Chapter 3

I was becoming more and more convinced that Leanne was not responsible for this comprehensive clipping collection. Unfortunately, no one else seemed to fit the profile of my mystery mailer any better. The only mystery woman in my life was Eve and she looked nothing at all like the whacky judge, not even enough to be a relative I didn't think. At least I was probably now done receiving collections of clippings, I thought.

Wrong. There was a brief respite and then a new collection of clippings and even some interesting original documents arrived. All solely concerning the life and times of Judge Moonbat, to paraphrase the venerable Texas Judge Roy Bean.

I really wasn't too terribly interested in reading about all of the life problems of "Daffy" Dana Russell. I looked at the collection of papers and clippings and threw my hands up in the air and cried out to the Almighty, "Why Me?"

I didn't care. I'd had at least my own full share of problems and a good many of them caused by her. If she'd had a bit of a rough life too, frankly it just wasn't my problem.

I tossed this collection of mailings (postmarked from Houston) aside unread and refused to look at them for a good three days. I also didn't sleep for about three days and gave up one night about 3 a.m. to put on a pot of coffee and I aimlessly started to sift through the papers about the wackiest former Federal Judge in Ohio's history. It actually made pretty interesting reading.

Dana's mother had apparently married young, and rather unhappily, during the 1960's and was soon divorced. She remarried, soon to be divorced again. She tried it a couple of more times and then wisely gave it up as a bad idea. Some copies of police reports for later restraining orders against at least one ex-husband and several later boyfriends strongly hinted that a good bit of inappropriate contact was occurring between some of these men and her young daughter. The stupid woman sure knew how to pick men.

The daughter, despite her problems with a host of slimy step-dad and 'uncle' figures rotating through her bedroom door, was growing up to be an inordinately bright and gifted child. Despite her obvious problems at home, at school the girl was delivering outstanding grades. She graduated from High School at the age of sixteen as the valedictorian of her class. She finished pre-law at college in three years with a perfect 4.0 grade point average and received a full ride scholarship at a prestigious Ivy League law school. It was during her first semester when the wheels came off of her locomotive express to non-stop success.

While attending a mixer at an off-campus house hosted by a renowned fraternity, it was alleged that Dana was drugged or made incoherently intoxicated, taken into a bedroom and sexually assaulted for several hours. There were accusations and a police investigation that didn't seem particularly thorough that resulted in no charges being made. Two weeks later Dana quit her scholarship and stopped attending Law School there, returning to her mother's home, which was currently in Ohio.

Despite myself, I was now feeling genuinely sorry for the poor girl. She had a shitty upbringing with constant sexual abuse and still managed to keep herself focused and motivated to succeed in life. I was always mooning about how shitty my life had been but I had to concede that Daffy Dana had more than one or two things to legitimately complain about herself.

Thus endeth the first packet of material.

The next month there was another one, even thicker. Two months after that one last final tiny collection of clippings arrived. By then, after a full year of receiving clips from my mystery mailer, I knew Dana's entire life's story and had a fairly good guess now as to what was going on.

Dana had finished her law degree with honors at Marshall, and was nearly their youngest graduate ever. While there, she got herself heavily involved in the affairs of a fringe ultra-feminist association, which in the spirit of Andrea Dworkin, considered any and all forms of consensual sexual intercourse to be rape. Soon Dana was preaching their mantras: Men were rapists to their very core; irredeemable vulgar animals that women must be protected from. You get the idea.

Eager to put her new beliefs to work, she eagerly accepted a County Attorney job to begin her crusade to rid the world of dangerous male victimizers of helpless women. I wasn't quite her first case, but I was the very first to fight the system (and her) all the way through to the bitter end and 'win'. This apparently earned me her eternal enmity. Sure that I was a violent abusive male down to my very core, and that undoubtedly I would seek other victims, she had kept an eye on me, even after she was promoted up to a Federal judgeship.

My escape from indictment during the "Sue Incident" astonished her. Her philosophy couldn't accept the notion of a safe and harmless man, let alone a genuinely innocent one. So her mind began to spin increasingly wild and bizarre theories for how I could continue to evade justice. Plainly put, Daffy Dana really did become Judge Moonbat, seeing wild and insane conspiracy theories everywhere she looked — and ranting about them to an eager media. The papers had a field day with her and more than a few reporters knew just how to push her buttons to get a wildly crazy story from a totally batshit nuts judge when there was a slow news day.

