued by it,” Jan said. “I’m going to have to think about it some more, but I guess I’m okay with it.”

“Mom?”

“Don’t be silly, Jake. You’re my little man. You’re all I have. But I’m going to have to think this over, too. We’re going to have to figure out how a young telepath should behave.”

“I think I’ve been doing just fine so far.”

Ellen just stared at him.

“Okay, Mom,” Jake said, “we’ll talk about what I should and shouldn’t be doing with my abilities. But if we’re going to reopen discussions on the rules, I’m also going to negotiate for a later curfew. Telepaths don’t need as much protection as normal people.”

“I don’t see that that follows, son. But we’ll talk later.”

“Now that that’s taken care of,” Jake said. “The thing I’m most concerned with is how you feel about my mom and me, Jan.”

“You mean about the intimacy between you two?”

“Yes.”

“For some people, especially for some women, there is a particularly strong antipathy to the idea of mother-son intimacy. I won’t go into all the reasons why. What you should appreciate is that it is an instinctual reaction, not a rational one. You two will have to be very careful to keep that part of your relationship secret.

“You already know how I feel. As long as neither of you is forcing the other, I don’t think any harm is being done, provided you are mature enough to incorporate the sexuality into your lives.

“However, the fact that you are involved with your mother brings up an issue that we haven’t talked about. There is something that psychologists call emotional incest. That is when a parent treats a child like a spouse. Not physically but emotionally. Essentially the adult is using the child to meet his or her emotional needs, unlike in a normal marriage where those needs would be met by the spouse. It’s especially a problem if the adult discloses things that are too mature for the child at the current stage of his development.”

“Do you think that’s the case with Ellen and me?”

“At first blush, no. Although you are obviously close, Jake, you are the one who is driving the intimacy. Ellen hasn’t come to you and treated you like you were her husband. Besides, it doesn’t look like your mother’s knowledge about intimate matters is more advanced than yours. But I’ll keep an eye on you. If I see a problem, I’ll let you know.”

“How do you know all this stuff about psychology, Natasha — I mean, Jan?” Ellen asked.

“That’s what I studied in school. I had a history and psych double major and then got a master’s degree in psychology. I chose to teach rather than make a career out of psychology.”

“I may be able to read minds,” Jake said, “but knowing psychology is really useful. You are just the person I want to talk to.”

“You want help getting in contact with your superego?”

Jake did not understand. When Ellen giggled, he figured out the joke by reading her mind.

“Are you saying I have an underdeveloped conscience? No, my superego is just fine, thanks. But I did inadvertently pick up a stray today, and I don’t know what to do with her. I’ll give you some more of that sesame chicken if you let me pick your brain.”

“I shouldn’t, but how about a little of the moo shi pork instead. That should put me in the mood to pontificate.”

Jake returned with the food and more wine.

“I think the drama is over,” Jake said as he poured more wine for Jan and Ellen. “We can just enjoy each other’s company now. Here’s my problem, Jan. Julie DeRizzo and I know this girl. Her name is Carol. She is close to Julie.”

“Carol Finch?”

“Yes. How well do you know her?” Jake asked.

“Just from class. I’ve noticed her and Julie together over the school year.”

“Over the past year, she has been becoming increasingly obsessed with sex. She’s limited herself to girl-on-girl stuff with Julie until recently. This last week, Carol started to turn her attention to boys. The problem is that her desire for sex is stronger than any other motivation she has. If a boy could get her alone, she would have sex with him without hesitation even though she is still a virgin. She is completely unconcerned about her reputation or any other consequences.”

“What is her experience with boys?” Jan asked.

“She’s done a little kissing with one boy. And she and Julie and I had a session today where we got each other off. But there was no intercourse. Carol has this monster libido. It’s stronger than anything I’ve ever seen in any woman. She comes easily, quickly, and powerfully. And now that she’s no longer willing to limit herself to girls, Julie and I are very concerned about what’s going to happen to her. We made an appointment for her at the family planning clinic next week. I don’t know what we can and should do for her beyond that. But Julie is devoted to her, and she insists that I help.”

“What kind of relationship does Carol have with her parents?” Jan asked.

“I don’t really know, although I may get to meet them this weekend. Julie says that they’re rather aloof. Carol is a latchkey kid and spends much of her time by herself.”