Chapter 34

I stood there with the rest of them, dressed in all black. A simple black skirt, a black camisole and sweater set, black flats. My hair half pulled back by a small black clip. I wore no jewelry, no make up. My black purse was filled to the brim with tissues.

My mind was spinning. I could hardly grasp what had happened.

Mike wouldn't let himself believe it. Jackie was in denial. But somehow, seeing that coffin was more than we could bear. The wake had been the night before, we had all cried even more. Seeing our beautiful Kaitlin alone there, sleeping quietly.

A never ending sleep, where she wouldn't wake up the next morning and smile to Mike who was sleeping next to her.

A never ending sleep where she would never wake up to face the sun and beauty of a new day.

A never ending sleep where we could not wake her up. Where you couldn't turn back the hands of time, and change what had happened.

I think that was the hardest part. Knowing that we could never wake her back up, and that she would never be with us again. The five of us would never crowd into one queen size bed again, all talking and laughing about something one of the guys said that was cute. We would never have five hands in the center of the circle to start the fun.

She was gone.

The priest was talking, but I wasn't listening. The nine of us all stood there, trying to hold ourselves together. It wasn't working to well. Jackie had tears streaming down her cheeks already, and the service had barely started. The church part had been hard, and we had cried there. Now we were standing in the cemetery. Where Kaitlin was going to be buried.

I could hardly wrap my mind around it. My best friend in the world was going to be six feet under. Creed was wrong when they said, "I'm standing on the edge and I'm thinking, maybe six feet ain't so far down" (One Last Breath, Weathered CD). You can't think that six feet isn't that far down. Not when your best friend is the one that is going to be there, out of reach. Where you can't come in contact with her. I could never hug her again, never whisper something in her ear and hear her laugh.

Her laugh. That was something that I would never forget.

It was like music to your ears, and it always made you start laughing right along with her.

How could she be gone? I asked myself, over and over again as the priest continued to ramble on.

I would never be able to tell her...

Tell her that I considered her my best friend...

Why was she gone just when things were looking up?

Why did that always happen to me? Things would start to seem great, and then something would happen that would make them plummet down.

Like when I was going out with Ben, and then we moved.

Like when things were amazing with Kyle and the California crew, and then we had moved back.

Like when Kaitlin and I were growing even closer, and then she was gone...

The after thing was at her house.

Her parents had not gone into her room yet, and I was guessing that they wouldn't for a long time. Just like I would never delete her screen name off my buddy list, or cross out her name in the school directory, or delete her numbers from my cell phone's phone book, or take her away from any place where I had her. She would still be in the pictures that filled my frames. Her memory would always stay with me. I made myself promise her that, that I would never forget her.