Dana got warnings, official reprimands and finally a full review before the Attorney General of the United States (AGotUS), who despite being a very liberal woman herself, was quite tired of the circus and good and ready to send Dana before a judicial impeachment committee. Dana's last docket court case before her was the handling of a routine assault upon a federal employee. Instead it changed everything permanently.

The 'US vs Letonna Williams' should have been an utter slam dunk for the prosecution, but instead Judge Moonbat tossed out all of the charges at the very start of the trial, declaring that the governments case was completely flawed from the very start. The defendant, of course, was a woman and the alleged victim was a male ... ergo, it was impossible in the mind of the crazy Judge that any crime could have been possibly committed. The fact that the defendant had been beaten to within an inch of his life was quite irrelevant.

Needless to say the entire Federal judicial system went nuts at this. The DA refilled new charges immediately in a new court and the AGotUS nailed the last nail into Judge Moonbat's career, ordering her to appear immediately the following day in her office with a letter of resignation in her hand, else face immediate impeachment and judicial removement.

Dana never made it. The full story of the reason why was kept out the newspapers and kept very, very quiet.

Letonna Williams was indeed a very nasty piece of work and quite deserved to spend a good deal of quality time in a very secure Federal institution for the very naughty. Not content to just rob a postal worker at gunpoint, she and her lesbian partner beat the living crap out of him and thoroughly sodomized him with a tire iron before dumping his bleeding body. The pair weren't terribly bright and were easily identified as the assailants. Letonna was captured and her lover went into hiding. Slam-dunk case, even the bloody tire iron was found untouched in the trunk of her car. The case was so slam dunk that the DA didn't even want to offer a plea bargain, hoping to get Letonna put away for a very long time.

Once temporally free, Letonna tracked down her partner and lover and decided that getting out of the State might be a good idea, but they needed a new car to do that. So they decided to do a quick carjack and split for the coast. It is not clear if the selection of Judge Moonbat's white Mercedes to be taken was intentional or a happy coincidence. In any case, once the car and a useful hostage had been taken, the thoughts of a speedy getaway were now quite forgotten. They crashed out for the night at a friend's house and got down to some sadistic play with their helpless captive.

Copies of some of the forensic crime scene reports that I read indicated that Dana was brutally beaten and suffered extreme sexual violation in that garage for nearly three full days. Letonna had learned her lesson about leaving live witnesses, so when she became tired of tormenting the broken and bloody pile of quivering flesh that was her helpless victim, she shot Dana three times with a revolver and then beat Dana's face into a complete boneless pulp with a large pipe wrench before they tossed her into the trunk of her own car. They dumped Dana's body off behind a rest stop just outside of Cleveland and drove off, probably quite happy and giggling, entirely pleased with themselves.

Less than an hour later the State Police stopped their car and seeing bloody handprints and smudges all over the trunk of the white Mercedes immediately called for a lot of backup. Letonna decided to try and shoot it out and wounded the Trooper but not before he shot her twice and also wounded her accomplice. She then decided to run for it but was caught at roadblock another five miles down the road. Seeing more flashing lights of various flavors of law enforcement closing behind her, Letonna took her lover's life and then her own, rather than face capture. A messy end, but good riddance to bad rubbish.

When Dana had not arrived as ordered to the AGotUS's office, a warrant had been issued for her arrest and a notice had gone out to all law enforcement agencies to look for her car. Finding it in the hands of a known and wanted felon was not a good sign, but the authorities acted quickly and backtracked Letonna's trail. A County Deputy found a suspicious blood trail at the rest stop back down the road and followed it to Dana's nude and broken body.

Amazingly, somehow she was still alive.

She endured the transit by Life-Flight helicopter to a major hospital in Cleveland and the more than a dozen major surgeries that followed to pull all of her shattered pieces back together in some semblance of the right order. The story was kept quiet and out of the newspapers and other media, and any thoughts of judicial impeachment were set aside. Quietly, Dana received a special medical retirement and a small pension with the clear understanding that her judicial days were through.